Dig Two Graves Ch. 05

Preface:

This story is fiction and any resemblance to any specific person or persons is pure coincidence. It is intended for adults only. The chapter involves references to adultery and revenge and contains sexual references.

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I slide the gear selector into "Park" and turn the ignition off. The low background noise of both the radio and the engine disappear into darkness only to be replaced by silence in the car. I glance over at her sitting a bit nervously in the passenger seat. Neither of us has said a word since she got into my car. I am having serious second thoughts about agreeing to this little drive to a small rise overlooking Austin. I think back at how quickly the past six months have slid by.

It's been a trip to hell and back, riding in a train named heartbreak. My first decision was to break with everything I knew in Dallas and move back down to Austin and the University of Texas. I knew all the details of Susie and my breakup would eventually leak out into the gossip hungry world of attorneys revolving around Dallas. There was no way I could have survived in that notoriety. Just like the old West ... I had to get out of town.

At UT, they were glad to have me as a guest lecturer at the end of the term. Austin wasn't far enough to escape the gossip that drifted down from Dallas but the more liberal environment of academia has been more forgiving than anything I would have faced back up north. Just last week the Dean of the Law School offered me a full time position at which I jumped. I was quite proud of how well Kristy had taken up my role at my old firm. It seems I taught her well and it was good to see her blossom on her own. Because of how well my tutelage of Kristy turned out, the idea of teaching full time is now a strong attraction and I'm more than ready for a change. I think teaching will be a much more fulfilling occupation.

I don't think I'll miss the corporate world at all. I'm certainly not hurting for funds. In my divorce from Susie, we did split our community property even-steven. But since the house was mine before the marriage, I retained full ownership since I brought that value into the marriage. Plus, Susie refused to have any of the proceeds of my severance package from my old firm. At the time I would have fought with her tooth and nail over every penny so I was surprised when they didn't fight over any of the six million dollars. Looking back now, six months down the line, I find much of my anger against Susie has faded.

Our divorce wound a seemingly slow course through the Texas judicial system. Susie didn't contest the financial settlement portion of our divorce, but she did contest the divorce itself. She wanted us to go through counseling and was able to convince the judge assigned to our case to agree. However Bill was able to get the "couple counseling" limited to just six hours. Because I had moved to Austin, the logistics of attending counseling became messy as it required someone to do a bit of traveling. Through our attorneys we finally agreed to three monthly sessions of two hours each. The first two were in Dallas at a counselor of her choice. The third and final session was down here in Austin with a counselor I chose.

Susie wasn't very happy about splitting counselors, but she really didn't have much choice. The judge made no stipulation on how the counselors would be chosen, just that a mandatory six hours were to be completed and reported back to the court. She knew as well as I did that if she contested it, a judge would find the 2-1 ratio in her favor more than fair.

I couldn't have predicted the outcome of the first two sessions any better. The counselor was female and the entire four hours was spent in narration. I sat and listened quietly about how women are suppressed from childhood. How this early domination of their spirit led to sudden outbursts in life, mini-revolutions so to speak. It was all I could do not to laugh as the counselor tried to excuse Susie's behavior. It wasn't a counseling session as much as a rationalization.

After both sessions in Dallas Susie tried to get me to stay after the session to talk, even asking me to stay over at her place. In making the move to Austin I had quickly put my old home on the market and was pleased at how quickly it sold and at the price I wanted. Both times Susie offered, I politely declined and without any further communication made the long drive that same night back to Austin.

Tonight was the third and final counseling session. I knew she would have trouble finding the counselor's office so I agreed to meet her at the LBJ library and drive her over.

Susie looked dejected and resigned when I picked her up at the library. The farce of the first two counseling sessions had been exposed as nothing more than attempts to excuse her behavior and get me to forgive her and begin reconciliation.

I almost laughed at her surprise when she saw I had chosen a female counselor. Little did she know what a hard night it would turn out to be. But I ended up being more surprised than Suzie at how this session did turned out. It was the last on the counselor's schedule starting at 7:00 pm. It was only suppose to be for two hours and then I would be free, having met the last requirement before the divorce could be granted. We didn't walk out of the counselor's office until after 10.

I had already met with the counselor before tonight. I've been seeing her on a regular basis and she was already familiar with the situation from my perspective. She also knew all about the first two counseling farces, although the word "farce" is my descriptor, not hers.

I knew something was decidedly different five minutes into the session. My counselor told Susie she knew all about our relationship going back to college to present. She told Susie that she had heard from my perspective, and now she wanted to hear Susie's version. She wasted no time before probing with questions. Contrary to the previous counseling sessions and to my surprise, Susie made no attempts to defend herself or her actions. She didn't flinch away from any of the questions. At some point I got the impression that Susie had realized it was over and that there wasn't any reason to hide her emotions any longer. In amazement I watched as my hard-headed domineering soon to be ex-wife surrendered to my counselor.

Over the next three plus hours we all learned a great deal. In the time I've known Susie there has never been a father in her life. Early in our relationship I learned it was a touchy and taboo subject. I accepted her feelings and never broached it with her. It was also apparent that while she loved her mother, she had little respect for her and virtually no relationship. Even to a dunce like me it became obvious Susie had grown up early and had learned to take control of her life.

What I learned is how her father had controlled her mother. How he threatened to go out with other women unless she did sexual favors for him. Dependant upon him, Susie watched her mother submit to his requests, even if those requests required her to go to bed with other men. I listened as Susie described one night from her childhood when she was supposedly locked in her room. Instead she was hiding in her parent's bedroom closet. At the time she didn't understand what she saw that night, but later she figured out that the two strangers her father had brought home had sex with her mother. It was her own father's voice warning her mother that she had better swallow.

Her father didn't hold to his promise not to cheat either. Susie would hear the sounds of other women in the house late at night along with her mother's crying. She heard her father tell her mother that she was being punished for not doing something he had asked.

Then the beatings started. Susie never saw any marks on her mother but she would hear them at night. Again it wasn't until much later Susie figured out her father knew how to hit her mother without leaving a mark, at least a mark that showed up while clothed.

It's only when her father started showing an interest in Susie that her mother took action. One day when Susie came home from school she found all her clothes packed away in boxes and grocery bags in the back of the station wagon. She was only ten at the time but she knew exactly what was happening.

I had to wonder at the childhood Susie had lived when I heard Susie say that she remembered looking out the back of the station wagon as her home disappeared, hoping that she would never see it again. How severe a childhood does a child need to have to wish to never see their home?

Susie made a promise to herself never to let anyone hurt her or her mother again. She dated infrequently in high school. Even though she was considered attractive few would ask her out. Susie wouldn't tolerate any of her infrequent boyfriends even talking to another girl.

She lost her virginity between her senior year of high school and college. This was news to me as she had told me Bill had been her first. He was a highway construction worker. She had been stopped by him while waiting on construction traffic. Her car was the first in line and he started an easy conversation with her. She didn't know why but she was instantly attracted to his rugged looks, his unshaven face, even his dusty dirty clothes. She refused to give him her number, but she did agree to take his.

It was a week later she called him after she had been stopped at another construction site. She remembered how aroused she had felt and trembling, called him later than night. They chatted only for a few minutes before he asked her to go bar hopping with him the next night. She agreed and he hung up on her after telling her where to meet him.

She remembered taking several hours deciding what to wear. She was trembling as she parked outside of the bar. She had no trouble getting in the bar and found him laughing with several other guys at a table. He saw her and motioned her over. She suddenly realized they didn't even know each other's names. He bought her a couple of drinks as he and the other men talked to her and ask her questions. After she had finished her second drink she felt a bit woozy and he asked if she needed a little air. Thankful she agreed and before she knew what was happening she was in his car parked on a country road. She remembered being shocked when he pulled his hard cock out of his pants and told her to suck him. She refused. She remembers the look of disdain on his face as he put his cock back in his pants. He started the car and then asked her what she was doing out here with him if she didn't come for the sex? Trembling she looked at him and pulled her dress up, showing that she wasn't wearing any panties. She said only one thing: "I'm still a virgin". Susie said he fucked her three times that night before driving her back to the bar and dropping her off at her car. Susie said that started a long string of nights, three or four times a week, where she would sneak out of the house to meet him. She knew he was married even though he didn't wear a ring. There would be very little conversation. She remembers he would always want to fuck her twice, once facing her and the other from behind. She would always ask him to wear a condom and he would refuse. She would ask him not to cum inside her and he always would. It was like a game they would play each time they were together. Part of their nightly game he would ask her to suck his cock, but she always refused.

At the end of the summer she told him she was going to go away to college. That night he made her kneel and give him a blowjob. She said "no" but as she looked up into his eyes she knew he wasn't going to take a "no" this time. She kneeled before him and it was more like a mouth fucking than a blowjob. She asked him not to cum in her mouth. He did anyway and held her mouth on him until she swallowed. He asked her if it was all that bad and she said she didn't like it. He drove her back to her car and she went home and masturbated in her bedroom, thinking of how uncouth he was, and how he used her mouth like she was a slut and made her swallow.

That was the last night she saw him. She knew she was out of control but worse, she suddenly started to see a bit of her father in him. He stopped calling her after she refused a few times.

She said she dated off an on during her freshman year at Texas, but nothing serious and no one more than a few dates. Susie paused for a moment and looked away from me. Softly she said she remembered Tim Schmidt and that he had pestered her for dates but she had always refused him.

Her infrequently dating changed when she met Bill. She knew right away he was a little different than the other boys at college. He seemed more mature and not as concerned with a masculine image. He was sensitive and funny. He would look deep into her eyes when they talked and she knew he understood what she was saying before she even said it.

They dated for several years, intimate most of that time. The counselor asked Susie if she ever gave Bill fellatio. Susie shook her head. I remember looking at my counselor funny but she didn't even acknowledge me. Susie continued her story and told how they became engaged their senior year and celebrated as they both were accepted into law school.

That all ended the day Susie saw Bill with his sister. Mistaking Bill's sister as just another girl friend, Susie immediately broke off her engagement and her relationship with Bill. She never gave him a chance to explain, refusing any and all attempts to communicate.

It was nearly a year later in law school before I entered into the picture. Both Bill and Susie were in my class. I knew at the time there had been something between them but as I had graduated from SMU I wasn't aware of their history and didn't listen much to gossip. We were just casual acquaintances at first. Slowly we became friends and eventually we began to lightly date. In all that time she never dated anyone else. Our relationship didn't start to become serious until our last year in law school. Upon graduation we both decided to move to Dallas and live together. Two years later we were married.

The counselor then spent a lot of time asking Susie about her summer with the construction worker. I listened intently to what Susie said but I never understood what she saw in that guy. It was apparent to me he was a bad ass from the word go. He treated her with disdain. He treated her like ... well ... like a piece of meat, a cunt. After what her father did to her mother, it made little sense to me why she would go out with anyone like that, even if he never forced himself on her.

My counselor also spent a lot of time asking questions about our marriage, and eventually about the end of our marriage when she took up with that fuckwad Schmidt. She pointed out how we had both failed each other during the marriage; piecing things together from what Susie told her this evening and what I had told her in previous counseling sessions.

And a few things came to light during the discussion that even a dunce like me finally figured out. Susie, for all her hard exterior demeanor, was filled deeply with insecurities and vulnerabilities. She never truly gave herself, always reserving a part of her so that she could pull back in case she got hurt. And she expected to get hurt. In her mind it was only a matter of time before she would be betrayed and hurt.

I could understand all of that, but even by the end of the session it still made no sense to me why she would take up with Schmidt. OK, I could see a revenge fuck for what she thought had happened between me and Heidi. But Schmidt? He is a despicable asshole and she didn't need my opinion to know that. And to humiliate me the way she did?

I probably learned more in this counseling session about Susie that I did in all the years of our marriage. I'm a bit afraid what that might say about the kind of husband I was to her. But either way, just like that first night in the hotel room after I was ambushed by Schmidt and Susie, I was still left with more questions than answers.

When we finally did walk out of my counselor's office, Susie did one thing that rocked me back on my heels. That one single act gave me pause to reconsider everything I had been thinking for the past six months. She asked my counselor if she could come back and see her on her own. Once outside I immediately asked her how she planned to handle those long commutes from Dallas to see my counselor. She looked straight at me and said she had already planned to move down here to Austin.

I asked her if she was doing so because she wanted to continue to try and reconcile. She looked away before answering that she realized I would never forgive her. She continued that she understood one of the reasons that I had left Dallas so quickly. After all the shit had hit the fan she had been more or less forced to resign her position as an ADA. She had taken the only position she could find and that was as a public defender. She said she really had no taste for that side of the law and the stigma of what had happened was still haunting her in every circle, both professional and social.

I asked if she had a job lined up and she said that cashed in all her favors and thought she could get a support position working for the state Attorney General.

I asked if she had someplace to stay for the evening. She said she had planned to drive back tonight. I shrugged and mentioned that she had lost an extra ninety minutes and it was a long drive. She said she didn't bring any other clothes.

I shrugged again and said that was a flimsy excuse. She said maybe it was and then asked me what I was trying to say. I stopped for a minute and she turned and looked at me. I told her I guess I was asking if she wanted to sleep on my couch. She smiled and said she appreciated the offer and would take me up on it.

On our way back to the LBJ to pick up her car, we stopped first at a Starbucks and then somehow I agreed to drive up here to this rise. Now I'm looking over at Susie as she contently looks out the front windshield.

"I've always loved the view of the campus from up here," Susie finally says.

I grunt my agreement.

"There was a lot said tonight," she says looking over at me.

"Yes there was. I learned quite a bit."

"So did I," she says becoming quiet for a moment. "Your counselor is a lot better counselor than the one I chose. Is there anything you would like to ask me?" She finally says.

I look down at her. There were a million things I wanted to know, but I wasn't sure if I should even touch that Pandora's Box much less open it.

She sighs. "If there's something you want to know, now's the best time to ask. God knows you deserve an answer or two."

I sigh. I look down at her and then out the window. Finally I say, "why?"

"That's a very vague question," she replies softly. "At first it was revenge," she says after several long moments. "I was so incredibly angry. And the funny thing, I had no clue why I was so angry. A lot had gone out of our marriage that last year as we both were more interested in our careers than each other. When I thought you had cheated, I should have just walked away. I didn't understand why I was so angry until tonight."

"I would like to blame it all on Schmidt, but I would be lying to both of us. It wasn't until tonight I realized that Schmidt reminded me all along of that construction worker. When he called me that afternoon when you flew home, I had no idea why. He insisted it was important and that it involved you. I agreed to cut a late meeting and meet in his car near our house. He told me about the rumors in the office. He showed me the affidavit. He showed me the pictures. I was instantly angry. No ... I was incensed. He asked what I was going to do. I said I didn't know but one thing for certain, I wasn't going to be sleeping with you anymore. He suggested I get revenge. I remember looking out the passenger window trying not to cry. I asked what kind of revenge. He said 'this'. I turned toward him to see his cock extending through his fly as he stroked it. I remember three things clearly, he was well endowed, he was very hard, and by his smile he fully expected me to take advantage of the situation."