The Choice

This story is hard to write for me because it brings back lots of memory's about someone I lost and cared a great deal about, my best friend and sister who was taken from us at such a young age and there is still not a day that goes by that I don't think of her, and the events that occurred after her death. And it is also about cause and effect of the choices we make when it comes to any incestuous act or relation, the events in this story are true and played out in a time when my family and I were going through things and the odd healing process that occurred all I can say that I do have regrets but some things you just learn to live with, and in the end happiness is all that counts that much I have learned from all this.

Looking back now and remember how it all started it seems still unreal, and now on the twins 16th birthday I can't stop but think of my sister and how much I miss her.

I grew up in a loving family with my dad, mom and sister and we loved each other and there was always a great feeling of harmony in our home, my dad was a hardworking man and a great guy and my sister and I could always talk to him about anything he always made time for his family and my mom was the same way.

As kids we could see that out mom and dad where still as much in love with each other as the day the met in college, so let me give you a description of my dad he is 5'9 broad shoulders and at that time 42 years old, still had all his bright blond hair and bright blue eyes and he always had that smile on his face.

My mom was a perfect example of a Italian American woman and no she did not have 48ddd boobs and build like a super model like you read so much in all those story's. She was 5'1 jet black hair and at that time 39 years old, she had the normal hips and build like most woman after giving birth to 2 kids. I know she had 42c breasts; I looked at one of her bras once that was in the hamper. I loved my mom and like a normal teenager I had my wank sessions thinking of her but to say I was obsessed with her well that was not the case,

And then there was my sister, my best friend she was one of those people that the first time you meet her you could not but fall in love with her always smiling and good natured and she would make everyone around her feel loved and important.

She just had that gift to make people happy just to be around her and with her long black hair and blue eyes she was just something else, she really was the light in our little happy family and we loved her so much.

One of our favorite things to do as a family where the weekends at the cabin that our grandfather build at the lake a few hours' drive from our house it was our special place my grandfather build it with his father it was an old style log cabin made for cedar logs and had the old knotted pine floors, to us it always felt like being back in the 1800's.

We had of course electric and running water and gas but it still had that old feeling to it you know rustic, it had 2 bedrooms a kitchen and a large living room with an open fire place, let's just say it holds very good memory's for us.

And then tragedy struck and it almost destroyed us, I remember it like it happened yesterday, my sister went with her girlfriend and her mother to have a girl's day out, being 16 and a few days after her sweet 16th birthday they gave her a spa day, I remember she was so excited about it, she was telling me all about it while we had breakfast her eyes where all lit up and her smile oh that smile that would lighten even the darkest heart.

She left, kissing us goodbye and told us like she always did how much she loved us, that was the last time I saw her alive. It was Saturday June 18th 1989. The day we stopped living in so many ways. The doorbell rings and my dad opened the door and there where two highway patrol

officers at the door and I hear my dad scream I will never forget that scream, and then my mom screaming and crying I was upstairs in my room and came storming down the stairs, my mom was on the floor screaming in agony and I looked at my dad his face was as white as a sheet of paper.

She is..She is gone my little angel is gone, by now I was losing it and kept asking what happened I vaguely remembered one of the officers telling me that my sister had died in a car crash there was some kind of pileup on I80 and the where in it something about fog or something and that no one survived in the car.

To today I don't know where my dad found the strength to handle it all, the funeral was a few days later and I remember bits and pieces of it I was lost, So many people showed up at the showing and the funeral it showed us how loved she was, After it was all over we went home and I fell asleep on my sisters bed, weeks went by and dad and me slowly tried to pick up the broken pieces of our lives, but mom was broken beyond repair, the once loving smiling mother and wife was nothing but a empty shell, she would go about her daily routine but without feeling or interests.

My graduation and 18th birthday where coming up it was now almost a year to the day we lost my sister, I made weekly visits to her grave and talked to her like we used to do telling her about mom and dad and our lives and how empty it really was without her.

I had scored high enough to go to college and decided to attend the local Penn state; I had no clue what to study for. The big day arrived but for us as a family it was a sad event because my sister was not there but somehow I felt she was right there by my side. I did not want a party or anything all I wanted was to get away and I asked my mom and dad if the mind if I go to the cabin and stay there for a while, we had not been there sins my sister's death, and cleaning it and opening it felt like a good thing and it would give me time to be alone and think about what I wanted to do with my life now I was 18 and left my high school days behind me.

Mom did not say much she was still the same empty shell and there was no sight that she was improving, she had some good days when the old mom would reappear but the where for and between. Dad was the rock and her beacon and in many ways for me too.

He gave me the keys and an envelope with money and told me to stay as long as I wanted but I had to call in every few days to talk to him and mom. And so I did, that summer went by fast mom and dad visited a few times but somehow mom would never stay overnight I guess the memory's where just too hard to handle.

At the end of the summer I started my collage life and the first year went by pretty fast, I was living at home and did pretty well at school. Still made weekly trip to my sisters grave and talked, I know it was just a slap of stone but it made me feel better, I told her about how I got laid for the first time by some 4th year chick and more of those things.

At home things where not getting any better dad was still there as the rock for mom but I could not notice a strange change, not able to put my finger on it, I let it go but in the back of my mind it was always there. My parents it seems where still good together at least from the sounds of their bedroom I would here sometimes I guess the still had sex and liked it so that was a good thing.

A few weeks in to my summer break my dad told me he needed to talk to me and suggested that we go to the cabin to do some fishing and have some father and son bonding time, it been a while that dad and I spend time together and with his work being so busy as of late and me in collage there seemed to be never the time. So on Friday afternoon we packed the car and off we went to the cabin.

It took us a while to get settled in and clean the place and let it air out but around 8 at night we sat on the porch and dad asked me if I wanted to have a drink, I was surprised because he never let me drink around him. Yeah I said cool you let me drink, he just smiled and said I need one or two before I can say what I need to say and after you hear what I have to say you are surly going to need one.

He came back with 2 glasses of his favorite drink JW black label, I liked the stuff I would have a nip of it when the where not home sometimes, guess now you can have on in front of me and not nip of my stuff behind my back, yeah he smiled I known all along but you never abused it so I did not say anything. Did the same with my dad's stuff when I was your age. He took a big gulp and emptied his glass and went back inside to get a refill.

When he sat down he looked out on the lake for a while and started to talk, Son what I have to say and ask you don't come easy but I can't see any other way to help your mom. I just looked at him and ask Dad what in the hell are you trying to tell me. He took a deep sigh and said after the loss of your sister your mom went in to a deep and dark depression you know that, you seen it all the life and joy disappear out of her.

She has been talking to me about having another child, I looked at him and said that's great dad guess you two will have lots of practice going on for the next few weeks huh. He gave me a faint smile and said well son that's where the problem lays, I am sterile, have been shortly after your sister was born, I had a bad bladder infection and there were some more complications that left me sterile. Can't you go to a doctor they are so smart now a days.

Now here I need to say something the medical science was when it comes to vitro insemination in the early 1990 still in its infant stages and the costs where astronomical and the success rate was only like 30% or so.

There is not much the can do for me, there are a few options but they are so costly and they can't give you a 100% that it would work. It would also mean if we would do that I would have to sell the cabin and the land and that I cannot do, I promised my father that it would always stay in our family and in time it would belong to you and then to your first born.

So what are you guys going to do then I asked adopt? I am cool with that dad anything to see you and mom happy again. Dad looked at me and said I am proud of you son and the way you would welcome a adopted child in our family and as your brother or sister but that is not what your mom wants. You mean you going to have her have sex with another man until she gets pregnant I asked.

Well yes and no, now I was really confused and he saw it in my face, dad gave me one of his it be alright smiles and said your mom only wants a child from me and now you know I can't give it to her, She told me, then I want it from the closest resemblance to you, now alarm bels went off in my head and I said you mean I have to impregnate my own mother..... Dads are you nuts!!!

There is no way in hell I would ever think of having sex with my own mom let alone knock her up. Well in my mind I had sex with her a few times but this was real, I know it's a lot for you but I know having another child would make you mom so happy and it might just do the trick of getting her out of that hole she is been hiding in for the last few years son. I don't know what else I can do for her I am out of options I just can't see her hurting all the time, and for the second time in my life I saw tears in my dad's eyes.

I know, it is a lot to ask of a 19 year old but I don't know if I can handle the fact that you would have sex with your mom but I give anything to see her happy again even that. Dad I don't want to have you turn away from me or have my relation with you and mom change, sorry but that is just not going to happen there is no way I would risk that, but you are telling me you willing to risk it all for a chance to have mom happy and her old self again?

He looked my straight in the eye and said yes I guess I am son. And mom what is she saying I mean what is her opinion about this all, I mean having sex with me and being pregnant from her son. To be honest it was kind of her suggestion he said, uhhh dad I think I need another stiff drink and I need time to think about this I am not saying I am going to do it but I will think about what you have said. And before I even start thinking about this I want to talk to mom, dad looked at me and said I figured you would say that so tomorrow I am picking her up and drop her off here so you guys can talk.

And I'll pick her up again in the evening and then leave you here so you can have your time to maul it all over, I know son it's not a normal request parents should make to their child but I just don't see any other way out of this.

As you can guess I had a few more stiff drinks and even with that sleep would not come, it all seems so surreal to me, now my mom was not a ugly woman by far sure gravity had taken its toll over the years but I don't think any right thinking man would kick her out of his bed. And sure I have fantasized what it would be to have sex with her what man has not had those feelings about his mother anyone tell me he did not is a lire, Freud said all young man will go through a Oedipus complex but for most it just fades away as the get older.The idea of having sex with my mom not for lust but with the sole purpose of making her pregnant seemed so far-fetched in my mind and how would we start, would I just climb on her and start pounding away in her, shoot my load of baby cream and be done with it, ohh shit why me I wish sis was here she would know what to do or tell me, I must have finally fallen asleep because I woke up with a splitting headache and for a few minutes I was wondering where I was and then it came all back to me.

I walked over to the lake stripped and dove in the cold water hoping it would wake me up and out of this nightmare. I was swimming for a wile and got hungry so I put my shorts back on and walked to the cabin, dad was busy making coffee and some breakfast. A little hung over son I see you put a nice dent in that bottle I see he gave me the smile again. Umm yeah sorry about that I just needed it I guess, its aright kiddo you had a lot to digest last night and more today I will have to leave the bottle here I guess and again I got the its okay smile,

Breakfast we ate in silence I think my dad did not wanted to pressure me in what I was thinking and I was way too hung over anyway to answer any questions so we just sat in silence with nothing more than the sounds of the lake between us. Well I better get a shower and go and get your mom over here, I will get some grocery's on the way back up here so you have something to eat and with that he was off to the bathroom I cleaned the dishes and decided to go for a walk around the lake just to clear my head, by the time I came back dad was gone he left a note saying he was proud of me how I had handled the whole situation up to now and that he loved me.

Ever sins my sister Maria died I have talked to her now I am not a religious person none of us are but mom being Italian was catholic from birth and she had her believes, I just always felt that mar as I used to call her was around me I don't think we really die, you know that some kind of energy remains with the ones you leave behind, When I walked in to the cabin I felt a strange calm come over me, the same calm that I would find with mar when I was upset about things she just had that gift no matter who you are somehow just her presents would calm you down.

I took a long hot shower and got dressed in my shorts and a shirt, it was going to be a nice day and I grabbed a book and sat on the porch relaxing thinking and trying to focus on my book. My mind wondered to one time when I saw my mom completely naked, I seen her tits a few times not that I was spying on her it just happened, I mean 4 of us living in one house its bound to happen you see each other naked sometime or another.

It happened when I was alone with her on a Saturday, my sister and dad went to the store and mom was in the shower, I was in my room reading or doing something when I heard a large bonk and my mom scream, I ran to the bathroom and asked her if she was okay, she told me she had slipped in the tub and her back was hurting and she had a hard time getting up I asked her if she needed help and she said she could use a hand.

I opened the door and there she was naked as the day she was born laying in the tub, I reached out for her and pulled her up and got a good look at her assets, her breast had a little sag in it and her nipples where the largest I have ever seen on a woman, she had silver dollar areola's and her nipples where fully erect the must have been ¾ inch in diameter and at least almost a inch long the where nice and dark brown, she had a large triangle of deep black pubic hair that went all the way to her butt as far as I could see, after I helped her up I quickly made my way out of the bathroom and in to my room I had to admit I had a raging hard on. My dad was one lucky dog having a woman with a body like that I thought, and yes I did give my dick a good pull and no it's not the 10 inch horse dong like most of the stories it is 6 ½ inches long and not to thick its fine never had any complaint from the woman I had been with.

While I was reminiscing about the past I looked down and noticed I got a raging hard on, was it from thinking of my naked mother? Or the fact that my parents wanted to impregnate my mother, I went inside and gave myself a good pull and unloaded a massive load I was surprised with the amount myself, after I got myself cleaned I was sitting outside again when I saw the car drive up to the cabin, mom and dad got out and dad was carrying a few bags, mom came up gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek, here is some food for you I got something easy for tonight I was thinking we can have dinner here before your mom and I drive back, he kissed my mom and told us he had stuff to do and would see us later.

We watched him drive off; mom asked if there was coffee she was in the mood for one. She went in to the kitchen and made us coffee she came out with two mugs and sat down, the grabbed a pack of smokes out of her purse and lit a cigarette, I never saw you smoke mom did not even know you did that, she smiled and said I do sometimes when I am upset or very nerves. She took a drag and inhaled deeply and exhaled the smoke I thought it was kind of sexy seeing her smoke, so she started I guess your dad told you about what we want to do, hmm yes mom but I have to be honest with you it just don't sit well with me the whole thing is so far out there, you know we are talking about incest and a child out of incest and the risk that that can have for a child did you and dad think about that at all?

We did and there is a chance that the child might have a defect but I would love it just the same if it was healthy and the chance is there but small I did some reading on it, wow I guess you and dad have it all worked out it seems. But I need to know before I agree on anything is this something you really want and you know it's going to change our relation in some way or another I told dad the same thing. Dad told me what you said to him and how you feel about the whole thing and that's why I am here now to tell you what I think.

She lit another cigarette inhaled deep and looked at the lake, Ever sins Maria died I have been dead inside, my life has been on auto pilot I do the things I need to do, but I have no joy in anything not even the joy I used to have with sex with your dad and I always loved that, I just do it, I feel empty and then about a year after your sister was taken from us I started to want another child, sometimes I thought I could hear your sisters voice saying it's okay mom you should have another baby it might fill the emptiness inside you. I looked at mom she had tears in her eyes and said yeah that be something mar would say alright we both smiled at the thought.

I don't want a child from another strange man and I don't want that artificial thing and you are so like your dad, you look just like him when he was your age so a child would look like him and nobody would be the wiser you see only dad you and me would know and I would never tell the child he was yours you just be the donor dad always be his or her father.