I'm Loving It Ch. 02

After I got home from McDonald's parking lot, I could taste Miko and smell him all over me. I felt sexy and guilty and nervous about what I would do in my relationship now. I got home and looked around at our apartment, our pictures, our memories. My heart, which had moments before been so thrilled by Miko's attention, was now heavy with sadness as I remembered the things I used to love in my relationship with Steve.

The whole infidelity had hit me like a charging bull, out of nowhere, so it almost didn't feel real. When I woke up this morning, I had no idea I was going to cheat on my boyfriend, suck another man's cock, and swallow his cum. All of it just sort of happened as I let go into the moment, and it wasn't like I just stepped outside of my relationship—it was as if I'd stepped outside of my life. I'd been plodding through my own existence on a treadmill, and suddenly I'd derailed, done something spontaneous. And having that tiny bit of distance now allowed me to look at my daily routine, my role as Steve's meat puppet, my struggle to build my business, and just see how weary and unfulfilled I'd become by everything.

Emotions were hitting me from both sides like a riptide. The picture of Steve and I on the fridge was taken in South Beach, Miami two months after we met, and I beamed proudly in his arms wearing my sexy frilly bikini while he held me with strong arms and gave the camera a sly look like 'eat your heart out, this is my girl'. He'd been a different man, then, doting on me and excited to do things together. For at least the last three months, probably more, our relationship had been a slow descent into boredom and disconnection.

I actually think I just kept blowing him all the time because it was a fun way for me to get off, having my boyfriend's cock in my mouth, and also because I wouldn't have to have sex with him. I realized that I hadn't wanted to lately. Sex used to be so intense it could go from feather tickling tenderness to being dragged back and forth across the bed like a human windshield wiper while Steve plowed into me and had his way, then poof he would shift gears and dote all over my bruised, shivering body with soft kisses and caresses. He was pure animal and also sincere sweetness and kindness and caring about me.

But somewhere in the daily grind, all of that had disappeared and been replaced by this watered down version whose idea of passionate sex was shoving his dick in my mouth while I was trying to watch TV, and then romancing me with some absent-minded knee-squeezing while he passed out in post orgasmic bliss against me. Why had I stood for this, and how had it become normal? Trying to swallow this terrible fact was like having an oversized glob of peanut butter lodged in my windpipe: it slid slowly and painfully into my consciousness, inching along and hurting the further it went.

One minute I'm glad I cheated on him and I want Miko to fuck me right now, and the next moment I'm crying as I remember the way Steve used to touch me. He was as sweet as Miko in the beginning, which made me wonder if Miko would then suddenly get used to me after a few months and start not caring. Is that just what every guy does, once they've got the girl? Did I actually know any couple who was truly happy being together?

I sat down on the couch without showering or changing. I'm not going to wipe the evidence away, I decided, I'm just going to sit here and wait and tell Steve the truth. Then at least I will be living in tune with myself, and not trying to hide behind a guilty lie.

Steve had cocooned me away in some mind-numbing malaise which I didn't even notice happening. My girlfriends barely texted me or asked me to do anything anymore, and even my bestie Sarah hardly ever called or hung out. Last time had been a hurried coffee after work, then she left to go clubbing and I dragged myself back to the tomb. And Jeffrey Spurning, my bestie gay friend who we all call 'Sperming' or 'Sperminator', had had a new boyfriend for three months that I hadn't even met yet! I was a social yokel all the sudden.

Did Steve really do that to me? No. I allowed it all to happen. He just got irritable or argued with me or made it sound like I was neglecting him if I wanted to go out. And that's how my life began to orbit his, and my needs became less important, until I'd sunk to a near friendless, subservient level.

Sucking Miko's cock was empowering.

But now I heard Steve's boots thumping through the garage, then the sound of our kitchen door, and I had the biggest knot in my stomach. He hung his keys on the rack by the door, kicked his boots off, and walked into the kitchen. I was sitting so still he didn't notice me at first, and I watched him walk to the cabinet and grab a glass. Before he made it to the fridge, he saw me and said, "Oh hey. Why didn't you turn on any lights?"

It wasn't dark out, but it was evening and the light was behind the evergreens in our backyard, leaving our house eerily dark. "I didn't want to," I said.

He flipped the kitchen dimmer, and the track lighting roared into my vision like a blinding flash. Steve's silhouette hung in the middle of it like some ominous, shadowy enemy until my eyes adjusted.

"What's up, honey? Everything okay?" he said.

This made me choke up, and all of my resolve that he deserved to get cheated on suddenly crumbled in that moment. I shook my head no.

"Awww, what's wrong hon?" He walked across the living room and then stopped. "I just gotta say, you look really good right now. Super sexy." And his eyes showed me that look, like the photo on the fridge, where he was proud of me being his girl. Then he knelt down in front of me and took my hands in his. His eyes were like new, seeing into me, loving me.

I almost burst out crying at this point, but I held it in. He leaned forward to try to kiss me, but I pulled away. There was no way I was letting him kiss my slutty mouth with another man's cum in it.

"I..." I started and trailed off.

He smiled, totally oblivious, like this was some cute game I was playing. "Yeasss?" He said, dragging the word out.

"I have a confession," I finally managed, inching myself closer to the truth since I couldn't spit it out.

"You're so serious!" he said, looking soberly at me. "Okay, what's your confession?"

"I am serious," I said.

"What is it?" he tried to kiss me again and I squirmed away.

"I did something bad," I managed, squirming around the truth some more. It was over, I knew it was over. I was trying to think of any way for this to end, but there wasn't any. He was going to pack his stuff and storm out the door in T-minus 5...4...3...2...1....

"I cheated on you," I blurted out.

Steve's face froze for a minute with that half-smile melting off of it so slowly you barely notice, the way cloud animals morph into something else when you stare at them, trying to hold the shape in your mind long after it's gone.

"You did?" he said. No trace of his smile was left.

I nodded, bit my lip, couldn't look in his eyes.

Steve fell back so his butt landed on the rug and his back was against the couch, facing away from me. "Oh damn," he said.

I waited for more but there wasn't any. I thought by now he'd be throwing the coffee table across the room.

"Damn?" I said. "That's it?"

"How long?" he asked.

"How long what?"

"How long were you cheating?"

"Just today."

"Oh." He paused. "That's not bad."

"Steve, what the fuck are you on? I cheated on you!" I snapped this at him. I wanted some reaction from him and he was just sitting there like it didn't matter. "Do you want to know what happened?" I didn't wait for him to answer. "Miko texted me and asked how I was and I told him I wasn't happy at all and he insisted we meet so he could cheer me up. And I sucked his cock in McDonald's parking lot."

"Seriously?" he said.

"Yeah, seriously," I said back in a snotty tone, because somehow his responses were making me angrier. "And I swallowed his cum. And I liked it."

"Oh," he said, staring off into space.

I sat there stewing and wanting to whack the back of his head. Instead I somehow got control of myself and managed to ask, "What are you feeling, Steve? Because I know it's not just 'oh'!"

He cradled his knees against his chest and leaned his head on them. "I dunno," he said, sitting there like a lump. "Does this mean you're breaking up with me?"

I hadn't expected that one. I expected him to break up immediately, and I didn't know how I felt either way: it's like I could see a positive in staying together and working through it, and I could also see one in being single again.

But now he wanted to know if I was dumping him? "I—grrrr," I actually growled out loud in frustration. "I don't know. Why would you even want to stay with a cheating slut of a girlfriend?"

He didn't hesitate. "I love you, Rore. I don't want to break up."

All my anger vanished instantly. My heart felt like jello and all I could do is scooch forward and put my arms around this man, who sat on the floor in front of me looking so vulnerable and hurt. I pressed my cheek against his hair like I was trying to osmose him.

"Baby, I love you too and I don't want to break up either. I've just been feeling like you don't appreciate me at all anymore, or notice me or anything."

He shook his head, his hair feather-dusting my cheek vigorously from the gesture. "Aurora, I really thought you weren't what I was looking for." He sucked in his breath. "I've been feeling a lot of anger and resentment toward you, even though you were being totally sweet. I can't explain why, it was like watching myself from outside of me as I acted that way and put up this wall."

"Oh, it's okay honey. I don't want any more walls. Can we please not have any?"

He continued, almost like he hadn't heard me. "I was focusing on all of the negative things about you, and every little thing just set me off. And then, I felt trapped because of how all this started."

He and I had moved in together after only knowing each other five weeks. He'd lost his job, and I'd lost my roommate who was helping me pay my mortgage, so he promised to find a job and help with rent and we just leaped into love headfirst. It had been premature, but we figured we were already so in love that it would be okay. And it had been great for about three months or so. He actually helped keep the house clean, and he cooked a lot while he was unemployed, which helped me. He shrunk some of my clothes in the dryer, so I made laundry my job, but ultimately we fell into a good niche with each other. After three weeks, he found a roofing job and had an income again. I hadn't seen anything wrong with the transition; the whole thing felt really smooth to me.

"It was a weird start, but I didn't feel trapped," I told him. "What made you feel trapped?"

"It was like we were already married. Like an old married couple, trying to figure out whose job it was to clean the floors or cook or whatever. Just this huge, heavy weight, like it was squashing me, or like...." He paused.

"Or like what?"

"Like I'd fallen into a spiderweb."

Those words were a bit of a slap, but I also knew what he meant and why he felt that. I would've felt like that too if I had been forced to move into his place and had no job and try to feel useful .

"This is your home, too" I said. "If you still want It to be, I mean."

He rocked back and forth on his butt for a few seconds, then slumped his head into his knees again. "I cheated on you, too," he said.

My jaw would've hit the floor if it could. "You did?"

He nodded into his knees.

"When? With who?"

"Sadie," he said. "For a couple months now."

Sadie, short for 'Mercedes'. That bitch ex of his. "Whoa, wait a minute—what? You cheated on me with Sadie, your ex, who you dumped and who you hate, because she treated you like dirt? Do I have this straight?" He'd called her a 'pit viper' when he and I met.

"Yeah."

"Why?" I snapped. "You hated her."

"I sorta still do," he said. "I don't know why. You and I had a fight and she'd just texted me randomly and we talked a little. She could tell I was bumming and invited me to stop by on my lunch break and she'd make lunch."

"Oh I bet she made lunch!" I was totally indignant now.

"No, she did. She really did. She didn't try anything then, it was just a sweet conversation where we cleared the air a bit, and then I left."

"And?"

"And she invited me for lunch again two days later, and that's when stuff started happening."

"Okay," I said, then fell into brooding silence, my mind spinning and livid. I was the victim here. Maybe I had only cheated because I sensed he was cheating for the last two months straight. That kind of distance is really something you can sense. This is the kind of crap spinning around in my mind, but I had enough presence to know that I was just feeling jealous, and that I was getting a taste of the medicine I'd served to him. At least I had the guts to tell him instead of lying about it or continuing an affair. He didn't deserve me, I could see that now. Fuck him. I wish I'd fucked Miko! Oops, I caught myself and realized my mind was lost in a bitter thought pattern again. I tried to calm myself down and admit that we both sucked as people. "Was it good?" I asked, for lack of anything better to say.

He shrugged. "Yeah, sure. It's sex. It was good. It was cheating sex, so there was the thrill of that and the thrill that we only had a short time, and—"

I cut him off by whacking the back of his head and saying, "Shut up Steve. I don't want to hear any more of your thrills."

"Ow!" he said. "Why'd you do that? You cheated on me, too!"

"Yeah but I wasn't doing it for months straight behind your back. I immediately told you about it!"

"You're right," he said. "It was really low of me. I didn't even want to get back with her. Sadie was trying so hard, and the more distant I felt from you the more I was glad to have her giving me comfort, but I still didn't want to be her boyfriend ever again. I just liked having someone who understood the pain I was feeling. But..." he trailed off. "I know it wasn't really pain caused by you, Rori. I know it wasn't, because I was just feeding into it. I could feel myself doing it, but for some reason I couldn't stop it. It's like once I cheated, I had to justify it and I just kept getting mad at you over the stupidest crap and being a dick. And if you got mad at that, I just felt like you were a bitch." His voice took on a tone here, like he was about to break down. I knew he wouldn't let himself, though. I watched him closely, and he held it in.

Still, this was not the man I'd known at all. This man was talking about complex emotions, and how his mind worked, and admitting that he had played victim and blame game. Would the real Steve please step forward?

I couldn't help but love him as he sat there in this state of fragility. I reached out and felt his strong shoulders, and I just wanted to caress them.

"Somehow I'm not mad," I said. "I don't know where my anger went." I giggled. "But it's gone. Like, all of it."

"I'm not mad either," he said, and then he let out a little exhale of a laugh.

"It's weird, right?"

"I'm relieved," he said, turning to face me and reaching out to hold my hands. "It hurt so much to hold all of that inside of me. Every day I carried it, and it got heavier and heavier."

I could relate, given the emotional turbulence I'd been in for the brief time I'd spent this afternoon between sucking off Miko and waiting to face Steve.

Steve looked at me with his baby blues and he looked so handsome and strong, and something else—he looked clear. His face had no guile, and he just stood before me, enjoying that I was here. He looked like a man who had chosen his woman, and who really saw what that was worth. He reached a hand to my chin and took hold of it gently, then pulled my face towards his.

I opened my mouth, thrilling to feel his soft lips as my body quivered with excitement. And then I lurched away from him as realization struck me hard. "I can't, he came in my mouth, I can't kiss you."

"You can't?" he said, smirking. "You mean, like, there's still sperm swimming around in your mouth?"

"I don't know."

"It was hours ago," he said. "Your saliva killed anything that was in there. And it's not like it's just waiting around there anyway."

It wasn't quite hours ago... it was almost two hours ago. But before I could even say that, Steve took my mouth against his own and began furiously kissing me. I hesitated and then just went with it. If he didn't care, I didn't care. It was really silly to think like that anyway, but that's just how guys usually think.

Steve's hands found my thighs, gliding upward, the force of his lust flowing like a tide of spider tingles through my body. His hands lunged for my ass, like a wild animal, shoving my up the couch into the position he wanted me, as his hands went inside my underwear, tightly squeezing my ass, tearing at my cheeks, wrenching them apart.

"Aahhhh," I moaned in pleasure, as Steve grabbed the soaked crotch of my panties with one hand and wrenched them down.

"Did he touch you here?" he whispered as his hand tenderly cupped my pussy.

"No," I gasped.

"Did you want him to?"

I paused, not wanting to answer. "Yes," I finally said.

"Did you want him to do this?" his lips purred against my ear as he slid two fingers into my slick pussy like a shockwave of ecstasy.

"Mmmhmmm," I said, biting my lip hard.

Steve began finger fucking me with two fingers, making me pant and squeal like his little slutty dog. Then he hooked his fingers into my G-spot and began beckoning to me with them, and it felt like he was literally whispering to my body, telling it to cum here and cum now. His lips tickled my ear and he breathed his words, "You had another man's cock in your mouth today, my little slut."

"Uh huh, I did," I said.

Cum here, his fingers said, growing louder like a crescendo inside of me until it overwhelmed me and I was pulled unerringly toward orgasm.

Steve moaned, "He shot his cum into my baby's mouth, didn't he?"

"Ohhhhhhh gaaawwwd!!" I screamed, my thighs quaking like tectonic plates ripping asunder. "Yesssss, baby, he shot his cum in my mouth. Ahhh, ohhh, ahhhhhhhhh." Earthquakes rumbled through my body, my insides thrashing through their spin cycle to try to quell my gushing wetness. Steve kept fucking my pussy with his fingers, slowly now, bringing me back down somehow but still filling me with swirling pleasure inside.

"Did you swallow it like a good girl?" he whispered in my ear.

"Yes, I was a good girl and I swallowed his cum," I breathed into his ear. My hand reached down and felt Steve's hard cock trying to tear through his pants. I yanked his belt open and stuffed my hand down his pants and underwear to grab his cock, and I felt suddenly sexy and mischievous. "Did Mercedes do this to you, baby? Did she take your cock in her hand?"

"Yeah, baby," he said. "She did that to me."

I stroked him, feeling his cock flex in my hand with each pass. "Did you like her doing that?"

"Yes it felt good," he said, as I began stroking faster.

"Did she make you cum in her hand?" I said.

"No," he said. "She didn't do that."

"Oh no?" I asked, coquettish. "Where did she make you cum?"

"In other places," he said, breathing heavily.

"What places? Tell me."

"In her mouth," he said.

"Yeah?" I said. "Did you like cumming in her mouth, baby?"

"I loved it."

I opened his jeans now so I could get a better angle on his cock. It was rock hard and felt almost ready to explode

"Did she swallow your cum like a good little girl?" I asked him.