The Regretful Cuckold

Mike and Sarah had been married for just shy of 10 years when it happened, but in truth the initial foundations had been laid a few years earlier.

Whilst most women would probably consider Mike handsome, there was no doubt that his wife was absolutely stunning. With her all-round gorgeous looks matched by an infectious personality, just about every man who ever laid their eyes on Sarah immediately wanted to sleep with her.

For years it didn't bother Mike when he'd catch other men (including close friends and colleagues) staring lustfully at Sarah as she walked through a room (oblivious to the attention she was drawing), but when the daily routine of married life had started to become increasingly familiar, those same looks slowly started sowing the seeds of paranoia, a paranoia that one day another man may tempt his wife with an excitement their marriage now seemed to lack.

Desperate to prevent this growing fear from ever become reality, Mike privately vowed to freshen up their relationship, starting with the introduction of a weekly date night where all talk of work and other distractions were banned (or else the offender would face a forfeit from the 'special' box kept under the bed...). He even hired a personal trainer to help him add a bit of muscle to his already fit but trim physique, hoping that keeping his body in good shape would keep Sarah interested. And for the best part of a year, Mike's efforts worked well, gradually alleviating the unwarranted paranoia that his wife may someday be tempted to stray from the marital bed.

However, as is inevitable with such things, what were once fresh ideas soon became part of the norm, and eventually life once again began getting in the way, work commitments from both sides leading to cancelled date nights etc. Coupled with two of Sarah's close friends separating from their husband's and increasingly dragging her out for girl only nights, it wasn't long before Mike's paranoia returned, this time more intense than ever.

In fact, by the time Sarah and Mike entered their seventh year of marriage, whenever Sarah went out with her friends, Mike would sit at home worrying that it would finally be the night a stranger's efforts paid off, and his beautiful wife would finally succumb to another man's advances. He would constantly find himself staring at the clock, wondering what his wife was up to, and by the time it was nearing closing time at the bar, his imagination would torment him with visions of her dancing with a handsome stranger, kissing him passionately as their bodies pressed tightly together.

To begin with this was as far as his visions went, and every time his wife walked through the front door, the warm smile on her beautiful face instantly told him that he'd had no reason to worry. But paranoia can be like a disease, and despite receiving zero encouragement from his wife's actions, it continued to grow, snowballing inside of him with every night out she had without him by her side.

Indeed, when Sarah and her friends went away for Zoe's hen weekend later that year, Mike once again found himself sat uncomfortably on the settee, trying (but failing) to concentrate on a film he'd recorded earlier that week. Having naively hoped that downing a couple of beers would relax his mind and help him avoid the now familiar visions he'd been having, he grew increasingly exasperated when, within 20 minutes, he was yet again picturing Sarah kissing a handsome stranger while her friends urged her on.

Desperate to shake the images from his head, Mike grabbed another beer, drinking it quickly as he rewound the film to try and re-watch the last scene. However, despite renewed efforts, it wasn't long before his concentration once again faltered, and for the first time since he'd started having the visions, he now pictured the strangers' hands wandering over his wife's body, slowly making their way towards the hemline of her dress.

After picturing the strangers' fingertips grazing his wife's leg, Mike's angst grew as he watched them slide their way up the inside of her smooth thigh, stopping only when they touched the thin lacy material covering Sarah's soft mound. Swallowing hard as he tried and failed one last time to distract himself with the film, he went on to imagine two of the fingers easing their way inside his wife's knickers, spreading her moist labia apart with ease, and pressing through her entrance, coating themselves in her warm juices.

Mike suddenly sat upright. Although the thought of his wife being fingered in the middle of a packed bar filled him with a painful mix of anxiety and jealousy, as the initial rush of anger began to ease, he was shocked to realise that he had subconsciously been stroking a rock hard erection that was now pressing uncomfortably against his shorts. Embarrassed and ashamed, Mike quickly removed his hand and again tried to understand what was happening in the film, only to find minutes later he was frantically stroking himself, quickly bringing himself to orgasm.

Although unaware at the time, as he released a heavy load of warm cum into his hand, the seemingly insignificant act of marrying his fear of Sarah cheating on him with one of sexual pleasure turned out to be the beginning of events that would eventually change his marriage forever.

For the few months immediately following Zoe's hen weekend, every time Sarah left the house for an evening out with friends, Mike would end up relieving himself to the images running through his head, sometimes doing so two or three times before he could finally overcome the suffocating mix of paranoia and arousal. However, by the time Sarah went to a colleague's leaving drinks later that summer, a mildly drunk Mike found himself visiting a porn site that some of his mates had mentioned one night whilst out, hoping it would help him get the angst out of his system more quickly.

Although Mike had occasionally watched pornography when he was younger, and would sometimes catch glimpses of the odd clip on a friend's cellphone, this was the first time since getting together with Sarah that he'd really felt the urge to watch a film. He and Sarah had always had a great sex life, always ensuring that the other was fully satisfied, but with these feelings appearing whenever Sarah wasn't around, he found himself drawn towards porn like never before.

Relatively new to online porn, when he'd first decided to visit the site, Mike had assumed that he would find a basic clip from a professional porn film, relieve himself, and then return to the documentary he'd left paused on the TV. However, after choosing to look through a catalogue of films labelled as "Cheating", Mike was genuinely surprised to find that many clips didn't appear to be professional as he'd expected, but were instead amateur recordings of everyday wives and girlfriends supposedly cheating on their partners. Preying even closer to his fears, Mike opened a video and quickly found himself released from his shorts.

Mike gently began stroking himself, and by the time he'd finished watching a fairly attractive woman get fucked from behind in the restroom of a nightclub, he was close to orgasm. But it was as he watched CCTV footage of a woman (wedding ring on show) giving a stranger a blowjob down the side alley of a club that he ended up cumming into a tissue. It was the very thought that his wife could be doing the same thing at that very moment that meant he was simply unable to stave it off any longer.

After this first visit, watching these clips became almost an obsession for Mike, and he would use any alone time to search for new ones, often picturing Sarah performing the same acts as the women he watched on the screen. At first it was more of the same, supposedly married or attached women having sex with a stranger in a club or bar etc., but by the time the following weekend arrived, Mike had watched his first amateur video of a married woman having sex with another man infront of her husband. It wasn't a particularly adventurous video, but the humiliation he imagined must be felt by having your wife cheat on you as you watched had such a profound effect on him, that he was simply unable to contain the amount of cum he began unloading in to his palm, and ended up spilling some on the fabric of their new settee.

"Shit..." he swore, panicking and grabbing around for a tissue, desperate to wipe his hand so he could start to clean the mess he'd just created.

It didn't take long for Mike to find out that such clips were known as cuckold videos, and, following his first taste of them, they soon became a major part of Mike's obsession, eventually becoming all he would search for. He found that the more explicit the clip, the more anxious and jealous he would get when imagining Sarah in such a situation, and, as a result, would also find his orgasm to be more intense. He also found (as he realised was the cliché) that the clips excited him even more when they involved a white wife being fucked by one or more well hung black men.

Perhaps it was an inherent form of racism that made it so arousing to him, as if the fact that a black man fucking a white woman made it more humiliating for the husband? Or maybe it was that black men were notoriously better endowed than white men, and were perhaps better equipped for pleasing their wife than they were... or maybe it was simply the contrast in skin colour that turned him on? Whatever it was, it wasn't long before every vision he had of his beautiful wife cheating on him involved a well hung black guy.

Despite the slight stain he'd left on the settee that one time, and the increased number of late nights he'd been having (often pretending that he'd had to log on the computer to finish a bit of work), for the best part of a year Mike was able to keep his unusual habit a secret from his unsuspecting wife. However, that finally changed when he one day returned home from work to find Sarah sat at the computer with a mix of tears and anger in her eyes.

"What's wrong hon..." Mike began to ask, worried at how upset his wife looked.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS???" screamed Sarah, spinning the laptop around to show one of the videos he'd watched while she was at the gym the previous evening.

"FUCK!!," yelled Mike in his head, realising he'd forgotten to wipe the internet history.

"I... I can explain..."

"Is our sex life not good enough for you anymore? Or is it me? Am I not enough for you anymore? Am I so unable to satisfy you that you need to watch other women having sex? She's not even an actress! She's just a regular woman!!"

Tears rolled down Sarah's cheeks as Mike urgently tried to play the situation down, working hard to hide her from the real truth. But after trying and failing to pacify his wife's anger for close to quarter of an hour, Mike reluctantly recognised that his only hope of preventing a major dent in his marriage was to come clean, and so, in great discomfort, he explained how watching these videos helped him ease a paranoia that she may one day be tempted by another man. To Mike's surprise (and relief), the honesty of his explanation appeared to finally calm down his clearly hurt wife, and for the next few minutes Sarah listened quietly as her husband laid himself bare.

"I'm just so scared of losing you," finished Mike finally, his own eyes now struggling to hold back the tears.

After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, Sarah placed her hand on her husbands.

"I would never cheat on you," she said softly, sniffing away a tear whilst looking him in the eye. "I love you, and I've chosen to spend the rest of my life with you."

"And I... I keep telling myself that," stuttered Mike, "and a big part of me completely believes it... but another part of me looks at you, looks at how gorgeous you are, and I see the men looking at you, and something inside just tells me that it's just a matter of time."

"Honey, I promise you, it's never once crossed my mind. I've chosen the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, and I don't regret that decision for one moment."

For a few seconds the married couple sat there staring at each others' pain, before Sarah wiped a tear from her eye, cupped Mike's face with her hands, and kissed him gently on the lips. Returning her kiss, Mike hugged his wife tightly until she took him by the hand, pulled him to his feet, and led him towards the bedroom.

For the next few months Mike's anxiety stayed locked away, as did his now not-so-secret porn habit. Even when Sarah went on a couple of girl only nights out, he was once again able to simply watch a film on the TV, and put any paranoia to the back of his mind. After all this time, it finally appeared that he'd successfully managed to get his insecurities under control.

However... paranoia is never truly gone, and when Mike overheard a young guy in his late teens/early twenties comment on Sarah as they passed him in the street, it once again reared its ugly head.

"Fuck me..." muttered the young guy under his breath, kicking his friend's foot so as to draw his attention towards Sarah. "I'd smash the shit out of that."

Mike carried on walking, trying hard to pretend that he hadn't heard, and distracting himself whenever it entered his mind later that afternoon. Nevertheless, despite his efforts, within less than half an hour of Sarah leaving the house for a shopping trip with her cousin, Mike once again found himself turning to amateur porn, again falsely convincing himself that it would help keep his anxiety under control. Indeed, as had been the case previously, by the time he'd finished masturbating to a large black guy cumming heavily on the face of another man's wife, his obsession was back... only this time, he intended to ensure that it remained a secret, something he successfully managed until the day of the barbecue...

With an early heat wave, Mike and Sarah's friends, Tony and Jane, had decided to host the first barbecue of the season, and had gone all out with the food and booze. Unfortunately, however, despite most of the people there being close friends or friendly acquaintances, Mike hadn't failed to notice all of the looks Sarah was getting, particularly from one of Tony's work colleagues, a black guy named Sean. On the contrary, having watched a well built black guy stare lustfully at his wife as she wandered around in a bikini top and sarong, the fire inside Mike began to grow, and he started knocking back the drinks a bit faster than he should have. As a result, although he hadn't been stumbling around or making a scene, by the time everyone had eaten, Sarah realised that her husband was getting a bit too tipsy and suggested that they make their way home.

"You look gorgeous today honey," Mike blurted as they walked slowly in the direction of their house.

"Why thank you Mike. You don't look too bad yourself," she replied, smiling and squeezing his hand.

"Not like you though. I started getting hard as soon as I saw you in that outfit."

"Mike!" squealed Sarah, surprised at how direct he was.

Mike just stared at his wife and smiled, causing Sarah to start giggling.

"Well perhaps we'd better do something about that when we get home then," she whispered seductively in to his ear.

Within minutes of closing the front door, Sarah had her long smooth legs wrapped around her husband's waist as he vigorously fucked her tight pink pussy. But as they kissed, it wasn't what he was doing to his beautiful wife that Mike was thinking about, but instead what it might be like to watch her with Sean's black cock deep inside her.

"Kiss my neck," gasped Sarah, directing her husband's mouth towards her delicate collar bone. Sarah could feel that it wouldn't be long before her orgasm would begin to grow, and started using her legs to dictate the rhythm of Mike's thrusts.

"You want it baby don't you," whispered Mike.

"Uh huh," responded Sarah, speeding up Mike's thrusts.

"You want to be fucked don't you..."

"Uh huh..."

"You want to be fucked by a big black cock don't you..."

"WHAT???" yelled Sarah, immediately trying to stop Mike from thrusting.

Mike stayed silent, hoping she would let it go and allow him to finish.

"Get the fuck off me Mike!"

Sarah pushed her husband off of her naked body and pulled herself to her feet.

"What the fuck! Why the fuck would you say something like that while we're having sex?"

Mike tried to offer an explanation, but Sarah wasn't interested, and began pushing him towards the door.

"Get out. GET THE FUCK OUT!!"

As the door slammed in his face, Mike could hear Sarah begin to cry on the other side. Dejected and angry with himself, he made his way down the stairs and prepared the couch for what turned out to be one of the most uncomfortable night's sleep he'd ever had.

In the morning Sarah came down the stairs and began making breakfast. Despite only pouring herself a bowl of cereal, she must have slammed at least 5 cupboard doors, causing Mike to wake with a start. After sitting up and trying to clear the slight fuzziness from his head, he suddenly remembered what had happened, and quickly made his way to the kitchen to talk to Sarah.

"I'm not interested Mike," she said, holding her hand up to quieten him. "I've told you that I don't want anyone else but you, but you seems to refuse to accept it. And now... and now, you've decided that I don't just want to cheat on you, but I want to do it specifically with a black man!"

Mike desperately tried to explain that it wasn't how it seemed, he'd just been drunk. He knew she wasn't planning on cheating on him. It's just that he'd seen these videos online, and, try as he might, he couldn't get them out of his head. Sarah shoved her half eaten bowl of cereal across the counter and declared that she was going to the gym. Mike watched as she grabbed her bag from the hallway and slammed the front door behind her.

"Shit," he thought, "I've really fucked up this time."

Sarah was furious and decided to take it out on the treadmill. Why had her husband got it in to his head that she was going to cheat on him? She'd never done anything more than dance with another man since they got together, and even then if the man began to get a bit friendly she'd always danced her way over to her friends to escape his wandering hands. And why now a black man? And why does he keep on watching these videos if it makes him feel this way?

Despite the many questions that were running through her head, by the time she'd finished her 10k run, she still had no answers.

Mike jumped at the sound of the key in the door and sprung to his feet. Listening anxiously as Sarah walked in to the hallway, quietly placed her bag on the floor, and made her way to the kitchen to pour herself a drink, Mike expected that she would soon burst in to the room and start shouting at him. But she didn't. Instead she quietly walked to the doorway and looked at him with teary eyes.

"We can't go on like this Mike," she said softly, a solitary tear creating a wet trail on her cheek. "You can't keep getting yourself wound up, convincing yourself that something's going to happen. I mean... why do you even watch those videos if they make you feel like this?"

Mike went to answer, but struggled to find the words.

"I...I can't help it," he finally managed. "It helps me feel like... like I have some control..."

"What do you mean? I don't understand..."

"Well... this fear, this fear I have of you cheating on me, well, watching videos of other men being cheated on, it... it somehow helps. When your nightmare is your wife sleeping with another man behind you back, I guess videos like this make me... they make me feel like it's not completely out of my control."