Who Is Ch. 01

Hey there everyone. This and intense action thriller about finding love in a world of deceit and crime. I wasn't sure which category to post it in so if you have any suggestions after the story progresses then please let me know.

*****

Who is Alicia Carter? We're going to find out!

Did you go into this with a plan? Or was it more of a crime of passion?

No, I didn't plan anything. But it wasn't really a crime of passion either. They say "Do what you love and the money will come". Well I loved what I did. Everything else just fell into place after that.

How long until you got caught?

Caught?

Yeah, arrested?

You'll have to be clearer?

I don't know how I could be. How long had it been since you started this whole thing until the police caught you?

Well, since I was caught and arrested nine times in total... you'll have to be clearer.

Wait? Nine times?

Yup, nothing ever stuck when I was arrested and the people who caught me are now all dead.

Did... did you kill them all?

No!

Do you have any remorse for what you've done?

Yes.

And what's that?

Getting caught.

So... Wait... Uh... How did this all start for you?

It was in college.

*****

It was my first year in college and I realized that there was more to life than what I was taught the mere 19 years earlier. High school was so tough, I wanted college to be a fresh start. The new beginning of the rest of my life.

I came from humble beginnings. I was raised on a farm on the outskirts of a small town. At least I think 400 people is a small town. My mom was a nurse at the local clinic and my dad was a farmer, as well as a preacher at the only church in the county. They wanted what was best for me so it was not uncommon to hear phrases like "you can do anything you want" or "you can be anything you want" even though they knew the truth and the chances of actual success of that happening are slim to none. Of all the things my parents taught me, that was the one the stuck in my mind. I promised myself I would become whatever I wanted, and I wanted everything.

I have no problem with the way my parents raised me but that life style was not for me. Growing up we were always very religious - in every way. Church on Sunday, scriptures every night, weekend seminary. There was a time I used to take it as seriously as my parents did but those days are now behind me. Although that's not to say it's not forever a part of my life. I'm grateful for the lessons they taught me and I'm grateful to the way I was raised but I believed there was more to life and was determined to find out what it was.

In high school, I was always shy. I noticed the other kids around me talking and having fun with each other but I felt more comfortable with my books and home work. While all the other girls my own age were dating I was tucked in the corner of the library reading my favorite comic book or graphic novel. That's where I wanted to be at the time. But there was one boy in my class that I would give up books for. Scott Matheson, the only boy in school gave me feelings like I had never had before. He played football and wrestled but he was not a "jock". He was quieter and from what I could observe, he was kinder and sweeter than the other boys. I was a freshman and he was a senior but we had two of the same classes.

I always sat on the back row in class so it was easy to watch him without being caught. But that's what I did. I was so shy that in my mind it was easier to stay away from personal relationships and just picture it in my mind. That is until Scott glanced back one day and caught me staring at him.

I am so embarrassed. My face immediately flushes and can feel my skin heating up. He gives me a look and I cannot tell if it is one of confusion or anger so I just sink down in my chair.

He turns back to face the front but when class ends, he stands up and walks directly to me. I think he is upset and swallow hard, preparing for the worst, but instead, Scott asks me out on a date. My heart begins to beat and a feeling of excitement fills me entirely. Did he really just ask me out? There were prettier girls than I at this school but he decided to ask me. I felt honored and happier than I ever have. A smile begins to form on my lips but I try my best to hide it.

I try to speak calmly but I cannot contain my excitement and blurt out, "YES! Please!" I realize what I just said and how I said it. My eyes open wide and I try to salvage it, "Uh... I mean...Yes! I would like that."

Scott gives me the kindest smile and laughs, "Well good. How about tomorrow?"

"Saturday?" I ask.

"That's what they call it." He replied with a smirk.

All I can do is smile back and blush as I squeak out, "Okay."

Scott smiles once again, "Sweet, I'll pick you up at six?"

I can only nod my head and cover my smile with my hands. I must have looked so ridiculous but I do not care.

Before our first date, the most I had ever done with a boy is the activities we do in class. It was 6 O'clock and I have been getting ready for the last hour. I want everything to be perfect. The only problem is that if my parents see me leaving the house like this, I will end up not going just because of being upset at what they say.

I throw a hoodie and sweat pants on to cover up my dress and head out the door. Just as I expect, my parents are waiting in the living room.

"Where you headed?" My mom asks.

My dad stands behind her and gives me a look. He does not say a word.

I look at my mom and reply, "Mattie's. Her parents said I could eat with them tonight." I have never lied to my parents before but I am not going to let anything ruin this night.

She scratches her chin and gives me a look but then gives in, "okay, but be home by ten. It's a school night."

I nod my head and leave the house feeling a sense of accomplishment. My heart begins to pound and I get excited thinking of seeing Scott tonight.

He did not plan anything and we ended up having ice cream at the local malt shop. He did not even by me dinner. But I did not care, I was utterly taken with him and everything he said was music to my ears.

For the next three weeks we got to know each other. He liked the same books and activities as I did and even wanted to play video games with me, my favorite activity. It was the happiest time of my life. I felt comfortable with him.

On our third date, Scott walked me back to my house and I had my first kiss. I was nervous and awkward but it was the best and most exciting thing I had ever experienced.

It was a small peck on the lips but the power of the feelings racing through my body are not. I start to shake with excitement and as he pulls away I cannot help myself. I lean in for another kiss. I catch him off guard and he pulls away with a surprised look. For a brief moment I think that I destroyed everything and ruined this beautiful night but the look on his face is soon replaced with a smile. He leans in and kisses me again, this time a little longer. My mind is racing a whole assortment of thoughts and I can hardly concentrate on anything except this moment. I pull away with a huge smile that I cannot remove even if I wanted to.

As he walks away, I can hardly contain myself and once he was out of view I jumped up and down and twirled with delight. Just then the front door opened and my father stepped into view. "Your mother and I would like to have a word with you." I thought the happy feelings of kissing Scott could never end but just like always, my parents found a way to make that happen.

I stepped into the living room and for the next hour my parents described in detail what would happen if I had sex with him.

"You can't be doing this honey." My mom spoke alone but my dad was right there sitting in his favorite chair nodding in disappointment.

"Mom!" I counter. "We only kissed."

"And that's exactly how it starts." She never listens to me.

"How is kissing that bad anyway?" I speak frankly. "Didn't you and mom kiss before you married her?"

He stands from where he is sitting and stares daggers at me before backhanding me across my face. I feel like this might be my last moment on earth. My cheek burns with fire it is all I can do to hold back the tears. He snarls at me and yells, "You little whore! How dare you? Your mother and I waited til we were married before we kiss or even held hands. Since the day you were born, you have been the Carter family curse. You miserable, fucking piece of shit."

I try to run out of the room but my dad grabs my hair an pulls me toward him. I cry and scream to get away but it's no use. He pulls me close and whispers, "I wish you were never born."

He throws me to the ground and screams once more, "Get out of my sight. You disgust me."

All I could do was cry and run to my room. Hard to believe, I know, especially for a preacher. But that is who he was. That was not the first time and it certainly wouldn't be the last.

The next morning during breakfast my mom reminds me of the "worldly dangers" and what I should look out for and that kissing is a "gateway" to other activities including sex.

I assured her that I would be true to my beliefs and to my family... but I only half believed the words coming out of my mouth. I liked the physical feelings that Scott gave me and I wanted to explore that more but my parents made me feel guilty about it. Always relating every situation to the church and religion. I had always wondered why they put so much pressure on me regarding this because it just made me want to never tell them anything about my life. I did not want to have this happen every time I found something that brought me happiness in life. That was the last time I took any boy home and the last time I had even led on that I was seeing anyone or even interested.

For the next month Scott and I would grow even closer and as much as I like kissing him, I want more even though I had no idea what "more" meant. One night, after having gone to a nearby lake for swimming and a picnic, we decide to have sex for the first time. Neither of our parents would be happy with what we are planning so we decide to find a secluded hotel and never tell another soul.

Everything is perfect. I love this boy and he loves me and knowing what we are about to do only makes me feel better about my decision. We make it to the room and lay on the bed, looking into each other's eyes. Scott lifts himself up and knees on the bed to take of his clothes. I like what I saw and my skin began to grow hot and flushes as excitement rushes through my body. He leans over and kisses me, this time with tongue. He lifts my blouse and begins to unbutton it when something happened. I start to cry.

All of my upbringing and the lessons from my parents come rushing back to me all at once. I is so embarrassed and I do not know what to say. He pulls on his pants and lays next to me until I am able to talk about what happened. I explain to him that I really want to have sex but that I am just not ready yet. I do not know what I would do if I did not have my family. I do not like my parent's constant threats about disowning me but I still love them.

Instead of losing my virginity that night, I sat in a hotel room crying on Scott's arm. He was kind about it though, he told me that he would rather me be honest and that we can wait until I felt ready. We decided to leave after a few more minutes so that we did not raise any alarms with our parents but it did not help. My parents must have suspected something because I got the "speech" once again when I got home.

Are you kidding me? Before I even have a chance to have sex, my parents break me down with constant talks of what will happen to me if I have sex before I get married and then when I feel like I did the right thing by saying no to Scott I get bombarded with the same speech and threats. I could not even tell them that I said no to having sex because they would get angry for letting myself get into a risky situation with a boy. My dad did not slap me that night but he would have if my mom did not slap me first.

I went to school the next day to find that Scott was not there. After what had happened the night before, I really just wanted to talk to him. That is when I did something that I had never done before - I skipped class.

I walk to his house in hopes that he is there. His car is in the driveway and his parent's cars are gone so I let myself in.

I walk upstairs and I heard him, "Oh my God!" What is this? He does not know I am here. I am confused but it only gets worse when I hear a girls voice say, "Is that good?"

I continue cautiously down the hall to his room. His door was partially opened so I slowly push it open the rest of the way. I may be new to dating and relationships but no one needs experience to know when your heart is broken. Scott and the coach of the volley ball team lay naked on his bed together. It is an image that would forever plague my mind.

After a lot of me crying and a lot of poor excuses from him, I stormed out of his house, crying and ashamed. I did not know what to do and I could not tell my parents so I just bottled it up inside and tried my best to forget about it. I could not even report Mrs. Canton for sleeping with a student because my parents would find out.

I did not try dating again till I was 18 and finally over my last experience. It was with Gram Henderson, my childhood friend. We only dated here and there until we both graduated later that year. I had a 4.0 every year and I was not about to let a boy get in the way of my becoming valedictorian, especially after what happened the last time I let my guard down for a boy. We talked about having sex but I was not sure if I could go through the same thing as last time. Instead, we watched movies, we went to comic book stores, we played video games and we even had our first kiss.

When summer finally came, we did everything, including deciding which college we were going to attend. We talked about marriage and while he never proposed, we both felt good about. We spent every day together touring different spots on the coast, visiting coffee shops and eating at some of the most interesting places. We would make out and he felt me up a few times, but mostly we just got to know each other. For hours and sometimes days at a time we would stay up all night talking and teasing each other.

Gram pressured me for sex every now and then but it did not bother him when I reminded him about wanting to wait for marriage.

Just as Gram and I were heading off to college, I walk into his house to pick him up and drive to our new home at Stanford University only to find him in bed with my best friend from high school, Mattie. You would think that after my first experience, I would have been a little more empowered and yelled at him or thrown something at his head or gouged Mattie's eyes out but all I could do was stare. Mattie screeched when she saw me. She rolled off of him and tried to cover herself with a sheet. I did not cry but I could not do anything else either, all I could do was blame myself. Can you believe it? We talked about marriage and starting a life together and when I catch him cheating on me all I can do is blame myself. I was weak. Do not get me wrong, I was vulnerable and young and immature but I would think that if it were anyone else they would have done something a little more appropriate for the situation.

I walked over to him and sat on the edge of the bed and asked, "What did I do wrong".

Gram covered himself and muttered, "No...nothing... you just..."

"What?" I inquired. He didn't say anything so this time I demanded firmly, "What? Tell me."

He was surprised and blurted out, "You wouldn't have sex with me. All you wanted to do was talk and I just wanted to fuck!"

Mattie scoffed at how I was reacting to what had just taken place. Once she realized I was no threat, she ripped off the sheet, exposing her naked body to the cold air in the room. I don't know why but I remember the goose bumps slowly forming on her skin. At the time I felt even worse because all I could think about was how much more pretty she was then I.

She pulled up her pants and threw on her shirt before strolling past me for the door. She looked me up and down and she spoke confidently, "Now I know why he cheated on you." Pathetic, I know.

It was at this point when I decided that I was done with dating. I know I know, like you have never heard that one before. I knew my decision to give up dating was not going to last but I decided to say fuck it to the whole boyfriend thing and just have fun with life - at least try. Especially with college just around the corner, I did not want to tie myself to just one person but it was harder than I thought.