The Old and New I Ch. 01

Dedicated to my friend Keller23 for your support and motivation. Thanks for your help.

For the readers: just be nice. This is my first time doing this, so be light on the criticism. While welcome, I will only accept it politely./i>

*****

Friday, September 26th

Today was worse then most. It was one when the heart wrenching loneliness tears me completely apart. I couldn't bring myself to speak up during class. I couldn't even focus. I just sat there staring at the black tracks staining the white board. I'm thinking about doing it again. I haven't thought about it since the hospital, but I think this might be it. I might just do it. I figure if I jump from the top of the school, that could kill me. It would be swift. I think I'd do it at night, that way no one would see me. No one would care anyway. No one would even notice as my blood and brains paint the sidewalks, would they? No one ever does. No one ever will. I'm so close to doing it now. I just

Esther's thoughts were interrupted by the clicking of the door. She knew it was probably Laurel, her roommate, so she didn't bother turning around from her desk to greet her.

"Hey." She said plainly, letting her pen hover over the page of her notebook as she tried to board her train of thought again.

"'Sup." she heard from behind her. It sure sounded like Laurel. Most of the time when she spoke, she sounded like she was trying to portray a "ghetto gangster/hipster bitch", as Esther liked to refer to it, however it often was betrayed by her pain skin, blonde hair, and blue eyes Esther didn't know who she thought she was, but was simply a wannabe in her eyes.

"So Est," Laurel announced using Esther's unapproved nickname. "Whatcha up to?"

"Writing." Esther responded plainly.

"Oh? Whatcha writing? I didn't think we had an essay this week."

Esther brought her less dominant left hand to the bridge of her nose to squeeze at it with frustration. She let out a puffed response. "It's something personal."

"Oh...well, see ya." Laurel waved as she sped out the door.

Esther fell back against her swerving chair. She didn't feel like writing anymore. After closing her journal, she stuffed it between her headboard and her mattress to keep it concealed. Rising from her chair, she had the need to just clear her head. She headed for the bathroom. Esther removed her glasses, placing them on the counter. She slid her feet out of her shoes and socks, feeling the cool porcelain floor with her bare feet. Her cardigan and skirt were soon to follow, revealing her pink bra and panties. She lazily stretched her arms over her head with a widening yawn.

Esther examined her exposed form. She felt very content with her body: her weight, her breast size, her abnormal yet convenient lack of body hair for her age. There was only one thing that really didn't appeal to her. Esther reached her hand down to her crotch. In the front of her panties, there was a slight bulge. Poking at it with her own disapproval, she let out a sigh. She unhooked her bra and allowed it to join her other clothing on the floor. She dug her fingers under the lip of her panties, pulling them over her bulge. Her tender pink head poked out from the panties, throbbing profusely.

Esther stared at it, disgusted and ashamed of her deformity. She wished she had been born like a normal girl rather than being burdened with this abnormality. She let her panties fall to her ankles before stretching her legs out of them. She didn't get it. Why did even have both? She was pretty sure she was a girl, after all. She didn't understand why she had to have this disgusting masculine thing above her feminine flower. And why did it get so hard and sensitive sometimes? Esther shook away her negative thoughts and turned the valve, activating the shower. She allowed the temperature of the water to heat up before stepping inside. She let the jets of water massage at her tense back. She let the waters hit her shoulder-length brunette locks. Finally, she let her mind drift from the thoughts that plagued her mind.

She didn't leave the shower until the water had begun to loose its warmth. At that point, grabbed a white towel from the sink to dry her hair and body off, careful not to touch at the appendage between her legs other than light drying dabs. After wrapping herself in her towel, Esther put on her glasses before taking her clothing and shoes to her bed. She dropped the shoes to the floor and her clothes to the bed. She then laid herself down beside the clothing. She picked up her headphones from the nightstand along with her iPod and began where she left off. The powerful sound of electric guitars, basses, and drums shook her ear, forcing her voice out with it.

"Feels like your life is over,

Feels like all hope is lost.

You kiss it all away?

Maybe, maybe.

This is the second coming,

This is our call to arms.

Your finest hour won't be

Wasted, wasted.

Hey, hey,

Hell is what you

Make, make.

Raise against your

Fate, fate.

Nothing's gonna keep you down

Even if it's killing you

Because you know the truth.

Listen up! Listen up!

There's a devil in the church.

There's a bullet in the chamber

And this is gonna hurt!

Let it out! Let it out!

You can scream and you can shout.

Keep your secrets in the shadows

And you'll be sorry.

Everybody's getting up.

Everybody's on the run.

Listen up! Listen up!

There's a devil in the church.

Got a bullet in the chamber

And this is gonna hurt!"

Esther sang with a previously unseen delight. Singing always was a way for her to escape her own tormenting and self-loathing thoughts. Her usual demeanor, not to mention her concealed depression, wouldn't allow her to be open or even enjoy something, but occasionally, when alone and her thoughts were at bay, she could let it out. She stood from the bed in her towel and began to dance alongside her voice.

"You got your hell together,

You know it could be worse.

A self-inflicted murder?

Maybe, maybe.

You say it's all a crisis,

You say it's all a blur.

There comes a time you've gotta

Face it, face it.

Hey, hey,

Hell is what you

Make, make.

Raise against your

Fate, fate.

Nothing's gonna keep you down

Even if it's killing you

Because you know the truth.

Listen up! Listen up!

There's a devil in the church.

There's a bullet in the chamber

And this is gonna hurt!

Let it out! Let it out!

You can scream and you can shout.

Keep your secrets in the shadows

And you'll be sorry.

Everybody's getting numb.

Everybody's on the run.

Listen up! Listen up!

There's a devil in the church.

Got a bullet in the chamber

And this is gonna hurt.

This is gonna-"

Her towel's hold began to loosen as she shimmied along with the solo, sliding gradually down her chest. Her head thrashed side to side, spinning her hair around her shoulders. Her eyes shut as she was consumed in the barrage of sounds.

"Listen up! Listen up!

There's a devil in the church.

There's a bullet in the chamber

And this is gonna hurt!

Let it out! Let it out!

You can scream and you can shout.

Keep your secrets in the shadows

And you'll be sorry.

Everybody's get-"

Esther's voice was cut short as she opened her eyes to see Laurel standing at the opened door. She was startled back after realizing her presence. Ignoring her previous activities, Esther put on her facade, crossing her arms and scrunching up her face out of irritation. "Haven't you heard of knocking?" She whipped her head.

There was a pause as Esther awaited a response. The pause continued into an eerie silence. Growing irritated by the lack of response, Esther snapped her head back to Laurel. She noticed that Laurel's mouth hung open with her eyes widened. Confused and agitated, Esther threw her arms up in the air. "What?"

Laurel's eyes twitched for a moment, indicating that she heard Esther's voice however she didn't alter her gaze. Taking a second to calm herself, Esther followed her roommate's eyes to her crotch. Esther yelped as she realized that her towel had been at her ankles the entire time. Panicked, she covered her crotch, simultaneously using her upper arms to cover her breasts. How could she explain this thing that she shouldn't have? What would Laurel do? Knowing her big mouth, she might even blab about her secret to everyone she knows.

"L-Laurel, this, um...I just...it's not..." Esther struggled to gather her words. What could she say?

Before Esther could try to continue, Laurel approached her. She knelt down, her blonde strands grazing Esther's shaft, only to pick up to towel and pull it up for Esther. After Laurel picked herself back up, she stared into Esther's eyes for a moment. "...so," she began, her voice coming out softer than Esther had ever heard it before. "Do you want to explain this?"

The door now closed and locked, Esther and Laurel sat on their beds on opposite sides of the room. Esther held her hands in her lap. Her towel was pulled up now and tied as it should be, however she still felt the need to push her hands deeply into her lap to shield the extremity.

"So," Laurel finally said. "You were born like that?"

Esther nodded, avoiding all eye-contact. She felt so vulnerable, like she was completely exposed to the world. She failed to even keep up her usual composure. "Laurel..." Esther mumbled, almost inaudibly. "Can you please keep this a secret?"

Laurel tapped her hand on her lap, now avoiding Esther's eyes. "Y-yeah, of course." She stuttered nervously. Her nervousness primarily stemmed from her next request. "But can I ask something of you in return?"

Esther's eyes shot up. Something in return? What could she want? "Sure," she muttered reluctantly, looking back to her thighs. "Whatever you want..."

"Okay..." Laurel swallowed a deep breath. "Can I see it again?" She stammered out quickly.

"What?" Esther darted her eyes back to Laurel, her tone somewhat aggressive.

"You said whatever I wanted, right?" Laurel raised her hands in defense. "That's what I want."

Esther's face burned as she gritted her teeth in defeat. "F-fine." Esther pulled her hands up from her thighs, gripping onto the towel as she did so. She slowly lifted the fabric to reveal her erect length. About six inches long and three inches in girth. Esther quickly lowered the towel over her secret, creating a tent in the towel. "T-there. You saw it again."

Laurel laughed playfully. "You know that's not what I meant."

Esther puffed reluctantly, her reddening more as she lifted her towel again. Laurel approached, dropping to her knees to get a better view. She cocked her head to the side as she eyed the appendage. She neared the hardened shaft, so close that she could feel the intense heat radiating from it on her cheeks.

"Why is it hard?" Laurel chuckled as she examined the veins throbbing as she got closer.

Esther looked to the walls, embarrassed by the entire situation, hungering for the whole thing just to be over with. "I don't know. Just hurry up already." She snapped down to her roommate in an attempt to be demanding, however her voice crackled under her nerves.

"Calm down." Laurel said, almost in a trance as she stared down the shaft, noticing Esther's moist flower as well. "Oh, I get it."

"W-what?" Esther's voice lowered.

"You're 'in the mood'." Laurel smirked sultrily up to Esther.

"W-what do you mean?" Esther whimpered as she felt the hot breaths hit her shaft.

Ignoring her question, Laurel went in to test her theory. "Let's see what happens it I touch it..." Laurel lifted a finger to the tender pink tip. She touched the small slit at its head with her fingertip, dragging the digit down to the base of the head. She heard another whimper from Esther as a few driblets of transparent fluid dripped out. Laurel turned her green eyes back up to Esther's. "Wow, I guess I was right."

"S-stop that." Esther stammered her eyes shutting from the intensity.

Continuing to ignore Esther's pleas, Laurel wrapped her digits around the hard length as best she could, pumping from the head down to the base once. She began to feel the appendage throbbing in her hands violently. Esther's voice broke into a winced moan, her eyes shutting and her hands being pulled to her chest. Laurel then felt the convulsions of the rod in her hands increase in frequency. At last, a large spurt of thick white fluids shot forth from the head with a spasm. The thick rope plopped onto Laurel, landing on the part of her hair and training down her forehead to bridge of her nose. The small spurts to follow would only nip at her nose and chin. A thin final rope found its place on Laurel's hand.

"Wow, Est," Laurel couldn't hold back a chuckle. "That was fast. I barely even touched it." She began to collect the majority of the thick fluids on her hand. "I actually thought you were just fucking with me and had a toy or something attached to you, but I guess this thing is as real as them all."

Esther didn't seem to hear Laurel's judgements. She didn't even seem to realize where she was or what just happened. "What...what was that?" She said between her pants as she came down from her orgasmic high.

Laurel's smile once again turned to an expression of shock after hearing Esther's words. "Wait, you've never done anything like this before?"

Esther drowsily shook her head.

"You've never even touched it like this yourself?"

Once again, she shook her head.

"Oh..." Laurel looked around awkwardly upon the realization of Esther's virginity. "So this was your first orgasm?"

"I-I guess so." She stuttered. Esther finally looked down to see Laurel's coated face. It brought heat to her cheeks to see her like that. "I'm sorry. Did I do that to you?"

Laurel stared down at the softening length in her hand for a moment of brief thought before quickly releasing her hold on Esther and rising to her feet. "Whatever, I'm done now."

Esther's eyes lit up hopefully, though her face and body failed to respond in a similar manner, partially due to exhaustion. "So, you'll keep my secret?"

Laurel turned to the bathroom. "Yeah," she snapped somewhat defensively. "That's what I said, wasn't it?" Laurel slammed the bathroom door shut behind her.

***

Esther had ended up falling asleep shortly after Laurel had exited to the bathroom. When she woke, the rays of sunlight showered her face with a bright greeting. Esther sat up to see that she was still naked, though she had been tucked into her bed. Laurel. Her mind echoed her name, reminded of the events of the night before. She had experienced a new feeling for the first time in her life. It was something so pleasant she couldn't even describe it. She sat up from her bed, feeling her nightstand for her glasses. Once she could see clearly, she noticed Laurel's bed was empty. Laurel was never up before Esther was. She decided to take this time to do some writing.

She slipped out of bed and into some of her favorite clothes: a pair of laced panties, her black pantyhose, plaid miniskirt, white dress shirt and her dark brown cardigan to top it off. Once dressed, she sat down at the desk between the two beds. She reached into the crevice between her mattress and headboard, feeling for the small book hidden inside. Once she found it, she pulled it out, opening to last page she was working on. She had no desire to continue on her depressed rant on her life, or her constant theme of ending it for once. Instead, she'd much rather write about the night before.

Saturday, September 27th

I felt something new for the first time last night. I don't know how to explain it, but it felt amazing. The thing that torments me most in the world gave me such an exquisite sensation. It was divine. Most of all, Laurel of all people made me feel it. I've never cared much for her, but it saw a different side of her last night and I guess the same goes for her. I felt so vulnerable under her, but it was a different vulnerability than what I've felt before. It was somehow enjoyable. Most of all, the way she touched me felt amazing. I just can't explain it. I'd love to feel more of it, but I'm not even sure I can face Laurel anymore. It was all just so compromising. It'd be so embarrassing if she were to bring it up or even talk to her.

Esther sighed pensively. What if Laurel didn't even want to share a room anymore? She didn't think that she'd change to another room, given that this room was one of the few in the dorm that had its own bathroom (Esther was allowed to have this room because of her special condition, or as she worded it when applying for the room, her "disability"). Despite what disapproval she had for many of Laurel's actions, she wouldn't be able to take it if there was no Laurel or at least someone like her. She needed someone to take her mind off of her depression, a pallet cleanser for her mind to scrape away the self-loathing thoughts. If she was left alone here, she may even go through with what she had wanted so passionately to do so often, the thing she considered doing the most in her fits of loneliness. As soon as she saw Laurel again, they'd have to talk. Hopefully, she could convince her to stay.

As if designed by fate, the door cracked opened. Laurel stepped in, equipped with a back-turned baseball cap, a thin black hoody zipped up to shield her chest, and formfitting black running shorts that left her perfect legs in view. Her face showed that she was contemplating something. Her expression changed to a nervous blush once she saw Esther was awake and watching her as she entered. Closing the door, Laurel avoided eye-contact and rushed to her bed. She pulled a few things from her nightstand, throwing them into her backpack. Esther couldn't quite make out what they were, but she recognized the opportunity.

"Um...hey." She nervously announced to her blonde hair roommate.

"Hmm." She hummed a response before taking her backpack up on her left shoulder and turning back to the door.

"W-wait, Laurel." Esther spoke up, trying to raise her voice. For some reason, she found it much harder to keep up this hardened, professional image of hers. "C-can we t-talk?"

"About what?" Laurel puffed, still not turning to face Esther.

Esther stood from her chair and stood a few feet behind Laurel. "About what happened last night."

"What is there to discuss?" Laurel's words came out shakily and broken.

"I-I...I don't really know." Esther said lowering her head, realizing that she jumped into the situation without fully knowing what to say. "I just...I just don't what things to be weird between us. I know you know something weird about me and then the other thing that happened when you touched-'it'." Esther nervously wrung her fingers out. "I just hope that things don't change...that's all."

Laurel finally turned, but only partway so that she could see Esther out of the corner of her eye. "Don't worry about it." Her tone was softer than before. "Nothing's changed."

Esther let out a small breath of relief. "So we're okay?"

"Yeah."

"And um, you don't hate me?" Esther lowered her voice significantly due to her fear of the answer. Wait, when did she start caring about Laurel's opinion like this? Perhaps because she knows more about her or because of the moment that they shared the night before.

Esther's words managed to pull Laurel around completely, facing Esther at last. "No, no," her voice carried a mixture of concern and confusion with a small hint if outrage. "Why would I hate you, Est?"

"Well...because I'm like this..." Esther averted her eyes nervously.

Laurel let out a sigh, dropping her backpack to the floor. Calmly yet quickly, she closed the distance between herself and Esther, leaving only an inch between them. Laurel raised her arms, wrapping them around Esther in a warm embrace, causing Esther's face to burn. Resting her chin on her roommate's shoulder, Laurel pulled Esther in even closer, ensuring full contact with her to show how little her extra attachment bothered her.