A Joke: Surviving Armageddon

Foreword: READ THIS FIRST

After reading Agena's "A Joke", then reading all of the endings, I wasn't ever really satisfied with any of them. Even Triple T's "Texas Ending" and "Texas Epilogue" just didn't sit right with me. I understand where he's coming from, and both his Ending and Epilogue are 5 star reads. However, I just felt my teeth itching to take Agena up on his invitation to write my own.

READ "A Joke" first, if you haven't already. I take over this one as the "sex session" between Roger and Flo is wrapping up.

FAIR WARNING: This is going to be kind of dark and violent. It explores the ramifications of not just cheating, but of the trust lost even if the cheating never really happened. It also explores the consequences of the Revenge itself. If that offends you, stop now and move on to something else. If you read it, then complain about the content, that makes your complaint NMP [Not My Problem]

Everyone else, please enjoy the ride. :)

I.D.

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I couldn't believe what I'd just heard. There I was, trapped and handcuffed in Roger Berman's basement. I'd been struggling to get out of the damned handcuffs that he'd locked me to the pipe with, and was having no luck, other than to rub my wrists raw and bleeding.

My wife's pleas to Roger to "fuck me harder" and "make me come" had enraged me beyond what I thought possible. Now, I've always had a bit of a temper, but nothing had ever filled me with this much pure, primal, unadulterated rage and fury!

"Unadulterated." I muttered to myself with a bitter laugh. "Can't believe I thought of that word in this situation!"

I growled low in my throat as the primal fury that comes from deep within our primitive animal "caveman" psyche that's inside all of us came forward. I'd just had to listen to another man fuck my wife, for God's sake! Now, there might be some guys who get off on that bullshit, but I'm not one of them.

I heard them moving around and whispering to each other. I heard them talking about Alice coming back soon, and that it wouldn't be good for her to catch them in bed together. Their cavalier attitude about the whole thing drove the point home for me all the harder.

All of a sudden, a sadness came over me as I realized that there was no going back from this. Flo, the love of my life, the woman I had wanted to grow old with, had just betrayed me in one of the worst ways possible. I'm not sure where the thoughts came from, but I just KNEW that they couldn't let me live after this. Flo had to know that our marriage was over, and I would never forgive them. They had to know that I would tell Alice everything. She would divorce Roger, and take him to the cleaners. I knew that I was a dead man.

I was openly sobbing when I heard their footsteps on the stairs coming down to the basement. How would they do it? A single gunshot to the head, execution style? Would they torture me first? Fuck, I would rather be waterboarded than have to listen to them fucking and ruining two marriages! I was broken from my self-destructive reverie by Roger's voice.

"Oh, shit! Look at his wrists! They're all bloody!" Roger said with a hint of fear in his voice.

"Honey, it was just a joke. Nothing happened. Oh God, I'm so sorry. Hurry up Roger, unlock the cuffs so we can get his wrists bandaged. Oh God, oh God. I never thought he'd take it this hard." Flo seemed genuinely concerned. I nearly laughed at that, if I hadn't been so bone tired. Hell, my SOUL was tired of it all. Was this another sick joke of theirs before the end? Were they going to make me think they would let me live, just to execute me for the crime of trusting my wife?

I blinked a few times, the tears streaming down my face. The look on Roger's face was one of concern and even a bit of fear, but I could detect something else. Smug satisfaction in the twitch of his lip as he couldn't hide the fact that he'd just fucked my wife. The rage built in me again, and from some previously unknown reserve of that primal, primeval, animal, caveman fury, I found my strength returning.

He uncuffed my right hand, and I let it drop as he undid the cuff from my left hand. My expression of utter defeat hadn't changed. Outwardly, I appeared the same as when they'd found me as I fell to my knees.

"We have to get his wrists cleaned up before they get infected!" Flo shouted to Roger. "Where is your first-aid..." Her words died off as I finally acted.

Like a rattlesnake, my hands shot out as I grabbed Roger around his throat. Nothing could break my iron grip, and my knee was a blur as I stood up with him, kneeing him in the balls over and over and over again. "HOW'S"-knee-to-balls-"THIS"-knee-to-balls-"FOR"-knee-to-balls-"A"-knee-to-balls-"FUCKIN'"-knee-to-balls-"JOKE"-knee-to-balls-"YOU"-knee-to-balls-"SORRY"-knee-to-balls-"SACK"-knee-to-balls-"OF"-knee-to-balls-"SHIT!!!"-knee-to-fuckin'-balls.

"You rotten shit eating son of a whore!" I shouted in his face, spit flying from my lips as my hands tightened on his throat and my knee repeatedly slammed into his crotch. "You just had to do it, didn't you, you sack of fucking shit?! You motherfucking piece garbage!" I kept up the steady assault on his balls with my other knee, now. My right leg had gotten tired.

Roger at first tried screaming through my grip on his throat, and made the mistake of grabbing my arms to try and break my grasp. That wasn't going to happen. Years of working with my hands and arms had made them tough as rawhide and strong as iron. By the time I landed my umpteenth knee into his groin, he was incoherent and barely conscious from the intense pain I knew he had to be feeling. I'd been in enough bar fights in my life to know how it feels to be kicked in the balls. It was time to show this motherfucking son of a bitch what it was like too!

"Stop it, Jim!" Flo shouted at me over and over as I battered her lover's balls with my knees. She finally found the nerve to grab my arm to get me to release him.

I glared at her with a look of pure venom. "Get your hand off me, you damned dirty SLUT!" I shouted at her, paraphrasing one of the greatest movie lines of all time. That was for you, Mr. Heston, God Rest Your Soul.

She removed her hand from my arm like it had been burned. Tears were streaming down her face as she sobbed apology after apology at me. "It was just a joke, baby. Nothing happened!" became her mantra.

I noted that Roger was unconscious now, so I dropped him like the sack of shit he was. He was still breathing, so I knew I hadn't killed him... yet. I was admittedly still debating whether or not to do so.

"Give me your cellphone. I need to call 911, and you're crying too much to be coherent." I said it in a calmer tone of voice, and held out my hand to her. She wordlessly reached into her pocket and pulled out her iPhone, handing it to me as she continued to sob and cry.

I hit 911 and the operator came on immediately. "911, please state the nature of your emergency."

"Yes, my name is Jim Reynolds and I'm calling to report a crime." The tears from Flo stopped at that, and she looked at me with dawning horror on her face.

I continued. "I'm at my next door neighbor's house. His name is Roger Berman. He and my wife Florence Reynolds handcuffed me and forced me to listen to them fucking. My wrists are a bloody mess, so I will need an ambulance as well as the police to this address." I gave the lady the address. "I felt in fear of my life, and assaulted Roger when he released me. He will need an ambulance too."

"Jim, the police and EMTs have been dispatched to the address you gave me," she informed me.

"Thank you," I responded. I hung up and looked at Flo.

"Oh my God!" Flo shouted. Her face was now a mask of terror as she realized what she had done and allowed to happen.

I decided to throw her a lifeline. "Florence, if you tell the truth about what Roger did to me and what you allowed him to do to me, I will recommend that you not go to jail. If you try to lie, I will kill you right in front of the cops. I've never raised my hand to you in anger before, but right now, I'm a cunt hair away from killing both you and this asshole." I punctuated that with a kick to his probably already ruined balls, which woke him up momentarily. He screamed like a little girl and passed out again.

Her look of shock and terror was priceless. Did I still love her? No. She had killed my love for her with the constant disrespect and then this last humiliation. Was I prepared to kill her? Tempted as I was, no. But right then, I didn't want her to know that.

"Do you understand me?" I finally asked. She was still in shock that I would say such things to her.

Her eyes were haunted as she looked at me. "Yes," she nodded. "Oh, God, Jim. I'm so, so sorry! It really was just a joke, baby! I swear to God, it will never happen again!"

I nodded solemnly. "You're right, Florence." She hated it when I called her that, but the shock was so deep in her that she hadn't even called me on it. "It won't happen again. Ever."

I guess the finality of my words was enough to partially snap her out of her fugue. Her eyes snapped upward to mine. "What does that mean?"

There was a hard knock at the door as the cops arrived. I just shook my head at Flo and went up the stairs from the basement to the front door.

When I opened the door, the cops were already on edge. The EMTs and ambulance were waiting on the cops to clear them to enter.

"I'm Jim Reynolds. I'm the one who called you guys." I nodded to them, then showed them my wrists. "Roger Berman is unconscious in the basement. He is going to need more medical attention than I do."

"Ok, may we enter?" Sergeant Cooper, the older cop asked.

I shrugged and stepped aside. Flo had followed me up from the basement, her anguish clear on her face. "Ma'am? Are you ok?" The younger cop, Officer Daniels asked. "Are you Mrs. Berman or Mrs. Reynolds?"

"I... I'm ok, and I'm Flo Reynolds, Jim's wife." She said it with a mechanical voice that told me she was back in shock over the whole mess.

"She's prepared to tell the truth. She didn't do anything to physically restrain me. That was all on Roger." I lived up to my promise as I recommended that she might not have been in her right mind when she allowed Roger to restrain me. I gave them the impression that he might have coerced her. "He's downstairs, and he was unconscious, the last I saw him." I motioned towards the stairs leading down to the basement.

Sergeant Cooper went to the door and motioned the EMTs to come on up. There were four of them, from two ambulances. That 911 operator wasn't messing around if she dispatched TWO of them! The Sergeant had one set attend to me while he took the other two downstairs to make sure they didn't muck up the crime scene.

Officer Daniels sat my wife down on the couch in Roger's and Alice's living room. He then proceeded to take her statement. She told him everything, repeating over and over "It was just supposed to be a joke. We didn't really do anything!" as she cried her eyes out.

While she was giving her statement, two Detectives showed up. I knew Rick Wilson from High School, and his partner, Ashleigh Crawford was ten years younger than us, and married to my buddy Larry at work. Larry was a bit of a dickhead, but whatever. Ash, on the other hand, was as sweet as can be, unless she was in Cop Mode. Then she was all business, no-nonsense, and didn't take shit off of anybody.

Then Alice pulled in, frantic that something had happened. She'd heard about the dispatch while trying to get the shit at the hospital taken care of, but when she was sure that Roger had pulled another fast one on her, she'd come back praying that Roger had gotten fucked up for his bullshit.

Well, she got her wish. Roger had been fucked up really badly. After all the bullshit over the past few years, the motherfucker had it coming! I told the Detectives my side, and the physical evidence corroborated my side of things. Sergeant Cooper came back upstairs with the EMTs and Roger cuffed to a gurney. He gave his report to Detective Wilson, and Rick just shook his head with a wry smile as he read my statement about being in fear for my life.

"Dammit, Jim!" Rick half-shouted. "I'm a cop, not a doctor!"

"Yeah, yeah. Damn Trekkie." I laughed at him. He then went outside with the EMTs, and I heard him place Roger under arrest for Unlawful Detainment and Felony Assault for handcuffing me to the fuckin' pipe.

Roger, who had come back around to consciousness, protested loudly that it had all been a harmless prank. Rick wasn't buying it, and had Officer Daniels ride with Roger to the hospital while Sergeant Cooper took over questioning Flo.

Alice just stood there, listening to everything that was going on. When she'd heard all she needed to hear, she walked up to Flo and decked my soon-to-be ex-wife. No slap. A heavy right cross that knocked Flo ass over teakettle onto the couch.

"You fuckin' BITCH!" Alice screamed. "I can't believe you would do that shit with Roger! You have a wonderful husband who loves you dearly!"

"Loved. Past tense." I corrected her, and Alice gave me such a look of sadness, that I thought for sure she would cry. Then she looked back at Flo with a renewed fire in her eyes.

"Loved you dearly! Looks like you and Roger finally went too damned far, doesn't it! I don't even care if you fucked him for real. I'm divorcing his sorry ass and taking him for every damned penny he's got!" Alice finally ran out of steam, collapsing into a nearby chair and putting her face in her hands as she cried.

Ash went over and comforted her while Sergeant Cooper came over to me as the EMTs from the second ambulance finished bandaging my wrists. "You sure you don't want to press charges against her?" He asked.

"Not for the moment." I confirmed. Then an idea struck me. "Flo!" I called her name.

She looked at me. "What is it, baby?" She had some hope in her eyes.

"You want to prove that you and Roger didn't have sex?" I asked. There was a small chance that if she didn't sleep with Roger, I MIGHT be able to take her back. I was still thinking about it, but I needed to think clearly, and that wasn't going to happen here.

"Yes! Anything, baby!" She pleaded with her voice and her eyes.

I turned to Rick and Ash. "Do you guys have one of those rape kits around?"

"We do." The female EMT said. "I can grab it from the ambulance."

"What you got in mind, Jim?" Rick asked.

"Flo," I said, addressing my wife, "if you let them run one of those rape kits on you, and it comes back negative, It'll go a long way towards me taking you back, maybe. I'm not sure yet, but if you do this, it might help restore some small measure of trust in you if it comes back negative."

That was Flo's only chance to work at saving our marriage. Rick and Ash looked at Flo expectantly.

Now, if Flo really didn't sleep with Roger, and if she really did want to save our marriage, she should have jumped at the chance to prove her innocence.

She didn't.

Instead, she turned pale as a ghost. She looked into my eyes for any sympathy. Unfortunately for her, I had none to give. I think it was in that moment that I realized fully that I had no more love for her. The constant disrespect she'd shown me over the last few years with the practical jokes, combined with this latest insult and humiliation, had done it. I felt cold contempt for her, now. Her reluctance to have the cops and EMTs run the rape kit on her was just the final nail in the coffin of what had once been a happy marriage.

"Flo, you should be jumping at the chance to clear your name. Instead, you have to THINK about it? It's simple." I shrugged, no longer really caring if she did it or not.

"I can't believe you would force me to do it!" She shrieked at me. "I love you, baby! Only you! We didn't do anything wrong! We didn't have sex!"

"Then prove it!" I shouted back. "I'm not FORCING you to do anything. You always have a choice, Florence. Right now, your choices are to take the test, let them run the rape kit on you, or don't. Those are your choices. The consequences of NOT taking the test are a foregone conclusion, though. Now, you can keep protesting your innocence with NO proof to back it up, or you can take the test and at least show you're willing to work on our marriage. Those are your choices!"

I shook my head and started towards the door. I looked back at Flo. "Come by the house in an hour, and I'll have you stuff packed up for you. You can move in with your sister until you find your own place."

"Stop! I'll do it!" She pleaded in a desperate tone of voice.

I nodded. "Ok. Well, move in with your sister anyway. If the test comes back and proves that you didn't fuck Roger, then and ONLY then will we talk. If for ANY reason, the test comes back and shows that you and Roger had sex, I will Divorce you so fast it will make your head spin."

She got a defiant look on her face. "Then I'll do it and prove to you once and for all that NOTHING happened!"

Now, Flo is one of the most hard-headed women on the face of the Earth. She HAD to think it was her idea all along, otherwise her stubbornly stupid streak would keep her from doing ANYTHING I suggested, or in this case, gave to her as an ultimatum. Who knows how women think? I sure as fuck don't. They have these weird notions about shit, and I only know a little bit of how Flo thinks after 20+ years together.

"Good." I turned and looked at Rick. "Let me know what the results are before you call Flo."

"Will do, buddy." Rick nodded at me with a smile.

I nodded back and walked out the door. I went across the yards to my house and got into my truck. I drove to Home Depot and bought some lock sets and keys. Then I drove home and installed them in less than an hour. I also changed the garage door code so that her remote opener wouldn't work anymore.

I had thrown most of her clothes into four garbage bags, and her toiletries in a smaller bag as well, when the doorbell rang. I hauled the shit out to the foyer and opened the door to find Flo's sister, Shelly, standing there with a distraught looking Flo.

"My key doesn't work." Flo looked even more distraught at that.

"No shit. I just bought new locks and changed them. This is my house, remember? Bought and paid for by my parents and given to me before we got married." I shook my head. "That means you have no claim on it or anything in it except what you brought into this house, and what we bought together. If we do get Divorced, then and only then will we divvy up the stuff we bought together. Until then, here's your clothes and toiletries, and have a nice day."

"But baby, can't we talk now?"

"No. I need to cool the fuck down before we have any kind of talk. Florence, I nearly hit you an hour ago when you defended that scumbag. I have NEVER, and God willing WILL NEVER hit a woman. You pushed me to the point where I was ready to, though, and I don't like that feeling."

"I... I understand." Flo looked even more haggard as she realized just how far into the ditch she'd gone. How far into the ditch she'd dragged our marriage and the love I once had for her. Right then, our marriage was hanging by the slimmest thread possible.

She cried for a minute, then steeled herself and sniffled. I nodded to her and her sister.

"Here's her stuff." I started handing them the garbage bags, and looked at Flo. "Well? Did they say when the results would be in?"

She shook her head glumly. "Monday, they said. They have to run everything through some machine, but everyone in the crime lab is off until Monday."

"Then Monday we'll find out for sure." I said evenly. They finished loading Flo's stuff into Shelly's car and left together.