Roommates, Best Friends, More Ch. 02

Dear readers,

Again I want to thank my editor, 76Tromboners, she is doing a great job, helping me to hide that English is in fact not my mother tongue.

And thanks to you, of course, for reading!

Hope you enjoy the second part.

Again, everyone is over 18.

YamiAndYugi

*****

It had been almost two weeks since Matt had moved in. I was still more or less successful trying not to think about things like how cute he looked when he was reading, thinking or experimenting on his guitar and how sexy when he walked around in a slim shirt, or... Okay, rather less successful.

However, when I came home from university on Saturday evening Matt had prepared popcorn, nachos and some coffee and grinned, handing me the LotR DVDs "I promised. Let's do this!"

With a very serious expression on my face I put the first DVD in the player. "Are you ready to have your life changed forever?" I asked in a low voice. He shook his head in a slightly mocking way and smiled at me.

"Teach me, master," he whispered. Now it was my turn to shake my head, but I didn't say anything and simply started the movie. He made some space on the couch so I could sit next to him. Soon we got so drawn into the story, sometimes discussing, sometimes just watching, that I almost forgot to notice how close he was sitting next to me. Almost.

Towards the end of the second movie Matt started to become very tired. He leaned closer and closer, almost cuddling up against my shoulder until he finally fell asleep. I carefully adjusted my position so he would lie comfortably against me. Barely could I resist the urge to caress his face and his beautiful body. As he lay there in my arms I could not deny it anymore. I was in love with my best friend. Who had just moved in with me. Well... Fuck.

Without me really noticing, my right hand played with a lock of his long black hair. He moved and opened his eyes a little. "Alex?" he blinked, "what are you doing in my bed?" I quickly let go of his hair and tried to sit straight without pushing him away.

"As you might notice if you opened your eyes again, we are in my room on my couch and we were watching the most epic movies ever recorded, until someone decided to fall asleep after not even two DVDs." Now Matt straightened himself and looked around.

"Oh... Sorry. I didn't mean to. Lord of the Rings is great. I really like it. It's just that I didn't sleep well last night and I'm pretty tired now. Maybe we could continue tomorrow?"

"Sure thing, but I won't let you get out of this easily," I threatened with a smile on my face. "You are going to see these movies, sooner or later. But let's call it a day for now." I mussed up his hair and added: "For your consolation: I didn't make it much longer when I saw it for the first time. Then again, I was nine years old, so I'm not sure if that counts." He stuck out his tongue, wished me a good night and scuffed into his room.

I cleaned up a little and went to bed as well, even though I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep so soon. What the hell was I supposed to do now? How long could I possibly hide my feelings for Matt, when he was around me 24/7? How long could I resist the urge to hug him, kiss him, tell him how much I loved him? My thoughts were churning. I didn't want to lose my best friend; I was so afraid to scare him away. Matt didn't even know I was gay. Maybe that should be the first thing to tell him? On the other hand, he was not homophobic, of course, but almost everyone in our hometown was, and what if that influenced him so he wouldn't want to live here with me anymore if he knew? I felt incredibly helpless. This wasn't fair. I rolled over for the forty-second time. And then I heard Matt scream.

Matt's scream was not a little shriek but an ear-splitting, blood-curdling sound of fear and terror. I had heard him scream like that quite often when we had been children. He used to have the worst nightmares and cry in his sleep, unable to wake up. Without even thinking I stood up, walked into his room and turned on the lights. Matt was tossing and turning, crying and mumbling.

I held his shoulders and shook him carefully to wake him up. "Matt, it's okay! It's okay, I'm here, wake up!" At first he didn't react at all. Then, all of a sudden, he opened his eyes wide. It took him a moment to recognize me. As soon as he did he threw himself into my arms. I held him, caressed his back and head and hummed quietly. Slowly his sobbing and trembling subsided. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I had one of these dreams again. I was with you, everything was just fine but suddenly everything went black, you were gone and there was blood everywhere. People from our town showed up. They looked dead and completely emotionless. They had knives and they cut me apart. I screamed and tried to run but my legs were hurt too much. They were laughing as they cut my flesh. Then you came and woke me."

He had tears running down his face when he looked at me. I wiped them away carefully. "Hey, I'm here. I won't go away, I promise. I won't leave you alone with all that. Okay?" He nodded. , After a short pause I asked: "Was that the first time you dreamt something like this?"

"It was the first time since I moved here. At home it happened every fucking night." No wonder he had looked so pale and tired when he arrived here, I thought to myself.

Suddenly something else about him caught my attention. Matt wasn't wearing a shirt but that was not what distracted me. What shocked me was that his whole belly was covered in cutting scars, some of them looking not older than two weeks. "Matt..." I whispered, and couldn't help but stare. He winced when he understood what I was so upset about and tried to cover himself with his blanket, but I didn't let him. "Matt, did you do this?"

He hung his head and gave me a little nod. "I'm so sorry. Life just kept getting worse after you left. I was so damn lonely, I had no real friends and always felt like I didn't belong at all. I missed you but I kept telling myself that you didn't need me anymore and I shouldn't harass you with my problems. And then they found out..."

I waited for him to continue but he didn't. "Found out what?" I asked quietly. He hesitated. "You know you can talk to me. You can trust me and no matter what I'll be there for you."

His voice was barely audible. "I'm gay." I couldn't believe my ears. He was? It felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. Even though I wasn't sure if this would make things easier or more complicated, it at least meant I wouldn't have to hide that part of me.

"Alex?" I hadn't realized I had been sitting there, not saying a word, since Matt confessed his secret, and now he was sitting there, staring at me with the most frantic look I had ever seen on his face.

"Thank you so much for telling me!" I whispered as I pulled him into another hug.

"You don't... I don't know... You're not shocked?" he asked as if he just couldn't believe it.

"I'm relieved," I answered. "Matt, I'm gay too. I didn't dare to tell you because I was so afraid of scaring you away. I need you. I am so happy you moved here, I'm happy you are gay and very happy you told me. And I am so sorry I left you alone. I will never do that again." I let go of Matt to look into his face that was still wet from the tears he had shed. Carefully I caressed his cheeks, his chest and his belly. "Matty, you are the most beautiful person I know, and the most intelligent guy I ever met. Please don't feel lost, don't feel worthless and don't let them define you. No matter what they think, to me you are more than perfection and I love you so, so much."

The moment I noticed what I just said I closed my mouth in pure shock but I couldn't take back it back. Or could I? "Uhm, I mean... You're my best friend and... Uhm... I... I just meant..." Not the best attempt, I knew.

Matt looked confused. "What did you mean? What's wrong?" he asked and looked at me with eyes that seemed to search the bottom of my soul.

Lie! The voice in my head shouted. He will be scared in the end and you will lose him after all! Lie!

I ignored the voice. Hiding my feelings just didn't seem possible anymore. "I meant 'I love you, Matty'," I stated, watching him for a reaction. "As in 'I'm in love with you.' As in 'I can't fucking get you out of my head. As in 'I already regret saying this, because..." And right then, he kissed me.