Au Revoir Mon Amour

Part 1

So I'm not the sharpest or brightest knife in the drawer, I admit it and it's not going to do any good for you to rub it in. It may have taken me a few years to catch on and now that I know what's been happening behind my back, I'm going to need help trying to figure out what to do next. Sure I still love the bitch, but I don't like her at all anymore. And what about the kids, what do I do about those two? As I think about "my" kids the bile in my stomach starts to rise and I have to run to the john to puke out $30 worth of Jack Daniels. I finish puking, walk to the sink to rinse my mouth out and wash off my face before heading back to the bar and ordering another double. Now I have to start all over again if I'm going to get wasted, but I should probably stay sober for a while. When the bartender returns with my double I ask for a pad of paper and a pen to begin my list.

Let me start from the beginning.

My name is Simon Messina and for the past nine years I've been married to Janice. Janice and I first met just over ten years ago when I was hurt on the job. I had slashed my hand with a chisel that needed stitches to stop the bleeding and Janice was working as a nurse in the emergency room. She was very professional, even as I tried my best but couldn't get her to notice me as more than a patient.

She was also a babe. Long dark hair in a ponytail, 5'7", long legs, athletically trim with nice sized boobs and ass. I was staring at her brown eyes while she concentrated on giving me a shot of Novocain to numb the pain before they stitched me up.

Isn't it funny how once you notice a person you begin to see them more often? Kind of like when you decide to buy a certain kind of car and then you start seeing that car everywhere you go. Well, that's how it was with Janice. I started to see her around town, usually with some guy and they looked happy together. One night they were in a tavern I frequented.

I watched as Janice and her boyfriend started to get a little loud and then the guy stood up and left. Janice remained at the table with her friends looking pissed. I turned away before she saw me but did my best to listen, which wasn't too difficult because Janice was a little drunk and loud. The gist of her rant was "he's a jealous prick and I'm getting tired of it." I decided to head out before my eavesdropping became obvious.

Probably two weeks went by before I saw her at the bar again, this time with the girlfriends and no boyfriend. The band started to play a song I could dance to, so I walked over to her table.

"Don't know if you remember me from the emergency room a couple months ago, my name's Simon and I wonder if you'd like to dance?"

She looked at me a second before replying. "Yea, the guy with the cut hand. Sure let's dance."

My life with Janice started at that moment and I thought I was the luckiest man in the world. We dated for a month before there was any intimacy; she didn't seem in a hurry and I didn't push.

The first time we made love was something out of a romance novel. We had dinner at an Italian restaurant dining on great pasta, two bottles of fine red wine and tiramisu for dessert. It wasn't my intention to get Janice drunk, but in the back of my mind I was hoping to lower her inhibitions just a bit. We went back to my apartment and before the door was even closed Janice was in my arms laying the hottest kiss on my lips.

Up to that point I had probably bedded ten women, but nothing prepared me for that night. Janice was a firecracker. Our tongues played with each other's while our hands roamed. I unbuttoned her blouse, unsnapped her bra and played with the most beautiful set of breasts you can imagine. When I squeezed her nipples she let out a moan. After playing with her nipples for a few minutes I reached under her skirt to play with her pussy.

"Simon, let's take this to the bed."

I lifted Janice by her butt cheeks, literally, because she was wearing thong panties, and carried her to my bed.

The rest of our clothes quickly ended up on the floor. For the next three hours we ravished each other's bodies. Janice deep throated my cock all the way to my balls. I ate her clit while fingering her. And the first time I sunk my cock in her cunt it was like it belonged there. We looked in each other's eyes while I rammed my cock into her. Her hips kept on moving in rhythm with mine. It was beautiful.

The best part was Janice was very vocal about what pleased her. I had women who screamed for Jesus and women that never made a sound. What is it about women that they can't help you please them? I don't get that -- I don't order their meal when we go out to a restaurant, and I don't pick the TV show or movie without asking for their opinion. So what makes a woman think I know where my tongue and fingers should go when we're in bed? I mean, we've never had a vagina, so give us men a clue!

And that's what Janice did -- she gave me clues -- that night and any night I needed them. It made me feel like the Number 1 stud. Not only that, but because Janice was so willing to share, I felt I could do the same. As great as Janice was at giving a blow job due to her excellent ability to deep throat, sometimes you just want to have your knob played with, so I felt comfortable telling Janice to just suck or lick my knob; or how to just nibble the spot just below the underside of the knob for that intense tickle. More than once I came all over her nose, eyes and hair while she teased that spot on my dick.

You get the picture; the sex was great. I didn't care where or with whom Janice learned her talents in the bedroom -- or any of the other rooms we christened over the next few months, just as long as she was now exclusively mine. Every indication was that she was mine, she never gave me a reason to doubt her.

Four months after that first night I took Janice dancing at the tavern where we first danced together and asked her to marry me. She said 'yes' and we set the date for the first Saturday in June.

About two months after our engagement I was sitting in the same tavern with a good friend when Janice's ex-boyfriend walked by our table on his way out. He stopped and looked at me.

"You're Janice's fiancée aren't you?"

"Yea, I hope we're not going to have an issue because she and I didn't start dating until you two were broken up for a few weeks."

"No, we had our reasons for the break up, or at least I had my reasons. I just wish you all the best if you two get married; especially given her peculiarities when it comes to exclusiveness."

With that he walked out the door. I figured he was just a bitter SOB and shook my head.

Another few things about my past life you need to know, because they become important later.

First - I was a very good wrestler in my youth. I wrestled for four years in high school and was given a scholarship at a state university. Things were going great for me until my junior year. I was wrestling a guy from our cross state rival and leading him on points when the lights in my head went out. Turns out the asshole was so pissed about losing to me that he rammed his knee into my balls.

I spent the next two days in the hospital having the blood drained out of my scrotum. When recovered I was out for the remainder of the season, lost all interest in school and ended up dropping out of college and got a job with a local builder. In case you're curious the other wrestler ended up getting kicked off the team and lost his scholarship. I was asked if I wanted to press charges for assault but didn't to put it all behind me.

Second - My father died when I was 12 years old and my mother died ten years later. Since I didn't have any siblings and my parents weren't close to their extended families it left a great big hole in my heart until years later when l met and latched onto Janice's mother Penny as a surrogate parent. Janice's father had left the family when Janice was in her late teens, so it was just the three of us. Janice would send her father a birthday and Christmas card every year, but she never heard back from him; he didn't attend our wedding or even send a note in response to our invitation. Her mother walked her down the aisle and gave her away.

I make my living as a finish carpenter specializing in restoration work. I'm one of the best on the west coast and most of my jobs are restoring old mansions that rich people with too much money have bought. Since I can charge anywhere between $75 and $100 an hour, I pull in close to $150k per year. Not bad for a not-so-bright college drop out. Unfortunately, this means I need to travel and spend one or two weeks away every month.

The difficult part with working as a tradesman for rich people is they can treat you like either a peon or an invisible man. For instance - I was working for a twenty-something actress in Los Angeles -- she had just bought this 10,000 square foot house and was spending another couple million to restore it. More than once she'd be hanging out by the pool stark naked while I was working inside. She wasn't trying to seduce me, she just treated me like I was invisible.

Another time I was working on a house in Beverly Hills and a similar thing happened. Only this time I watched as the 'lady' of the house shagged the pool boy in broad daylight. The two of them were humping on a chaise lounge. I sat in the kitchen watching this Hispanic with a big cock ram her in three different positions. They ended with her riding him cowgirl while he played with her fat fake tits. The thing that really pissed me off was I liked her husband, he was the type of guy who talked to me like an equal. Here's this rich Hollywood producer, he comes home from work, opens two beers and asks me how my day was and how's the job going while offering me one of the beers. And I really liked him because his refrigerator was filled with domestic long necks, not that crap imported shit, we drank straight from the bottles.

I felt bad about how his old lady was cheating on him while he's at work, but didn't say anything in case it was their deal. You know, one of those open marriage arrangements or whatever. And I didn't want to look him in the eye when I told him in case it wasn't an arrangement he was OK with. "Your wife is balling the pool boy" and watch the guy crumble. So I took the coward's path and anonymously called him at his office after completing the job and the check cleared. I tried to disguise my voice as best I could and gave him the news. He thanked me and two weeks later I read he was getting a divorce. Guess it wasn't their arrangement after all.

Anyways, back to my current problem. Janice and I have two children. OK, this is the part where you'll understand how damn stupid I can be, but before you judge too darn harshly please remember that when my first child was born Janice and her mother were my universe.

It was three years into the marriage when Janice told me she was pregnant. I was higher than a kite. At last I was going to have a family! I spent weeks fixing up the baby's room. All oak crown moldings and fancy sashes around the windows and doors. It was beautiful. The day Jacob was born I received a call at work that Penny was taking Janice to the hospital, her water broke and it was time. I specifically made certain that I only scheduled local jobs for the month before and after the due date, so I was actually at the hospital and in the delivery room within a half hour of Penny's call.

Janice was prepped and ready to go, I was running all the Lamaze lessons through my head ready to coach her through the blessed event. Three hours later the doctor said "Here we are!" and out popped little Jacob. I know a lot of new fathers can hyperventilate themselves into feeling woozy, some even pass out from the ordeal, but that doesn't begin to describe what I was feeling when the nurse handed Jacob to me and asked me to give him to his mother. I had to hand him over fast before I dropped him because Jacob looked like he was at least part black.

Both Janice and Penny took one look at Jacob, then at me before Penny said, "We have to talk."

Penny led me out of the delivery room and told me why my son looked like he did.

"Simon, I'm sorry we kept this from you but now you need to know the truth. My father was a mixed race man. His mother was black and his father white. We should have told you this before you married Janice, but we were worried that you might not marry her knowing she was part black."

"That doesn't make any sense Penny. Why would that matter to me -- what made you think that?"

"Well, because you told us the guy who ended your college wrestling career was black."

"Yea, but I never made a big deal about his skin color. I was just telling you both what happened and who did it. You've never heard a bigoted word out of my mouth."

"Well, that's a good thing Simon because your son will need your full love and acceptance of who he is. Janice and I never told you about my brother who lives in Denver."

Penny reached into her wallet and pulled out a photograph of a man, a dark skinned man.

"This is my brother Henry. He's a couple years younger than me and it was always a problem whenever our family went out in public because he was so dark and I was white. You can't believe how rude people can be, staring or even going up to us and asking personal questions. My mom and dad finally moved out to San Francisco because it was more tolerant back in the 60's."

I listened to Penny's story and it sounded reasonable enough. Plus, I didn't want to be one of those rude, bigoted people she was talking about, so I let it lay.

I finally had a chance to meet Penny's brother at the first Christmas after Jacob was born. Janice introduced him to me as "Uncle Henry". Henry mentioned he was leaving Denver and moving back to Portland to be closer to family. Within a month Henry moved into Penny's house.

Uncle Henry came over to the house every few weeks after that because he took an active interest in Jacob. At the same time, I watched Penny and her brother a few times that made me uncomfortable. They never went over the "ick" line, but they did seem awfully close for siblings. I admit that one day when we were at Penny's house for a barbeque and everyone else was in the backyard, I took the opportunity to look in the bedrooms. After spending a minute in Penny's and then Henry's room, I relaxed because it appeared they each had their separate rooms. But looks can be deceiving.

After the second baby, a girl we named after my mother Jeannie was born I decided that a family of four was the right size. We had two healthy children, a boy and a girl, who could ask for more? I discussed it with Janice and she agreed we could stop having babies and concentrate on raising the two great kids we had. When I offered to get a vasectomy Janice insisted she get an IUD instead. That way we could always change our minds in the future. So that's what we did.

Two great years of family life later I was working on a restoration project for a nice middle aged lady and her husband. Sharon and Tim were both OB/GYNs. One afternoon the three of us were discussing things I'd only be comfortable discussing with doctors. I told Sharon about Janice using an IUD for the past couple years and she suggested an alternative since an IUD can sometimes cause a woman problems if used too long. Her suggestion was for me to go ahead and get the vasectomy, but have my sperm frozen for the "just-in-case" scenario.

I liked the idea and decided that I would surprise Janice with my vasectomy for Valentine's Day. Well, not the most romantic gift, but it's better than a washer or a vacuum. My doctor gave me a reference for a clinic that could store my sperm and perform the vasectomy. The doctor at the clinic told me it would take a few visits to collect the sperm, so I made an appointment for the next three Fridays.

It was pretty weird to go into the little room they had set up for "collection." They really do have some porn in there to get you pumped up for the act. I read through some pretty crazy stories in a Penthouse Letters magazine. Didn't much care for the stories where some guy's wife pulled a train while the husband watched and there were others where the wife wanted a big black cock -- that wasn't doing it for me either. I did like the story where the wife brought her best friend home and the two women gave the husband the night of his life. I was able to fill my cup before the end of that one so I still don't know if the threesome was a one-time thing or not.

I gave the nurse my sample and told her I'd be back next week. She was a beautiful woman and I admit that I went to sleep that night thinking about that nurse riding my cock and Janice sitting on my face while the two of them kissed and rubbed each other's breasts. I woke up with hard-on from hell and spent early Saturday morning inside my wife's vagina. Like every time we had sex, Janice made me feel like the stud from Mt. Olympus. She groaned and came all over my cock until I finally let loose with a stream of jism.

I got a call Tuesday morning and the doctor asked if I could drop in that afternoon or the next day. I asked if it was something we could discuss over the phone and he replied it was best to talk in person. I said I'd be in that afternoon. In the meantime I'm thinking they found some kind of cancer in my sperm or something like that. My father died when he was thirty-four years old so I've been waiting for something like this for most of my life.

I drove to the clinic trying to think about how I was going to care for my family's welfare

The doctor greeted me with a handshake and got right to it. "Have you ever had an injury to your scrotum?"

"When I wrestled a guy kicked me in the nuts and it swelled up bad enough to put me in the hospital for a while." I answered.

"Well, more than likely that caused you some fertility problems. Your sperm count is so low that it would be highly unlikely you could father any children unless it was in vitro."

"But doc, that's not possible. I have two kids at home!"

He looked at me with pity in his eyes and that's when the full force of the lie that was my marriage and my life hit me like a ton of bricks. Needless to say, I cancelled the rest of my appointments and the vasectomy.

I walked out of the clinic like a zombie from "Walking Dead." I had to figure out some way to learn the truth about my life without alerting Janice. I spent the rest of the day sitting in this bar across the street from the clinic with the bartender's pad of paper and pen. Someone once told me the best way to get things done was to write a list of what you need to do, so that's where I started.

I finished my double Jack Daniel's and reread my list.

•Act naturally

•Test the kids

•Call Fred

•Open personal checking account

•Talk to her dad

•Protect the assets

•Get tested for STDs

•Find a place to live

•Find out why

•Get revenge

I double spaced between each line item in case I missed something and had to add it after talking to Fred, a friend of mine that had just gone through a divorce.

Part 2

The next day I woke up with a pounding headache and started working down the list. Janice gave me some crap about coming home drunk last night and I did my best to pretend nothing was wrong. I told Janice my first lie that day, saying Fred had been in a sad mood and that we got drunk together. That evening was spent before and after dinner out in the garage doing maintenance on my work tools. When I came in for dinner I complimented Janice on the meal, asked Jacob about his day at preschool and made goo-goo eyes at my two-year-old daughter. The toughest part came later when it was time for bed. I sucked it up and got into bed with Janice, gave her a kiss goodnight and pretended to fall asleep.