Secret Smiles and Three Little Words Pt. 23

Chapter 25

The next morning Alex slowly opened her eyes, the room was still dark but she could tell the sun was coming up as it brightened the bedroom. She rolled over but Gavin was gone. She shook her head as she thought about the argument from last night. She felt his pillow and it was cold. She wondered if he had come to bed at all, his side was still perfectly straight and it looked unslept in.

She pushed the covers off of her, and slowly sat up. As soon as she did the cough came up, forcing her to bend at the waist, as it overwhelmed her. The sharp burning in her chest took her breath away, the pain radiating outward as she coughed, forcing her to wheeze in between coughs as she desperately tried to bring in air. Her throat was raw from the abusive power of her coughs as it felt like her lungs were going to come up at any moment. When she got control of herself she tried to stand, her normally strong legs, shook weakly.

"Back into bed," his voice commanded from behind.

"I'm sorry," she said again turning to face him. She expected harsh eyes and angry facial expressions but instead found a firmness, but it wasn't anger.

"Prove it," he said soundly. "Get back into bed for me."

She nodded as she slid back beneath the covers without a word, and he helped pull them up around her chin.

"I am sorry," she said again as he took her temperature. He said nothing, instead starting his exam of her.

Pulling out his stethoscope he lifted her shirt and put it on her as he listened.

"Gavin," she started.

"Shush," he warned her.

She closed her eyes. He was cold and unaccommodating. His demeanor, professional, like she was nothing more than a patient of his. Not the woman who lived with him. Not even the woman he fucked. His voice was cold, his mannerisms frigid and his eyes were like the North Pole, uninhabitable.

This man that sat on the bed with her was not the same Gavin she was with normally. This one was robotic, his focus was only on his examination. His eyes never looked into hers, instead it appeared he was intentionally keeping them from her.

Not the normal Gavin, not the Gavin she fell in love with, but then again, the fight that caused this demeanor, was her own doing. Her pride caused this. Her stubbornness caused this. Now the problem was, having never had any relationships that lasted past the first fight, she was uneducated on how to fix this. Fixing it was what she desperately wanted to do! Gavin went to his bag and pulled another needle out.

"Gavin," she tried again.

"Shush," he told her as he tilted a little vile of medicine loading the syringe.

He came to her and helped her roll over. He did so gently and it was the first thing he did to her that was gentle and remotely loving. Alex felt the needle insert just above her cheek and she realized it was much softer than last night. Proving that last night was intentionally painful, by his choice.

"What are you giving me?" she asked him.

"You have pneumonia," he told her flatly. "I would love to take you down for x-rays but the weather is too bad to do so. I won't risk making this worse by taking you out in the frigid temperatures, so for now, we are stuck here. If you don't respond to this in the next twenty-four hours, I will be forced to take you, by ambulance if necessary."

"I have school," she tried to tell him after she doubled over into a coughing fit, again her chest feeling as if it was on fire.

"It was cancelled because of the weather," he informed her, shaking his head at her complete denial of how sick she was. "Not like you could have gone in anyway."

"Gavin," she whispered as the drug started to make her woozy. "I'm sorry."

"No, I don't think you are," he said softly with a deep exhale. "You're sorry that it has turned out this way. That you wound up sick. But you aren't sorry that you did it."

"I sorry that I made you mad!" she explained drowsily. "I don't like that I disappoint you!"

"I'm more disappointed in myself, than you," he told her pushing her hair off her forehead. "I let you do this to yourself."

"You didn't have much choice," she whispered as she barely hung on to consciousness. Her eyelids feeling like five pound weights were on them.

"Yes I did, but that's another thing," he nodded with a concerned frown. "Something to address when you are feeling better, but for now, try and not worry. When you are better, then we will hash this out."

"So I haven't fucked this up beyond repair?" she asked him sleepily, her insides jumping up and down in happiness, even if she didn't have the energy to do so physically.

"This was a lack of communication," Gavin assured her. "Both on your part, and mine. No, this is not broken, this is something for us to discuss so we can learn and make us stronger."

"Us?" She asked, her eyes were impossible to keep open.

"Not getting rid of me that easily, Little One," he smiled.

She fell asleep as he stroked her face. She was trying to stay awake to talk to him but whatever he was giving her was putting her out. When she awoke again, Lena sat in the bed with her.

"Told you he would be pissed," Lena said as she flipped the channels on the TV, not looking at her, her face just as angry and firm as Gavin's had been.

"I haven't even given him the box yet," Alex told her as she turned over and tried to prop herself up. The coughing caused her to hang her head over the side of the bed in fear she was going to vomit again. She felt Lena's hand on her shoulder as she held her for comfort.

"No, just wait until he finds out you spent four grand on that box and didn't buy a better car!" Lena warned her. "Especially now, since he found out yours broke down!"

"Fuck," she gasped. "How pissed is he right now?" She had forgotten about her car and now that was surely going to bring another fight! She hadn't recovered from the first one yet. She turned over and faced Lena and pulled the covers up close to her face. The room still feeling like it was a refrigerator.

"Um," Lena shook her head. "I'm thinking I have never seen anyone as pissed as he is right now!"

"Fuck," she shook her head again. "What do I do?"

"Pray he doesn't...," Lena stopped talking, and pursed her lips tightly to keep the words at bay and shook her head.

"Doesn't what?" she asked her when she stopped talking.

"End your relationship," Lena said softly looking at her, concerned at how that was going to hit her.

"Did he say that?" she asked sitting up. "No he said we were just having communication problems!" Alex said remembering his soft words as she drifted off the day before.

"Yeah, that was before the police called and told them about your abandoned car, something you neglected to mention to either of us! He then calculated how far you walked to the train, then from the train to the condo...he said it was no wonder you had pneumonia! He was livid last night!" Lena told her. Lena was angry as well, for Alex's stubbornness.

"Do you know what could have happened to you? Did you know, that just one block from where your car broke down, three people were shot? One died? No, of course not! You're too stubborn to take in consideration the dangers! I would break up with your stubborn ass too!" Lena continued to rail making Alex want to hide under the covers that the two people she loved were so pissed at her.

"Did he say it was over?" Alex asked her softly, thinking what he said before was just to placate her until she was well enough to end it.

"No," Lena frowned. "It was his eyes that said it. He is worried about you, but he is also wondering if he can handle someone who won't let him close enough to help. If your pride won't let him take care of you the way he wants too."

"What are you talking about?" Alex growled, tired of the lashing she was taking from her best friend. "I'm the one who said I loved him, to the world! He hasn't said it back!"

"Just words," Lena said softly shaking her head in disbelief that Alex just wasn't getting it. "How many guys have said that to me, I can't count them, but they were just that? Words. Doesn't mean they are true! Actions mean more than words."

"Make sense," Alex said rubbing her forehead, tucking herself back deep into the covers to fend off the shivers.

"If you loved him, you would let him love you in the way he knows how!" Lena pointed out. "He shows it by spoiling you. By doting on you, by the little things he does!" Lena shook her head. "That man loves you, I can see that, even if you can't! I can tell by the worry on his face and by the way he does everything for you. You're so blind because you are looking for some stupid fucking words!"

"I've had guys tell me the words but not the action," Lena told her. "You have a man who is showing you, but not saying it. I know the words are important, the whole verbal commitment and all, but if you weren't such a spoiled little brat, you would have heard him say those words each and every day! By what he does."

***

She awoke with him pumping up the blood pressure cuff. He was staring at the gauge as she slowly released the air from the cuff.

"Gavin," she attempted.

"Shush," he said again, it was a fighting tactic that was really starting to piss her off. Her anger spiked and she hit full boil in record time. How was she going to make this right if he wouldn't let her talk to him?

"No, I will not shush!" she barked out. "I want to apologize!"

"What did you say to me that day?" He asked, looking at the ceiling as he removed the cuff from her arm angrily. "Oh yeah," he said with a cock of his head, he turned his angry eyes to her. "Go fuck yourself!"

He got up and left the room and Alex could do nothing but watch him leave. The tears of pain falling, her bottom lip quivering as he smashed her with his heavy hammer of anger.

Lena was standing in the doorway of the bedroom as he started to make his way by her, she touched his forearm in a comforting touch that he nodded at in appreciation. She went to the bed and sat down pulling her feet up and turning on the TV again.

"Oh my God," Alex whispered. "This is it, isn't it?"

"No," she assured her with a shake of her head. "I talked to him last night, he isn't thinking that. Lucky for you he is fantastic and not like most of the assholes that dot this planet, wasting valuable space!"

"I know," she said turning over and taking Lena's hand. "How do I fix this?"

"I don't know baby," Lena said laying down next to her. She gently stroked her friend's hair, looking into the watery blue of her eyes. "I've never had true love, so I don't know what it is like to have a guy that cares for me, more than himself."

"I've so fucked this up, I don't know where to begin!" Alex said as the tear rolled down her nose.

"You will figure it out," Lena assured her. "Not too soon, I hope!" She smiled and winked at Alex when she looked on her, shocked she would say such a thing.

"I mean if you fix it, then I would have to go back to the apartment instead of this fabulous condo!" She teased. "With its indoor pool and sauna, super-hot doormen, and garage parking!" She fluttered her eyes closed like she was in heaven.

"He has forced me to move in here, so we can take turns taking care of you. He refuses to let you alone by yourself for one second! He came over and picked me up, I don't think I had much choice either, his demeanor was so commanding!" Lena explained as she thought about when he asked her to stay with them for a little while. "So I have taken over your fabulous guest room. That way, if he gets a call, we can take turns taking care of you as you refuse to go to the hospital, you stubborn little bitch!"

"If you are in the guest room, where is he sleeping?" Alex asked her with a soft laugh at Lena's response to her new living situation.

"The couch from time to time, when he does sleep anyway," Lena said softly. "He doesn't want to crowd you in here, and he won't sleep with me!" Lena said with a wink that she was joking.

"I don't like you that much," Alex smiled as she shook her head at Lena's teasing, it made her feel better to know that the anger was subsiding. Maybe in the near future she would be able to talk to Gavin and not suffer frostbite from him.

"Mee-yoowwww!" Lena laughed.

"Baby," Alex laughed with her. "You have no idea!"

Alex laughed as she knew there was no way that Lena could know, that as a sub, they were also called kittens. So her remark was spot on in more ways than one.

When Alex awoke the next day, the sun was brightly shining in her room. She looked around and there was no Lena. She sat up and for the first time it didn't cause her to spiral into a coughing fit that hurt throughout her chest. The cough was still there, but it didn't set her chest on fire! She eased out of bed and made for the door and that is when she heard the voices. She smiled, the two people that loved her. Whether she let them or not.

She watched them from the door for a second before padding quietly out to the dining room.

"Hey you!" Lena beamed when she saw her standing there.

"Hey!" she smiled at her before turning her eyes to Gavin who stood to come over to her. He felt her forehead then her cheeks.

"Fever is finally gone," he smiled with relief filled eyes, before he kissed her temple. She turned and attempted to kiss his lips, but he pulled away too quickly.

"Just because your fever is gone doesn't mean you can go crazy and get yourself all worked up!" he cautioned her with a wink.

"Yes Sir," she smiled dropping her head, the distance of a few inches felt like miles. Now he was not being angry, but there was definitely still some sort of invisible barrier he was projecting with is body language and tone.

He guided her to the table and pulled her chair out for her, before he disappeared into the kitchen.

"Len, do you want more?" he asked from behind the door. Alex easily recognized that the way he spoke to Lena was much less frosty than the way he was talking to her.

"Jesus no!" Lena laughed. "I've gained twenty pounds from eating your fantastic cooking!"

He brought Alex a small plate and she looked at it. She was starving for the first time in three days so she dug into her food ravenously. Gavin smiled with a nod, knowing that her appetite was a good sign.

"You missed the crepes earlier!" Lena bragged. "I mean God damn, talk about orgasmic!" She teased quietly.

"Hey," Alex said glaring at her. "That's my man you're talking about!"

"I was talking about his cooking," Lena defended.

"So was I!" Alex laughed.

"We share everything else!" Lena pointed out with a fake look of shock and anger. "Make-up, apartment, clothes...everything! What's one more little thing?"

"Uh, again, I don't like you that much!" Alex said firmly.

Gavin sat at his end of the table and rolled his eyes at their playful banter, while taking a sip of his tea.

"Gavin are you sure you don't have a brother? It looks like my best friend is going to be really selfish here and not share you!" Lena growled while she stared at Alex.

"Sorry," he shrugged apologetically. "I'm an only child."

"He's got a Russian friend who is as close as his brother!" Alex pointed out with a wicked little smile.

"Really?" Lena smiled intrigued.

"My God woman!" Gavin gasped shaking his head at Alex. "You really don't like her, do you? Pavy?" He turned his laughing eyes at Lena and shook his head. "Run Lena! That is a man you don't want any piece of!"

"Trust me, it's been so long I don't care if he is a piece of shit, I would take him right now!" Lena laughed getting up.

"Wait!" Alex stopped her with her hand. "What happened to Paul?"

"Paul?" Lena frowned in question as she shook her head. "Paul is history."

"When?" Alex gasped as she stood up. How could she not know her best friend had broken up with her boyfriend?

"Three or four weeks ago," Lena shrugged turning and heading to the door.

"Wait," Alex said going after her. Lena turned and faced her, her face told Alex she didn't want to talk about it. "Why didn't you say something?"

"You were busy! Had the kids and all," Lena shrugged.

"I'm never that busy!" Alex barked at her, her temper rising.

"It wasn't important," Lena shrugged, arching her eyebrow at Alex's sudden anger, a soft smirk tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"Bullshit!" Alex growled. "You are important to me! So the things that affect you, affect me!"

Lena raised her eyebrows more at her, with a question in her eyes that was easily readable, her smile coming out more as well. Alex read right into it.

"That's not the same!" Alex defended that she was doing the same to Gavin.

"Shall we ask him?" Lena asked coolly, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Ouch," Alex frowned as the verbal slap from her best friend took her anger from her.

"Listen baby," Lena smiled taking her into her arms, realizing she was probably being too harsh. "I know you think you can take on the world and all, but you can't. You were busy, and I knew all along Paul was never going to be my Gavin. So it ended, and I move on."

"I should still be there for you," Alex whispered as she thought about all the selfish things she was doing.

"You are," Lena said with a kiss to her head. "I'll see you tonight!" She said opening the door.

"Good luck!" Gavin called from the dining room.

"Thanks!" She called out to him, she then smiled at Alex one last time and closed the door.

Alex put her head to the door and began to cry. Tears of guilt, not only for what she was doing to Gavin, but for not being there for her one and only true friend. This meant that during their Christmas shopping, Lena was dealing with a broken heart. Something she never noticed while they spent the day together. It explained why Lena didn't want to go shopping with her but Alex had insisted. Petulantly.

She remembered going off on a rant when Lena said she didn't feel like going out, that she wanted to stay in and read. Alex wouldn't hear of it, nearly demanding that she come with her as she needed her advice. Alex also said they didn't hang out anymore and she wanted to do that now.

Gavin's strong hands on her shoulders made her turn around instantly and disappear into his arms.

"Oh my God! I'm a horrible fucking person!" Alex gasped as she gripped him tightly.

"How do you figure?" he asked her softly, his lips in her hair, his nose inhaling her precious scent.

"I missed it that she had broken up, I stomp around here like a spoiled brat not getting her way. Say some horrible things to the man I love...I won't let you help because of my stupid pride!" Alex told him in between sobs.

Gavin said nothing he just held her and kissed her head repeatedly.

"How do I fix this?" Alex asked him plainly into his chest as the scent of him filled her nose.

"You know, I have been thinking of this for some time," Gavin told her guiding her to the couch. He sat next to her and she was afraid of what he was going to say, was he going to tell her that she should move on? Was he going to say they were incompatible?

She tried to slow her heartbeat by breathing in and out as slowly as she could. All she could think about was that he was waiting for her to get better, so that he could end this relationship. Lena told her she had talked to him and we wasn't thinking that, but was that just to keep Lena in the dark of his true intentions? He stroked her face.

"Relax," he told her softly, reading her panic perfectly. "You get to end it. I am a man of my words, although, I will say, you have pushed that to the breaking point."

"I'm sorry," she tried again, but he stopped her with his finger on her lips.