Roommates, Best Friends, More Ch. 05

Hey Guys!

I'm sorry you haven't hear of me in so long! I had an incredibly stressful semester and somehow just didn't get to write anything.

The first part of this story was carefully edited by 76Tromboners,

the second part was written at 2.30am in a train in the middle of nowhere and not edited at all. There's a lot in there and I really hope you like it.

Looking forward to your comments and remarks!

Love, Yami

*

"Alex, I'm sorry. I don't know if I can do this."

Matt looked so small and lost. I took his hand. He pulled back but this time I didn't let go.

"Tell me everything that scares you. Tell me everything that makes you think this will end up badly. I can't promise to find a solution but I will listen and I will try to understand. Okay?"

He gave me a little nod.

"There are many things that scare me." he whispered. "Most of all I don't want to lose my best friend. You have always been there, no matter if anyone else was. I want you as my boyfriend but I need you as my friend. You are my family. If I came out, my parents would turn their back on me; that much I know for sure. What if I risk it and it doesn't work out? What if we break up? I would lose everything. No more friends, no home, no support and nowhere to go."

Matt had tears in his eyes and his voice was trembling. "Yesterday everything was fine. Sure, I did have to supress my feelings for you but I was used to that and it was alright. I had my best friend and a home that actually made me feel home. Now everything has changed and I'm so afraid."

"Matt, do you trust me?" I asked.

Another small nod.

"As your best friend I promise to be there for you, no matter what happens. Whatever any of us might do or feel on the boyfriend level it will not affect this promise. You will always have a home here and a place to stay. You will never be on your own as long as you don't want to. Do you believe me?"

No nod this time. "How can you promise something like that?"

Guess he had a point. "I think it's because since we became friends I always wanted to protect you. And I'm not giving up on this."

My words were rewarded with a little smile.

"I want this so, so much. I want you so much. Please give me a chance to prove it." I begged.

He hesitated. The smile disappeared from his face as another thought came to his mind. "What if things like today keep happening? I feel so broken inside. I know I will have doubts again. Do something stupid, run away, cut myself, hurt you. How can I do this to you? How long will you take it?"

"What happened today was difficult to take because I had no idea what was happening. I believe we can solve every problem, if we talk to each other. Don't keep anything from me. As long as I know what's going on, I will be alright."

As if to squeeze out every last doubt he might have I hugged him tightly, whispering "I love you so fucking much and I will not give up on you."

He returned the hug and eventually gave me the answer I had hoped for. "I love you, too, Alex. I will give us a chance and I will try the best I can to make this work. But..."

"But what?"

"I think you're breaking my ribs."

Oh. "Sorry." I let go of him.

He chuckled, gently put his hand on my cheek and looked at me. I closed my eyes when he leaned in for a kiss. Slowly his lips came closer, I could feel his breath on my skin and it sent a chill down my spine.

Suddenly my stomach rumbled loudly. Matt started laughing and took his hand away.

"Sorry. Was too worried to eat," I apologized again with a bright red face.

"That's so you," he teased and poked my stomach.

"Hey!" I poked back.

He winced. "Carful, Alex, remember..." he nodded his head to his desk and the things still laying there.

How could I forget something like this? Damn stupid me.

"I'm sorry!" I exclaimed for the third time in about two minutes. New record, even for me.

"Don't worry." he smiled and lay his arm around me. "I know how clumsy you are and I love that as well."

Before I could protest he kissed me. I pulled him close to me, ran my fingers through his hair and caressed his neck. Matt shivered and his kiss got more intense. He bit my lip playfully and gave it a quick lick, his tongue found mine and my brain descended in chaos. There was nothing more but him and his touch. I was left breathless and with a sheepish grin when he broke the kiss. Matt had his eyes closed as if he wanted to savour the moment. I had mine open, because I didn't want to miss a single second of this.

Again the moment was broken by a growling stomach. "Yours, this time!" I stated and grinned.

Matt nodded. "Pizza?" he asked.

"Mushrooms for you, pepperoni for me." I asked. "Right?"

"Of course."

While I had been ordering the pizza Matt had thrown away the dirty tissues. The blade was still lying on his desk, so I took it. "Ouch!"

Matt looked alarmed. "What happened?"

"Cut my finger but only a little. It's fine."

He sighed. "What are you doing with that thing anyway?"

To be honest, I wasn't sure myself.

"Does it hurt?" I asked.

He looked confused. "Cutting? Well, of course it does. At first the pain in overwhelming and that's exactly why it feels so good. It's like all your sorrows get drowned in that pain. Since it's something you caused yourself it gives you a feeling of control. Cutting helps me to calm down, to push back the emotions that threaten to tear me apart. After a while it stops hurting. The pain loses its sharp edges and everything feels numb. You know the worst is over and you made it. At least until the next time when everything is too much and the urge to cut comes back."

Matt had explained all this in a very calm tone. He looked at me. "Excuse me, I didn't want to floor you. It's probably quite hard to understand if you've never been through something similar."

Instead of an answer I stepped up to him and hugged him close, as if I wanted to protect him from all those things inside his head that made him want to harm himself. "Thank you for telling me. I will try to understand, okay? It's not easy to accept, though, because I don't want you to be hurt by anything."

He leaned his head against my shoulder. "I know. And I feel bad about it but right now I'm not sure if I can stop. You need to understand that it is not as bad as it seems and that it is sometimes the only thing that helps. I will try to find other ways to cope and maybe one day I won't even think about cutting anymore but please give me time. Please don't angry or disappointed if it happens again and again, okay?"

"Okay." I said and gave him a kiss on his head. He raised his head and kissed me on the lips.

"Do you feel alright?" I asked.

Matt smiled at me and kissed me again. "Honestly? I feel wonderful."

A thought came to my mind. "Did you take care of your cuts?" I hadn't seen any patches or anything similar. He looked down.

"No. I never do. Somehow I just don't want to see them anymore when I'm done. I just put on a shirt and let them be."

"Could we?" I asked, almost shyly.

"What? Why?" he asked, a little irritated.

"Because I want to make every part of you feel better and that is a part as well." I explained. "But it's okay if you don't want that. I'm sorry. Don't think I'm creepy, okay?"

"You are not." Matt said. "You're very sweet. And maybe it's not the worst idea, I think I got it pretty bad this morning."

I went to the bathroom to fetch some band-aids, a wet towel and a special cream for wounds. When I returned Matt had already taken of his shirt. I gasped. There were six large cuts on his belly. They looked deep and were surrounded by dried blood. "I'm sorry, I know it looks awful."

"No, don't be." Carefully I washed away the blood and took care of his wounds. He watched me with a strange expression on his face.

"Are you okay?" I asked after I was done.

He nodded. "It's just... No one has ever looked after me the way you just did, not even when I was a little child. It feels good, somehow."

I smiled. "Get used to it." I gave his belly a quick kiss.

Now that he was all patched up I finally had the chance to enjoy what I was seeing and to be honest, I could not help staring. He looked so perfect, everything about him was beautiful.

"I know, it's quite an awful sight." He sighed.

"Are you kidding?" I was surprised. "To me you look like everything I ever wanted."

"What about the scars?"

I traced one of them with my finger. He chuckled.

"Ticklish" he explained.

"Interesting" I grinned. "I will keep that in mind. But for now..." I kissed one scar, than another. "They are not an "awful sight". I was shocked, when I first saw them, but not because of the way they look. I swear, your scars don't look ugly to me. I was shocked to see in how much pain you must have been and that's horrible. I love you, I don't want you to be in pain. Matty, I seriously want you to stop cutting and if I can do anything to help you with that, I will. If you feel the need to cut please talk to me. No fucking matter when, I will be there for you, okay? I know you can do this, even though it might take time."

He nodded hesistantly and I hugged him tight.

"Thank you." He whispered and smiled at me, grabbing his shirt, to put it back on.

"No!" I begged.

"No what?" he asked me while I was probably turning red.

"Uhm... Wouldn't it be a little more comfortable if you left it off?" I proposed in a very poor attempt of not letting him know how much I wanted to keep looking at him.

"Why would it be?" he wanted to know.

"Because I like what I see." I explained, gathering my courage. "And because I can do this." I leaned in for a kiss, my lips met his and while we were kissing I let my hands wander tenderly over his naked back and chest. Fondly I explored every inch of his bare skin. Matt seemed to enjoy it and came closer. Already a little bolder now I let my lips follow the trace of my hands, kissed his neck and chest and slowly wandered down to his belly button. He moaned a little.

Right then the doorbell rang. "Pizza service!"

I groaned and hesitantly took my lips from his body. "Damn."

I got up and Matt chuckled.

"What?" I asked. His eyes scanned my body and stopped at my crotch. Apparently my admiration for his body was clearly visible in my skinny jeans. I groaned again.

"Could you...?" He shook his head in a no way manner and smirked. "Same problem. Poor deliverance boy. "

"Poor me!" I corrected him. Then I went to the door, got and paid the pizza while trying to ignore the irritated stare I caused.

Matt was lingering on the bed when I came back. "You made it!" he chuckled.

I rolled my eyes and handed him his food. We ate silently so I had a little time to think.

"How will we go on from now?" I asked after we had eaten and cleaned up.

"Well... I would like to continue what we were doing before we were interrupted," Matt whispered, closing in.

"That's not what..." I started to say but I was silenced by a deep kiss. His tongue found mine and I forgot what I had been trying to say. Matt kissed me hungrily, pressing up against me. His hands caressed my shoulders, my back and my chest until they finally found their way under my shirt.

"Take it off!" he demanded and I did as I was told. He took his time to look at me before he let his hands and lips explore my body. Slowly, teasingly he kissed my neck, licked and bit it until I started moaning. His hand massaged my chest, then played with my nipple. His lips followed, careful at first. He sucked and licked my nipple, circled it with his tongue. A tender nibble, another lick. I pressed myself against his lips. Suddenly there was a sharp pain.

"Ouch! Don't bite!" I complained.

"Sorry," he apologized, giving me a very innocent look and a soft kiss on the lips before turning to my other nipple. Soon he had me moaning in pleasure again. Tenderly but firmly he pressed me back on the bed. "Do you have any idea of how long I wanted to do this?" he asked me with a coarse voice before he kissed me again, pressing his naked chest against mine and making me shiver.

I kissed him back passionately and let my hands skim over the soft skin on his back until I reached his waistband. Of course I could not resist the urge to slide my hand in. He gasped when I grabbed his ass and pulled him even closer.

Suddenly he backed off. Just when I opened my mouth to complain, his hands were back, lightly massaging my dick trough my trousers. It was almost painfully hard and I couldn't help but groan. Mockingly he played with my trouser button and pulled my waistband.

"Don't they disturb you a little?" he asked with a grin. I could only nod.

"Me, too." He said, opened my jeans and pulled them down together with my underwear.

Laying naked in front of him all of a sudden made me feel very self-conscious. Did he like what he was seeing? I had never really considered myself sexy and compared to his small frame and his smooth skin my ownslightly hairy chest and love handles made me feel a bit insecure. Matt let his gaze wander over me and let out a deep breath.

"You're so hot!" he whispered biting his lip. Then a slightly trembling hand started caressing my legs, paying special attention to my thigh and making me shiver with anticipation. Soft lips and a hot tongue followed. Slowly he kissed and licked his way up my inner thigh. I tensed when his lips came closer to my crotch... And skipped it, kissing my hips and belly instead. I let out a slightly disappointed moan and looked down on him. He was grinning.

"Is there something particular you want me to do?" he asked, clearly enjoying this game.

"You know exactly what I want you to do!" I whispered, not really trusting my voice.

"I'm not sure," he said with a smirk. "Maybe something like this?" he put his hand around my cock and gave it a firm stroke.

"Yes!" I moaned.

"Or maybe..." he continued, "more like this?" he quickly licked the drop of precum from the tip of my cock.

"Oh god, yes!" this time my moan came louder and more desperate.

"Tell me what you want!" he demanded, his lips so close I could feel his breath on my skin.

"Touch me!" I begged. "Touch me, kiss me, suck me, please, I need you to make me..."

I was cut off when he finally took my cock into his mouth, sucking me with his soft lips, caressing me with his velvet tongue.

"Oh damn!" I hissed. Matt's tongue swirling around the tip of my cock was the most intense feeling ever and the little moans he made, showing me how much he was enjoying this, drove me absolutely crazy. I bit my lips trying not to scream out my pleasure, when he pushed back my foreskin with his lips and slid his mouth almost completely down my shaft.

Matt was sucking me harder now, bobbing his head in a constant rhythm. I couldn't resist thrusting my hips to meet his movements. He stopped and shook his head, pressing me on the bed. I groaned and tried to restrain myself, even though I could feel my whole body tense under his teasing. With each upstroke Matt swirled his tongue around the head of my cock. "That feels so good!" I moaned. "Please don't stop...!"

He didn't stop. Instead he fastened his pace, getting me closer and closer.

"Matt, I'm gonna cum!" I groaned and tried to push him away but Matt shook his head, moaned and kept licking and sucking me passionately. My body bucked and convulsed and I exploded into his mouth with a scream. Matt sucked up every drop of cum and then looked up at me, smiling brightly.

"Oh my god." I sighed as I lay on my back panting.

With a quiet chuckle Matt moved up to me and looked at me. "You have the most sheepish smile on your face" he remarked with a grin.

"Wonder why" I murmured, pulled him to me and kissed his forehead.

He chuckled again, laid his head on my chest and cuddled against me. I caressed his hair and let my hand wander along his back until I reached his waistband. Slowly I started stroking his lower back, letting my fingers slide under his pants from time to time. Matt purred and cuddled closer. I could feel his erection pressing against my leg.

"I love you, Matt," I whispered. He looked up and smiled at me.

"I love you, too."