The Love I Never Knew I Needed Ch. 03

Again, a work in progress. Thank you all so much for the support.

-------------------

I took a seat opposite her on the bed, near the foot of it.

If she had released my hand even for a moment on the way, my strength might have faltered, if only a bit, but she held my hand gently in her hand and my eyes firmly in her gaze as I took the two steps and sat down.

I still hadn't really regained enough composure to speak much, and while she seemed composed enough to start, at first she merely moved her gaze to my hand within hers, while she gently stroked it with her other hand. God in Heaven was she elegant and full of grace, even now in nothing more than a bra and panties on, drying tear marks streaking down her cheeks, looking at my hands and saying nothing. She stood with her back straight in near perfect posture, he legs together and crossed slightly at her feet on the floor. She sat sort of side-saddle towards the side of the bed, clearly taking precious moments to choose her words carefully. Then, she slowly looked up at me, with as close to a mix between neutral and comforting face and spoke to me in a calm, even tone.

"We're cousins Paul. We might as well acknowledge it right here and now, at the beginning. My mother and your mother are sisters. We share blood." She said, plainly.

There it was, she didn't want to 'talk' she wanted to have 'the talk'. The talk that brought us back to reality. She was going to try to let me down easy. I was so sure of it, and I couldn't stop my countenance from falling as a result.

"Paul!" she said suddenly, with an air of sternness in it, clearly too in tune with my emotions tonight to miss my change. "I promised you it was going to be ok. Now trust me and wait until I finish before you react, please." Even when she was scolding me, she was well-mannered and graceful. She began again.

"I want us to see the situation for everything that it is, here and now. Not only is it against the law for you and I to even consider...whatever it is either of us might be considering...let me start over with that thought. I don't even know what we are considering right now. Either way, not only is it illegal, but there is little doubt how any of our family, or friends would look on us if we decided to engage in...but there again, I am assuming how you are feeling and what you're think..." She suddenly looked frustrated with herself. It seemed like she was trying to have a discussion, while doing most of the talking without either one of us voicing what exactly it was we felt towards each other or what we wanted, tonight or in the future. She seemed to realize this and, after regaining her composure again, looked in my eyes and spoke again.

"Let's start from the beginning ok?" she asked.

"ok" I answered.

"Do you remember that Christmas at grandma and Grandpa's house when we were four years old? And we both pretended to be married and live in pretend house under the stairs?" she asked.

Suddenly a distant memory was starting to return, which was saying something since after the 3 Traumatic Brain Injuries I suffered on deployment only hurt my already bad memory. I remembered flashes from that day. There wasn't anything sexual or erotic about it, we were fully dressed, small children playing together, she said she wanted to marry me and I said I wanted to marry her too, so we were married and pretended to have a house where we basically just went into, sat down in, got out of, then went back in and sat down in. It was an innocent child's exercise.

"yeah" I said.

"Well, after they told us to stop playing under the stairs and come to dinner, I went to your mom and told her you and I loved each other and we were gonna get married when we grew up. Of course, you know your mom, she made this huge deal out of it, twisted my words to Grandma and then my parents and basically I was told that could never happen, and that playing with you in that way was too confusing, so that I should go play with someone else. "

Wow. My fucking mom. Figures. She continued on.

"Well, I know it probably sounds silly, but to a four year old girl, that was devastating. After that, I couldn't even really bring myself to be around you, or say much to you. I wanted to. I wanted to so so much. Even that, I felt ashamed of wanting. I guess what I am trying to say is that..." She paused and her telltale sign of emotion crept up in her bottom lip quiver and small pool of tears in her eyes. "...I have absolutely adored you since we were four. I have tortured myself into keeping you at a distance, betraying my feelings for you for almost 30 years...and I am so ashamed of that. I thought you'd give up after a while, but every single year the families got together. Every Christmas. Every Thanksgiving. Every time we were in the same room, you treated me the same as when we were four, and I pushed you away every time. Why are you still here?" she asked through fresh tears in her eyes.

All throughout her story, never once did she look away, or release her gentle grip on my hand, nor did she pause in her stroking of it. This meant a great deal to me.

I have always lived life seeing the small details which people choose to ignore. Small showings of genuine emotion shown covertly to those who were observant enough of human behavior to notice them. She hadn't looked away, as would have been all too common during such a speech, allowing her to think of something to help her case, some phrase that might help.

She didn't release my hand, perhaps not wanting to sever the physical connection between us for even a second. Lastly, she kept a constant, gentle, rhythmic stroking of the top of my hand with her other hand. Perhaps she was absentmindedly trying to instill in our physical connection a desire to create a stronger connection, and she didn't want me to forget the bond between us growing.

Or, none of these were true and I was grasping unto any idea which I could use to give me the strength to endure a conversation I had no idea the outcome of. Again, words came out of my mouth without much thought from me. I was powerless to stop them from pouring out and splashing the entire room with their meaning and consequences.

"I am in love with you Jane. I am, but I am so scared right now. You are scaring the SHIT out of me. I have had more than my fair share of relationships with women. I might have even loved some of them, in a way, but they always failed. When I met, dated and married Nancy, I thought I loved her enough to make a marriage work. But the truth is I was never in love with her. I was probably never 'in' love with any of them. Honestly I just wanted to be married, like my sisters and my other friends of our age. I got tired of pining for something which was impossible."

As more words started to come out, I was, again, getting louder and more anger and resentment was bubbling up to the surface. I began to stand, but her grasp on my hand never loosened.

"Every woman throughout my entire life, with the exception of only my sisters, which I don't count, and YOUR mother, has betrayed me, hurt me, or let me down in some way, especially you!"

There it was.

Without a second thought, I had pulled out my emotional sword and ran her through with it, and the second I said it, it showed all across her face. Her entire body jumped ever so slightly from me as if I had wound up and slapped her right across the face. It took no more than three seconds for her eyes to become completely obscured by so many tears they practically splashed down her face. Her entire face became what could only the very face of despair and pain. Her entire body began trembling, from head to toe. She still held unto my hand, though her grip was becoming weaker by the second.

What had I done? She was clearly trying to help me. She was trying to help both of us figure out what was happening between us, and she was showing every indication that there was still some sliver of hope, and I was certainly doing my best to dash them to bits. She surprised me when she finally spoke through intense sobs.

"P-P-P-Paul please...I am trying t-tell you..." she stopped, trying to fight back the sobs and trembling,

"...that I LOVE you...and I'm sorry. I can make it better...I promise...please Paul...", and at that I could stand it no longer. I rushed to her side, put one arm under her knees and the other around her back and lifted her up into my arms. As I made this one motion, she seamlessly wrapped her arms around my neck and buried her face into my neck once more. I expected her to take some time to cry into me but she wasted no time. She began urgently and passionately kissing up my neck, little kiss. In between each kiss, she said "I love you" over and over, with each tiny kiss up my neck and across my cheek. She stopped after she had reached my mouth and looked deep into my eyes. "Will it ever be possible to forgive me? Could you ever want to try to see...if we can ever find some way to be together? I know so much has happened in your life, and you've been through so much. I just want a chance to show you that I can make it better. I can make it all better Paul, I promise. I can help you. I can protect you. I can take care of you. Please...let me try. Give me a chance..." She stopped talking.

It wasn't because she had no more to say. It was because I had filled the space between our lips.

I had to.

I had to stop her from begging for something that had been hers since that day under the stairs.

I had to stop her from humiliating herself any further.

She was too good to grovel. She was too beautiful to beg. I could never rob her of the very elegance, grace and poise which enthralled my soul every time we were in the same room. I had to kiss her lips. I had dreamt about it for too many years.

Our lips glided across each other, melded into one another. Like two pieces of the most exquisite and meticulously crafted clock, our lips fit each other flawlessly. Our tongues entwined with one another gently and yet urgently in a dance of perfect symmetrical rhythm. Each subtle movement of mine was perfectly reciprocated by hers. Our mouths danced to this ancient, primordial song as if we had trained together since birth. We enveloped one another, perfectly in this moment. As if afraid to force this moment to outlast its beauty, our mouths slowly started to end their dance, subtly yet deftly retreating from each other's grasp at the exact same tempo and moment.

Once we separated from our kiss, we both looked into each other's eyes. For the third time tonight, words sprung from my mouth before I gave them much thought, but this time would play out differently.

"I adore everything about you. You are the most beautiful, graceful, elegant woman I have ever known. This will be the last time you ever beg me, for anything. Understand?"

She simply nodded her head, then sealed our understanding with a small kiss. I continued.

"I am going to sit us down back on the bed and we are going to finish what we started. We are going to try to figure out what to do. What the next step is. Understand?"

She again nodded in agreement, sealing the agreement with another small, gentle kiss.

I walked back to the bed and sat down on the side of the bed, not releasing her from my arms.

"I am going to hold you in my arms until we figure things out, understand?"

At this, she gave a small, sheepish smile, nodded her head and for a third time, sealed our agreement with another small kiss.

At this point, I had reached the end of anything constructive to say, since I had no idea where to start. Luckily she seemed to know.

"So, we are cousins, and we are in love with each other." At this she couldn't contain a small smile before continuing on.

"Are your feelings strong enough to want to attempt to try a relationship with me? I mean, I know two cousins even discussing this is a little unorthodox, and the timing and pacing of this entire night of events is also a little rushed, but I don't mind enough to not try, do you?"

"Yes." I said. "I love you more than enough to try to find a way to try a relationship. I want to explore what 'us' means, maybe see if what we can have together is strong enough to even think about how to actually make it work without anyone knowing."

Her look changed as she too thought about the secret aspect of a relationship with me.

"Well, I have an idea." She said

"I'm all ears." I responded.

"Well, I have to leave tomorrow in the later morning to fly to Sacramento for work. My firm has a case out there and I need to assist with a few things, then I'll be on a flight home the next morning. Why don't we give ourselves a week? During that week, We can take each other out on a few dates, go on walks, talk into the night together, explore our feelings. Explore what makes one another tick. If we find that we still can't imagine life without each other, we can then start to formulate a plan on how a relationship would operate between us. How does that sound?" she asked.

Wow. She had thought of that plan all in the moment sitting there, in my arms?

Sort of stunned, but completely excited and a little nervous I responded "Absolutely. I would try any plan if it meant a chance of us being together."

At this, she kissed me. A slow, deep, 'knock-your-socks' off kiss. As she continued to kiss me, I became aware of her amazing ass, moving subtly against my constrained cock. That was all it took, as it involuntarily twitched and lurched up towards her soft panty'ed ass.

She registered this, and in a second released me from her kiss.

She looked into my eyes, and her eyes shifted from a contented look to one of...seduction.

"I want you to see, during 'our' week together, what a loving relationship means to me. I want to show you, prove to you what I meant when I promised that I wanted to take care of you. I have a bit of an 'old-fashioned' idea of what that means."

After she said this, she took her free arm from around my neck, slowly reached behind her, all the while locking eyes with me, and gently rested her hand over boxer-briefs, over my now rock hardness. She used her fingers to gently stroke back and forth over it.

I was speechless. I hadn't been prepared for it, but I was in heaven.

"We can start relatively slowly, taking things one step at a time, but I want to satisfy you. I WILL satisfy you, Paul."

She planted another luscious kiss on my lips.

"Before you close your eyes to sleep, I want to please you."

She kissed me again, then let go of me and began to shift her position.

"When you wake up, I want to please you."

She was pushing me in my chest, guiding me to scoot myself to sit back at the head of the bed, and I gladly complied.

"In the shower, I will please you."

She now slowly swung her leg over me and lowered herself down, straddling my aching hardness, with her arms slinking around my neck.

"If I am in the kitchen, or we are in the car, or at a funeral, I don't care. You make it known to me how you wish to be satisfied, and I will find a way to do WHATEVER it takes to please you."

As she spoke, in a low, sultry tone she never once broke eye contact. She was looking right through me, down into my soul, and peering into the furnace of my lust for her. She had to see my body trembling. She had to feel the goose-bumps all over me, but she was determined to make me understand her message in this moment.

"Trust me, by the end of the week, you will finally learn what it feels like when a real woman takes joy in truly taking care of, and satisfying the man she loves."

With this, she gave me the slowest, gentlest kisses I had ever received in my life. Then she gave me another, and then another, each kiss becoming more impassioned and urgent than the one before it. What seemed like involuntarily, she started to slowly grind back and forth, up and down over my straining cock.

Her hands were now cradling either side of my face, lips and tongues locked in an eternally beautiful dance, body pressed as close as humanly possible against each other while she rocked her most secret of places against me in a sublime rhythm, as if to a hypnotic song only our bodies could hear or interpret. I found my hands had instinctively found her exquisite body and had begun a journey of discovery. As our need for each other had rapidly increased, my hands had left the soft, slow approach behind, instead opting for a much more aggressive strategy. My hands had found the edge of her panty-line behind her, and had rushed to cross it. I now had my hands underneath them, finding a handful of her perfectly smooth and round ass and grabbed all they could.

At this, she let out a low moan into my mouth as we kissed, then released my lips to whisper to me.

"I want you so bad" she practically panted.

"God, Jane I want you too" I answered.

"How bad do you want me baby? Can you show me?" She pleaded, her voice taking on an almost sexy baby-doll tone.

"Can I see it baby? Will you show it to me? Please baby?"

Getting the hint, I took my hands off of her and as she slid herself back a bit and lowered her face to watch, I hooked a thumb into my Boxer-briefs and pulled away from me and down, finally releasing all 8 inches of my now absolutely throbbing and rock hard cock.

"Oh...baby!?..." she cooed. "Oh sweetheart...you're so big, and SO hard, aren't you? She asked looking into my eyes as she asked, almost pleading for a response from me. I slowly nodded, But clearly it wasn't enough for her.

"Tell me you're hard baby, please? Tell me how hard I made you..."

"I'm so hard Jane. God, look what you've done to me."

At that she returned her gaze towards what she had asked for.

"Will you show me how to please it baby? Please, show me how to stroke it for you. I need to see how you like it...please baby, stroke it for me..."

She wanted to watch me stroke myself off? In truth, I had kind of an addiction to stroking myself off. I had had it since I was around eight years old. At least once daily. Problem was I had never done it in front of a woman before. But this was Jane, and if this was her idea of our first step then, I would deny her nothing. At coming to this conclusion, I took my right hand and grasped my cock, ready to stroke it however she wanted me to.

"There we go baby, that's so good. Stroke it for me ok? Nice and slow. Show me how you make yourself feel good, it's ok." She said, speaking in an encouraging voice. It was a HUGE turn on. I found myself getting excited just to stroke it for her. I wanted to perform for her. I began stroking the length of my shaft, starting at the very base and moving until I reached the head, then back down again at a slow, steady pace.

"Oh God baby, you stroke it so good. You're doing so good for me. I'm so proud of you...you're doing great." She again seemingly panted out as she switched her gaze to me as she spoke.

This was something totally new for me. I had stroked it to porn, stroked it without it, I had been stroked by someone else, but I had never stroked it or been stroked by someone who so unapologetically encouraged me on, making me feel good about doing such a shameful act. She encouraged me and gave me strength to do whatever I wanted. I was getting really hot at this thought and I began to quicken my pace, relishing in this new dynamic.

"Oh yes! Look at you baby, stroking it faster. Stroke it faster baby. Make it feel good. I love you so much...you're doing so good."

God DAMN. I didn't know how much longer I could keep this up. Every encouraging word that came out of her mouth was like fire that raged across my entire body. I wanted to stroke it good for her. I wanted to give her everything she wanted, and she wanted me to stroke it good. So I did.