My Sexuality Ch. 02

I don't really fit the stereotypical cuckold mold. I am masculine and confident, even sexually; I prefer to submit and serve but I don't see that as a feminine quality even though it can be seen as a traditionally more feminine role.

I think a lot about how I want to be treated, and how to please my partner. I consider what I am willing to compromise on, what elements are most important in what I want sexually, and how much I am willing to indulge her in those places where our tastes diverge.

Spending so much time in my own head, I think I could easily flip roles and be a Dom should she need me to be. I enjoy the sub role much more, but I believe that I am more than capable of being a switch should she need it; I think I'd be really good at it, honestly, because I've thought so much about what I want in a Domme that I think I can provide that for her when I take over the role. I'm sure what she'd want would be different, but I don't think so different that I couldn't tweak my mindset and be the man of her wet dreams.

I don't simply want to be man enough for her; I need to be. I can't see myself in a long-term relationship in which she needs more than I can provide. That may seem counter-intuitive in a man who desires a hot-wife relationship, but actually - at least as I see it - I think it's the only way that relationship can work.

If we aren't strong enough to be enough for one another, if we NEED something the other can't provide, then I don't see how we can possibly stay together. Theoretically I can see it, how if the only thing she needs that I can't provide is something sexual that she can get from another, with my blessing, without cheating or straining the relationship. But if every time she needs that she needs somebody else, I don't see how that can work long-term. I don't think, in practice, it could work.

I guess it can for some people; I've gotten to know a lot of people online and it seems to work for them. Maybe saying that I need that type of relationship is a better way to articulate it. Maybe that's why "hotwife" may be a much better term to describe what I want than "cuckold." I use them interchangeably, but the connotation that goes with "cuckold" isn't something I want... although if she does, at least some elements of it, some of the time, I'm willing to indulge.

The relationship I want doesn't just thrive when you are more than enough for one another, it requires it. That level of trust and love is what keeps the relationship from breaking, from being torn apart by jealousy, when she fucks other men. Because I know that I can provide that for her, I won't be jealous. And because she knows I can provide that for her, she won't ever have to fantasize about being with a man who, alone, can provide her what she needs. She knows that she has that. If, at any point, we wish to close the relationship, that's an option. Knowing that that's on the table would free us up to enjoy it; knowing that we have that option would, I think, free us so that we can enjoy her... I don't know what to call it. It's not "cheating" because she is doing it with my permission, with my encouragement. Dalliances, I suppose.

Because our relationship would be built upon a strong foundation of trust, we would be able to enjoy it when she fucks other men. It's fun to mix things up, I think a strong sex life requires variety. It would be fun to play with gender roles, with her straying, with her dominating me one-on-one sometimes; taking her pleasure with little regard for mine sometimes. It'd be fun for her to use me as an object to satisfy her, to "make" me serve her, to give her an orgasm, to have sex that ends when she orgasms. If she doesn't want me to enjoy myself then of course that's a problem, but changing things up and having sexual encounters in which she orgasms and I don't appeals to me. I want to show her that I'm not selfish, that her pleasure is important to me. Women have encounters with men in which they don't orgasm, it would be refreshing to switch things up. I know some women say that they still enjoy themselves even when they don't orgasm; well, I've enjoyed myself when she does and I don't also.

It would be fun to have her take on a more masculine role sexually sometimes, strapping one on and pegging me. I want to experiment with her, and give myself to her, and share that with each other. I want to explore all kinds of sexual deviant behavior with a woman I care about. I want to show her what it's like to be the penetrator and have passionate strap-on sex, sharing things with each other in a way that all too many guys aren't willing to do, unable to let go of their bullshit expectations of what is masculine. And I want to have dirty, nasty strap-on sex when she makes me her bitch and gets off on making me moan, and say her name.

I'm not just willing to take over the dominant role from time to time, I want it. I want to share that with her too. It's not my favorite thing, but sexually there is very little I don't want to try, to experiment with, to keep in the rotation; I am resolved to never let our sex life get stale.

I want to have it all; I want her to want to have it all too. And I'm going to do my very fucking best to make sure I give it to her.

These are the things one thinks about when it's difficult to date. It's made me more of a perv if you want to spin it negatively; I'd like to think it'll make me a better boyfriend when a woman is willing to give me a chance. I don't get many chances, when a woman is willing to take a chance on me I don't want to screw things up by being thoughtless, or selfish.

(I get rejected a lot; I need to work on my pick-up lines.

... it's not my pick-up lines, it's my face. And body. And personality. Their loss... that's what my mom says.)