There and Back Again Ch. 079-080

Chapter Seventy-Nine: *Can You Feel Me Now?

We'd barely made it through the door when Alistair kicked it shut behind us. He set me carefully on the bed, then took the platter of food from my hands and put it on a table. Climbing up bedside me, he curled himself around me and pulled me into his embrace. I relaxed, enjoying the comfort and closeness, enjoying the warmth of his body pressed against mine. Even after the bath, I didn't really feel warm. It felt like the cold in the dungeon had settled in to my bones, and I was having a hard time getting warm again.

When he felt me shiver, Alistair rolled us to lay me across his chest and pull up the blankets on the bed. It felt a bit ridiculous being clothed in bed, but it was warmer, so I wasn't about to object. His heartbeat thumped slowly in my ear, and I closed my eyes to listen to the soothing sound. His hands came up to stroke my back, and I practically purred.

"So what was it this time?" he asked, dragging me from my reverie.

"Hmm? What was what?" I lifted my head so I could look him in the eye.

"What drove you back to Earth?" he clarified.

I blushed, and he gave me an intrigued look. "Nothing. It just occurred to me that it had been a while since I'd gone back, and I was worried it would happen while we were in the Deep Roads."

He sighed, and I echoed him. When nothing more seemed forthcoming, I laid my head back down on his chest. We cuddled together like that for a few minutes, and I felt my eyes starting to drift closed. Suddenly they flew wide open as he reversed our positions, rolling me over and landing on top of me. He grabbed my wrists, gently pinning them above my head. I squeaked in surprise, and he silenced me with a sudden, passionate kiss. I relaxed into it as he swept his tongue through my mouth to engage with mine.

He pulled away, panting, his eyes almost black with desire. I wiggled my hips, rubbing myself against the bulge I could feel through his trousers, and he hissed.

"So...Avernus says that your leaving is voluntary, right? That you only go when you want to?"

I nodded, confused by the subject matter. "Yes, bu-"

He cut me off with a finger to my lips. "We are going to test that theory."

"Wha-?" I mumbled around his finger.

"Here's what's going to happen. I'm going to give you the motivation to stay. So from now on, if you go back, if you disappear, you will be...punished."

"Punished?" I might have been creeped out, if the mischievous glint in his eyes hadn't made it obvious that this was a game. At least, sort of a game. I hope.

He nodded, and I felt one of his hands slide down my side, brushing against my breast before continuing down my hip to my thigh. I gasped as he gathered the material of my dress and slid his hand underneath, all without letting go of my wrists.

"Punished how?"

"I think it will be more fun to show you, actually."

"I haven't agreed to this, you know."

"Doesn't matter. It's a promise I'm making to you, right here and now. Leave me again, and you will be punished." He leaned in and whispered huskily in my ear. "Don't worry. All you have to do is hold still. You can do that, can't you?"

I groaned as he parroted back my own words from Denerim, but couldn't deny that a thrill of arousal travelled down my spine in response. My hips twitched, underneath him, and he grinned.

His hand crept up my thigh, stroking my bare hip softly. "Do you know what you did to me, sitting in my lap all through dinner with no smalls? Are you trying to kill me?"

I smirked and wriggled against him again, and he stilled my hips with his as he pulled my dress up slowly. He briefly let go of my wrists to pull the dress over my head and toss it carelessly to the floor, then kissed me as he captured my wrists again.

"Stay," he whispered, and let go again to push himself up, kneeling between my thighs. I watched avidly as he pulled off his tunic, my eyes roaming over his impressive chest; I moaned out loud when he unlaced his trousers and his erection popped out, enormous and straining and beautiful. I spread my legs a little bit and wriggled, anticipating him taking me hard and fast and desperate.

Instead, he settled back down, his belly in the V of my thighs, and used his hands to tilt my head before slowly buzzing kisses along my jaw, stopping to lick my ear before continuing down my neck. He nuzzled my collarbone, then continued further south to find my pebbled nipple with his lips, while one hand teased the other. I almost came when he gently closed his teeth around the little bud, and I writhed beneath him.

He backed off and began planting little kisses all over my breasts, alternating sides, nibbling lightly on the sensitive skin, and then sucking until I knew he'd left marks. I'm going to be covered in bruises tomorrow...I moaned in disappointment when he stopped, but gasped as I felt his tongue tease at my little belly button. He then kissed his way down over my hairless mound, settling in between my thighs.

I was already soaked, I knew, and I quivered in anticipation of his touch, but it didn't come. I lifted my head to look down, seeing him staring intently at me, his cheeks flushed, and his breath ghosting over my lips. When I almost couldn't take it anymore, he finally, slowly approached and I moaned as the tip of his tongue tickled down along my slit. I bucked, needing more, but he reached around under my thighs to pin my hips with his big hands.

He tsk'ed at me. "Moving already? For shame."

I blushed and flopped my head back onto the pillow. I felt his tongue again, but this time he licked firmly from my opening, all the way up over my sensitive pearl, and I cried out. He returned to tease against my opening, waiting until I whispered his name, begging, before he pressed the thick muscle inside me. I continued chanting his name, encouraging him on, as he began an in-and-out action that was driving me wild. I wanted to writhe, the pleasure of something filling me too much, but his hands holding my hips did not let go, and instead I just fluttered uselessly against the restraint.

When I couldn't hold out any longer, my hand, of its own accord, came to rest on the back of his head, encouraging him on, stroking through his beautiful blond hair. That must have been his cue, for he slid his tongue up and over my pearl before finally sucking the little nub into his mouth. I cried out, so close to orgasm, but he was careful not to increase the pressure, to hold me there, while his hands relentlessly kept me from bucking towards the source of my torment.

Just before I thought I would go over the edge, he stopped. He rolled to one side, climbing back up to lay alongside me, leaving me panting and whimpering in thwarted pleasure. He recaptured my wrists, again holding them crossed above my head. He idly played with one nipple, deliciously pinching and rolling it between his fingers. It was exquisite torture, and I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

Leaning in to kiss away my tear, he whispered, "Next time you leave me here," he flicked my nipple and licked the shell of my ear for emphasis, "when you get back, I'm going to do this, get you worked up just like this, and then..." He paused, and I could practically hear the smirk on his face. "Leave you. Desperate and needy and so close you can almost taste it. Do you understand?"

He flicked my nipple again, and I moaned and shivered. "Yes," I whispered, not able to even voice my desperate plea.

"And you agree this is a fair punishment?" He stroked my breast lightly.

I'd have said anything he wanted to hear to be allowed to come. I wasn't even listening to what I'd agreed to. "Yes."

"And you promise not to leave me again?"

"Yes, yes, anything. Alistair, please!" I shuddered in discomfort.

"Say it, Sierra. Say you'll never leave me again. I want to hear it."

"I'll never leave you again. I swear! Please, Alistair!"

He left me there a few more moments, still pinching and rolling my nipple, keeping me desperately aroused, but not enough to orgasm. His gaze roving over my face, finally he nodded and his hand left my breast. Before I could even protest, he slid two fingers into my very wet crevasse and began rubbing firmly on either side of my stiff pearl. I came undone in seconds, so overwrought from his earlier ministrations; I keened, sobbing, legs twitching spastically as the sensation took over.

I noticed with the remainder of the tiny rational part my brain that Alistair was moving, and before I'd even started to wind down, he had rolled on top of me and sheathed himself while I still convulsed. He began sliding inside me, drawing out my orgasm, groaning as he was caught in a contraction.

It occurred to me, in my lust-filled haze, that I could feel the taint in Alistair's veins, like I had felt it in the dungeon. It was like darkspawn, but different, tickling at the edge of my consciousness, stronger the closer I was to the source. As close as I was to Alistair, it was intense, and I could feel him as he thrust into me, then feel it lessening as he pulled out. It felt like not only was he entering my body, he was thrusting into my mind. It was overwhelming, and I cried out, wrapping my arms around his neck, hooking my heels behind his thighs, encouraging him on.

He roared as he finally came deep inside me, and I shuddered through his irregular thrusting and twitching as his orgasm took him. My muscles clenched around the invader and I clung to his neck with abandon, panting into his shoulder as he collapsed down onto me. We stayed like that while we calmed down and our heart rates slowed; he knew I liked him to stay put for the afterglow.

"I can feel you."

He snorted. "That's not exactly a surprise, love, after what we just did."

I giggled and clenched my muscles, triggering a groan and a twitch. "Not that! I mean, yes, that too, but I was talking about the taint. I can sense you. I could in the dungeon, too, though I had assumed it would be Solona."

I could hear his smile. "And what does it feel like?" There was longing in his tone.

"It's sort of like the feeling when someone is staring at you when you can't see them. It tickles at the back of my mind."

"I mean, what do I feel like? Does it feel different than Solona?"

I considered, extending out my senses to judge the two different sources of taint, one near and one farther away. "It does. I never noticed."

Solona felt like sadness, like the moment after the break-up in a romance novel, the moment after the main character dies in a television series. Penetrating sadness was all I could feel.

Alistair felt like... "Sunshine."

"What?" He finally rolled off me, pulling me in to cuddle against his chest as we lay facing each other.

"You feel like sunshine. Warm and happy and optimistic, shining like the sun on my face." I basked in the sensation.

He laughed, blushing scarlet. "I'm...flattered, I think?"

I wrinkled my brow in confusion. "Why flattered? It's just how you feel."

"Yes, but the way you feel a Warden is the way you see them. Your impressions of them flavour the sensation of their taint - it reflects your impression of them, not who they really are. So you see Solona as being sad, and that's how she feels to you. And apparently, you see me as sunshine." He shook his head. "I'm not feeling very manly with that description, you know."

I giggled, curling in closer. "If you could feel what I feel, with that scorching hot sunshine inside me when we're making love, you wouldn't be worried about that. That was...intense."

"I wish I could feel you. I wonder what you'd feel like? Duncan's never mentioned it, but I overheard some of the others talking about how overpowering it is when two Wardens..." he blushed more, and I grinned, "get together. I wish we could share that. I'm glad the darkspawn can't either, of course, but I just wish the Architect had left you alone."

I was momentarily sad about that; it seemed like it might be the only redeeming feature of the taint. But I couldn't be too upset for long; I was with the man I loved, he had come for me against all odds, and I could now feel my own personal sunshine any time I needed it. And I know exactly how to cheer him up.

I pushed on his chest, and he rolled onto his back in surprise. I knelt beside him, pushing the blankets down further to expose him entirely. A sheen of sweat covered his muscular chest, his hair was a mess, and he had a beatific smile on his handsome face as he gave me a similar once-over. Looking down further, he was still semi-erect, laying against his thigh.

I leaned over, giving Alistair quite the view, and lifted his cock with my hand before licking it from root to tip, tasting our mixed secretions. He immediately started to harden, and I smiled. I repeated it, before looking up to lock gazes with Alistair for one brief moment.

"Can you feel me now?"

I engulfed the head with my mouth, and his chuckle turned into a ragged moan as I suckled gently while using my hand to caress his shaft. When he was fully hard and thrusting slightly with his hips, I released him and swung my leg over his hips, sheathing him inside me in one swift move. I rode him to mutual completion as he alternated stroking my tender nipples and my overwrought clit.

We slept snuggled together, smiles on both of our faces.

When I woke, Alistair was looking down at me, expression guarded. Or guilty. Or something.

"What's that look for?"

He flushed and looked away, only to end up staring at my breasts. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

Looking down myself, I realized I was covered in hickeys. There were several on each breast, and more up my chest; I assumed my neck was probably covered as well. I reached down and poked one of the darker bruises; it didn't hurt.

I looked back to Alistair, using my fingers to tilt his chin back up, waiting until he looked me in the eye. "Oh, honey, it's fine. They're not bruises, not really. They're hickeys. They don't hurt, honestly." I appraised them critically. "I sort of like them, actually. A reminder. But I'm afraid I'm going to have to take a potion or something, or Aedan will probably lose it when he sees me." I sighed. "Too bad, really."

Alistair still looked apprehensive; I leaned in to kiss him soundly. "I wouldn't mind if you kept the marks somewhere that won't show, next time, but don't worry about them. Seriously."

When he looked ready to object, I kissed him again, and then again, until we had both forgotten what we were even talking about.

When we finally emerged, later in the morning, the guard came around to question us about Jarvia. When I explained that I'd been kidnapped, their questions became less judgemental and more sympathetic, and giving them the papers we'd recovered from Jarvia's office didn't hurt either. They were quick to assure us that there would be no political ramifications for the Wardens from the untimely demise of the entire Carta, or from conscripting Faren. They were happy enough to deal with the Carta member paralysed in an equipment trunk on the Proving Grounds as well, and thanked Solona profusely for not allowing something untoward to happen to the Proving.

Faren had a bunch of questions after his discussion with Leli and Solona the night before. I wasn't convinced he believed me, but at least the level of hostility had toned down significantly. I suppose he'll believe it when I disappear next...which I won't, if Alistair has anything to say about it. He was pleased to hear that his sister was pregnant with a boy (even if he remained skeptical), which would make her an Aeducan, though less pleased when he remembered that we were supposedly supporting Harrowmont.

"Not really, though. Honestly, Faren. I will do anything in my power to make sure Rica and her son are okay. We're looking for Sereda, and if we find her, we'll ask her to recognise Rica's son as an Aeducan. She'll need an heir, after all, and she sounds...reasonable, from what I can gather. Worst case scenario, you can bring her and the kid to the surface with the Wardens."

He didn't seem entirely placated, but he wasn't threatening me or glowering at me, so I called it a victory.

"Shouldn't you know if we will be able to find the Princess, if you know so much?"

"I don't know everything. In my world, my options to interact with this one were very limited. There was a script. Several things have gone off script since I've been here, and the changes I brought about have knocked a few others off. It's sort of complicated. But essentially, in the game, they never let a Warden go looking for Sereda. The assumption was that she died, and that was all they wrote. But without me, the Wardens wouldn't have gotten Gorim to open up, so wouldn't have known about the possibility that she lived.

"It's all a bit...confusing." I shrugged uncomfortably. I hate talking about Earth and the game. My life is here now, I wish I could forget about the rest...

"Faren..." I debated continuing my sentence, eventually deciding I had to say something. "I'm sorry. About Leske."

He looked away, his jaw clenched. "Not your fault. If it hadn't been for you I'd probably have killed him instead of setting him loose in that dungeon. Stupid bastard; I don't know what he was thinking."

"He was thinking he wanted to make amends. To give you a second chance. Don't demean his choice by calling him stupid, Faren. In the end, he loved you and Rica, and that's valuable."

Faren closed his eyes, and I wondered if he was fighting back tears. "And I won't forget."

I hesitantly set my hand on his shoulder, pulling it back when he flinched. "If there's anything we can do...even if you just want to talk..."

"Thanks, but no thanks. I appreciate the thought, though." He turned and walked away, and I watched him until he climbed the stairs leading to the room he'd been assigned.

Alistair and I spent the rest of the day cuddling, and chatting with Leli and Zev, who were trying to draw out the details of what had me so freaked out the night before. I told them about the threat to remove a finger as proof of life, and Leli hugged me sympathetically. I didn't want to admit that a lot of it was killing my first person. Regardless of how necessary it was, I felt sick over the loss of life, but I didn't want to say that in front of my chosen family, all of whom had killed people in the past, some of them to defend me.

I knew Alistair could tell what I was trying to avoid saying, though, when he squeezed my hand and saved me by changing the subject.

I asked Leli and Zev to show me how to fight unarmed; they were surprised until I explained my little tussle with Tooth. We cleared some of the tables out of the middle of the room, and Faren surprised me by joining in my training. I actually found unarmed combat easier than armed, and they were able to expand my repertoire of moves, so I didn't have just the one throw in my arsenal. I wasn't exactly going to qualify for the MMA league, but at least I had a few things to practice for self-defense.

After lunch, and replacing the tables under Mistress Leta's baleful gaze, Alistair dragged me back to our room for a 'nap', in which no sleep was had. We kissed and talked and made love, then talked and made love some more, until we emerged for supper starving and rumpled. Zev muttered bitterly under his breath, and I assumed he was missing Aedan. Leliana gave me a wicked smile and a wink. Faren and Solona just ignored the obvious signs of the nooky we'd been having.

We spent the evening playing cards, or at least, everyone else did. Not only did I not know the games, I was useless as a poker player, so I watched. To no one's surprise, Zev and Faren split the pot pretty evenly. Everyone was grumbling as we got ready to head to bed when the main doors to the estate opened, and in walked Duncan, Aedan, and all of our other companions.