Wife Loses Poker Bet on Nude Day
Wife must do whatever her husband wants.
Husband beats his wife at poker and she must do whatever he wants her to do, whenever he wants her to do it.
"Well, that's it. I win and you lose our little Nude Day bet," said Robert to his wife, Donna, with a big ear to ear grin. "Better luck next time, when we make another bet on Labor Day," he said with a laugh.
The couple made a New Year's resolution to make bets on each holiday. Nothing illegal or too embarrassing, the winner had the loser step out of their comfort zone and do something they wouldn't ordinarily do. Donna won the Memorial Day bet and had Robert dress as a woman to do the food shopping. Her plan was to have him see what it was like to food shop wearing woman's clothes but, Robert as tall as he is wide, looked hideous dressed as a woman.
With his beard, mustache, and hairy legs, everyone could clearly see that he was a man dressed as a woman. They all avoided his aisle, as if he had the plague. She won the Valentine's Day bet too and for winning, Robert had to wait on her hand and foot, draw her bath, give her a massage, clean the house, and even make dinner. Then, she won their Saint Patrick's Day bet and had to agree having her ailing mother stay with them for a week, while she recovered from minor surgery. Fearing what she'd have him do next, even if he had to cheat to win, which is what he did with the Nude Day bet, he was determined that he wasn't losing another bet to her.
"I don't believe it," she said crestfallen and still staring at her held cards. "I thought I had you with a straight, for sure," she said looking up at him sad eyed and biting her lip. "I really thought I was going to win. I can't believe I lost. I figured you were bluffing. I figured you for having two pair."
"Sorry, but my three of a kind beats your straight, honey," he said with a straight face already imaging his blonde bombshell of a wife serving his poker buddies drinks and snacks naked.
It made his cock hard to imagine the guys seeing her naked. He imagined them reaching up and fondling her tits and fingering her nipples, before reaching around behind her to feel her round ass, while he videotaped the whole show to jerk off to later. He was hoping she'd take the naked opportunity to stroke his friends cocks, while they played cards. He was hoping she'd give one of his best buddies a blowjob, while he watched and recorded all the action to videotape. Baby steps and one step at a time, winning this poker bet was just the beginning and the thing he needed to get her on the road to the swinging lifestyle.
"Are you sure I lost that hand? I thought it was the other way around. I thought a straight beat three of a kind," she said staring at him, as if trying to read him.
She was good at reading him. She was good at playing cards. Playing poker with him was like taking candy from a baby. He had so many tells. His eyebrows popped up, when he got the cards he wanted and he took a nervous sip of his beer, when he didn't. He licked his lips, when he had a really good hand and squirmed in his seat, when he didn't. She could read him like a book. As if his cards and his bluff were going to explode in his face, he always leaned back in his chair, when he was bluffing and leaned forward in readiness to scoop the pot, when he wasn't. For sure, he was an easy read.
"Sorry, honey, don't be a sore loser, but you lose," he said imagining his drunken poker buddies groping his naked wife, whenever she came to the table with their drink orders, while he videotaped the hot action for pillow talk later that night.
"Are you sure your three of a kind beats my straight or are you cheating, again?"
She looked at him hard, in the way she does when trying to see if he was lying to her or teasing her about losing the hand. Only, this time, able to conceal the truth from her, he kept a straight face. Tired of losing at cards to her, he was determined to win the bet and have her do his bidding, this time.
"Honey, I love you. I'd never cheat you. There's an honor code, when playing poker, especially when playing with your wife over something, as serious as this Nude Day bet we made," he said laying it on thick, too thick. "Moreover, a man never cheats when playing against a woman, especially when playing cards with his wife. It's a guy thing," he said making it all up and embellishing it, as he went along.
In the way he was trying to jive her, he was acting, as if he had taken an oath of honor at some secret poker society ceremony, while wearing a robe emblazoned with a giant Bicycle card logo and a funny hat made from playing cards, before drinking copious amounts of alcohol and pigging out on fattening buffet food.
"Moreover, a man never cheats, when playing against a woman, my ass," she said putting a hand on her hip. "What kind of bullshit is that? How do you explain all those times we played strip poker, before we were married, and I always ended up naked? Tell me that, huh?"
"There's always exceptions to every rule, honey, you know that," he said with a nervous smile, while remembering how horny he made himself and his roommates by allowing them to play strip poker with her. Even back then, he cheated forcing her to lose and allowing his roommates to see his drunken girlfriend nearly naked.
"And what exception was that, back then, when I was sitting nearly naked in your college dormitory, in front of your three horny dorm mates, in nothing but my thong?"
Hoping to replay what happened in his dorm room, so long ago, with his horny roommates, he hoped to relive the experience of exposing his naked wife to his poker buddies, now, too.
"That was different, sweetheart."
"Different?" She shot him a look that warmed his cold beer. "Different how?"
"You were drunk, stoned out of your mind, actually, and weren't paying attention to playing your hand, as you should have. Since then, with the advent of the World Poker Tournaments and poker games played over the Internet, poker has become more than a game of chance. It has exploded into a serious game of skill. If you will, I dare say that it's become a gentlemen's and a ladies' game of chance."
"What crock of shit are you trying to serve me now, Robert?"
"I'm totally serious. There are formal rules now that, as players, we all must obey," he said nodding his head. "We have a code of fair play that we adhere to, whenever playing poker," he said with an expression of seriousness, "even when playing with our wives, especially when playing with our wives."
"And what happens if you don't follow these adhered to rules?"
"Well, even when playing against our wives, if you were to tell on me that I cheated, I could be banned for playing poker for life," he said taking a big sip of his beer and gulping hard, before wiping his brow and hoping she bought that line of shit.
"Bullshit! You're such a lousy liar, Robert. If poker is such a la de dah game, why was Wild Bill Hickok shot in the back, while playing poker," she said with sarcasm that was met by her husband's stiff demeanor. "I'm sorry, Robert, but cut the crap. Spare me the high moral standards that poker never had and still doesn't have. Poker is still a barroom bluffing and backroom brawling, street type of card game that is still played by hoodlums, thugs, cheats, and thieves. I apologize for accusing you of cheating, Robert, but I really thought, for sure, that a straight beat three of a kind," she persisted. "Are you sure that it doesn't?"
She looked at him with sad eyes, as if she was about to cry, but thinking of her serving his poker buddies naked, he stayed strong and resisted giving in to her.
"Donna, I'm not cheating you. I swear," he said holding up his hand, as if swearing on an imaginary stack of Bibles, while lying through his teeth and crossing his fingers behind his back.
After losing the last bet, he needed to win this bet. There was just no way that he was losing another bet to her.
"I don't know if I believe you."
"Call someone, if you don't believe me. Call your sister."
"My sister? My sister doesn't play poker, doesn't even know how to play the game, you know that. She wouldn't know a pair from a flush."
Suddenly the thought of playing strip poker with his drunken sister-in-law, Karen, became his new sexual fantasy. Maybe he could suggest that as his winning prize, but his wife would never go for that in a million years. She'd never agree to have him play strip poker with her sister and even if his wife agreed to it, his sexy sister-in-law would never agree to it.
Then, there's the matter of her husband, his brother-in-law, John. How would he feel about his wife having to strip naked, after losing at poker? Maybe the four of them could play. Yeah, sure, that would be fun. He hoped his brother-in-law would feel the same way that he felt, horny hot and sexually excited, at the thought of him seeing his wife naked, while he saw his sister-in-law naked.
Definitely, he wouldn't mind seeing his sister-in-law drunk and naked. That's one video he'd love to make. The only thing better than that is if he could play strip poker with his sister-in-law and his mother-in-law, Carol, at the same time. Having sex with his sister-in-law and/or mother-in-law has always been his favorite fantasy, when masturbating. The whole female family is hot. Wow, that would be so hot, a sexual fantasy come true playing strip poker with the whole family.
"Call your brother, Dave, then, if you don't believe me," he said knowing full well that her brother was unavailable.
"You know, as well as I do that my brother is at JFK airport ready to board a plane for Japan. Besides, even if I could reach him, I can't bother him over something as unimportant as this. He's too busy with his business affairs, I'd be embarrassed to disturb him with my poker bet nonsense. Besides, knowing the forever lawyer that he is, he'd ask about the bet and I'd be embarrassed to tell him."
"I know," said Robert sneakily removing her reading glasses from the table without her noticing and pocketing them, before standing and staring at the bookcase. "Where is it? What did I do with that book? Ah, there it is, Hoyle's Official Book Of Poker Rules," he said, while holding up the book to her and knowing full well that she couldn't read without her reading glasses. "This is the book of poker rules," he said holding it up, as if he was holding up a Bible.
Robert perused the pages pretending to look for and find the information that he needed to convince his wife that he won and she lost. Still vain enough not to let him know that she needed her newly purchased reading glasses to read, he knew his wife would trust him, believe him, and accept him at his word, especially after he espoused all the bullshit about there being an honor code and a code of fair play, when playing poker. He knew full well that, especially when playing poker with his wife or his hoped for imagined game of strip poker with his sister-in-law, and especially when playing strip poker with his mother-in-law that, when it came men to playing poker for clothes with women, that no code of fair play existed.
"Yep, just as I've always known, it states it right here. Three of a kind beats a straight. It's right there in black and white, Donna. See?" He pointed to the paragraph with his index finger and turned the book for her to see, while she pretended to read it.
"Yes, I can see that," she said squinting at the page, before turning away to absentmindedly look for her reading glasses.
"I'm sorry, babe," he said giving her a hug.
"No, that's okay, baby. There's nothing to be sorry about, Robert. It's right there in black and white in Hoyle's Official Book Of Poker Rules," she said with sadness. "You won fair and square. You won. You really won and I lost. I really lost. I can't believe you won and I lost, but you did," she said with a look of pained dejection. "I really thought I was going to win, which is why I raised the stakes and bet you, whatever you wanted."
"Oh, my God. I can't believe I won. I won! I won! I really won. I finally beat you. I'm so excited," he said basking in the glow of his victory of deceit and deception.
"So, what's your poison, big guy," she said looking at him, as if begging him for mercy. She looked at her husband with her sad, blue eyes and bit her lip, again, before putting her hands on her knees and leaning forward, as if awaiting to hear the judge hand down her sentence. With a look of determined resolve, ready to accept her punishment, she looked at him with sadness and resoluteness, prepared to accept her fate. "What will you have me do for losing the bet?"
"Oh, my God, this is so good," he said rubbing his hands together, as if he was a fly on a piece of food. "I've been waiting for this, ever since you made me dress up as a woman and do the food shopping, after you beat me at pool on Valentine's Day. Now, it's my turn to get even."
"Get even? You make it sound vindictive, Robert," she said sitting back on her hands, "as if I'm your enemy, instead of your wife, your lover, and your friend."
"Oh, don't give me that malarkey," he said pointing a finger of accusation at her. "Was I your husband, your lover, and your friend, when you had me dress up as a woman? I've never been as embarrassed."
"Don't," she said holding up her hand, while suppressing her laughter. "You're going to make me laugh, when I feel sick about losing this bet to you."
"Sorry, Donna, but I'm just happy that I don't have to do, whatever it is you'd have me do this time around," said Robert moving his head around, as if he were a bobble doll, "had I lost the bet and you won again."
"Actually, I had nothing sexual in mind. I was only thinking of having you do some household chores, things that I've been asking you to do for months, while naked, in honor of Nude Day," she said with a sexy laugh.
"Really? That could have been fun, especially if, while doing household chores naked, your mother, sister, or one of our female neighbors came to visit," he said suddenly with a pang of remorse for cheating her out of winning the bet and now thinking about confessing that he cheated, so that he could spend the day doing household chores naked with the hopes of exposing himself to her mother, her sister, and/or their female neighbors. "That would have been hot fun flashing them my cock on the pretense of celebrating Nude Day."
"Eww, Robert. Trust me, no one wants to see your fat body naked, not even me," she said making a sour face with a laugh, "unless we're in an unlit bedroom and have money falling out of your wazoo." She looked at him with disgust. "You'd really show my mother and my sister your cock?"
"Would I? Good God, yes, you know I would. It's every guys fantasy to flash as many female relatives as we can," he said with a perverted laugh. "It's something we dream of doing from the age of puberty, especially sister-in-laws and mother-in-laws."
"Eww, that's so gross. That's so nasty."
"Hey, I'm a guy and flashing is a guy thing. I'm not going apologize for being a horny guy."
"Now knowing that I stopped you from flashing your fat body to my Mom, my sister, and our neighbors, had I won the bet is some relief and I don't feel as bad about losing," she said with a sad little laugh.
"Well," said Robert taking a chance on verbalizing his latest fantasy, "with your mother and sister in mind, maybe as my prize for winning this bet, you can arrange for me to play strip poker with them."
"Strip poker with my sister and my mother? Are you crazy? Get your mind out of the gutter, Robert. My sister and mother would never agree to play strip poker, especially with the likes of you. They both hate you."
"Hate me? They do?" He looked at her stunned. "I thought they liked me, loved me, even," he said with an expression of hurt on his face. "I fixed your sister's car, twice, and I've helped your mother move things and carry things dozens of times."
"Maybe hate is too strong a word, but they never understood why I married you, when I had a long line of other suitors from which to chose, who had brighter futures than you and who looked better than you. One became a doctor and another a lawyer. If I had married one of them, I'd have it all today, a nice house, a new car, and pretty clothes. Suffice to say that they were disappointed in my choice. Yet, we don't pick who we fall in love with, shit happens," she said with a carefree laugh.
"So, now, I'm shit that happened," he said with an expression of anger and with a redness to his face that rose up from his collar.
"Sorry, nothing personal, I didn't mean that in the way it sounded," she said rubbing his knee.
"Gees, I didn't know they hated me," said Robert dejected.
"Sorry, but exposing your fat body to my relatives is an option that's not on the table, Robert," she said shaking her head side to side, as if sitting at a Blackjack table and the dealer asked her if she wanted another card to play.
"I suppose," said Robert looking at her with an expression of hopefulness, "having you expose your hot body to my fat relatives is off the table, too?"
"Eww. I'm not walking around naked in front of your fat brothers and your even fatter cousins. Gross, that's just too nasty for me to contemplate. Eww," she said again, this time shuddering, as if she had a giant cockroach just crawl on her.
"Well, that doesn't matter now, does it? If I don't get to play strip poker with your Mom and/or sister or if you don't agree to expose yourself to my male family members because, in the end, I won fair and square and I'll just pick something else for you to do."
"Yes you did win fair and square, but it was fun when I won and I had you dress as a woman?" She laughed, until there were tears in her eyes. "You made for such a horrible looking woman. You looked like Shrek in a dress," she said bursting out laughing.
"Have your little laugh, Donna. It's my turn, now, to laugh at you."
"Wait, no, actually, you looked worse than that. You looked like the school nurse I had in parochial school," she said laughing even louder and longer. "What was her name? Sister Harriet, yeah, that's what it was. We used to call her Sister Hairy because she had so much hair on her face and didn't shave her legs. Speaking of which, when you dressed as a woman, I figured you would have, at least, shaved your legs."
"I'm not shaving my legs for anyone, Donna. It was enough I wore a dress, makeup, a wig, and those damn queens size pantyhose. I don't know how you women do it."
"You could have shaved off your beard and mustache, too," she said laughing. "That would have helped, somewhat, to make you appear more feminine," she said laughing, again.
"I've had this facial hair for ten years," he said twirling his mustache between his fingers, as if he was a cad.
"Sister Harriet, never wore makeup, not even lipstick. She had a mustache, too. I think she was lesbian."
"Well, I can tell you that it wasn't fun for me. Especially after being stopped by that cop for speeding and he called for backup, just so the both of them could laugh at me for wearing a dress, makeup, and your mom's wig," said Robert looking at her with a pained expression, as if reliving the whole embarrassing experience.
"Stop it, Robert," said Donna laughing even harder. "My stomach is going to burst from laughing so hard. I only wish I could have been there to see the look on that cops face, after he pulled you over for speeding. At least, he only let you off with a warning."
"Talk about police brutality, I was humiliated, Donna, especially after they asked me to get out of the car and walk the line and stand on one leg in those too tight high heels, while reciting the alphabet backwards. I told them I had to dress like that because I lost a bet, but they didn't believe me. They thought I was one of those, you know, what do you call them?"