Confessions of Depravity

June 1989 (Miranda.)

I had just turned nineteen and had never really been all that interested in girls before. Sure I had had the occasional fantasy about them while jerking but the fantasies were not about kisses or touching their budding breasts or even about fucking them. Instead the fantasies were, as I now know, much darker and much more depraved.

There was especially this one girl that had caught the attention of my fantasies. Her name was Miranda. She was about a year younger than me, had fiery red hair cut short in an almost boyish style. She was kind of tall for her age, just a few inches shorter than me in fact. Her body was slender, almost skinny. Her skin was pale and freckled all over. Her breasts were barely visible beneath her t-shirts. It would be a lie to say that she was beautiful though there was a kind of rough tomboyish charm about her. As I remember it she didn't really have all that many friends at school and she always walked home alone.

It was the end of June 1989 and her parents had rented the cottage just a quarter of a mile from the one my mum had rented for the summer. I had been reluctant to go at all but mum wouldn't take no for an answer so I stacked up on books from the library, taped something like a third of my record collection and demanded mum got me a Walkman. I was planning to spend the summer entrenched in a world of literature and music.

We arrived at the one bedroom cottage, in which there was just the one sofa bed, a small round table and two chairs, rather late and after having a few sandwiches and coffee we went to bed.

Mum was and had always been a solid sleeper and once her head hit the pillow she was far off and it would take an infernal alarm clock to wake her up, or maybe a bomb going off outside. Neither was likely to happen here. I waited about 15 minutes to give her time to reach the deeper levels of sleep before I pulled away the blanket and turning onto my side to spoon her. I slid a hand up her nightie and took my cock out of my boxers and rubbed it against her large but round buttocks while my hand explored her soft large breasts and with my eyes closed I imagined myself straddling her chest, pushing my cock down her throat, watching the shock, fear and shame in her eyes when she woke up from the lack of air. I came all over the back of her nightie, turned over on the other side and fell asleep.

The next morning I woke up with the sun burning in my eyes and a feeling of displacement. Mum was sleeping on her back, mouth hanging loosely open her legs slightly parted with her blanket wrapped around her waist and the nightie bunched up around her breasts. I put my hand on the dark spot of her pubes shining through the thin white cotton panties, let my fingers wander down between her legs and jerked off real quick before I crawled out of bed and went outside to take a morning piss behind the cottage. The piss shone like gold in the morning sun when I aimed it at a stone and with a wicked sneer imagined that it was Miranda's face.

I went back inside made myself a couple of sandwiches and some coffee, grabbed The Stranger by Albert Camus, my Walkman and a tape with The Cure's Faith on one side and their follow up album Pornography on the other. I went back outside and sat down on the front porch. Judging by the length of the tape I'd been sitting there no more than maybe 20 minutes when Miranda unexpectedly cast her shadow over my face and I looked up. She smiled at me and I smiled back at her, remembering how I had been jerking so hard and so good just two nights earlier while fantasizing about tripping her so she fell face down on the gravelled path leading up to the school. How she scraped her face and her nose starting to bleed and about the tears on her face when she got up, and about how when she asked me why I'd tripped I just spat in her face. And how good it had felt when I shot a load into my boxers to that fantasy.

"Hello," she said, wanna go for a swim down by the pond?

She had a towel across her shoulder and I could see a bright red bikini top beneath her thin white t-shirt. I closed my eyes and imagined for a second that in reply to her question I spat a thick sticky gob of saliva which landed on her face, then shook my head. I didn't want to go for a fucking swim. What I wanted was to be left alone, read my book and listen to my music. She persisted though and said it would be a lot more fun if we were two. At that very moment mum came out onto the porch with a cup of coffee, lighting a cigarette and insisted that it would be nice for me to have someone to spend the summer with. It would be good for me, she said, since I didn't exactly have any other friends. I shrugged knowing fully well that if I didn't go with Miranda to the pond I'd have mum nagging at me about it all day. I put down my book with a sigh, got up and started walking in the direction of the small pond which we had passed on our way to the cottage. Miranda walked up alongside me and started talking cheerfully about fuck knows what. I wasn't listening.

When we got to the pond she took of her t-shirt and shorts revealing a bright red bikini. I started to slowly take of my jeans and t-shirt myself. Not having packed any swimming trunks I had to make do with my boxers. She rushed into the water and threw herself into a swim while waiting for me to join her. I took my time undressing and stood for a while in just my boxers watching her while she called and waved at me to join her. I was not with arousal I stood there watching her splash around in the water but more with discontent. This was not how I had wanted to spend the day. I had the feeling that her presence would completely destroy my plans for the summer. I wasn't wrong in my assumption. What I didn't know at the time was that her presence only made my summer all the much better than anything I could ever have planned.

After a while I joined her in the water and as I walked into the lake she started splashing water at me with a playful giggle. I splashed back, playfully at first but then as I got closer I grabbed her and roughly pushed her down under the water. I let go immediately but in the seconds that passed before her head reappeared above the surface I felt my cock stiffen and the sensation was like nothing I'd ever felt before. From that moment everything changed. I thought to myself: If I play this right it might actually be a good summer after all.

When she came back up I laughed as if it was just a joke and gave her a few seconds to catch her breath before I pushed her under again and this time my cock grew to a full erection. I didn't let go immediately like the first time but let her struggle a bit. When she came back up she giggled as if to say: Okay. I'll play along. She splashed even more water at me. I smiled and made pretend it was all in good fun and started chasing her in the water. It went on like that for maybe a good ten minutes, during which I on at least two occasions pushed her under again and felt that sensation of sexual excitement surge through my body. The third time I caught her I pushed her under and kept her under a good while longer than before. I felt her struggle to resurface and that alone was almost enough to make me cum. I let her come up for air and before pushing her down again I told her this time I wouldn't let her up before she took my cock out of my boxers. She started saying something but before she could I had her head under water again. She struggled a bit while I watched her through the clear water and saw the pleading panic in her eyes. I shook my head at her and soon enough I felt her hand reaching for my cock and pulling it out of my boxers. I let her up for air and laughed at her embarrassment.

"Hey, what's the big idea," she said.

"Jerk it," I said.

She blushed and started to protest a little so I pushed her under again but didn't keep her down, just as a reminder. When she came back up I didn't laugh. I just repeated what I had told her to do. By now she started to look a little scared which only served to increase my arousal and her face was all red with embarrassment and I'm fairly certain that beneath the water on her face there were tears forming in her eyes but she did reach for my cock and started to jerk it slowly under the water. I closed my eyes and savoured the sensation of her hand awkwardly moving back and forth on my cock. It was so much better than I could ever have imagined it would be during the playful part of the game. Needless to say it didn't take long before I shot a load of cum into the water.

After I had cum I pushed her away, pulled my boxers up and headed for land. She followed me and as I sat down on a rock digging around in my jeans for the pack of cigarettes I had stolen from mum's suitcase and a lighter she came up to me and shook her head so the water splashed all over me.

"You know you could've just asked," she said.

I didn't reply. I just lit the cigarette and turned to face the pond. She sat down in the grass beside me not really knowing what to do I suppose.

"Had you just asked," she said after a while, "I might even have taken it in my mouth."

I still didn't reply but made a mental note of her eagerness to please. It started to dawn on me that maybe she even had a crush on me. That would certainly work to my advantage. She poked me in the back.

"Hey. I'm talking to you."

Very slowly I turned to face her but didn't reply. All I could think about at that time was how good it would probably feel right at that very moment to slap her face hard enough to make her cry.

"I said," she started.

"I heard you the first time," I interrupted coldly.

She looked at me and I have to admit I did hesitate for a few seconds before I slapped her face, hard. She pulled away a bit and looked at me with surprise. I pulled down my boxers and showed her that my cock had got hard again, from slapping her face.

"Take it in your mouth then," I said and put out my cigarette against the rock.

She blushed and touched her cheek where I had slapped her.

"All you had to do was ask," she repeated but moved closer to me.

"Where's the fun in that?" I replied. "Do it or I'll hit you again."

I could sense her hesitation and I believe that for a brief moment she was quite close to getting up and run back to her parents' cottage to squeal on me. Instead she grabbed my cock and started to jerk it slowly as she leaned in to kiss and lick its head. No more had her lips wrapped themselves around my cockhead before I came again. She gagged as the cum shot down her throat and I laughed at her as her face wrinkled as if she had just sucked the juice from a lemon. I got up and went over to some bushes and pissed before getting dressed and heading back to the cottage for lunch. As I walked away I told her I would be expecting her tomorrow morning for another "swim". She nodded and looked like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming bus.

As I walked back to the cottage my cock stiffened again just thinking about what had just happened. I stopped behind some bushes just before I reached the cottage and jerked off again, recalling in my mind the sensation when my hand had struck Miranda's face, the surprise in her eyes, the embarrassment when she jerked me off in the pond. These memories haunted me the rest of the day and I had to jerk at least four more times before going to bed and before I could sleep I rubbed my cock between mum's bared butt cheeks while I stroked her bushy cunt. She moaned in her sleep. Between her moans and the memories of Miranda's face when I slapped her I shot my load all over mum's back.

The next day I got up early, made myself a sandwich for breakfast and some more sandwiches for later. I then went outside, had breakfast and read for about an hour before I started to expect Miranda to show up or maybe I should say that I hoped she would show up. I was actually a bit unsure if she would or not and even more unsure of what I should do if she didn't. Should I go to her and invite her for a swim. I was quite sure she hadn't told her parents what had happened since I hadn't heard anything from them or from mum about it. Just after ten mum came out too with a cup of coffee and a sandwich and asked if I had any plans for today. I nodded.

About an hour later I saw Miranda coming down the path. I smiled, went inside and packed the sandwiches I had made I told mum not to expect me for lunch because me and Miranda was going to have a picnic down by the pond. Mum nodded and said it was good that I had made a friend to spend the summer with. I nodded. Boldly I took Miranda by the hand and we went down to the pond. She walked in silence a step or two behind me and as we drew closer to the pond I could feel her embarrassment growing as well as her nervousness about what might happen once we got there. My cock was already getting hard in my jeans from the sensation of her embarrassment and obvious submission, though at the time I had no concept of what that meant.

As soon as we were out of range from mum I made sure to let Miranda know the state my cock was in by placing her hand on my crotch. She blushed and shyly asked if I wanted her to help me with it. I nodded in reply and lit a cigarette. She started to fumble around with my zipper but I shook my head at her.

"When we get to the pond, you stupid bitch."

I spat in her face and grabbed her hand when she tried to pull it away. I shook my head and she kept her hand on my crotch the rest of the way down to the pond so she could feel my cock growing and throbbing at her touch, not leaving any doubt what so ever as to what I expected from her.

When we got to the pond Miranda quietly took my cock out and started to jerk it. I grabbed her hair and pulled her face close to mine looking straight into her eyes, reading the shame emanating from them as I felt my orgasm drawing closer I spat in her face and yanked her head back, slapped her hard on the face twice and shot my load uncontrollably all over her clothes.

She covered her face with her hands and pulled away sobbing. She looked a bit scared and she probably considered running off back to her parents to tell them what had just happened. I lit another cigarette and let my eyes wander from her to some birds taking off across the pond. Soon her sobbing stopped and not long after she took off her shorts and t-shirt revealing the same bright red bikini as the day before.

I told her I didn't feel like playing in the water but said it was okay if she went for a swim. She did and I sat there on the small rock smoking and watching her in the water. I hadn't really made any plans about what to do when she got out of the water, although this morning just as the morning before when I went out back for my morning piss I had pretended it was Miranda's face receiving my piss, splashing all over that pale freckled face and her fiery red hair. It had made me so hard and it felt so good when I jerked myself off afterwards. I just had to figure out how to do it. Probably with some amount of force I reckoned but that would probably just make it all that much better.

When she came back out of the water, her hair dripping wet and the bikini almost see-through as the sun caught it, she looked nervously at me but said nothing. She towelled off her hair and sat down on the blanket I had brought. I let her dry off for a while before I unbuttoned my jeans and took my cock out.

I said nothing but let her know with a nod what I expected her to do. Hesitantly she came closer rested her head on my shoulder and started jerking me.

"Do you want to see my tits?" she asked and looked up at me.

I nodded and she slowly undid her bikini top revealing a pair of breasts so small and budding they were little more than puffy nipples. I looked at them for a while and then reached out and pinched one of her nipples. She gave a noise that was half a moan and half an ouch. I smiled at her and pinched the other nipple, a little harder this time. I kept pinching her nipples harder and harder as she jerked my cock and watched her face wrinkle as I started using my nails. It felt so good but I wanted to shoot my cum into her mouth again and see her gag on it and that expression of disgust and embarrassment afterwards so when I felt I was getting close I grabbed her hair and pulled her face down to my crotch. She opened her mouth almost a bit too willingly I remember thinking with a smile. I thrust my cock deep into her mouth and humped her face for a few seconds before I exploded. I felt her throat contracting as she gagged but I didn't let go until I had completely emptied my balls. It felt so good when her cramping throat milked my cock dry.

I let go of her head and she dropped onto all four breathlessly coughing up my cum. When she looked at me her face was covered in tears and silently her eyes betrayed her desperation for affection. I pulled my jeans up again and took out the sandwiches I had made. She still had a little cum dripping from her lips when I gave her one of the sandwiches and poured her a cup of coffee. As we ate she kept looking at me as if she was working up the courage to ask me something but didn't know how to say it. After we had finished our lunch and she still hadn't found the words to ask what she wanted to ask I grabbed her hair again and pulled her close.

"Do you like sucking my cock?" I asked her.

She blushed but nodded. I slapped her face and when she opened her mouth to give a little cry I spat in her mouth.

"Show me how much you like it slut," I said and pushed her face down towards my crotch again.

She quickly unbuttoned my jeans and got busy sucking me. She was starting to learn how to do it right. This time while she sucked me I leaned over her and whispered in her ear what fantasies I'd been having about her, about the tripping her so she fell and the peeing in her hair. When I told her the fantasies I think I saw real fear in her eyes for the first time. She stopped sucking me and tried to pull away but I kept her head firmly in place and let some spit dribble down into her hair as I thrust my cock deep into her throat. She soon gave in and I felt her hand on my balls.

I let her suck me a while before I pushed her away so hard she fell over and rolled down the slope towards the pond. I was on top of her as soon as she landed on her back, tearing the bikini bottoms to the side and penetrating her cunt with one hard thrust while I covered her mouth to keep her from screaming. Much later she told me that before that day she had been a virgin. I never told her that so had I.

It was all over in a minute and then I stood up watching my cum drip out of her cunt. She was crying and the tears made me even more aroused but before I did anything else I aimed my cock at her head and fulfilled the fantasy I had been jerking off to that morning. I pissed all over her. She reacted, of course, but said nothing, tried to crawl away and shield herself but it wasn't really like she was seriously trying to get away. It was more like she was giving in.

When my bladder was empty I squatted down in front of her face and waved my once more hard cock in it. I didn't make her suck or jerk me but I jerked off and came on her piss soaked face.

"Now you're my little slut aren't you?" I whispered to her.

Slowly, with tears flowing down her face, she nodded and as I stood back up I told her to get up and go wash herself off in the pond.

I suppose when suck comes to blow there is only one word to describe what happened that day between us, rape but I just didn't care. I was so turned on by how she had been letting me treat her like a piece of shit good for nothing fuck toy to satisfy my perverted pleasures, more or less willingly. It's not like she had actually protested or said no at any time leading up to me pinning her to the ground and thrusting my cock into her virgin cunt.