Becoming Cassie Ch. 11

On New Year's Day, I slept late, real late. I was still trying to process the month of December. It was clearly a month I would not forget. I did a lot of daydreaming that day and watched TV with the family. I was pretty zoned out. New Year's Day simply came and went.

My cell phone rang early the next day and I was asked to price out 2 different painting jobs from people I met at Jennifer's place leading up to her Open House. We agreed on some times to meet and they were eager to start their projects.

I spent another lazy day at home with my brothers and sisters and just chilled...and daydreamed. Being Cassie kept invading my mind all day long. It was like the world was continuing to move ahead and I was just stuck in this one spot.

Then January 3rd came and I needed to wake up. I completed the SUV paperwork at the dealership, got my bank checks, and I picked up my fully paid for, new "used" RAV4. It was perfect, I loved it, and my spirits were lifted.

I took the family out for a drive right away and went to a Friendly's for a light afternoon lunch. Later that day, I proudly priced out the two jobs with driving my new SUV and got them both. One of the jobs I could start that Friday.

Kate called later that afternoon and asked we could get together for a Saturday sleepover. It would be just me, her and Aunt Mary. She said Aunt Mary misses good ole Cassie, and I really needed someone to talk to.

On Friday, I started the first of the two jobs, doing a good job of prepping and priming, but dreaming all the while about being Cassie while working. I just came home that night and chilled with the family. The reality of the new year was settling in.

I was up early on Saturday, completed the finish painting, got paid a lot, dropped the supplies off back at home and did a few errands for mom. Having my own car was awesome. Later that afternoon I headed over to Aunt Mary's.

On the way, Lisa Warren called and gave me an update on their trip and asked if I would be free a week from Thursday for a party at Cleopatra's house. I had forgotten all about that and promised I'd set aside some time. This was shaping up to be a busy January.

It was hard to believe that it had been nearly a month since I had seen Kate. She looked as beautiful and upbeat as ever. We chatted for a bit and Aunt Mary said, "Can we give you a few minutes to change or do you want to stay as Matt for a while?"

I didn't need much prodding as Cassie had been filing my mind almost continually.

I changed into a casual Cassie, wearing a simple dress from the closet, my special necklace, and did my own make-up. When I stood up and looked at myself in the mirror, I gave this huge sigh of relief. "I was back," I said to myself.

When I came out smiling even Aunt Mary said, "You look so much more happier and comfortable Cassie." She gave me a big hug.

As I sat down, I tucked my dress underneath me, something I had not done for a while. It felt so good, and natural.

I had a chance to enjoy a cup of tea with them and then Kate asked, "So, do you two want to see some of the pictures from the Holiday Bash?"

Aunt Mary said, "I would love to. I told Kate I only wanted to see them when you were here."

We sat on either side of Kate and must have looked at a hundred pictures on her iPad. They were wonderful and brought back real good memories. Kate reminded me of so many names that I had forgotten.

"Cassie, you looked like you were having so much fun. What was it like?" Aunt Mary asked.

"If I had to sum it up in one phrase, I think it would have to be that I felt like I really belonged there. Just like I feel when I'm here."

"Did you have any problems up there?"

"Not really. I had a few guys at the dance make some tranny comments under their breath and had a few girls make unflattering remarks, but really, it wasn't bad at all."

After over an hour of looking at them, Aunt Mary said, "I was hoping the three of us could go out for dinner, just to change the setting. Are you two up for that?"

"Of course," we both said almost at the same time. We put on our jackets and headed out.

Kate said "This is one of Mom's favorite places." It wasn't fancy and everyone there seemed to know her and stopped by to say hi to Kate and welcome me. I was beginning to feel more comfortable again and talked openly with the wait staff and her friends that stopped by.

After a wonderful dinner we arrived at home and Aunt Mary excused herself. This left Kate and myself alone in the kitchen to talk.

After a while, Kate brought her iPad out again, logged onto the school site and said cautiously,

"So Cassie, tell me about Eric. I must have missed that whole thing. I started looking at the hundreds of pictures posted to the school website and I put together a timeline."

"Here's you and Eric dancing. Very close and very romantic." (Oh yeah, I had my head on his shoulder.)

"Here is one of you two getting punch, and here's another of you two out on the porch looking at the stars. Sigh...so even more romantic."

"And here's one of your two leaving the dance, and then an hour later you two coming back...all smiles and wearing a jacket you did not have when you left."

"So," as she flipped her iPad over, "tell me about Eric."

A little embarrassed I said, "I like him. He seemed really nice and I thought we connected while I was on campus."

"Cassie, is it "like him", or is it "really like him"?"

"I think it's really like him."

Kate smiled a little and asked, "So, does Cassie have a boyfriend?"

"I'm not sure I'd call him a boyfriend, but I think I really enjoyed being with him."

"Being with him? Like being with him, being with him? Or just being with him?"

OK, this was awkward. "I guess the first one. This is so new to me...you know, someone liking me as Cassie and him knowing that I am not a genetic girl."

"That must make you feel good. I don't know exactly what to say, but I think I should say I'm so happy for you."

"Thank you for at least saying that. It's tough for me to process."

"Well, did you know Eric's interning next week at a company in the city, and he's been texting me every couple of days and asking about you, like, how's Cassie, say hi to Cassie for me, you know, that kind of stuff."

"That's what got me snooping through the pictures. Do you want to try and get together with him?"

This really threw me for a loop. I knew he said he was interning, but not around here.

"I think so. Kate, do you like him, you know, as a person?"

"He's probably one of the nicest guys on campus."

"That's encouraging at least."

"And I know he dated Vera a little, but that is so on again off again."

"He did mention that to me as well."

"Would you want me to see what his schedule is like next week and maybe we could do a double date or something like that."

"I think I'd like that. Let me think about it, but I know it's going to be yes."

"Oh, and after the bash did you get out as Cassie again?"

"Only once, for New Year's Eve. It's a long story."

"Hey, we've got nothing but time tonight."

I then said, "Let me tell you by pictures. I've set up a site on Flickr for pictures that I've called "Cassie's Corner." Do you want to see them?"

She immediate logged back on her iPad and I went to my site.

I began my G rated story of the Warrens and showed her my first pictures they took of me in a fancy gown that was like Lisa's. I showed her some of just myself and then some of me with the Warrens. This at least gave Kate a face for the Warrens in the story. The pictures were real nice and nothing racy about them.

"Wow, she's real pretty and he's a good looking guy. Are they as nice as they look?"

"They are. And I like being around them as both Matt and Cassie."

I then told the Halloween story, complete with me stepping outside and meeting Scott. Kate loved me as Alice and thought everyone's costumes, while a bit erotic, were actually quite fun. After all, it was Halloween.

Then I showed my New Year's Eve pictures as runway Cassie with the sexy curves and make-up, and that amazing hair. There were pictures of Britney and me hamming it up, but it didn't look that way unless you told the back story. They were pretty steamy.

"And you say Britney is a guy named Derek?" she asked.

"Yes, and Derek was Marilyn as well." And I scrolled back to those pictures.

"Wow," was all she could say. Kate was quiet and stunned.

"Cassie, you look so different in all of these."

There was no question. I looked so different with an auburn wig, and then my Alice wig and then the model runway wig. She kept scrolling through them, back and forth.

"You look so...so...adult."

"Well, remember when we went out shopping with the girls? I thought I looked more grown up when I tried on all those elegant dresses. It's just that you were there with me then."

"That's true. And you did have "fun" with us. I'm sorry for the comment. I feel like a big sister watching out for my little sister."

"I understand, and Kate, the people I am with here like me as well and know me as both Matt and Cassie."

As we sat looking at the pictures, almost as we had done only just three months ago, Kate asked, "Have you ever said anything to your mom or family?"

"No, not a word. I'm not sure how to even start, or even if I want to at this time."

She continued, "You know, there was a time when only my mom knew about your crossdressing."

"Life seemed so simple back then," I said quietly.

"Then after mom's 50th party in October, I knew for sure. Then we found out that the Warren's who you babysat knew. And seeing these pictures, I guess they really knew."

She continued, "So one person became two, and two became four. Then Bridget, Maura and Parul were added to the list."

And then I added, "And Jennifer who did my make-up for the Halloween party knows and now Derek who was Marilyn and Britney, and the Allison the photographer and Jennifer's other business associates, and Rachael who did my make-up New Year's Eve knows."

Kate continued, "Add all my friends at college who are on Facebook know, and now all their friends know."

"I think it's just a matter of time that who knows your mom or family is going to know that I have a cousin Matt that looks a lot like Cassie."

"I think you need to have a conversation with your mom," Kate said.

"I think I need to have a conversation with myself first. I'm not sure where I want to go with this."

"Kate, whenever I'm dressed as Matt, I can't wait to be Cassie. Ever since New Year's Eve, I've just been waiting for the chance to dress. Sometimes it's all I think about. And it's not just a sexual thing. I just want to be Cassie."

"And when I'm dressed as Cassie, I just want to stay as Cassie."

That night I did not sleep well. All my thoughts first focused on what to say to my mom and family, if anything at all at this time. Then my thoughts then jumped over to possibly being with Eric, and then back to my family.

Realistically, I could not hide this much longer, but I needed to think and talk this through more.

Thankfully, morning finally came. I did get some sleep but it was not restful. I showered first, changed into a pair of jeans and cute top, my necklace and put on some light make-up. Aunt Mary was already up and had a light snack for us and some good hot coffee.

"You're up earlier than I expected," she said with nice smile and a big hug. "College girls tend to sleep in longer."

As I quietly sipped my coffee with her, she said,

"Cassie, you seem a bit distance this morning."

"I've got a few things going through my mind right now, but I'm so happy to be here with you and Kate."

Kate was still asleep so I asked, "Aunt Mary, does Kate have a boyfriend? She never talks it."

"Not right now. I'll let her tell you her own story, but it was a tough freshman year for her due to all the freedom she had. I think she's taking a bit of a timeout from any relationships at the moment and she's happier for it."

"Cassie, is that what's on your mind, a boy?"

"Yes and no. It's hard to put into words, but there was this one boy at the college that liked me for who I was, and I think I liked him as well. Aunt Mary, I've even had a dream and he was in it."

"Ah, the dream sequences. Every girl's dilemma."

In her wisdom, Aunt Mary shared. "When I was younger, all I wanted to do was marry this one boy in my class. That was my fantasy and I dreamt about him a lot at night. The dreams even were acted out in my day to day life as I thought about him all the time."

And then she whispered, "And at times, at night before I fell asleep, I even pretended that he was with me in bed."

That was a little conversation stopper. All I could say was, "Really?"

"Yes, I did. And he was an amazing lover," she whispered.

I got what she was saying and smiled a bit, and she smiled back and gave a little shrug of her shoulders.

"As it turned out, I dated him once or twice and he was an absolute jerk. I just wanted my fantasy guy back. I wish I had never dated him."

"Cassie, I don't know how involved you are with this boy, nor do I need to know. I just know that you need to find these things out for yourself."

"Plus, I don't know where your journey as Cassie is going to take you. It's one thing dressing up and enjoying all the fun girl stuff like shopping, meeting Kate's friends and making your own, and even dating."

"It's another saying, I want to be Cassie all the time and all the implications that that entails with your friends and family.. But you owe it to yourself to find out if that's what you want."

Kate finally staggered into the kitchen in a real cute, but simple cotton nightie. She gave me a nice hug and then her mom.

"Damn girl, how can you look so nice so early," she said to me.

"I have such nice clothes to wear, that's how. And let me know when you don't want that nightie you're wearing anymore."

That got a smile from her and she reached down and pulled it up over her head.

"Katherine Marie!" her mom shouted.

"Mom, it's not like she hasn't seen my boobs before," she said as she lowered it back down.

Collecting herself, Aunt Mary said, "If it wasn't so cold and raw outside, I'd say let's go for a walk, but how about us going out to brunch instead? There's a real nice one at the Marriott and I called earlier and got an 11AM sitting."

Kate yawned, and while grabbing a cup of coffee chimed in, "Sounds good. Let's all dress up a little and turn some heads. What do you say?"

We arrived at the Marriott and it was so good we had reservations. We still had a good 15 minute wait and I actually enjoyed standing in heels looking nice all dressed up.

While we were sipping sparkling cider as we waited, Aunt Mary said,

"Cassie, your posture is so much better than I remembered. Have you been practicing?"

"More so than you'd imagine," I replied as I watched myself in one of the mirrors.

We were finally seated and the brunch was amazing with all kinds of specialty stations throughout the room.

As I walked around the various buffet stations, I was very aware of my walking as well and Kate came up to me and said quietly, "Cassie, where did you learn that?"

"Learn what?"

"How to walk that way?"

"Derek. He told me to watch ladies and mimic what they do. See that lady over there, I've been watching her. I love the way she moves though the buffet, not really sexy but definitely attractive."

"Well, it fits you well and you've turned a few heads. I like this Derek guy."

"I promise, you can meet him someday. He's a great guy."

As brunch continued I couldn't help but watch all the families come in. Sitting beside us was a young mom and dad with their little girl all dressed up with a bow in her hair.

"They look so happy together," I said.

Then later I added, "There are lots of young families here".

Kate then leaned and quietly added, "Mom, I think Cassie has a boyfriend."

"She told me already."

"You did? You're sharing boy secrets with mom already? I thought only I got to do that."

"Well, you can share your own boy stories with Cassie. She's not hearing them from me. And you're not hearing hers from me either."

But then Aunt Mary leaned in and whispered, "Kate, did Cassie tell you she was pregnant?"

"What??"

"Just kidding. Just making sure you were listening."

Aunt Mary then turned to me, held my hand and said, "Cassie, whatever your choices are, the time for having a family is much later on in life. Don't grow up to fast on us. Tomorrow has its own worries."

She was right. I was beating myself up trying to figure out all these tough life decisions when all I really should be wanting is to find out where that happy mom next to us got her gorgeous dress. Cassie, get your priorities straight!

So the next time the mom beside us got up, I did too and I stood behind her at the omelet station. While waiting I asked, "Excuse me, I love your dress. May I ask where you got it?'

"Thank you so much. I just got it at Ann Taylor." Now I felt like my old self.

"And yours?" she asked.

"Talbots. But I got it last fall.

"It is so you. I saw you earlier and I think you made an excellent choice. Good for you girl."

That lifted my spirits, but I still loved how happy the three of them looked.

As we were leaving the buffet, an even larger crowd was still waiting for their sitting. After the large party at Kate's college, I had no trouble walking by them, until I came nearly face to face for a second with someone I recognized. It was Scott, the Warrens' neighbor who I met in the parking lot on Halloween night.

In that split second, I must have looked a little startled at first, almost wanting to say hi, but then quickly composed myself as we continued walking by.

As I glanced back, I saw he was holding the hand of a little girl. I know he didn't recognize me because I was in costume that night, but just seeing him flooded me with emotions in those brief seconds.

By now the sun was baking off the raw drizzle of the morning and we walked around the grounds of the hotel for a while before heading back. It was so peaceful being out.

I stayed at Aunt Mary's until the late afternoon. Kate and I chatted about her friends, new clothes and left all the heavy discussions aside until she got a text from Eric moments before I changed to leave.

"Cassie. Eric is available this Tuesday night. He asked if maybe you and I could meet him and one of his coworkers for dinner."

Silence.

"It's what you wanted, isn't it?"

I nodded and said, "Tell him yes.

+++++++++

As I headed home that Sunday from Aunt Mary's in my new RAV4, I made a call.

"Hey Derek, this is Matt. Do you have a little time this week for lunch. I've got a few questions I want to ask you."

I got a call back within 15 minutes and he said, "Hey Matt, so glad you called. I have a bachelorette party coming up this Thursday night and was wondering if you be interested in coming. These are the fun ones I was telling you about."

"That night's open. I'm driving right now, but what would I need to do?"

"I'm going to be Britney and you can be the same Cassie you were for New Year's Eve. I have a 9PM show for them and we will be out by 10PM. Probably 15 girls or so, maybe a few mom's and aunt's, hard to tell."

"Should I do anything to prepare? This is going to be different I'm sure."

"Absolutely, here's what I do. Try and think of what makes two girls hot when they are together on screen. Like, when two girls look at each other and you just know they are going to kiss, their eyes dart left and right, up and down."

"Right, I've noticed that."

"And, they keep their mouths open a bit, like they're having an orgasm by just looking at each other."