Weird Waldo, Mom Edna, & Sexy Susan

Against his mother's last wishes, Waldo takes Susan, an immoral, younger woman, twenty years his junior, as his lover.

Waldo was the only child of Edna and Henry. After her husband died from working too hard, Waldo and Edna were alone. Doting mother and loving son, all they had were one another. Reminiscent of the movie Harold and Maude, if Harold was older by forty years, their story, but for the sex at the end between Harold and Maude, would matched Harold and Maude's story. My apologies in advance to those Literoticans reading this story while hoping for incestuous sex between mother and son, other than some flashing of his mother by Waldo, there's no mother and son sex in this story. On a bright note however, there is plenty of sex in this story between our degenerate Waldo and our heroine Susan.

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A big drinker and a chain smoker, Waldo's father Henry was screwing the president's wife, Camille, when he suffered a heart attack and died while his cock was still buried inside of her. A win/win scenario for all but for poor Henry, where the men at her husband's company were trying to make their way up the corporate ladder by having sex with the president's wife, Camille was trying to embarrass her husband by having sex with all of his top executives. Fucking all of her husband's top employees, she made sure that she sucked them all too so that when they were in a boring board meeting, they'd be thinking of their cocks in her hand, in her pussy, and in her mouth.

Being that Edna's husband died while performing the duties of his job, so to speak, the company didn't want to make their sexual affair public knowledge, even though everyone at the company knew that the president's wife was a slut, including Camille's husband. Nonetheless the cover up, Edna blamed the death of her husband on the president's wife and threatened her, her husband, and her husband's company with a multimillion dollar lawsuit. Not needing or wanting the bad publicity at a time when they were trying to get investors, the company settled out of court for an undisclosed, large sum of money with Edna.

Waldo and his mother had a loving, mother and son, non-incestuous (sorry) relationship. Edna taught Waldo all she knew about shopping, the activity she loved to do the most. Now, as her husband's widow, having free access to his fully funded retirement benefits, the money paid to her from her lawsuit, and the large life insurance policy left to her upon her beloved husband's untimely death, a wealthy woman, Edna had unlimited resources to shop.

"That bastard! He was such a dirty asshole screwing around behind my back. But I fixed him. I got all of his money," she said having a glass of sherry that she bought two for one at the liquor store, when they discovered that, other than beer, everyone was buying Boone's Farm Apple wine and California Chardonnay and no one was buying sherry.

It was a beautiful funeral with the best casket that money can buy, on sale, and deeply discounted, when she heard the funeral parlor's owner, John, had cheated on his wife, Lucille, with their 18-year-old babysitter, Bambi.

"Seriously, unless she's living in the forest with the other animals, who names their fucking daughter Bambi," said Lucille to Edna while crying in a tissue, "that is, unless they hope she'd be a stripper instead of going to Harvard to become a doctor?"

With Edna being best friends with Lucille and with both women consoling one another over their husbands' extra marital affairs, before her husband could stop her, Lucille sold Edna and a few of her close friends complete funeral packages cheap for the cash. With nothing imported from China, Henry was buried six feet under in a beautiful casket made in Maine from hardwood cut and milled from trees in New Hampshire. As it was in death, life was good back then.

Especially now that she was flush with cash, Edna was the ultimate consumer. She not only knew where the best bargains were but also how much not to pay to get them. She could have written the book on bargains, sales, discounts, and coupons. Only, with everything she owned still as good as new, she really didn't need anything other than some new clothes, a winter coat, a bathing suit, and a couple of pair of shoes, after the cobbler couldn't fix her old, worn shoes anymore. With her house mortgage paid, having no credit card debt, and no bills, she was a woman who had everything and the money to buy anything but there was nothing else she needed. It seems a shame that all of her shopping ability be wasted on a woman who no longer went shopping.

Instead of writing everything she knew about discount shopping in a book, she passed all of that information on to Waldo. Yes, indeed, Waldo learned a lot from his mother. Only, times were different then than they are now. Merchandise bought today, especially merchandise imported from China, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, Mexico, Japan, Taiwan, Peru, and Brazil, even premium merchandise, doesn't last in the way it did in the 50's and 60's before the United States sent much of their manufacturing base overseas with fair trade agreements that were fairer for the importer but not so much for the exporter. Even though the United States bought so much overseas goods from foreign countries to sell in Wal-Mart, Target, Costco, and BJ's, no one wanted to buy our stuff that was made in America. Driven by corrupt unions and burdened with high labor costs, overtime, and benefits, our goods were too damn expensive. Edna bought her furniture in the 50's, real wood of quality construction, all made here in the United States of America, made to order and built to last, and shipped from North Carolina.

Up until the day she died, she still drove her loaded with options, 1957 Chevy Bel Air, Matador red, fuel injected convertible with an automatic transmission and wide, white wall tires. A very rare automobile, only 39 fuel injected convertibles were made that year in that color and only 5 cars had an automatic transmission. Deemed the baby Cadillac, after loading the car up with options, as this car was, the out the door price was only $550 less than a fully optioned Cadillac. Albeit a bit Spartan when compared to the cars made now, boy that car was the cat's meow when it was new back then. Granted the car had no seatbelts, safety glass, radial tires, and anti-lock brakes but, the size of a Checker Marathon yellow cab, four average sized adults or five children could comfortably sit in that backseat.

They don't make cars like that anymore and she's been offered 25 times what she paid for the car when new. She loved that car and, with no pollution controls and electronics to go wrong, Waldo couldn't remember when that car was ever in the shop, other than to change the oil, tune up the car, clean the fuel injectors, fix the brakes, and put on new tires. It even got decent gas mileage too. It's funny how a new car now cost ten to twenty times more than they did back then and last half as long.

Edna, an educated consumer and a real value shopper, still had everything she bought from Sears when she was first married. She still had all of her Kenmore appliances, her stove, refrigerator, washing machine, dryer, and dishwasher. All of her appliances were 40 years old and, other than calling the repair man out to the house every ten or fifteen years, everything worked just fine. His mother loved Sears because Sears stood behind what they sold. Whatever she bought, if that product didn't live up to what it was supposed to do, bring it right back and they'd give her a new one. With that kind of guarantee, his mother never understood why on Earth Sears would have any financial difficulty but they did, when Wal-Mart built a store next door in the same mall and in every mall where there was a Sears. With made in China cheaper versus made in America more expensive, eventually Sears had to cave to carry the same shit that Wal-Mart was selling. Go figure.

His mother was a hoarder too. Other than collecting junk, she collected gold and silver when most people weren't collecting gold and silver. When silver traded at 53 cents an ounce and gold traded at $35 an ounce, he never understood her attraction to gold and silver in the way he does now with silver selling at nearly $32 an ounce and gold selling at nearly $1,700 an ounce. Now, he's glad she hoarded those valuable metals.

She had buckets of silver coins, dimes, quarters, half dollars, and silver dollars, throughout the house. Do the math, if she had 100 ounces of silver and she had so much more than that, what she paid for all of those silver coins was dwarfed by the value of their silver content. One hundred ounces of silver in today's market was worth $3,200 and she probably had a hundred pounds in silver coins worth about $50,000. Further, more than their silver content and worth a premium price, many of the coins looked new even though most of them were more than fifty years old.

Her chest of drawers and dressing bureau contained stashes of gold jewelry in every drawer. Before others realized the value that gold would have, she bought gold rings, gold chains, and gold earrings and most of what she bought was 18k gold. Going around to yard sales and flea markets, she bought used jewelry, most of which was broken, merely for the gold content. Only, collecting it, she never sold any of it. Easily, she had more than ten pounds of gold or at least, 160 ounces worth nearly $1,700 an ounce that was worth more than $250,000.

Unlike most people today who put all their eggs in one unstable mutual fund basket that are administered by their employers in their 401k's, Edna owned stock in AT & T when their stock was worth buying and worth enough that she could clip coupons and live a good life on the dividends. Now encumbered with excessive fees, today brokers charge a fee every time they buy and sell an addition or deletion to a 401k account. The investor has no control over what and/or when the broker buys and sells. Yet, always there's a fee attached to each transaction. Even in the times of a serious economic downturn, under the guise that they're making your money work for you, the only one making any money are the brokers. When employers told their employees that their 401K's were protected investments for their retirement, they were nothing more than windfalls of income for brokerage houses.

When his mother died, Edna left Waldo everything. Having cashed in her all of her precious AT & T stocks long ago, after they split, split, and split again when AT & T was breaking up Ma Bell in favor of Verizon, she bought gold and silver certificates. All of her money from her lawsuit and the life insurance from her husband's death, the house that she bought with her husband when they were married in 1947, her beloved 1957 Chevy Bel, fuel injected Air convertible, her furniture, her Kenmore appliances, and her cashes of gold and silver was his to do whatever he decided to do with them. Even in today's depressed economy, especially in today's depressed economy, Waldo was a very rich man. Easily, he was worth more than a few million dollars, a lot of money for a man, much like his mother, who lived a simple life and who really didn't need to buy anything.

Having lived his life with his mother and with his mother having nothing good to say about her cheating husband and/or the women of today who lacked morals, principles, and scruples, Waldo learned from his mother not to trust anyone, especially any other woman but his mother. With her as his only tutor and constant and only companion, it was painfully obvious that Waldo would never take a wife, not even have a girlfriend. He spent his time masturbating in his room, in the bathroom, or out in the garage. Masturbation was his release and his only pleasure. Poor Waldo.

Being that his mother was the only woman he knew, he enjoyed exposing himself to her. His flashing started when he invited his mother in the bathroom to wash his back while he bathe. Willing to do anything and everything for her son, Edna took great joy and significant motherly pleasure in helping to wash her grown man of a boy. For her, as if she was a nurse, there was nothing sexual in bathing her adult son. A kind and caring motherly duty that was relaxing for her unfortunately was sexually exciting for her son.

Accustomed to bathing her husband, after her husband died, as if she was a Japanese mother, she took it upon herself to help wash her son. For Waldo however with his mother washing his naked body, he was a perverted a son with a different agenda in mind. He enjoyed standing naked in the tub before his bath and after his bath while proudly displaying his erect cock to his mother. Even staring at his cock as it grew to an erection and touching it with motherly affection, always she'd stare at her son with love. Waldo the dirty boy that he was always accidentally on purpose always dropped the soap in the soapy water. With his mother fishing around for the soap, a game he enjoyed playing with his mom's hand, he especially enjoyed feeling his mother's hand on his cock when she went searching for the soap.

With no other naked women available for him to see, when he wasn't flashing his mother, he was always trying to catch his mother naked. Being that they only had the one bathroom, he took his time in the bathtub so that his mother would be forced to use the toilet in front of him. More than once he saw her pubic hair and her naked ass. More than once, he returned the favor when his mother was in the bath and on the pretense that he needed to use the toilet, he flashed his cock to her while peeing. With his mother not thinking anything about holding a conversation with her son while sitting in the tub, Waldo stared at his mother's breasts and even offered to wash her back. Only, unlike her son, she never dropped the soap for him to find it but he always did and routinely felt a lot more than errant soap. No matter the sexy, incestuous games that mother and son played, always looking out for her son, Edna never stopped in her instruction of him.

"Never trust a woman except for your mother. They're all no good. They're only out for your money Waldo. Don't trust any of them, especially the ones that have a tramp stamp on their behinds, implants in their breasts, and bleach in their hair. They're nothing but sluts," she said waving her hand of disapproval.

"Surely mother, there are some women out there who wouldn't want me only for my money. Surely, there's a woman out there who'd want me for me," he said hopeful that he'd find someone who'd want him.

"You for you?" She laughed. Even thought he was now sixty-years-old and on the other side of his life, she laughed her annoying little laugh whenever he tried to assert himself to show her that he was a man instead of her little boy. "Look at yourself in the mirror Waldo. Go ahead. Take a good, long, hard look."

Waldo looked at himself in the mirror. A throwback to his great, grandfather Horace, with a bad comb over, crocked and yellowed teeth, and hair growing out of his moles, Waldo wasn't a very good looking man. The only thing that made him attractive to woman, besides the fact that he had a big cock and was still able to use it, was his money that his mother left him.

"Okay mother, what am I learning from looking at myself in the mirror?" He tucked in his shirt over his pot belly while looking at himself.

"You're the poster boy of, if it sounds too good to be true, then it simply isn't she said."

"What do you mean mother?" He looked at her with confusion.

"If a good looking woman wants to date you, marry you, and have your baby, then you'll know that she only wants you for your money. No beautiful woman in her right mind, but for your loving mother, would want someone who looks like you," she said giving her son a hug and a peck on the lips. "I'm sorry Waldo but that's true. When I die, unfortunately, you'll be alone," she said stroking his cheek with a loving, motherly hand.

"Thank you mother, I think."

"You're lucky Waldo. Where most men never see a gold digger coming, your face is your barometer. If ever a tall, good looking, blue-eyed, blonde with big tits comes your way, you'll know that she only wants your money."

"I see but, after you gone, what if I get lonely? Surely, after you die, God forbid, I'd like to have a girlfriend, a wife, and children. Actually, being that I'm 60-years-old, by the time I found someone, married her, and had a child, I'd be 80-years-old when they graduated from high school. Moreover, I'd have a better chance of finding a woman my age than one of a childbearing age. I think my days of wanting children are over," he said sadly.

"Whatever it is you're mumbling about Waldo," said his hard of hearing mother, "best you stay with your own kind. Just as in the movie, Marty with Ernest Borgnine, find a plain Jane, younger woman and from that union, perhaps you'll have good looking children, throwbacks to a distant ancestor, instead of bearing children who look like you and the plain Jane woman you find to marry you for you and for love and not for your money. Even if your children turn out to be as homely as you, thanks to my thriftiness and hoarding, at least they'll have plenty of money," she said patting him on his shoulder.

"I may be too old for children mother," he said.

"Nonsense, to propagate the Earth, children are the only reason why you're here. Find a woman still young enough to give you a child," she said with a motherly smile.

After having taken a lifetime of commonsense lessons from his mother, now that she was gone, dead, and buried, he was devastated. Grieving the loss of his 80-year-old mother, he had no idea what to do without her telling him what to do every minute of the day. Who was to cook for him? Who was to clean for him? Who was going to do his laundry. With his mother doing everything for him but wiping his ass, even bathing him, he had no idea how to take care of himself. Woe is Waldo. Poor Waldo.

With his mother deceased, now that he was all alone, he decided to hire a woman but first things first. Remembering what his mother said about not trusting anyone, especially women, he needed to remove anything of value from his house should the woman be a thief. Hiring his neighbor to help him load his silver in the back seat of the Chevy, he packed up all of Mom's jewelry and had his neighbor drive him to the merchant of vengeance, Slimy Saul's Pawn Shop. Waldo didn't drive, didn't even have a driver's license. With his mother driving him everywhere, he never had the need for a license. Instead, he paid his neighbor three hundred dollars to drive his car and help him load it with the buckets of silver and unload it once at Slimy Saul's.

After haggling a bit, he convinced Saul to take all the gold and all the silver off his hands for $300,000. Even though Saul made out like the thief that he is, a win/win for both, rid of buckets of coins and broken gold jewelry, Waldo had cash and Saul made a pretty profit peddling all of the gold and silver. Alas, the only thing missing in his life was a woman, a female replacement for his kind, loving, thrifty, and trustworthy mother. Only, other than bars, pickup joints, online dating sites, and strip clubs, where would he find such a woman? He put an ad in Craigslist for a cleaning woman who could cook and do laundry.

"Plain Jane, thirty-something cleaning woman of child bearing age wanted. Appearance is not as important as the ability to cook, clean, and do laundry. Being that I like to eat, cooking is more important than cleaning and/or doing laundry. Bleached blondes with breast implants and tramp stamps need not apply. Also, not limited to dating and sex but more to marriage and giving me a baby, I'm looking for a potential romantic encounter to develop as well."