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Xavier

Before I even saw you at the metro, my heart started beating like a jackhammer in my chest. You were close. After a few weeks I was finally going to see you again. Touch you. Kiss you. Be owned and destroyed so deliciously. The awareness of that made my whole body pulse.

You had told me about your drag king persona, Xavier, in passing. You sent me a video that I watched over and over again of him saying:

"So um, I guess you fell asleep before I came back. Damn you're sexy. Can't wait for play-time on Saturday. It's going to be good. You're going to be mine for the taking. They (they being you the way you are usually, your femme self) already told me that you wanted me. Be careful what you wish for baby."

You also mentioned Xavier was inherently more of a dominant than you are, and that an inspiration for him was Spike from Buffy. To say I was excited would be a vast understatement. I was enthralled and terrified simultaneously. We were going to be completely alone and I was going to be so vulnerable and soft and all yours. That was when I saw you walking towards me.

You were wearing a black button-down rolled up to the elbows, jeans, and black converse. You had a choker of sorts that was a snake, and I failed to notice the skinny belt that was looped around your wrist—my soon to be collar. You were strolling towards me with this sneer, and somehow you were taking up more space than you usually do. Your presence felt bigger somehow, and I was consumed by it. You kissed me immediately, the sweetest of touches, and I wanted you to take me right then.

But that wasn't what we had agreed. First we were going sex toy shopping. We weren't going to buy anything per se, but half the fun was looking. We held hands and started walking into town. I could feel you watching me out of the corner of your eye. It was less of a protective look and more a ravenous, dark gaze. I shuddered to think of the unspoken implications behind it. We arrived at the first of the two stores and headed directly to the back. We were searching for collars, because the belt was just a makeshift design. You wanted me to wear a leash and a collar and crawl behind you. I was nearly ecstatic about the idea. We saw many things we wanted—corsets, heels, flogs, blindfolds, riding crops, collars—but alas, they were all too expensive. We decided online shopping would probably be our best option.

My mind kept slipping away to the video you sent me over Skype. I could only begin to imagine what being alone with you would entail, all of that unbridled lust and cruelty. I had been very disobedient, and you ensured me I was going to be punished. So far, you gave little away. We stopped in the middle of the sidewalk several times amongst hordes of people so you could kiss me. I could tell you enjoyed that. You liked showing me off. Then we stopped at CVS briefly and in the back of the store you shoved me backwards up against a shelf. I was worried someone was going to see us, and you didn't give a damn. This exhibitionism was thrilling and new for both of us, and you were displaying yet another subtle exercise of control. I was yours, and I was not in any position to be objecting.

We grabbed Chipotle and took a cab home. In the backseat, you continued to play with me. You ran your hand along the back of my neck (my ultimate weakness), and knotted your fingers into my hair. You kept watching me and sliding your hand along my thigh, gauging my reaction. You smiled at my visible discomfort.

We arrived at my house and ate Chipotle on the porch as the sun set. As soon as we finished eating I tried to straddle you, but you roughly pushed me away. I wasn't allowed to touch you. Not today.

We hurried up the stairs to my room and locked the door. You immediately pushed me down onto the bed and climbed on top of me. Your lips began circling along my neck, my collarbone. I reached up to pull your hair but you immediately stopped and glared at me. "No." One syllable and my arms were back obediently at my sides. "Good girl." You said before you continued.

I couldn't suppress the moans that escaped my mouth and I could feel you smiling against my skin. I had been looking forward to this all week, and I wanted you everywhere at once. You sat up abruptly. "You're wearing entirely too much clothing." You said as you gazed at me meaningfully. I pulled my dress over my head, and you grinned as you pushed me back down and, taking both of my wrists in one hand held them above my head against the pillows. Your other hand cupped my breast, squeezing and massaging. My breathing hitched.

"Yeah?" you asked as you always do when you know I like something.

"Yes Sir." I mumbled pathetically.

Then you took off my bra and moved so that your lips were on my nipple. You began teething it ever so slightly, caressing my other breast with your hand. I shuddered. Then you moved your leg so it was situated between both of mine and you began vigorously moving it back and forth. My eyes rolled back in my head and I whimpered loudly. I wished that you had a strap on. I wanted you to fuck me so hard I was crying and shaking. I wanted to scream your name.

"Turn over, slut." You ordered. I moved so I was across your lap, on my stomach. Then you began spanking me.

"You've been very bad you know. That's why I have to punish you."

"Yes Sir." I said, trying not to moan. I knew you were right because I loved the pain of it. I enjoyed being humiliated this way, so clearly I deserved it.

"It's too bad I don't have a flogger or a riding crop, mmm? Like those ones we saw in the store." You said as you continued spanking.

"Yes Sir."

When I told you about the strap-on idea, you replied:

"I would have to make you get on your knees and suck it for me first."

I liked that idea too much. Since you wouldn't actually get any sensation from that, it was purely a power play. Just a gesture to reinforce who is in control; who is the master and who is the slave.

And that's what I learned that day. I'm your slave. When you're him, you're not there to be sweet with me. You're not there to spoil me. I'm there to be used and taken any way you like, for however long you want. That's all I'm good for, to be your fuck toy. I'm there to be dehumanized and abused. And that's just the way you like it.

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