A Slut's Journal

My name is Kara. I am a 39 year old married mother of two kids, living in the Midwest. I have red hair with hazel eyes, an average build and perky 36C's! Some have described me as a MILF, and I can turn heads for sure! I've always had fantasies, and they've always been a bit restrained. I grew up in a conservative environment and I feel as if my sexuality was a bit repressed. For a while, I was able to happily repress it, but I've been restless in recent years. My fantasies of submission and certain roleplay ideas haven't stayed put away in the corner of my mind where I wanted them to stay. I've turned to chatting online, and those experiences were somewhat satisfying, but I never found what I really wanted and needed. Until recently, that is. One day about a month ago, I was chatting, and got involved in a roleplay with a guy that just seemed different. I couldn't put my finger on what it was, but there was just something unique there, and I liked it.

After chatting for a while, I gave him my phone number, and that only intrigued me more. I was usually hesitant to give too much personal information in prior chat experiences, but he blew me away with his sensuality and the overall effect he had on me. I wanted more. One chat became another chat, and one phone call became another, until I realized that I needed him. I needed his powerful presence and I needed him to make me submit. Eventually, I got what I wanted, even though I've never submitted to anyone before. In fact, I'm so used to being in control all the time, but this just seems right and I can't help myself. I am ready to shed my former conservative lifestyle and be a completely loyal and obedient slut who serves him. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, and I won't leave my husband and kids, but I need more. And it is Master who gives it to me. When we are together, he is the center of my universe. He lives a state away, but I consider chatting or talking on the phone to him to be my way of being with him. He has made me discover things about myself, things I had never imaged I'd want, need, or crave. In addition to finding my need to submit,

Master has awakened a curiosity about women in me. I will always love being with a man, but with Master's help, I'm willing to explore my bi-curiosity. Even though I have told Master that I don't really like women, he knows that it's just a façade, and that I will try women to please him and I know that I'll likely even enjoy it! You see, Master has the ability to see things in me no one else has. He truly is in my head, anticipating my thoughts, curiosities, and desires.

Master has asked me to write a journal to keep track of my thoughts and desires. This is the first entry in that journal. This first entry comes from a day in which I had disappointed him. This is actually a couple of entries from the entire day:

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Master isn't pleased with me today. I'm upset and angry with myself for disappointing him. I know better, but let my fears get in the way of serving. I questioned my desire to please him, which is in a way like questioning him. I never thought of it this way, but now that I do, I know that I am worthy of punishment.

He has made me use the clamps once today, as a part of today's punishment. I really don't like the clamps. Master likes the way that they look, but my nipples are so sensitive that they hurt so badly! I would only endure this kind of punishment from Master. If it were anyone else, I'd tell them exactly where to go! But I do this to please Master, and I have let him down today. Another part of my punishment is fucking myself with one of my vibrators, and to do so multiple times throughout the day. I'm not allowed to cum without Master's permission, and it's one of many rules I have to obey at all times. Because I'm being punished today, I know that won't be allowed to cum no matter what I do, and I don't deserve to cum. It's so hard to not cum! My vibrator feels so good inside my wet pussy . . . I mean, my wet cunt! Master loves it when I refer to it as my cunt, because he says that's the way that nasty little sluts like myself should talk. He even calls me a cunt sometimes, which is so humiliating, but it makes me so wet when he calls me that. Master tells me that I'll be able to control my orgasms better in the future with more training, but I sometimes don't know how to stop myself from cumming! I'm not quite used to having my orgasms restricted yet.

When I'm fucking myself, alone like this, I hate it. When Master is here, even just listening, I love it. I love that he's hearing me, getting hard, and maybe even going to give me the pleasure of allowing me to make him cum. Without him, this is just a punishment. It's humiliating, and I deserve it.

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Master has instructed me to fuck myself multiple times throughout the day. I hate that I'm getting so wet. My stocking tops are soaked, my pussy is sore, and now it's almost time to use the clamps again. I sooooo hate the clamps. They hurt, much worse than when someone is tugging or sucking on them. But I accept that this is a part of my punishment. As much as I don't like wearing them, it's worse when they come off. I'm not going to be alone much longer at home. Kids will be home soon, so Master says that I have to put them on soon.

I'm trembling all over, and ache to cum. I'd beg Master to let me cum, but I know what he is going to say. This is a part of my punishment, and I don't deserve to cum. I deserve to be used . . .

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Usually when Master has me in stockings and heels, and nothing else, it's freeing and sexy. He calls it my uniform, and I love wearing my uniform for him. It pleases him, which means that I get pleasure from it too. Making sure he is pleased excites me so much! But today, it feels different. Today I feel alone and exposed, not sexy, not slutty. Just embarrassed, and used. I want to cover up. I've been such a disobedient slut and I let Master down. Knowing that I upset him makes me hurt. I deserve this punishment. I deserve to feel so humiliated.

I have to put the nipple clamps on now. Master didn't tell me how long I have to wear them, and even a few minutes is torturous. He says I also have to fuck myself at the same time. As much as I hate my punishment, I still wish he were with me.

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I have the clamps on now. The vibe is in my wet hole, and it is sore and aching. My eyes are tearing, I'm biting my lip, trying to distract myself from the pain of the clamps. This toy is banging in my cunt so hard by Master's orders. He wanted my pussy to be sore by the end of the day. This is the fourth time today I am fucking myself, and I feel like a dirty slut and a filthy whore. I don't know how Master puts up with me. I'm so sore, aching, humiliated, and still my pussy is dripping and I'm squirming in my chair. I want more, which makes me such a whore! If Master were here, I'd be begging him . . . begging and pleading to take the clamps off. I wouldn't dare to ask to cum. It's already been ten minutes since I put the clamps on, and it feels like it's been ten days!

Master has told me I need to leave the clamps on for twice as long as I anticipated . . . He wants me to wear them for another 10 minutes and I don't think I can do it. However, I don't dare take them off and incur more of his wrath. He's been so patient and understanding while training me to be his slut, and that's why I deserve more pain and punishment.

Oh, god, he wants the vibe to touch the chain. OHhhhhhhhh. I feel the vibrations go up the chain and feels like the clamps are searing my nipples. The pain is intense, but so is the pleasure. I am feeling some pleasure in having these clamps on my nipples, but I shouldn't tell Master. He'd have these clamps on me all the time if he knew that. Shaking now, it hurts, but I feel such electricity running through my body. I'm curled up in bed, in a ball, waiting for this part of my punishment to end. I'd beg him for me to take these off, but I know that he'll say no. I'm eagerly waiting to get my next message from him. What will he say?

Waiting to hear, and I'm on pins and needles. I'm begging him in my head, wishing that he could hear my thoughts. Ooooooooh! He said I can take them off! I thank Master so much for letting those clamps come off my nipples. I've learned to not disappoint you, Master. I won't let you down again.