My Mother's Tears
I was in my last year of high school and graduation was only weeks away. It was a scorching day in the middle of May; temperatures were in the high nineties. Nothing was going on at school so my best friend Tommy and I decided to skip school and go to a porno flick in the city. This was before we had computers and at least the theater was air-conditioned, even if it was a bit musty.
The film is as crisp in my mind as if I watched it yesterday…a yesterday years in the past. We went in near the end; that wasn’t exactly crucial as far as the plot was concerned. A busty mature woman was coming home late at night. She went to her room and stripped, revealing voluptuous curves; a body made for sex. She put on a bridal white nightgown that hid very little and went into a darkened room. The dim light revealed the sleeping figure of a naked young man.
The woman sat on the bed and without waking the youth began licking his cock. As he hardened she took the knob into her mouth and began sucking in earnest. I found the scene arousing but when the dialogue began, I really came to attention. The guy slowly awoke and said, “Oh mom…I was waiting…I thought you’d never get here.”
She said, “I’m sorry baby; I couldn’t get away but momma’s here now…here to take care of her boy” She took his cock back into her mouth as he reached to take off her white sheer covering.
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing; I’d never seen a film that had incest in it and I’d never expected to see the fantasies that that played out dimly in the back of my mind, displayed in bright full color on a twenty-foot screen. I watched in rapt fascination as a mother lovingly sucked on her son’s cock. Her sounds were those of a woman who was turned on. She really seemed to be enjoying what she was doing. She had her fist around the base of the long cock and she bobbed continuously. She told him she was thinking about his cock all night long…thinking about sucking it…and fucking it. She laughed and said, “You know, you’ve made your mother a whore for this cock?”
She pumped his cock until it was a rock hard pole and then the woman mounted her son. The camera shifted behind her and her round full ass was visible; his cock was swallowed time and again by her pussy and he reached behind her to get a finger into her ass. As she rode him, I identified completely. It was Maya up there and she was on top of me.
I made Tommy sit through the whole thing again just so I could see that part once more. When we got out I asked him if he liked it and he said, “It was okay but the part about the mother and son was weird. I don’t think I could ever fuck my mom…but I could fuck yours.” We both laughed and I gave him a punch in the arm.
I wasn’t sure how he would take it but I was bursting…and he was the only person I could possibly talk to about it. I let it out and said, “You know Tommy, sometimes I think I could also…do mine.”
“Bobby…are you serious man?”
“Yeah I’m serious…maybe I’m getting crazy but I see her walking around the house in a robe without a bra or panties and I see the shape of her tits and ass…that beautiful…you know she may not have tits as big as the mother in the movie but they’re big enough…and she’s prettier…don’t you think?”
“Man, your mom’s good looking but…would you really…fuck her?” I didn’t answer but made a gesture and face that left him not sure…but I was sure.
After that movie I came to admit to myself what I wanted. I spent the next few weeks on the edge of my usual reality. My mother’s name is Maya and I read somewhere that in some language that means illusion; it seemed apt because I was starting to have trouble distinguishing illusion from reality.
Aside from my usual fantasies I was constantly thinking of ways to be in that movie with mom. It must have shown because she kept asking me why I seemed strange. I guess I was looking at her differently. I couldn’t help it. She would be sitting and reading and I would imagine myself walking up to her and putting my hand in her blouse. She would bend over in the kitchen and I could see my image pressed up against her ass from across the room. She’d put her finger to her lips and it became me caressed in her mouth.
We lived alone and each night I thought of visiting her bedroom…to do what? I had very little idea. Finally I decided it was as a good a time to try whatever it was I was going to try. Had I considered if she would want me? Had I considered if she wanted me, would she let me? Had I considered that she might take a hammer to my head? No…no…and no. I wanted.
I knocked on her door and she told me to come in. She was just coming out of her bathroom. She was dressed in jean shorts and a white tee shirt…the same ones I’d seen dozens of times but boy didn’t they look sexy that night. She must have spilled something on the tee because a small portion was wet where she had daubed water on it and her lacy bra showed through.
I was breathing hard, thinking how stupid I probably was to risk ruining all the good things I had with the closest person in my life, but the flood of desire had inundated my reason. My thoughts were thick as molasses. I looked at her face. It was a face you could look at for years and never get tired of. An enigmatic smile always played around her lips betraying her complexity: kindness, sadness, and sex.
I didn’t often go into her bedroom and she asked, “Is anything wrong honey?” I said I just wanted to talk. I was in trouble. I was getting hard just being in her bedroom with her.
I fumbled my way by asking her the kind of question she likes to talk about. I said, “Mom do you think we choose love or love chooses us?” She was thoughtful and started to talk about all the different reasons why our emotions cloud our judgment about whom we want to be with. She ended up saying that I should probably think through whatever I was considering before rushing into it.
My head was full of mush but I didn’t want to stop. Soon I got to where I was going. I told her that Tommy told me about a film he’d seen where a mother has a love affair with her son and I asked her, “Do you think that they could they be in love…like lovers?”
She looked at me funny and said, “Well I guess…today anything is possible…if two people…” I’m not sure what I thought that meant but I took it the way I wanted to. I closed the gap between us. I invaded her space and kissed her, covering one of her breasts with my palm. She was frozen for a second and then pushed me off. “What the hell are you doing?” When I just stood and didn’t answer, she said it twice as loud, “What the hell are you doing?”
I was doubly confused because I didn’t know what to say, and she had folded her arms under her breasts causing them to jut out at me. I was having trouble doing two things at once…looking, and thinking. I stammered, “I…I…I’m sorry…?”
She gave a look that cut through steel, “I don’t care if you’re sorry…I want to know what…” She stopped herself and calmed a bit. “Okay, sit down…what is this all about?”
She moved the notebook she must have been writing in toward the wall and we sat together on the edge of her bed. I told her the truth. I started with the movie and then it hit me as I said it…it wasn’t that I just wanted to have sex with her...it was a lot more. I said, “Mom, I don’t know how it could be…but I love you…and I wanted to love you like…mom, I know that a son isn’t supposed to want to have sex with his mother…but I look at you…and I do…I want to make love with you.”
“Look honey…this is…you’re just going through a phase…you’re confused at your age…think about what you’re saying…touching your own mother…being inside her…listen to me baby…your going to find a nice young girl…let’s just forget about this because…”
I broke in. “Mom, I’m not going to forget about it…I’ve been with young girls but you’re what I think about all the time now…I think about making love to you…it’s probably what I’ve always thought about…and it’s not going to go away…I’m sorry if I upset you…I won’t say anything anymore…but I know one thing…it’s not going away.”
She didn’t say anything. She just got very quiet and thoughtful. After a while she seemed agitated and left. I sat alone for a moment and got up to leave. I noticed the notebook again. It was open to a poem she had been writing. I flipped through and saw there were dozens of them. From the open page a description leapt out at me, “...My dark lover with eyes of surprising light”… I wondered…I have dark hair and light eyes. The next stanza left me without doubt, “…his cherry tipped finger stirring my nipple…” My right forefinger has a red birthmark on it. Okay, I thought…maybe it could be about me but that doesn’t have to mean that it’s about her…but then again…
It was awkward after that and I felt estranged. We had always been so close but after that incident she wasn’t the same. She still called me ‘honey’ and ‘sweetie’ but she didn’t touch me or smile much. I felt cold; I felt alone. My fantasies continued but they turned darker.
I thought of my mother blindfolded and tied to the bed with her legs opened wide, knowing that she would be fucked at any given moment. I imagined her as my slave, ready to be had at my whim. I would order her down on her knees…I would make her spread herself so that both of her holes were available to me…my cock would stretch her and fill her holes with my thick meat. I wasn’t gentle and her tears didn’t move me.
I usually couldn’t continue that fantasy for very long because no matter how good I thought it would feel to drive my cock into her, I would imagine Maya’s voice begging me to stop. That would make me shift gears; I didn’t want my mother to beg me to stop…I wanted her to beg me to keep going…keep making love to her…until she’d had all the pleasures imaginable…the pleasures of her son giving her what she needed…and wanted.
Things deteriorated between us and we argued about stupid things; both of us were on edge most of the time. Finally mom sat me down for a talk. “Honey, this is not good. Both of us are in turmoil all the time…we have to resolve this. I think you’re a wonderful son and I love you very much…oh God…listen to me baby…we’re people and we have urges and desires…I understand what you’re going through. I’m a woman and you know…I haven’t been with a man in a long time. You’re a handsome boy and…women have urges too…I probably shouldn’t say this to you but maybe it would be easier for you if you knew something…I’ve had sexual thoughts about you even before you said anything…that’s probably what upset me more than anything…because maybe I’m the one who started you off on all this…damn…I don’t know anything anymore but we can’t just…”
Her face started to get red and tears formed. I went to her and held her. I knew now that she was the woman in the poem and I began kissing her face. She responded by kissing mine. Soon our lips met and my mother’s warm tongue was in my mouth. She was making little moaning sounds as we kissed. I put my hand between her legs and she put hers between mine. I was holding my mother’s pussy and she was holding my cock…but not for long. Mom broke away with almost a scream of “NOOOO…” and ran out of the room. A moment later I heard the front door slam shut.
I waited for her to return all night. At 4 A.M. she came in. Her eyes were swollen from crying and looked dazed. I knew she didn’t drink but when things got tough she had resorted to pills in the past. She had taken a lot of pills.
I said, “Mom, I was worried…how could you go out at night by yourself and…”
“Honey…” Her speech was slow but measured. “I’m sorry. I won’t do that again…I promise…and you have to promise. That’s one of the things I decided. We can’t run away from this…you’re my son and I’m your mother…we’re going to be in each other’s lives forever so we can’t run away…do you understand?”
I was for anything that got us back to feeling good so I said, “sure mom…I love you and whatever you say is okay with me.”
“Okay baby…I love you too…” She took a deep breath and said; “I also decided we have to understand this…and be sure not to rush into anything we’ll be sorry for…” She was almost slurring. “So we have to go slow…I don’t want to lose you…oh Robbie…that was the sweetest kiss…maybe if we hold each other at first…and just a kiss… I think that would be okay…if you want to.”
Like I was about to refuse. “I would love that mom.” Her lips quivered a little and I guess I was nervous too but a few minutes later our tongues were playing again. My mother was a good kisser and we made out for along time. My hands stroked her back under the tee but I didn’t touch her breasts. After a while her breath quickened. Her hand slid down my chest and rested on my cock. I didn’t know if she expected me to do it or not, but my dick was straining in my pants and I took it out.
When she saw it her eyes opened. “God…it’s big.” It even looked big to me…thick and hard for my mother. She took it in her hand and began massaging up and down the shaft…she told me how good it felt to touch. I had closed my eyes and when her hand released me I figured she had had enough for the first time. That was when I felt the soft warm wetness.
Warm lips, warm mouth, warm tongue; my mother was sucking my cock. She had taken it into her mouth. She was having trouble because she had just bent over and was at an awkward angle. The head was very big and she couldn’t comfortably accommodate it. I could see the bulge it made on one side of her cheek. She took me out of her mouth and stood back up. She put her arms around me.
“I’m sorry baby…I told myself I wouldn’t…I…” My mother was apologizing for sucking me. I was going to explode from wanting to throw her down on the floor and fill her pussy with my cock and then fill it with my cum…but I kept under control; I didn’t want to lose what we had started. I kissed her and told her how wonderful it was and then I surprisingly said the right thing for that moment.
I said, “Mom…let’s stop here for now…we’ll take it one step at a time…we have our whole lives…and I love you.” She was so relieved she couldn’t stop kissing me.
That night we began taking the first step. I had watched a late movie and mom had gone to bed but a few minutes after going to my room, mom came in and said, “Before we go to sleep…I just wanted to…” She gave me a lover’s kiss and left.
A few nights later she said, “I’m going to bed honey, come to me in a while and say good night” In my mind, there was an unspoken understanding; I would come to her bed that night and make love to her. When I got to her room, she was dressed in expectation of a lover: perfumed, powdered and wearing her most provocative underwear. At first neither of us said a word; we just kissed. I didn’t touch her until she touched me. When she finally rested her hand on my rapidly swelling cock I undid her bra. Her breasts were beautifully formed cones and showed very little evidence of her age. There was a heaviness to them that made them feel even bigger than they were. I kissed and sucked on them, savoring the nipples that became erect as my tongue played and my teeth teased. She whimpered and I looked down between her legs where my cock ached to be.
My hand slid over her belly and into the filmy panties. I could feel the moisture on my mother’s pussy and then the soft folds were slipping in and out from between my fingers. A juice covered finger slipped easily into my mother’s hole. “Ohhhh…” escaped her lips and I probed deeper into her center. I couldn’t wait to be in her. I knew she was wet enough but by her actions I realized that she wasn’t ready in all the other ways to have her son’s cock inside her. She went down on me. She took my cock into her mouth and wouldn’t release me. She sucked me with excitement and unflagging determination.
It was all so fresh and exciting that I knew I couldn’t wait long before coming. I had had oral sex with a few other girls but I never came in their mouth. It didn’t matter to me before, but that night I wanted nothing more than to come in my mother’s mouth. I wanted my cum on my mother’s tongue and lips. Still, I expected my mother to pull back when I started to come; she didn’t.
I let go with the first few jets and when Maya’s mouth stayed on me, it took me to another level. I pumped cum into her mouth until she couldn’t hold anymore and I watched rivulets of cream cross her lips and chin to her breasts. She was trying to catch her breath when the last jets shot to the back of her throat. She swallowed those and closed her eye’s laying her cheek on my cock saying, “Oh love…oh love…” Then she told me she loved me and sent me from her room. This became our ritual and unspoken rule – I could be in her mouth but not in her pussy.
That went on for weeks and I would have thought that it would be enough…to come in my mother’s beautiful mouth that way…but it wasn’t…I wanted more. I started telling her how much I wanted her pussy…needed her pussy. Night after night I touched and fingered the opening that I wanted so much to fill until I couldn’t wait any longer. I was hard as stone and opened her resisting legs wide. I approached with my cock in my hand and as I was about to insert it…I hesitated…I stopped. My mother’s breasts were rising and falling as she fought for breath and then she said, “It’s okay baby…it’s okay…” I put the head of my cock against her opening and pushed. She didn’t say anything but her sounds betrayed the mixture of pleasure and anxiety.
Inch by inch I made my way into my mother’s moist opening. She groaned as her pussy stretched and filled with my meat. It was so tight in her hole it felt like her fist was squeezing my cock. My mother was letting me and I was amazed at how much she wanted it. “OH God…oh sweetheart…you’re doing it to me…my baby…inside his momma…oh yes like that…like that…” Then it sounded like I was listening to her internal dialogue. “Oh God…I’m…doing it…I have my…Robbie…in me…my baby is…no…no…damn…don’t…stop…oh…oh…oh”
I gave my mother almost the full length of my cock and she moaned loudly. She held my arms and urged me to turn. She sat over me, impaled, so she could control the amount of cock she took inside her. Her face grimaced and I saw that she was crying. My mother was loving what I was giving her so much it made her cry. I started losing control. The stimulus was just too much…being in my mother’s pussy, hearing her moaning…it was no longer a choice…the cum blasted into her pussy and must have stimulated her to orgasm because she started flexing up and yelling “OH…OH…OH…” When I thought I was done she squeezed one more time and an intense last spurt of cum sent a bolt of lightning through my balls and cock. My mother was sitting on me with tears now pouring down her cheeks. I hadn’t understood at all…she was saying, “NO…NO…NO…”
She cried for what seemed an eternity no matter what I did or said. I felt terrible for her. I apologized but she kept saying it wasn’t my fault. I held her and when she quieted she said, “I love you Robert… but these terrible desires…I was taken over by all these…feelings…I wanted too much…I couldn’t stop myself…but it can’t be…it just can’t be…a mother can’t let her son…fuck her…she can’t…she can’t.” She dissolved into tears again.
My mother was so conflicted with desire and anxiety that later that night we ended up replaying almost the same scene. I heard the TV going at three and came out to find her staring off while sitting on the couch. I sat by her and when she realized I was there she said, “Oh Robert I’m sorry if I woke you…I couldn’t sleep…Robert what we did…what I did…” I put my arm around her and she melted into me. “Robert…do you know how hard this is?” I knew how hard everything was. “I’m filled with all these feelings for you…you’re so beautiful to me…but…I can’t baby…I won’t be able to stop.” I told her I understood and kept my arm around her…soothing her with gentle strokes.