I'm Greedy

You might say that I know what I want, and that I'm damn well going to get it. Some may think that makes me determined. Some would say that I'm persistent. Others would classify me as resilient, impetuous, or grasping. Myself? I call it greedy needy.

Maybe it's some sort of infection, this greed for what I deserve. It acts more like an addiction. I crave it, I want it, I need it. I have an ache in my heart, in my belly, in my very soul for these things that at the outset, seem so simple... yet are complex and complicated on the inside. So much so, that to find them is a rare gem, and to find them all in one package seems to be as elusive as a leprechaun riding a unicorn 'somewhere over the rainbow'.

Yet my sense of self-worth reminds me that I shouldn't; can't; won't set these principles and desires aside. My pride tells me that I won't accept anything less than the best. And my heart tells me that the One who prizes my soul above all else will possess all that I require. It's simple, really. I want a man. Not just your ordinary, run-of-the-mill, cookie cutter males. I want one who lusts after love and romance the way that I do.... yet conceals it beneath a slightly gruff exterior.

I crave a man who not only listens to what I say, but encourages me to speak, not only because he knows it's a way for me to share a part of myself, not only because he knows that at that moment in time, I need to talk about something, but because he relishes the sound of my voice on the air, he realizes that I need someone to listen -really listen- to what I have to say. I could be talking about my meal, or I could be talking about work, or something with the family... but whatever I say, he knows that it's important to me, and as such, it's going to be important to him. He knows that he's my sounding board, my confidante, and he accepts and cherishes this position. He does this without expecting anything in return, because he knows that when the time comes for him to speak, I will be a patient, empathetic and alert listener.

I desire a man who desires to make me smile. This request seems simple, yet it's so complicated. He must know me, really know me, in order to know just what will curve my lips upward. A "Good morning, beautiful" text will melt my heart, and so will a posy of fresh picked wildflowers. Home-made soup when I'm sick, cuddling (with NO expectations of more) on the couch watching a movie together, talking as we watch a bonfire merrily crackle on a balmy summer night, and intently debating on different topics are at the top of my list. He'll know when I require my recharge time and doesn't feel personally insulted because of it.

I require a gentleman, one who knows how to woo, one who prides himself on learning and/or knowing the art of seduction... not (just) of the body, but of the mind. Above all, the brain is the most erotic and erogenous organ (followed by the tongue), and if you know how to keep me on edge constantly by little touches, words, looks, banter... it's an intoxicating dance of mutual pleasure and benefit, even if it leads to nowhere. This includes the little actions such as holding a chair, opening a door, not sitting while I am still standing, and even something as simple as loading up the dishwasher.

I want a man I can take home to my parents. One who is confident, respectful, courteous and congenial, one who knows what should be kept private and what can be shared. One who can read people so that he knows when/if he's pushing the limits. A man who can comfortably bullshit with my dad while grilling or fishing, yet who is equally comfortable in speaking with my mom, asking her about her day, helping her in any way he can with whatever she might be doing. A man who will get just as boisterous in board and card games as we can and isn't ashamed to "whip some ass" at UNO every once in awhile.

I need a man who enjoys the same activities as myself and vice versa. From camping to snowmobiling, from reading to cuddling, we'll get along greatly the more we have in common, although some deviation is always appreciated. We needn't be identical, after all, for 'opposites attract', but not to the extent that we each go off to do our own thing (although I'm all for "all about me" days). Above all, our values ought to coincide on some level (for example, I don't share, thus my monogamy. If he is polygamous, it's not going to work).

In return, I will become selfless. Isn't it odd? When someone gives their all to you, it's only natural to do the same. But it's okay, because everything you give is returned full measure, in a way that is even better than what you had before. It's like planting a seed and reaping a flower. It's the same thing, just in a different, more beautiful form. So in that sense, perhaps I am greedy. I want a return on my investment in someone, my learning them and doing everything I can to please them. I want the same in return. So in this case, I'm quite glad I'm greedy... and hopefully, he won't have it any other way.