Lynn and Leif Forevermore Ch. 44

"Lynney! What's getting into you! I told you nothing was wrong, why don't you trust me!" he shouted, following her to the dining room table, where the laptop was plugged in.

"I guess I can't have it both ways. I can't have you spoil me and baby me, and then not get mad when you talk to me like I'm a child when I know something is going on! Come on. I wasn't born yesterday Leif," said Lynne snatching open the computer so hard, it seemed like it would break the hinges.

The more he tried to console her, the more upset it made her. It felt like he was patronizing her, treating her as though she was stupid. She hadn't wanted to believe he was "window shopping" when Janelle suggested that he was looking at porn, but seeing the way he was so secretive, how he quickly shut down the computer, the way he was in the house all day and hadn't changed his clothes, and lastly, most damagingly, the way he had changed the computer password temporarily, who was he trying to fool!

And now, not only was he looking at porn, but he was lying! It was one thing for him to be viewing or doing whatever it was secretive that he was doing, but another thing altogether for him to lie about it. She might not like the secrecy, or him looking at Porn, but she hated him flat out lying to her face.

Now that she had the computer password, she logged in, while he looked at her with those same blue eyes she always loved, but now they looked both angry, alarmed, and Lynne read fear of being caught in a lie in his expression.

"Leif, if...I mean...I remember my underwear from yesterday, and, that was exciting for you, and a bit of a change, and I don't mind if you smell them...I guess what I'm saying is...I enjoy our sexy time together. And...and if there is some kink or some things that you're into that...well...things that you enjoy looking at on the computer...there's...well, just like the panties, there's really no need for them to be a fantasy anymore Leif, they can be a reality. Is there something dirty, something new and nasty you want to try that you are seeking out? Or, is it something old that you always liked, and you were afraid of sharing with me, and its lead you to, look for things with this fetish online. Like maybe panties or something. I don't mind if you like my panties, or if you're into some other kinky little things. I enjoyed being let into your fantasies. Don't push me away, because I'm willing to work this out. I mean, I don't like you looking at this stuff, but I promise if you share it with me, and tell me what you're looking at, I can give to you in real life, whatever it is that you are craving, as long as there are no kids and animals, and shit, literally involved. I'm game. You'll never find a wife cooler than I'll be. It'll be much more fun than looking at pictures. Do you like to be spanked? Want to spank me? Whatever you want to try I'm open to exploring. But, this porn shit, Leify it has to stop," said Lynne.

"Well damn it, judge and jury, thanks so much for the lenient sentencing, damn near taking me to the electric chair, and you haven't even let me say a thing in my defense. I know I've been acting strange lately, but I want you to trust that it'll all work out in the end. That says a lot about how you feel about me and the trust you put in me to uphold the sanctity of our marriage. Oh hell Lynney, I hate being accused of shit, and you've got me looking at porn, and baby, I don't even really like that shit, never looked at it much, even before I knew you, I'd far rather be with a real woman and I-"

"Oh that's supposed to make me feel better? So what the hell is it then, have you found someone 'real' to look at online?" asked Lynne, her eyes going wide with angry shock.

"Hell no! Just let me explain. Look, I don't like that shit okay. Not the porn. I like, I like to use other things, stuff that smells like you, like your panties the other day. Sometimes I might read a little story, a text based dirty story...and I might think about you doing really nasty things, things we haven't tried yet. That shit turns me on. But, I'm not into naked women videos, and pictures. I swear, I'm not doing any of that shit right now Lynne, it has nothing to do with porn, or anything else baby. I can't say more, or I'll give things away, but you'll be glad you put trust in me, and had faith in me. Now put away the computer and come on to bed. I don't like porn, but I want to practice to make one with you, on our honeymoon," he teased.

He looked at her luridly, and licked his lips. And he'd almost bated her. She almost followed him back into the bedroom, his thin, cherry red lips were so seductive, but she figured since Google chrome was already open, she'd have a quick look at the history tab. Much to her chagrin, it was cleared.

"You're too sexy for your own good, but you think you fooled me. Leif, I might be emotionally immature and stuff, but I'm not a teenager mentally. My mind is really smart, I just don't have all the emotional resources that a woman raised normally has. The history is clear. So...you're not doing something sneaky with porn, why is the history clear?" asked Lynne.

"Because I told you darling, you need to have faith in me, and it will all make sense after the wedding. Why can't you just believe me for once, instead of always starting shit? I mean damn Lynney I am wiling to baby, and comfort, and support you, love doing that, building the security and pleasure in your heart. It makes me feel valuable to you, and like a real man. I ask you one thing, one thing to be grown up about it and trust me, and it's too damn much for you to handle. And instead of being happy that I'm trying to do something I need you to trust me, you go off and accuse me of looking at porn...I thought you knew me better than that," said Leif.

"I wasn't born yesterday. You know, Janelle, I didn't want to believe her when she said you might be window shopping and looking at naked girls on the internet, or something, but damn it Leif, I was willing to forgive you and do whatever kinky things you saw on the internet you wanted to do, as long as it wasn't kids, animals, or stuff involving shit, and you still won't come clean with me! Even after all we shared yesterday, with your private desires and sneaking in my panties, still you don't feel like you can come clean with whatever you are doing on the computer. No, it's you needs to trust me. It's apparent instead that you'd rather lie and clear the history. Why can't we share whatever kink this is. It would bring us closer instead of hiding shit, just like how close we were yesterday," said Lynne.

"So it's Janelle who put you up to this. Women and their friends, I swear sometimes you little hens, all this trouble starts once you start discussing your men and collaborating, just like Lucy and Ethel. Your friend needs to mind her own fucking business, and worry about her own fucking self, and her own fucking man if she has one, not me. And, you need to decide who you're going to listen to, your friend, or your own fucking man! Are you marrying me in two weeks, or Janelle? Why would you put her word above mine? You didn't even think anything was fishy until you talked to her ass," shouted Leif.

"So what if she's the one who clued me in that you were looking at porn? But I'd thought something was fishy with your shit a day ago. You've been acting really weird since then. Don't pin it on Janelle. I told her you were acting weird, and she suggested you were, window shopping, looking at porn. And she should know because she had a man where it got so bad she had to dump him," said Lynne.

"Oh for Christ sakes! It never occurred to you to ask your own man why he was acting so weird!" shouted Leif.

"I did ask you. And what the hell are you telling me? Not to worry about it. You aren't giving me any answers either, so I don't see what's wrong with Janelle's theory until you disprove it," said Lynne.

"You know what Lynne, I want you to have a little faith and trust in me. I told you I'm not looking at porn, and I'm not, and we're through discussing this topic. Now if you calm down, and can get some faith in me, you'll be glad you did, and that's all I'm going to say on it. The topic is closed now Lynney, I'll stop acting so strangely in a little bit, just trust me," said Leif.

"Except, I'm going to be your wife. Not your daughter. I like being your baby and being pampered, but I want you to treat me like a grown woman right now and give me a logical answer, instead of telling me the topic is closed. It sounds like something my fucking dad would say!" screamed Lynne.

Leif sighed.

"This is a looping conversation that can't get out of the loop because you won't be quiet and trust me for a minute. You never had a problem with trust in me until Janelle opened her fat gums. I'm tired right now Lynney, and I've got shit to do for this wedding, and it's apparent that you don't even trust me on our own damn computer anymore, because of your fucking friend. So, I need to cool my head. I'm going over to Matt's for a little bit. I'll be back soon, and maybe by the time I come back, you'll have cooled off, and thought a little bit more about who you're gonna be married to, Janelle, or me, and which of us is more important when it comes to trust," he added sarcastically with a smirk.

She hated when he was mad, and he said smart things. She wasn't a child, and she didn't take being lied to lightly, and, when she called him on his shit, he was going to go running to a friend's house to bitch and look at more whores on the internet. It made her even more furious.

As badly as she loved when he kissed her forehead, she moved out of the reach of his lips.

"You can kiss me again after you explain this shit," said Lynne pointing at the browser with the cleared history.

"Woman! Jesus. I'll see you in a little while. Really we need a little bit of air. I'll be back in a few hours," said Leif.

Lynne thought Leif was crazy if he thought she would simply wait around like a lost little girl while he decided when he wanted to come home, after going to his boy's house, probably to download more porn. As soon as she saw his tall, blonde, dreadlocked shadowy figure walking in the direction of Matt's apartment, Lynne got dressed to go over to Janelle's place.

***

The farther Leif walked towards Matthew's apartment during the unseasonably cool spring day, the angrier he felt. He knew there was a lot that Lynne needed emotionally, and he didn't mind providing her what she needed. It made him feel more loving towards her, and it made him feel like a real man, capable of loving her, and giving her what she needed. To be honest, the dynamic of their relationship made him feel more fulfilled that he ever knew. He felt like had a purpose in his life now. To love Lynne, care for her, and fill her heart full to overflowing with good feelings. He didn't mind doing lots of spoiling, babying, and pampering his Lynne. And he had much more in store for after she became his bride, she hadn't seen anything yet.

But, when she wouldn't trust him on such a simple matter, it was like a slap in the face to Leif! He didn't even like porn. Was so addicted to Lynne he was sniffing her used panties. He'd never felt like that about a woman before! So, why would she allow Janelle to convince her that he was looking at porn, or doing something else secret on the computer. Leif thought it was damn shame the way women didn't trust men. As soon as something was off, they conspired with their little girlfriends imagining their men looking at porn, or worse, cheating.

Even when Leif was busy sweet-talking the drawers off of every woman who walked by him in Los Angeles, he never told those women that he loved them. Never led them to believe that it was more than a fun roll in the hay. But with Lynne, everything was different. He was serious from almost the moment he met her. He wouldn't ever want to do anything to jeopardize their special bond. She needed to grow up, and learn to trust him! Hell, he was being so secretive because of doing shit for her, wanting to surprise her with a visit from her Granny.

He banged on Matthews door. Matt could already tell that something was wrong.

"Why aren't you with Lynne this time of night?" said Matt.

"I would be, but she's tripping out, because I'm trying to surprise her with a secret. It's top secret. And so far, no one knows but my mom, but I'm trying to get her granny to come to our wedding. So, her grandma's old and doesn't have much, and doesn't see well, so I've been sneaking around behind Lynne's back trying to get airline tickets for her granny. I changed the fucking computer password, because she came home early and surprised me when I had up all those ticket site windows, and now my little woman thinks I'm looking at Porn or some kind of crazy shit. Janelle put her up to it, I think. I'm halfway ready to throw Janelle out the wedding, and pull Lynne across my knee and spank her. I Just keep trying to tell Lynne to keep quiet and trust me, and she'll be happy she did. Shit! So much drama with women sometimes," sighed Leif.

"Wow, that sounds like crazy shit. Come on inside bro. No one's over unfortunately. Haven't picked up any hotties in a while. Time to settle down like you and Lynne, you've always got a built in hottie, keeping your dick warm. Except when you're fucking it up. Like now. I mean, if I were you, why don't you just tell her the truth. Spoil the surprise, tell her that it's her own fault for not trusting you," said Matthew.

Leif turned the thought over in his mind. It sounded reasonable, but he didn't want to spoil the surprise for Lynne. He loved when she was surprised and her big pretty brown eyes lit up like a small girl at Christmas, like she'd been at her actual first Christmas with his family. But, even more important than Lynne's darling ways and surprised honey brown eyes, was her learning to trust him. It had been an ongoing issue in their relationship. She'd been scared to meet him, scared to date him, scared to have sex with him, and scared to fuck him. And he was patient with her through all of these matters, and allowed her to build up her faith in him. Just this once, he wanted her implicit trust, right away. It all became clear to Leif in that instance why her lack of trust bugged him so greatly.

"Oh hell! I don't want to spoil it for her, but even more important, if she's gonna marry me, she needs to trust that what I tell her is true, even if it sounds crazy. And hell, I never act strange, just this one time, and she's on my ass like white on rice. I don't like it. This isn't what I want in my marriage with her. It feels like it's starting off on the wrong foot. The first thing you need in a marriage is trust, and she always trusted me when I told her something. Even though she can be childish and immature, she always believed and trusted that what I said was the truth. So upset with her right now. That she'd believe her big mouthed friend over me," said Leif.

Matthew chuckled.

"Yeah, I hear what you are saying bro, without trust, then the romance dies and it feels like a ball and chain situation. But you gotta keep in mind, like you said, she's immature, and you're acting strange because of the surprise. Just tell her. And then tell her it's her own fucking fault that she ruined the surprise. Make her feel guilty. That's what I'd do if she was my girl. That'll shut her ass up, get her trusting you again, and make her think twice about not trusting you the next time," said Matt.

Just then, Leif's cellphone rang, and it was his mother. She was calling to inquire about the tickets.

"Can you get online? I've found a great pair of tickets, to LAX, right through New Orleans, just what you want. I want you to get on this ebidding site right now Leif, and we'll both start bidding. The bid expires in an hour," said his mother.

"Oh hell, I dunno now mom. Lynne's mad at me, and I needed some air and went over to Matthew's. I don't even know if it's worth the effort to surprise a woman who doesn't trust me right now, because I've been sneaking around a bit for the surprise," said Leif.

"What do you mean she doesn't trust you?" asked his mother.

"Just what I said. She wants to know what I've been doing on the computer, sneaking up behind me. Her friend has her thinking I'm looking at girlie flicks, and, I don't even really like that shit," said Leif.

"So what did you tell her, did you tell her you weren't doing that?" asked his mother.

"Of course, of course I did. But, Lynne just won't listen to reason, at all. She's determined to think I've done something. And women, hell, you all are a lot smarter than men, and I cleared the history so she wouldn't figure out that I'd been looking at airline tickets. The wrong thing to do, because I didn't know she thought I was looking at naked women on the computer. But when she kept talking about it, I couldn't really think of a decent lie to get Lynne off my trail. And I started to get annoyed that she didn't trust me, so I walked out of the house. I mean, why is she marrying me if she can't trust me. My word should be enough. I shouldn't have to explain shit to her, if I tell her that I'm not doing anything wrong, she needs to believe me. I mean, we're always together, and if I tell her I'm not looking at adult websites, then I'm not doing that, I shouldn't have to prove it to her, I feel like I'm always proving myself to her, she's been frightened and mistrustful from the first second I looked into her pretty little face," said Leif.

"Well, I guess you're right Leif, but, if you've been acting strange, in ways you never have before, then why shouldn't she question you. If she did the exact same things that you did, and didn't give you a reason, would you be suspicious?" said his mother.

"Well I mean, so I did change the computer password and closed the laptop up, but she needs to learn to trust me damn it. She's changed me, I'm a good man, and I wouldn't hurt her. If I did want to look at stuff, I'd tell her, and we'd explore it together. But I don't even like that kind of stuff! God, I shouldn't be telling that to my mother, but, I don't want secrets between Lynne and I, and lies, and I don't want her trusting her friends before she trusts me," said Leif.

"That's true. And you need to talk to her about that. She should definitely put more faith in you than she puts in her friends. But...when you are having your discussion with her, try not to be too hard on her. Try to see it from her point of view. She's been kicked around and bruised so much, you're too good to be true to her, and she's frightened of getting hurt. Her own parents abandoned her because she gave up on their faith. She's used to being abandoned, abused and mistreated. You're like an anchor for her, which is nice because she gives you love, and support and it gives you confidence in yourself as a man. You are acting like more of a man, and more responsible and mature since you've been with Lynne and it's beautiful to see how your love for her has matured you as a man. You two are like all the beautiful and best parts of love for each other. But you're such an anchor for her that, she needs reassurance that you are still the boy she fell in love with, and you're not going to hurt her, or change on her ever. You are her constant. And you owe her that much. That girl is sweet as the day is long and she's in torment thinking you are doing things behind her back. You need to straighten that out, even if it means spoiling the surprise, you at least should really tell her that you're doing something nice for her, so don't be scared. Don't be so bullheaded that you insist she trust you implicitly and offer her no explanation. Sure she should trust you, but that's part of growing up, and you're helping her along with that, as far as I can see. You're just in a damn power struggle with the girl just like you used to get in with your older brother," said his mother.