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Just As I Am.

* A woman stands at the gravestone of her husband.
She remembers how they met and what he meant to her.

People often speak of love.
There is no love greater than what I felt
for my beloved husband Hector.


I remember when I met Hector.
He was a tall, somewhat large youth.
People often thought he was a football
player or some kind of athlete. He was
a poet. We met while I was in college.
I worked in a library. He was a young
intellectual who often came to talk to me.
I have to admit that I looked forward to
our talks.


I had a boyfriend around the time that I met
Hector. He was a funny, nice guy. A real
gentleman. The kind that's rare these days.
We talked about anything and everything.
I came to like Hector. And I knew that he
liked me. He was tall, dark and handsome.
I always assumed he had a girlfriend.


He seemed so interesting. He liked talking
to people and listening. He was one of those
rare guys that actually took time to listen to
you. I saw him around school. Girls looked
at him and they did often. He was a good-
looking guy but I seemed to be the only one he
had eyes for.


My dear, poor shy Hector. It took a near-death
experience to make me realize who it is I was
supposed to be with. I had my energetic boyfriend
Kyle and he was a passionate lover. Yet in my time
of need, Hector was there. Kyle had cheated on
me with my best friend Jennifer. The girl I had known
for such a long time stabbed me in the back. I was
angry, I was hurt. I was mad at the world and the backstabbing
men and women who lived inside of it.


Hector saw me at one of my weakest moments.
That time when I felt like I had nothing to live for.
I was saying : " the world is shit. Men ain't shit.
Women ain't shit. It's just a bunch of dogs and
bitches slinging back the hurt from generation to
generation." Hector held me and told me that
he still believed in good men and good women.
I was shocked at his optimism and it pissed me
off. "Why do you sugar-coat it ?" I asked.


Hector told me all that he thought of the world.
He had seen bad men and bad women doing
all kinds of evil to each other. Murder. Violations.
Attacks. Conspiracies. So many of those evil things.
Yet he still believed in things like goodness and love.


At the time, what Hector said pissed me off.
He took me home and actually remained in the
couch while I slept in my bed. He watched over
me while I was distraught. I should have realized
how great he was then. But I didn't. I was too
caught up in my anger. I wanted revenge against
Kyle and Jennifer. Hector put up with my crap and
showed me another way.


We became greater friends after that. He was so cool.
Once more, I thought about how great he was and how
strange it was that such a great guy was still single. I asked
him. " I'm waiting for the one." he said. I smiled. There's
Hector for you. Mister romantic. We saw each other at school
and stuff. I met a new guy named Larry. Larry was handsome
and a real cool guy. We embarked on a love affair that lasted
a year. Larry moved from Boston to Los Angeles and our
relationship ended. As before, I turned to my great Hector for
comfort. I remember being inside the public library and reading
The Illiad by Homer. There was a mention of Hector, a great and
noble individual who defended his city and those he loved against
almost invincible invaders. How alike my Hector was the guy in
the book.


I read on and on. In the Illiad, Hector was the guy who helped
his fellow man. He did so much and asked for so little in return.
He died at the hands of the invincible Achilles. Poor Hector.
I found the book interesting. I mentioned it to my Hector and he smiled.
More than once I thought about Hector dying. Fighting for the ones he
loved, dying in a selfless sacrifice to save his doomed city. Basically fighting
for a lost cause.


It was then that I realized my Hector was fighting for me. Always. He was
always there when I needed him. He was always there for me. And not once
did I repay him. He never asked for anything in return. I empathized with
the character Andromaque in the Illiad. She knew she would lose her Hector.
I began to fear that I would lose mine. And the thought of life without Hector
terrified me.


I met him as a Freshman in college. And it was only sophomore year that I realized
how much he meant to me. I had to do something. I seldom make the first move.
I keep my feelings carefully guarded around people. I knew that I wanted Hector.
So, I invited him to my house. He was at a poet's convention and the only way
to get him to come to me was to tell him I needed him to come badly. My faithful
Hector came back to me, thinking I was in some kind of trouble ( as usual). He came knocking on my door, and asked me what was going on. I recall smiling and in a move very uncharacteristic of me, I put my arms around him and kissed him. He was surprised but did kiss me back. I took him to bed. My best friend. My advisor. My fellow student. My buddy. And now, my lover. I got the most wonderful surprise when Hector told me that he had been waiting for me. He had saved himself to be with me. I was shocked. This surprised me. And made me love
him more. We made love that night and many, many times after that.


Hector and I moved in together eight months after we had revealed ourselves to each
other and performed the ultimate act between a man and a woman. Three months
after graduation from college, we got married. Two years later, our son Jonathan was born. He was followed by the twins, Jessica and Allison. We had another son, Richard. I loved Hector and our children. I loved this man and all he had given me.
A wonderful life. A new outlook on the universe. He accepted me just as I am. After many years of marriage, my wonderful Hector died. He just went to sleep and did not wake up.


I miss him terribly. I was the only woman he loved. And he was and shall be the only man I will ever love. Once, he told me how his favorite animal, the wolf, mated for life. Hector, my wonderful Hector. Wherever you are, hear this. I mate for life too. And we shall be together again.

The end.

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