FAQ: How Can You Write This?

April 16, 2007 9pm PST

"This is basically a rape story of a girl who couldn't fight back. How could you write this?"

That's the question that started this response.

A few years ago I wrote an FAQ and now this comes along so I figure we're due for an update.

I'm not going to rehash 'Milestones' - if you haven't read it, go read it now and then get back to me. Did you read it? Okay, now go read my original FAQ. Did you read that, too?

Great.

Where was I?

Oh, yes. How can I write this kind of thing.

Cutting to the chase, my first sexual experience was non-consensual. Now I don't want to relive that, but the thought of a man having his way with me, taking away my choices, and making me have his baby is kind of liberating. To me.

You think what you want and don't bitch too much about it because, after all, you're reading this on an erotic stories website - if you want G-rated stories that contribute to the morality of the nation you're in the wrong place. Go away.

Since the events of 'Milestones' I've had a couple of screwed up relationships which were built on my poor choice of men and my poor choices in general. I was on that road to recovery and it was a rocky road, indeed.

So after a couple years of devout celibacy this last October I had a fling with a married man and I flat out enjoyed it. It was so completely wrong and I enjoyed it. I have no regrets. It turns out that he and his wife are into poly and after a few tentative 'dates' we decided to become a family. I'm living out my fantasies in a very big way.

In entering this relationship I've quit work, for the most part, and embarked on a mostly traditional life and I've abdicated my responsibilities to my 'husband'. No, it's not a legal thing, but that's what he is.

The term for this is, "Taken in Hand", and the lifestyle is thoroughly satisfying to me. It is LIBERATING to me. In giving up so much I've become free. I don't worry about work, commuting, travel, stress, pressure, and I also don't worry about my home life because it's settled quite nicely, thank you.

Surrendering myself to him was one of the scariest things I've ever done. You'd think with all these stories I've written I'd be all hot and horny but I'm really not. I've actually been quite the dud in the bedroom. But once we got past that first time unprotected it all changed for me like a weight had been lifted. I was free. Free to enjoy sex for the first time in my life and free to not worry about any negative consequences.

Granted, it isn't forced, but where I've given my choices to him it isn't precisely the sexual revolution going on, either.

I've been wearing dresses since November. And as in 'Speed Limit' I did so quite often without panties. Having your man just come up and lift your skirt and take you is just freaking amazing and letting him make the choice about sex is, well, liberating is the only word I can use to describe it.

So here I am, part of a loving and accepting family, and living out the completion of my other need: I am almost two months pregnant! Wheee! I can't believe it sometimes, but it is true and I am totally loving it.

Being loved and feeling that love growing in me is unspeakably wonderful yet I still have issues to work out and feelings to try to express to myself. I really appreciate my readers and the comments over the years, but in many ways, Literotica is my diary that I share with you all. It's all of the darkness and confusion working itself out. The fact that I don't write so much anymore is a testament to my getting a grip on things.

That's how I can write these things.

It's me dealing with my life.

And you know what? I stopped trying to fight my fears and I embraced them. And I'm better for it.

When the time comes I'll post a baby picture here - until then I may keep writing things some of you don't like. Whatever. I didn't write it for you anyway. I wrote it for me.

No offence, but that's how it is.

My sincere thanks and appreciation go to Literotica for providing me with what really is an original blog space. Geez, I think it's been seven years now? Wow.

See you all online.

- Christie