Permission For Pleasure

My eyes open hesitantly - struggling to adjust to the early morning sun filtering in through the bedroom curtains. I let out a small groan as I reached across the nightstand at the side of the bed in an effort to turn the alarm clock in my direction so that I could see what time it was. I froze in mid-reach when my mind finally processed the fact that I was completely naked and in somebody else's bedroom. It came rushing back to me in a hurry why nearly every muscle in my body was protesting with my every movement. I slowly turned my head, hoping that it had all been a fevered dream.

It wasn't.

Lying next to me in the bed was the equally naked body of a man young enough to be one of my own children. He was still sound asleep. I thought to myself that it wasn't any wonder that he was still out like a light as the memories of our activities of last night drifted back to me.

He was lying on his back with the sheet pushed down to his waist. I was afraid to move so much as a single muscle as he slept peacefully. I needed some time to think. My eyes wandered down his sculpted body. I remembered how he had told me that he had always kept his entire body shaved. The results were really quite remarkable.

Did we really...?

I placed both of my hands over my lower face in a subconscious attempt to hide myself. It was almost funny -- here I was staring at this incredibly gorgeous young man that most women would have killed to be with and all I could think about was how much I wished that I could be almost anyplace else in the entire world.

You would think that by the age of forty-eight I had been around long enough to have a firm grasp of who I am and that I would have acquired enough common sense to keep myself out of potentially embarrassing situations. After all, I had survived twenty-five years of marriage and had raised four children before going through a rather painful divorce four years ago. Life, however, can still throw a curve ball at you when you least expect it.

Friday had been a completely normal day. The work day was winding down and I was looking forward to a nice relaxing weekend just like practically every other person in America. I work as a Teacher's Assistant in a second grade classroom; mostly working with children who need extra help with their reading. If you have ever worked with children, then you know hectic and tiring a job it can be. I loved working with the kids, but I really relished my time off for the rest and the opportunity to recharge my batteries.

When the bell finally sounded to end the day, I quickly busied myself with straightening out the classroom. Most days, I would take my time cleaning up because it was a nice time to visit with some of the other teachers that I had become quite friendly with since starting this job. Besides, what was the big hurry to return to a completely empty house with nobody to talk with?

My baby was now nineteen years old and in her first year of college. My next youngest was also away at school while my two oldest were married and living on their own. I was as proud of all four of them as any mother could ever be. I had been blessed with three of the most gorgeous grandchildren that you could ever hope to lay eyes on. My only complaint was that I was suffering from the dreaded "empty nest syndrome". I had been raising children since the age of twenty and I was having a lot of difficulty in adjusting to having nobody at home with me anymore.

I had taken this job last year in an attempt to get myself ready for the day when my youngest moved away to school. The pay was really lousy, but the hugs that I got from the children helped to make up for that somewhat. I had hoped that if I found a job, then I would have something new to fill my life when I no longer had any children of my own at home anymore. It had helped, but I didn't think that I could ever get used to eating my meals all alone every night.

I had made one other change in my life since Elizabeth had left for college and that one was proving to be just as much of a struggle for me -- I had started dating. Well, to put it more properly, I had been out on exactly three dates. That may not sound like much to you, but for someone who had been out of the dating scene since Jimmy Carter was in office, this was a significant step.

Not long after my divorce, I had dated one man for a few weeks. It had not been exactly a fairytale romance, I'm afraid to say. It had been a relationship based on two people using each other for their own means. We had each entered the relationship looking for nothing more than sex. He needed the sex for his own pleasure, while I was searching in vain for some kind of validation of my womanhood and desirability.

I am not proud of the way that I acted during that period of my life. However, the breakup of my marriage had left me feeling so rejected inside. I was desperate for any man to show some interest I me. It was definitely a codependent relationship -- and we certainly took every advantage to try find what we thought we both needed at the time.

Unfortunately, instead of finding the validation that I was searching for, I found myself feeling empty inside. I felt like such a tramp coming home very late at night filled with another man's seed deep inside me. I still had two children at home with me at the time and I came to the realization that I was not setting a very good example for either of them. I didn't date again for the next four years.

The few dates that I had been on since the beginning of the school year had been largely disappointing. This time around I was interested in finding someone that I shared things in common with -- someone that I could have a true relationship with. Unfortunately, all three evenings ended up pretty much the same way.

They would start out pleasant enough. The men had all been on their best behavior at the beginning of the evening. We would go to a nice restaurant for dinner and we would have a very pleasant conversation. Unfortunately, as the evening progressed, the pawing around would begin. It would usually start innocently enough -- maybe touching my hand at the table over our meal to emphasize some point he was trying to make or a hand on my back to lead me towards the door.

I didn't mind that part at all. I'm a normal, healthy adult. I would be lying if I told you that it didn't feel good to know that a man could still find me attractive enough to want to touch me or that I didn't miss the intimacy of a man/woman relationship. I may have taken myself out of circulation for the past four years, but that didn't mean that I still didn't feel the same desires that any other person felt for physical contact.

As the evenings progressed -- either going to a dance club or maybe back to his place -- the touching would become much more frequent. It would begin to seem to me that he was less interested in getting to know me and much more focused on seeing how far he could get in seducing his way inside my pants. I may have missed the intimacy of a relationship, but no woman wants to be fondled like a loaf of bread while on the dance floor with some man that she is just getting to know.

So, as I was cleaning up the classroom on Friday, it wasn't that I was looking forward to a romantic weekend with some mysterious lover. My plans revolved more around canning some strawberry preserves -- an annual activity that I took part in with my sister and mother. And, I bet that you thought the life of a forty-eight year old Teacher's Assistant was all bright lights and glamour, huh?

My plans began to unravel almost as soon as I walked in the door of my house. The phone was ringing and I hurried to answer it. I said hello and heard the voice of my sister, Janet on the other end.

"Hi San," she said, "Have you heard Mom's news yet?"

"No," I answered, "I just walked in the door. What's going on?"

Jan replied, "She's going away for the weekend."

I was stunned. Mom? Going away? "What are you talking about, Jan? Where in the world would she be going?"

"There's a whole group," Jan said, "from the Senior Center. They've rented a bus and they're going down to Connecticut to a casino for the weekend."

I burst out laughing. My mother hadn't left the state of Vermont during all of the years that I had been alive. And, gambling? My mother? Mom was the sort of person that thought that holding hands in public was some sort of sin! Janet surely must be putting me on.

As I gained some control over my laughter, Jan explained to me that it was all entirely true. In fact, the bus was probably already half of the way there as we spoke. "Mom said the funniest thing to me on the phone when she called to tell me about the trip, " Jan said. "When I asked her why she was doing this, she said ' I'm eighty-two years old and I thought it was high time that I let myself go a little wild.'".

This brought on another round of laughter from both of us, but in my heart I was happy for her. That woman had worked hard for her entire life and had never thought of herself first. She had always put my father and her children before her. I agreed with her -- It was high time that she had some fun.

"Well," I said, "It looks like it's just going to be the two of us this year, then."

"Actually," Jan said hesitantly, "Karissa came home from school today with some kind of stomach bug. It looks like I'm going to be tied up here all weekend myself."

I told my sister not to worry about it. We could always schedule our Jelly Day some other time. I told her that I hoped that my niece would be feeling better and hung up. The silence in the house was almost deafening. What was I going to do with my weekend now?

As if in answer to my unspoken question, the phone rang again. This time it was my friend Maureen. I hadn't talked with her in a couple of months and it was so good to hear her voice again. Mo and I had been friends for more than twenty years and I must say that she is one of the more interesting people that I've ever known.

Everyone should have a friend like Maureen. She was wild and loud and absolutely carefree. In short, she was everything that I wasn't. People who are such opposites really have no business being friends, but I loved her like a sister. Mo could always make me laugh with her crazy sense of humor. I guess you might say that I lived vicariously through her.

She would always tell me all of the latest gossip. I'm not sure how she did it, but that woman seemed to have a satellite dish when it came to receiving all of the local dirt. She could make me laugh until tears came to my eyes as she regaled me with stories of her various flirtations with the opposite sex. I knew that she was happily married and would never even consider cheating on her husband, but that never stopped her from boldly flirting with any man that came within her range.

"Sandy, my love," she said, "What are you doing right now?"

"Well, Mo," I replied, "At this very second I'm talking to a crazy woman on the phone. Why?"

She practically shrieked, "Great! Why don't you come and stay for the weekend?"

Maureen and her husband, Bob, had moved about forty minutes away last year. We didn't see nearly enough of each other anymore. I was so exhausted after a full week of work that I almost said no. However, the prospects of facing this old empty house all weekend long wasn't exactly the most enticing idea either.

"Okay," I said, surprising even myself. I wasn't what you would ever call a spontaneous person.

"Really?," she screamed into the phone, "Take your keys and get in your car right now."

"Mo, I can't just --" I began before she cut me off.

"Yes, you can. San, I know you. If you stop and think about it, you'll never come."

"But, I have to pack a few things first," I protested.

"Nonsense," she replied, "I have plenty of clothes here. You don't need a thing."

I hesitated for a moment, then quietly said, "Okay."

"I mean it, San," Maureen said, "Just get in your car and go."

"Alright!", I answered while jiggling my keys near the phone and stamping my feet on the floor to simulate walking. "I'm heading out the door right now. Geez! You're such a nag!", I joked.

"And you're such a child," came her response. "I love you and I'll see you soon."

As soon as I hung up the phone I started having second doubts. This was just crazy -- taking off on a whim like this. I really should call a few people and let them know that I'm going out of town. What if somebody needs me in an emergency? What if one of the kids calls here and needs something? What if my mother ran into any troubles on her little trip?

Then I thought about the words that my mother had said to Janet. Maybe it was high time that I let myself go a little wild, too. Without thinking about it any further, I grabbed my purse and headed out the door. Maybe a weekend with Maureen and her husband was just the thing that I needed.

The drive out to Maureen's house passed quickly. One of the nice things about living in Vermont is that we don't have to contend with the heavy traffic that people in big cities have to put up with. I had barely knocked on the door, when Maureen threw it wide open and screamed as she pulled me inside.

We hugged each other tightly and we both spoke a mile a minute at the same time. Mo always had such enthusiasm that you couldn't help but have it rub off on you. I was so glad that I had made the decision to come. I already felt more alive than I had since Elizabeth had left for college.

Bob stood quietly in the background while the two of us jabbered on like a couple of lunatics. He was quite used to how the two of us acted when we were around each other. He just shook his head and smiled at the two of us.

Maureen had found a gem of a husband in Bob. He was the most easy-going person you could ever hope to meet. Mo's ever present enthusiasm could wear down most people, but Bob would always just smile and let it roll right off of his back. You could tell that he adored her just as much as she loved him.

Maureen suddenly grabbed both of my hands and just looked at me. I could tell by that look in her eye that something was up.

"Bob came home with the most wonderful idea," she began.

I looked over at Bob for some kind of clue, but he just raised an eyebrow and shrugged.

"Tonight is the town's big Halloween Party!" Maureen exclaimed.

New Cambridge was famous for their annual Halloween Party. I had never been to one, but I had heard plenty of stories about how lavish they were and how people from all over would flock in just to attend.

"I don't know, Mo," I said, "I don't have a costume or anything."

Maureen waived her hands as if to dismiss any such notion. "I have extra costumes. I'm sure we can find something for you."

I looked over at Bob, hoping for some help in this matter. He just gave his customary shrug and said, "Really, Sandra...You really should go to one of these parties once in your life. You've never seen anything like them."

I looked back at Maureen who was practically jumping with excitement. "Please?", she begged.

I slowly smiled and gave a shrug of my own. That was all it took. Mo took me by the hand and quickly led me upstairs. I had to almost jog in order to keep up with her. This was the first time that I had been to her new house and it was indeed gorgeous. Bob may seem like a laid back person, but the truth was that he was a very skilled and successful lawyer. It was quite evident that he was doing very well financially indeed.

Maureen led me to one of the doors in the upstairs hallway. "This is the room you'll be staying in," she told me, "I keep some of my clothes in the closet in here that won't fit in the master bedroom. I think that there are some old costumes in here."

With her hands still buried inside the closet where I couldn't see them, Maureen turned to me with the mischievous grin of hers. "How about this?", she asked as she held up a Playboy Bunny outfit.

I gave her a look like I was going to strangle her. Maybe she could get away with wearing something like that with her slim figure, but there was no way in the world that I would ever attempt it. It's not that I am fat in any way -- but I don't exactly belong to some fancy health club with personal trainers, that's for sure.

Mo stuck her tongue out at me and giggled. "Okay...Be a party pooper. See if I care.

"Let's see...Harem Girl? No. French Maid? Oops, it has a tear in it. Bob really liked that one! Ha! I've got it!"

Maureen turned to me with a nurse's uniform. I was surprised. I didn't think that Maureen would own anything so simple. I thought that I had better grab this one before she changed her mind and talked me into something much more revealing.

"Great!", she said," You'll be a naughty nurse."

I didn't see anything that suggested naughtiness to the outfit. It looked like a regular nurse's uniform to me. That was until Mo lifted the front of the dress to reveal what was on the hanger beneath it. That is when I saw the sexy lingerie hanging there.

I looked at Mo and said," I hope you don't think that I am going to -- "

She cut me off before I could go any further. "San," she pleaded,"It's not that bad. Beside, it'll be underneath where nobody can see it."

I looked at the garter belt and silky lingerie. "Mo, I've never worn anything like that before in my life. I'll feel stupid."

"Please, San," she pleaded again, "The whole idea of Halloween is to not only dress differently, but to feel differently."

That is when I made my fatal mistake. I hesitated a moment.

Maureen quickly filled the silence with, "Besides, I called No-Backsies, so you can't go back on your word."

Like I might have said earlier -- Maureen was a force of nature. When she was excited about something, there was no way of changing her mind. You had no choice but to go along with her or be steamrolled by her will. I shrugged my shoulders in defeat.

Maureen thrust the outfit towards me. "Here -- You try it on and I'll go get into my costume, too. I'm going as an Indian Princess."

I just shook my head when I was finally alone. I looked at the nurse's outfit on the bed and started stripping out of my clothes. Mo may have a screw or two loose in that head of hers, but maybe she was right. What would be the harm in letting myself be someone else for just one night?

I picked up the silky bra and panties. The material felt so nice between my fingers -- so light and soft. I looked down at myself and realized that I was going to have to make an adjustment or two if I was going to wear anything so skimpy. Oh well, it was Halloween. I walked over to the door and called through it, "Mo? Do you think I have time to shower before we go?"

"Sure, hon," came her response, "There are towels and things in the linen closet in your bathroom. Make yourself at home."

I went in and started a nice hot shower. Just as she said, I found everything that I needed in the linen closet. I stepped beneath the hot spray and picked up a razor. I couldn't believe that I was really doing this.

I worked as quickly as I could to trim my pubic hair back. Each time that I thought that I had removed enough of my bush, I pictured the skimpy panties in my head and went back and removed even more. Finally, I made a bold decision and shaved it all off completely. I had never done this before. I couldn't believe how different it made me look and feel. Even if it was just for one night, I have to admit that it felt nice not to feel like the same forty-eight year old grandmother.

I stepped out of the shower. I knew that I had taken too long and tried my best to get ready as quickly as possible. I slipped the skimpy panties on. They made me feel unbelievably wicked as I felt the silky material against my shaven mound. It took me a few seconds to figure out how to put the garter belt on properly; then I slipped the white nylon stockings on my legs. I hooked the clasps from the belt to the top of the stockings and stood back to see how I'd done.