Bad Boys Are Sexy

My name is Nicole Jefferson, though most people call me Big Nikki. Ever since I was a young girl, I was fascinated by all things that had to do with boys. You might think I'm just a regular girl but I'm not. I have this rather unusual fetish. I am a girl who likes men that like other men. I am a frequent presence inside porno shops and I am always looking at the gay porn section. I like gay porn and I cannot lie. I don't know why. The idea of two guys doing it with each other has always appealed to me. I have a lot of gay and bisexual porn DVDs stacked away in my basement. I don't tell anyone about my little fetish but it's a consuming one.

That's my fantasy, I guess. In real life, I am not that popular with the boys. I stand five feet ten inches tall and I weigh two hundred and twenty pounds. That probably has a lot to do with it. I'm a big girl. That's just me, I guess. I am not bad-looking by any means. I have light brown skin, and fine features inherited from my African father and Irish mother. I am a biracial female with ties to the Caribbean living in the United States. I am currently in college and I am on the women's volleyball team. It's my favorite sport. I have always loved it. I'm a big girl but it's not nothing to do with lack of exercise. I'm a pretty good athlete. I think I am supposed to be the way I am. I've tried to change it. I couldn't. So I accepted myself just the way I am. I am hoping you can do the same.

One of my best friends is Kyle Miller. Kyle is five feet nine inches and one hundred and fifty pounds of hunky Caucasian male. He's got blond hair, pale blue eyes and light bronze skin. He's my friend, has been ever since we were kids. Kyle is a Karate expert and a member of the Men's Wrestling team at school. Last year, he won the state championship title in his weight class. He's a very nice guy. We don't look like we would be buddies but we are. A caramel-skinned sister and a hunky white stud hanging out together. Well, that's us, whether you like it or not.

I sat in the campus library and watched Kyle. He was flirting with Linda Bane, this redhead who works in the library. She's okay-looking, if you like stick figures. Kyle is the kind of guy who flirts with basically anything that moves. He's handsome, popular and charming. He is also a star athlete and that attracts a lot of females. Kyle is the kind of guy who can have anyone he wants. And I do mean anyone. The guy's a bisexual and I know a lot about his background. Kyle often tells me about his conquests, both male and female. He's not the commitment type. Kyle has been scared of commitment ever since his parents got divorced. Kyle's mother Sarah was a conniving broad who took his father William to the cleaners. Kyle's father ended up moving from Boston to Montreal. I didn't blame the guy. Kyle hasn't spoken to his mother in years and he likes it that way. He and his father talk on the phone often. Kyle doesn't trust members of the weaker sex, though he makes an exception for me.

I can't really blame Kyle for not trusting women. I don't trust women either. I've got only male friends, for a reason. Male friends won't judge you or criticize you. You won't believe how many times my day got ruined by some nasty comment made by a nasty bitch. I developed a thick skin over the years but some comments still hurt. For this reason, I stick to hanging out with my boys and I'm a good friend to them and vice versa. The way I worked things out, my life got simpler and a lot happier.

When I looked up from the computer, I saw Kyle had left Linda and was now talking to the hunky Steve Whitman. Steve is a tall, handsome Black stud who's on the football team. He's sexy as hell. I knew Kyle liked him but I told Kyle to be careful since I thought Steve was straight. Everyone on campus knew that Steve was dating Monica Amarillo, a white girl from the women's hockey team. Well, the handsome Steve was actually bisexual and quite willing to experiment with Kyle. Kyle has been sleeping with men and women left and right for a long time. He's one of the most promiscuous people I know but no better friend can be found by anyone. I shook my head and went back to typing my assignment.

After finishing, I saved it to my disk and hit print. I went to the printers to pick it up. Guess who I saw making out behind a thick stack of books? Kyle was locking lips and swapping spit with the handsome Steve. Yes, the two of them were kissing. I froze. I wasn't shocked by Kyle's behavior anymore. The dude was fast. One time, I went to visit him at his dorm and I saw him sitting on his bed, his eyes closed. He was getting a blowjob from this nerdy chick named Brenda. The sight of two sexy guys kissing each other gave me pause and I smiled. I found it more than a bit sexy. It turned me on. I ducked into a corner and watched.

Kyle was all over Steve. Steve put his arms around him and kissed him deeply. Man, this was the shit. I slid my hand into my pants and into my panties. I was wet already from watching them. Unfortunately, something made me interrupt them. Monica, Steve's girlfriend was heading this way! I had to warn Kyle! I shoved a stack of books and they fell with a loud noise. Kyle and Steve broke the kiss and looked up. They looked at each other, worried. Five seconds later, Monica was there. Kyle looked shocked. Steve quickly seized the situation and greeted his girlfriend, telling her that they were just studying. Monica looked at them, smiled and then gave Steve a kiss. She said something about wanting to see him in her dorm tonight and walked away. Saved!

Man, I had saved their sorry butts! See how good a friend I am? When I went to Kyle's dorm tonight, would you believe he didn't even thank me? Oh, well. He didn't know that I was there and I didn't want to tell him that I had been spying on him. I'm not a stalker or anything. I just like watching guys doing it with other guys. Especially when one of them was Kyle. Kyle told me about his adventure of the day. I laughed about it. Actually, we both did. That same night, he had a date with Linda, the chick from the library. Kyle got all dressed up and went to meet her at the movie theater. Knowing him, I knew he needed condoms. I gave him a pack of Trojans. He took them and thanked me by kissing me on the cheek. I smiled and watched him walk away. The dude had a seriously sexy ass!

When Kyle called me, I was lying on my bed, watching a bisexual porn video. In this one, there was a sexy Black stud going around fucking a bunch of white men and their women as well. I saw the Black stud fucking a skinny white woman from behind while sucking on a big white dude's stick. The video was so hot. I sped it up to my favorite scene, the one where the Black stud slid his dick up a big guy's back door. He started pumping his cock into the other man's tight ass like there was no tomorrow. I loved watching gay and bisexual porn. Hard bodies and big dicks equals hot fun in my book. Kyle proceeded to tell me all the details of his date with Linda. She took him back to her dorm and he fucked the hell out of her. I listened to him brag about his exploits while rolling my eyes. I preferred stories of his exploits with men. Who wants to hear about some chick getting fucked? Not me. Dudes turned me on!

For the next couple of months, Kyle had a blast with both Steve and Linda. He told me all about it. I swear, the dude loves to brag but I'm addicted to his stories. I have never had sex so I tend to live vicariously through his stories. He doesn't know that about me and I don't tell him. He was the popular stud and I was his best buddy. Sometimes, I worried for him. I didn't want him getting HIV or anything. One day, some of my worst fears would come true. Monica somehow discovered that her boyfriend Steve was having an affair with Kyle. The chick went crazy! I was there when it happened. She caught them kissing in the gym when they thought they were alone and then she attacked them. I was heading to the showers and I immediately intervened. I didn't care what happened to Steve but no bitch was going to lay a hand on my Kyle. I punched Monica in the face. The bitch went down. Unfortunately, this wasn't the end of it.

I had always warned Kyle to be more discreet. But he wasn't. He thought himself invincible. A lot of people do. Now, Monica knew his secret. She went around telling everybody on campus that her boyfriend was secretly bisexual. Steve denied it. So did Kyle. Still, they both suffered. Men's sports is a macho world. Gays weren't exactly welcomed in it. Some of Kyle's teammates said some pretty hurtful things to him over the next few weeks. He got depressed. He stopped showing up for practice and he also stopped showing up in class. Steve was keeping a low profile. Monica the bitch was still yapping around. I couldn't bear to see Kyle suffer. I threatened Monica with another beating if she didn't shut her trap. I think fists sometimes can speak louder than words, don't you? She stopped the bullshit.

Even though Monica quit her little drama, people on campus were still looking at Kyle funny. He was the captain of the wrestling team and one of the best athletes in the United States. Yet because of his sexuality, they wouldn't accept him. I went to Kyle's place. I found him drinking. He looked at me sadly. I grabbed the bottle and threw it away. I didn't want to see him like this. Kyle was the sexy, masculine Bad Boy who made everybody go crazy. Kyle was the Matinee Idol at school. He wasn't supposed to be looking like this. He wasn't supposed to be weak. In my eyes, a man should be strong. Especially a man like Kyle. His sexual proclivities aside, he was a good guy. We had a talk. I helped him get back into the swing of things. Kyle thanked me. We hugged each other. He told me how grateful he was to have me in his life.

Kyle was getting back into the swing of things. He went to wrestling practice and ignored the folks who said foolish things about him. He got his grades back up. He finished first place at the state wrestling championships this year. Not bad at all. In my eyes, he will always be the number one champ. I had gone to the Civic Center to watch Kyle wrestle against this kid from another school. A guy named Lawrence Brown. Kyle shook hands with the victor and that was the end of it. The next day, Kyle called me and invited me somewhere to celebrate quietly. I was surprised to hear the word quiet coming from him. Kyle is usually a loud winner. Still, I agreed to meet him at this nice little restaurant in Boston's south end.

I showed up there and found Kyle wearing a red shirt and black pants. He looked sexy. I wore a blue shirt and black pants. I don't wear dresses, makeup or high heels. I've never been one to try these things. They appeal to me as much as sticking a hand on the hot stove appeals to the average person. In other words, not at all. When Kyle saw me, he smiled and kissed me on the cheek. I kissed him back, though on the lips. He hesitated. I laughed it off by joking about it and we went inside. I was smiling, though. I had wanted to kiss Kyle for a long time.

Once inside, he showed me his surprise. He had bought me a new DVD burner. I was speechless! I had wanted one for a long time but being a college student means being broke, you know. I couldn't resist hugging him for that. He hugged me back. He told me that ever since the affair with Steve, he had been doing a lot of thinking. He told me that he realized that he hurt a lot of people by having sex with strangers left and right. Kyle slept with married women and had angry husbands coming after him at times. He also slept with men who had girlfriends and we all know how that turned out. Kyle's resolution was that he would stay celibate until he figured out exactly who and what he wanted in life. I was surprised. The idea of Kyle being celibate is like watching a fish trying to fly. I didn't think he could do it. It wasn't in his nature. He would prove me wrong.

Over the next few months, we hung out together and did our thing. We played video games. It was a lot of fun. Kyle was trying real hard not to flirt with every woman or man he encountered. It wasn't easy. He was cute and they came to him in spades. I envied him sometimes. I'm cute in my own way, I think, but I'm not sexy. Like Jennifer Lopez and George Clooney, Kyle was sexy. There was a big difference between cute and sexy.

One night, Kyle and I went back to his father's house. It was during Spring break and we had gone to Canada. Kyle's father William was currently dating a nice lady named Vivian. Vivian was a former nun, if you can believe that. William had sought counseling from the clergy while distraught over his nasty divorce and bitter ex-wife. That's where he met a kind and beautiful nun named Sister Vivian. They became friends. Next thing he knew, she was telling him that she had been planning to leave the religious order to seek her own happiness. Those two had found each other. I was happy for them.

Kyle's father's new home was a three-bedroom condo in Montreal. Currently, he was staying with his new lady Vivian at her place in Quebec. We had the place all to ourselves. Kyle and I were lying on the floor, talking about old times. That's when he asked me the one question I dreaded. He asked me how come I never had a boyfriend. I hesitated. I didn't know what to tell him. Over the years, Kyle had more boyfriends and girlfriends than I could count. I had never had a boyfriend and I sure as hell didn't want a girlfriend. I was a heterosexual Black female who was also a virgin. That was my sad confession to him.

Kyle looked at me, shocked. I smiled at him. He kept asking me if I ever had any nearly sexual encounters or anything like that. Then, he asked me about my crushes. I looked at him. Maybe he really didn't know. Yes, he really didn't. He didn't know that I loved him, had always loved him. I hesitated. What would he say if I told him? What would Kyle, the rogue's rogue say if a woman told him she loved him? He might run like hell. Or he might...oh, hell. Only one way to find out. I told him. Kyle looked completely baffled by that statement.

You know when someone tells you they love you and they say they don't care whether or not you feel the same way? Don't believe them. Everyone wants to hear that the person they love feels the same way about them. I looked at Kyle, praying he felt the same way. He looked at me as if he'd been struck. He stammered. I smiled. So much for my big fantasy of him telling me he feels the same way and kissing me. Movies are fucking bullshit anyway. I give Kyle a simple hug. He holds me, and feels frail in my arms. This is so not the way I wanted things to go. Oh, well. They say that life is a first draft. You pretty much make it up as you go along and you don't have a chance for a rewrite. Welcome to my life. It sucks.

I wish I could tell you that things got better, that suddenly Kyle realized that out of all the men and women in the world, I'm the one person who loves him. He's an incorrigible Bad Boy. He will sleep with any willing man or woman who's over eighteen and under fifty. He doesn't discriminate based on race or gender, that's for sure. He's an undeniably sexy bastard who's got the face of an angel and the conniving mind of a devil. He's the king of pick up lines. He is unfamiliar with rejection of any kind. He's the Matinee Idol. Most people on campus didn't believe what Monica said. In fact, she got reprimanded for it by a disciplinary committee. Kyle was once more the number one man on campus. Undisputed. Unchallenged. The champion. How I wish he could be mine and mine alone.

We continued to hang out and be friends. Just a big tomboy and her jock friend. I didn't want to stop hanging out with Kyle. I simply didn't want him to bring up what was said. He tried several times but I couldn't bear to him say he only loved me as a friend. So many times people have asked us if we were a couple. Both of us laughed about that. Kyle would never settle down with anybody. He thought every person he met was out to manipulate and betray him. Like a victim of abuse, he had trouble trusting. I understood that. I simply wished he could get over it. I'd been there for him many times. If he could trust any soul, it should be mine.

I hope someday he will be able to trust somebody. None of us want to be alone, deep down. We may not care for the company around us, but we don't want to be alone. We're surrounded by evil, dangerous, crooked and manipulative souls and for this reason, many of us would rather be alone. Between bad company and no company, I'd choose no company. Someday, I would look for good company. I love Kyle to death but it's not meant to be. I am not the one for him and I am beginning to realize that he is not the one for me. I hope someday both of us will find our significant others. Wish us luck!