Life of a Slut Wife and Mum Ch. 00.5: Bonus 01

Forget your stretch marks, bit of tummy or slightly less perky butt or boobs. As my mum shows, whether it be with your husband, boyfriend or lover, mums can be delightfully naughty and fuckable. So for all aspiring yummy mummys, make sure to read the "Life of a Slut Wife and Mum" series to catch up on all my mum's erotic antics. (Up to chapter 16 at time of release of this post) All caught up? Then please enjoy this humorous set of 17 sexy moves gleaned from watching my mum fuck, suck and coax protein shakes out of guy after guy.

1. Rubber free– well, you've already had the kid/kids you did/did not want so you know you want to use protection. However, that doesn't have to mean condoms. Get on the pill like my mum and treat your lover/s to some hot bareback sex. Like my mum, you'll be moaning in pleasure as you feel him blow his load in you.

2. Stand up straight– or rather, bend down straight. This move will show your lover, young or old, that you are still a sex goddess! While in a standing position, grab your ankles and have your man enter from behind. You will forget that you even have kids.

3. Push the chair in– make sure the kids are in bed for this hot move. Have your favourite man, husband or otherwise, sit on a kitchen chair buck naked and sit down on his lap (in a thong or nude). Lean forward a bit and let him enter you. This will be your favourite chair in the house and you'll be thinking of that fuck session every time you're in the kitchen.

4. Set the table– well, unset it before you try this. Lie down on the edge of a study table anywhere in your house and spread your legs. Let him enter you standing up in a relaxed position. Enjoy this naughty new way to use the table...just be sure to clean it before the kids come home.

5. Get in the bathtub– straddle him in the bathtub to make the bathroom steamy in more than one way. If all you have is a shower, lean towards the shower wall and have him enter you from behind. Even better, have him lift you up and pin you against the wall to get dirty before you get clean.

6. Bridal conquest– works well with your hubby but fabulously with a hot lover. Slip your curvaceous mummy body into your old wedding night lingerie and if possible, into the dress too. If it's for your husband, he'll love the nostalgia of reliving that night of passion. However, follow my mum and do this for a hot, young stud. He will literally forget any young girl he was thinking of and fuck you into your marriage bed.

7. Make the bed– take the boring old doggie style to a new level by bending over the bed and having him enter you from behind. This will feel especially tight for both of you as your legs will be together instead of slightly apart. The best thing about this position; moans can be muffled as to not wake the children.

8. Lay back down– have your man lay down on his back. Lay on top of him on your back as well. Have him thrust up into you for this very un-prudish sex position. You'll be writhing in orgasmic pleasure in no time.

9. Breakfast and BJs– wake up early and go prepare your guy a lovely breakfast, then slip into bed, leave the breakfast beside him and slide under the covers to fellate him. He will wake up to the smell of freshly brewed coffee and the touch of a warm, wet mouth on his cock. What does the yummy mummy get from this? Well, let's just say my mum usually gets a creamy, protein rich breakfast and a I owe you.

10. Wheelbarrow– simple, he holds your legs up, your hands are on the floor. Oh, and his cock is in your pussy. You won't be thinking innocent thoughts the next time you watch your kids have a wheelbarrow race.

11. Use your ears (aka Viennese Oyster)– for the most flexible mums, put both legs up next to your ears and have him enter you for the deepest penetration ever. You won't be able to keep a straight face the next time you tell your kids to start using their ears when they aren't listening.

12. Head, shoulders, knees and toes– you might not mind singing that old kids' song if you start practicing this position. Get on top of your man while he is lying on his back. Instead of the usual cowgirl position of bending your knees behind you, straighten your legs so that your knees are near his shoulders and toes are by his ears. He is going to be doing most of the work, so make sure your man is a fit hunk before trying this.

13. Three is a party– ever feel like your husband doesn't desire you anymore? Follow my mum, the next time your husband is overseas, head out for a night out on the town, find two (or more) young undergraduate studs and get them to take you back to their dorm room or bachelor pad for some inexperienced but heated sex. When the guy you're fellating prematurely pops a load in your mouth as the guy doing you doggy gives you a mediocre inexperienced fuck, you'll feel like you're back in college.

14. Milk Moustache– when you feel that your sex life isn't naughty enough. Revisit your good old slutty days by letting your partner give you a "glamour facial", aiming for the mouth/chin area. You won't have to worry about any semen stinging your eyes and you'll look real cute but naughty with this "milk moustache". Plus, you'll immediately think dirty thoughts the next time you tell your kids to wipe milk off their face.

15. Wash your hair– If you're the kind of lady who doesn't like the taste of cum and so wouldn't be keen on a "milk moustache", why not finish your man off by wrapping your hair around his cock and jerking him to completion in your hair. He'll love it and will happily accompany you for a nice romantic shower to wash your hair.

16. Not cheating if it's in the ass– Hear what the kids these days say? My mum does. It's not cheating if it's your mummy butt not your pussy getting worked so head out, grab a stud, give him your ass, then go home and give your hubby your vagina. The perfect night.

17. The Jezebel Slut– When my mum wants to get absolutely naughty. First, you need to find a prodigious cummer, be it your husband or otherwise. He needs to be able to cum at least twice and the more cum your guy fires, the better. Then, tease him like crazy the night before but don't let him cum. When he's absolutely mad with lust, say you're tired but promise to make it up the next morning and set your alarm early. When you wake up, wake your lover up with a blowjob to get him hard. He'll be so horny, he'll fuck you super well. Have him blow his first load into your pussy and his second load into your ass. My mum then puts on a thong and spends the rest of the day going about her normal activities, practicing her kegel muscles to try and prevent any cum from flowing down her thighs. A true jezebel slut.