I Walk Alone

One thing I will never tire of in this life is booty catching. I am a butt pirate, and I hunt both male and female booty. As long as they look good, it's all good with me. I don't discriminate based on gender. Booty catching is fun. The best sport in the world. At least, that's my avocation. In my regular job, I am a cop. A patrolman working for the Boston Police Department. My name is Lloyd Morgan. I'm an openly bisexual black man enjoying the highlights and pitfalls of daily life in urban America. This is my story.

Recently, I was just on patrol, when I noticed this pimp and his prostitute having an argument. I was driving around the mean streets of Dorchester. I hate that town. It's messy, lousy and noisy. Also, it's filled to the brim with angry black people. For some reason, the department has a habit of assigning black cops to the black neighborhoods. I don't know why. The black community hates black cops far more than anyone suspects. So, as you can imagine, I was none too happy about patrolling this part of the city. However, in Dorchester, you can always find some action. It's pretty much guaranteed. I was not disappointed that day.

The pimp and the prostitute were having a regular little war of the words when I came along. Immediately, the prostitute turned on the whole helpless chick in distress act so many women are fond of using. I approached them both cautiously. The prostitute quickly played the part of the hapless young woman who's getting hassled by some thug in the mean streets of the big city. Any other man might have bought it. I didn't. I'm smarter than that. I know how vicious, petty, cruel, manipulative and vindictive women can be. Someone once called women the instruments of the devil. Whoever he was, I think he was right. I smiled as I approached the thug and the hooker.

The hooker rushed into my arms and hugged me before babbling tons of staccato-style words about the evil thug who came after her. She pointed a very accusatory finger toward him. The so-called thug was a tall, good-looking black man. Hot damn, this stud looked hot. I pushed the hooker away from me. She stared at me, dumbfounded. I smiled. So many women are used to dealing with dumb men who believe every word a woman utters as gospel. I am proud to say that I am not such a man. The hooker repeated her tired line. She kept pointing at the so-called thug and accusing him of every wicked thing under the sun. I swear, she changed her story five times in less than five minutes.

I kept my eye on her but asked the man a question. I wanted to know what was happening here. The brother was surprised. Lots of men are surprised on those rare times when the police want to hear their side of the story. I told the brother to relax. The bitch, on the other hand, looked incredibly tense and couldn't stop chatting. I told her to shut the fuck up. The brother smiled at me. I asked him for his name. His name was Benito and he was a fine-looking Haitian brother. A tall, light-skinned, green-eyed black man with the looks of a male model. I liked him already. He told me that he was a business associate of Cheryl, the chick in question. She owed him some dough and when he confronted her about it, she got all hostile and shit.

I looked at Cheryl. Damn, this bitch was ugly. Five feet three inches tall, with big tits and a thick body. Normally, I like thick women but this one was ugly in the face. Also, she had a foul mouth and even fouler disposition. I didn't have much use for her. I don't have much use for most women actually. They're completely useless for the most part. Getting by not with intelligence but with a ham-it-up pseudo-mystery slash functional insanity behind which lies a cold mind with a talent for manipulation and deception. They see their word as law and anyone who disagrees with them deserves to be tarred and feathered. What a crock! Well, thankfully, I am a man who sees the truth and thinks not with his dick but with his mind.

Men who think with their dicks are doomed. There is a certain British millionaire and world-famous musician who married a pretty blonde gold-digger. Now that she's decided to divorce him, he's paying the price. I don't know why most men still cannot see the truth behind the facades behind which women hide. A man who thinks with his dick might actually lose said dick in current times. Women have invented a diabolical device which they keep deep inside their pussies and any man who ventures in there, well, part of him simply won't come out. Except maybe in pieces. Yeah, there's even a movie about it, if you can believe that. The bottom line is that women hate men and they've always hated men. Mothers hate their sons simply for being male and value their female offspring infinitely more. That's the ugly truth about gender relations in America.

With a predator's smile on my face, I approached Cheryl the bitch. As did Benito, the handsome black gentleman. Time to make sure this bitch gets what she deserves. I told her that she was under arrest for disorderly conduct as well as harassment and making a general nuisance of herself. Cheryl looked stunned. I told her to turn around and put her hands on her head. She refused, and started cussing up a storm like the common hood slut I knew her to be. Man, I love going up against those foul-mouthed black sluts from the hood. They are under the impression that owning a vagina grants them mastery over the whole world. Most men they know don't have the balls to tell them the truth. Oh, well. That's why Mother Nature created me. To kick the collective ass of the universe, first and foremost, and with a natural mandate to put arrogant bitches back in their place. Hurrah!

Cheryl's eyes widened when it finally dawned on her that she was really in trouble. She had run into the wrong cop today. As she tried to flee, I caught her and wrestled her to the ground. She struggled against me. I smacked her around a few times. Yeah, I got a few good licks in. But she was a feisty one, all fangs and claws, as they say. So, I brought out my taser. Cheryl's eyes widened when she saw it. She screamed and begged for mercy. I pressed the taser against her chest, right between her tits, and zapped her good. Cheryl' s scream of pain and outrage was the sweetest music I've ever heard. Grinning, I let her have a few more shots from the taser. She lay on the ground, crumpled. I laughed.

I looked at Benito. I thought he'd be laughing too but he wasn't. Instead, the moron actually came at me. He wanted to stop me from zapping the bitch like she deserved. I couldn't believe this shit! See what I mean about men being stupid? It's true, women are evil. They're wicked. They're vengeful. They're pure wickedness. They're dumb. They're cruel. They're manipulative. They're ruthless. They're bitchy. But men are stupid. And there you have it. The truth about men and women. You cannot find a single good woman on the planet. She doesn't exist. Women are genetically designed to lie, cheat, steal, deceive, manipulate, betray and ultimately destroy. Men are dumb brutes. Evolution gave them a slight edge in raw strength but women more than compensate in sheer wickedness. You cannot find a single smart man on the planet. No such thing. I don't care if he's got an IQ of 200 and more college degrees and intellectual accomplishments than you can shake a stick at. Men are dumb and women are evil. There is no third attribute or category.

When Benito, the idiot with the misguided chivalry impulse came at me, I used my taser to zap him. Right in his you know what. He squealed in pain. I kicked him. Then, I handcuffed him. I also handcuffed Cheryl. I brought them to the back of the police cruiser. I drove them back to the police station for booking. A week later, they both went to jail for a long time after being convicted of assaulting a police officer with a deadly weapon. As for me, I went back to the streets. I'm on patrol. I'm the only man suited to dealing with bad guys and bad girls. And let all foolish men and wicked women beware!