Cockatoo Pt. 15

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*****

Maybe things could have been different, I don't know, but I found myself in a taxi on the way to Samui airport. I was still struggling to come to terms with what had happened and I felt physically sick at what I had heard. I had to get the taxi driver to stop so I could retch at the side of the road.

I managed to buy a ticket on the next flight to Bangkok and by mid afternoon I was back in the city. I booked into a hotel close to Nana Plaza and sent a couple of hours stewing in my room, drinking the gut rot scotch from the mini bar. I was raging at Alex, at Kritsada and above all at me for allowing myself to be dragged into this tragicomedy.

My head was throbbing from the effects of this morning's argument and the increasing volume of scotch I was consuming. It wasn't a recipe for clear thinking and the cheap whisky quickly exacerbated my already dangerous mood. By early evening I had sunk into a foul cocktail of anger and self pity at which point I decided that all I needed was to get out and have some more drink.

I made my erratic way to the Nana Plaza complex which is a centre for Bangkok's red-light industry. It has a host of bars and go-go clubs and a few Kathoey bars. I was already pretty loaded with the hotel scotch by the time I got there and started in with a few beers at one of the bars.

I had now drunk myself into a mood where self pity had degenerated into self loathing and I decided that I needed company and headed up to one of the Kathoey bars. I think it was Casanova I went into but to be honest it could have been any of them, I wasn't really seeing straight. I sat down and several of the girls came over, breasts barely contained by their bikini tops and bottoms that clearly showed what customers were looking for. I motioned to one to sit with me and she wiggled her way across and sat down on my lap.

'You buy me drink? What your name?'

'James and yeah I'll buy you a drink, why not?'

'I Ting, pleased to meet you.'

Ting ordered the drinks and before they had even arrived she had her hands inside my shirt and was vigorously wiggling her bum against my cock which, of course, having a mind of its own, began to respond.

'What you want to do, James?' said Ting her mouth close to my ear which she then started to nibble.

'I want to watch the show,' I said, looking at her and I felt my eyes beginning to lose focus. The noise and lights in the bar were numbing my brain, already overloaded with alcohol. The girls all looked fabulous and they paid no attention to me once I had been paired up with one of them.

'OK,' she said cheerfully, 'then we go short time maybe?' I thought 'why the hell not'. I had nothing to lose. It wasn't only Alex who could go whoring in Bangkok, I thought coldly.

'OK,' I said, but let's have another drink first.' Ting gave me a hug and continued to kiss and nibble my ear and slide her bum over my growing cock. My arm was around her and my fingers strayed under her bikini top and I started to rub her breast.

She was completely unmoved by this and even lent over to talk to one of the bar girls sitting next to us. She swayed back onto my lap and whispered in my ear.

'You wan two girl, short time?'

By this time the drink had taken away my foul mood and left me with that dangerous alcohol high that not only wipes away inhibition but also robs you of any sense whatsoever.

'Sure,' I shouted, 'why bloody not, find me a friend.'

'My fren Bell, she like you,'

'Bell and Ting, that sounds great,' I said, 'we could start a group.' She looked at me as if I was mad. 'You wan go short time now?'

'Yeah, let's go Ting, and Bell, where's Bell? Bell and Ting, I love it.'

Ting grabbed the girl who had been sitting next to us and after I had unsteadily paid for the drinks and the bar fine, we headed upstairs. Ting was tall and slender, long dark lustrous hair down to the middle of her back and a wiggle that could hypnotize. She put her arm through mine and was happily chatting away to Bell.

If I had been capable of any sensible thought I might have remembered the night I met Pao at Cockatoo and literally I had been so scared I had run out of the bar. How times had changed.

On top of Nana Plaza there are short time rooms that can be rented by the hour, and that's where we headed. Ting asked me for the money to rent the room and Bell grabbed my hand and pulled me over to one of the rooms. I got a good look at her for the first time and I dimly realised she was pretty with a round girlish face, nice big breasts and a cute bum. She smiled all the time, and giggled as I sat down heavily on the bed. She came and sat astride my lap and unbuttoned my shirt and began to kiss me.

Ludicrously, my arms were caught in my shirt sleeves and I fell backwards on to the bed. I was now giggling as Ting arrived who managed to pull my shirt off. Bell now took off my shoes while Ting unbuckled my belt and unzipped my trousers. I was still laying on my back with my legs over the edge of the bed. Ting stood up and in one practised move the bikini top came off and the bottoms pushed down.

I could see even from my prone position on the bed that she had beautiful breasts and a tiny little cock. How sweet, I thought in my drunken state. She dropped to her knees and started to lap my cock which despite the amount I had drunk was hard. She really knew how to suck cock and she was lapping, licking sucking and using her hands to get me very excited. Bell had climbed onto the bed and said, 'You want to suck cock?'

I had one small moment of doubt and then the alcoholic bravado kicked in and I said 'Yes.'

Bell kneeled at 90 degrees to my head and fell forwards on her hands so that her cock dangled just above my lips. I reached up and with my hand pulled her down towards me. I felt her cock slide in through my lips and I could feel it was a much bigger cock that Ting's had looked. She started to slip it in and out through my lips and I began to use my tongue to lick as she moved up and down.

It began to grow and I thought I would choke at one point but she eased up and although I gagged a couple of times I found I could cope.

Ting meanwhile was still rocking my cock and I could feel myself getting harder now. She felt me getting close and stopped sucking and suddenly I could feel her slide a condom over my erect cock. I couldn't see a thing because Bell was still driving her cock into my mouth. I reached up to fondle Bell's breasts and she pulled her cock out of my mouth as I felt Ting lower herself onto my cock. She bounced gently once or twice as my cock started to penetrate her and then suddenly she pushed down and I was inside her.

I looked up now that Bell had moved and I could see Ting's back as she rose and fell on my cock. I could feel myself tight within her as she moved her hips from side to side as well as up and down. Bell had moved to the other side and lay on her side on the bed and I turned my head and she fed her cock once more into my mouth. I felt my inevitable climax growing and suddenly my hips twitched and I exploded into Ting. She kept bouncing for a couple of times and then eased herself off my cock. Ting slid the condom off my cock and threw it in a waste bin. Meanwhile, Bell was still face fucking me and I signalled for her to stop.

'Turn over,' she said, 'I want fuck you, big boy.'

I was sobering up now but I did as she told me and I got down on my hands and knees as she moved behind me. I could see Ting moving around the bed and she climbed up in front of me and pushed her little cock into my mouth. At this moment I felt Bell put lube around and in my hole and she pushed her cock straight into me. I shouted as the pain flared and she smacked me on the bum as if to say shut up. The sting of the slap momentarily took away the pain as she started to drive in and out of my hole.

I could feel she was big and I could feel her getting larger as she drove her cock into me. I was rocking forward when she thrust into me which drove me onto Ting's cock. I thought 'I'm being screwed at both ends' and started to giggle, but stopped as Bell gave me an extra hard thrust. The pain had started to ease now and I tried to move backwards in time with Bell's forward movement.

She slapped my bum again as if I was a horse and she started to quicken her thrusts. I lost all hope of keeping up with her and she kept pushing hard and then moaned once, and I could feel her cock move inside me as she came. Ting was still pushing her cock inside my mouth, but a stunning flash of clarity burst through my addled brain and I thought, 'You bloody fool, what the hell are you doing? You should be with Alex'.

Bell pulled out of me with a plop and I felt her move away. I moved back from Ting and I started to cry. All the anger and frustration from today that had been dulled by the alcohol and the sex just burst out and I sat there on the bed between the two Kathoeys, bawling my eyes out like a child. Bell and Ting were a little scared by my outburst and I tried to tell them that everything was OK, that it was just too much drink. I think they believed me, and I gave them a generous tip.

I just wanted to get away and as I sobered up I began to feel shame at what I had done. I left as quickly as I could and found my way back to the hotel. I sat on the edge of the bed with tears rolling down my face again as I began to realise what I had done. The alcohol was now bringing me down as it always does and wave after wave of guilt and shame washed over me. I dimly realised that by fucking Ting and Bell I was seeking vengeance on Alex for what I believed was her betrayal of me. For the first time in my life I cried myself to sleep.

I woke up the next morning with a hangover, a mouth like the bottom of a parrot's cage and the biggest case of guilt I had ever felt. The first two could be sorted out with paracetamol and lots of water; the guilt would take a lot more than that to expunge.

I looked at the clock, 9 o'clock. I groaned as the headache kicked in hard. I needed water, painkillers and coffee, in that order. Possibly a priest too, I thought grimly. I needed to talk to somebody and I knew of only one person I could call. I dialled Sam's number hoping she would pick up but it went to voicemail so I left a message asking her to call me back. I dragged myself out of bed, showered and shaved and got my body at least in presentable condition, I wish I could have cleaned up my mood as easily.

Sam called back and we agreed to meet in the hotel lobby for coffee. She arrived, kissed me and then took a long look at me.

'James, you look like shit.'

'Thanks, Sam, that's good, because I feel much, much worse.'

She raised her eyebrows in enquiry, but I shook my head and said, 'Later.'

I asked her to fill me on what's happened with the company and then I faithfully promised I would tell her about me. I poured us both a coffee and she brought me up to date. The press story had broken in the UK and she said that the company had been trying to get hold of me and had told her that as soon as she saw me, she was to tell me to take the next plane back to London. They were running around like headless chickens, she said, with disgust at their reaction written plainly on her face.

She also said that as far as she was concerned, she hadn't seen me and didn't know where I was. I thanked her and thought that was the act of a true friend.

She asked me what had happened and that one simple question burst the dam gates. I took a deep breath and spilled my guts out to her. I told her the whole story of the argument with Alex, Kritsada's involvement and how we ended up fighting like children, Alex's ultimatum to me and then me storming off back to Bangkok. I left out the events of last night. I didn't think she needed to know about that.

'Sorry, Sam, I appreciate you listening, I just had to tell someone.'

'Don't worry mate, happy to lend you an ear. What will you do?'

'I wish I knew, Sam.'

'James, look, tell me to back off if you want, but do you love Alex?'

I took a big gulp of coffee and thought for a moment before replying, 'Sam, I have never felt anything like the way she makes me feel. When I'm with her I feel more alive than I can believe. Being with her is like a ride on a roller coaster, half the time you don't know if you're upside down or going to plunge to the ground, but it makes me feel like speed in my veins. I felt like my life was running at half speed until I met her, and when we were apart I just couldn't stop thinking about her. She takes my breath away.'

'On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd say that's a 10, James,' Sam said softly.

It was this short talk with Sam that fully opened up my eyes to what I had done. I had thought only of myself and not about Alex. I was supposed to love her and yet all I had done was to think about what it meant to me. I felt shame burning my face as I realised she was the real victim here, not me. She was tied into a lousy contract and I had totally ignored what she was going through and how she must be feeling. She had tried to protect me and like an idiot I had accused her of having an affair with Kritsada. The memory of my words to her scorched like sulphur in my brain.

I loved Alex and I had been a colossal fool to react and behave as I did. I started to feel sick again but for a different reason. Kritsada's words about courage being the ability to make the right decision under pressure came back to me. I had flunked that test this time. Had I just thrown away the most important thing I had ever had in my life?

'I know I love her, Sam, but I don't know if I can handle this thing with Kritsada, and she doesn't want to see me again.'

She thumped me hard on the arm and said, 'That's just miserable self pity. Snap out of it. I can guarantee that if she loves you there will be a way to get her to see you again. Is there anything that can be done with Kritsada?'

'I've met him and by what I've heard he isn't going to budge. He's a thug and he holds people to a deal.' I thought of Alex and what she had said about a pound of flesh. That made me feel worse as I realised just how unhappy Alex was. That was the reason she behaved as she did around him. I put my head in my hands and moaned with self recrimination. Then I remembered the dream she'd had, that must have been about her trying to break free from Kritsada. I felt my heart break as I thought about what she must have gone through in Bangkok. I had to get her back somehow.

'So you won't even try?' said Sam sarcastically, 'Why not go to see him. Surely there's something you can say to him?'

An idea flashed into my head, maybe after all there was something I could do. 'Sam,' I cried, 'you are a genius and I love you.'

'Thanks, but what for?'

I kissed her and said, 'If what I'm thinking of works, I'll know tomorrow afternoon and I'll tell you then.' l kissed her once more and spent the rest of the day planning what I would have to do the following day.

I felt elated, because I had an idea that could work and scared to death because if it went wrong I would need to go and find a small hole somewhere in the world and crawl into it.

I went to bed that night as nervous as a kitten, woke early the next day, made two appointments for later in the day and then booked the earliest flight out to Samui the next day. For the first time in a very long time I prayed to whatever God would listen to me that my plan would work. I set out from the hotel to my first appointment of the day.

That evening I took Sam out to dinner and told her my plan and what had happened during the day. She was apprehensive about it and wished me luck but I knew this was the best chance I had to put things right.

I had to get it right the next day or everything would crumble around my ears.

I caught the first flight out to Samui and as soon as I landed I rang Areeya on her mobile. She picked up but didn't say anything; she must have recognised my number.

I said quickly, 'Areeya please don't hang up. I need your help.'

There was silence but at least she didn't hang up.

'Areeya, I need to see Alex. I know you probably don't think very much of me right now but you know I am honest and I really need to see Alex.'

'She doesn't want to see you, James.'

At least she was talking to me now.

'I know that, and I can understand why, Areeya, but I have to see her, and I promise I won't hurt her again.'

'You've hurt her more than enough already James, why should I help you?'

'Because I did something wrong and I want to set things straight. You know me and if you have any feelings left for me, please help me to see her. I give you my word I will not hurt her again. I cannot undo what I have done, but if I can talk to her, I can make some amends, Areeya. Please?'

Silence again.

'How can I tell that you won't hurt her again?'

Still talking, that's good I thought.

'Areeya, You have my word that I have something to say to her that will go some way to making up for what I did. The worst that will happen is that I will have to go away and never return.'

'And what would be the best?' Areeya asked.

Good girl, I thought, she's at least considering it.

'Areeya, it may still mean I have to go away, but at least I may have a chance to set things right.'

Silence again.

'Where are you James?'

'Samui airport'

'What? You're here?'

'Yes, I just have to see her, Areeya.'

'I will call you back.' The line dropped and so did my hopes. I walked around and bought a beer and a sandwich. There wasn't anything else to do there. An hour later, the phone rang and I grabbed it. It was Areeya.

'James, I am trusting you with my life here. If this goes wrong and you let me down, Alex will never forgive me and I will find you and hurt you very badly.'

'Areeya, you are an angel and you won't regret it.'

She snorted at that, but went on, 'Come straight to the flat. I have told her there is a journalist who wants to write a story on the restaurant.'

'OK, OK and thank you, Areeya.' The line dropped and I ran for a taxi. For the first time ever I wished that a Thai taxi driver would drive faster.

My heart was pounding as I reached Koh Samui Blue. I had bet the farm on this move and if it went wrong I would lose everything. I walked slowly and deliberately up the steps to the flat and could see Alex sitting with her back to me and Areeya looking nervous.

I drew a deep breath counted to ten and walked in the door. Alex stood up and turned towards me smiling until she realised who it was. Her smile froze as she saw me and the blood drained from her face.

'What the fuck is this?' she screamed, 'Areeya, what the fuck have you done? I don't want to see this bastard. Nor you if you helped set this up.' Areeya's face went white and I jumped in, 'Don't blame Areeya, this was my doing. I needed to speak to you.'

Alex interrupted and yelled, 'I will blame whoever I fucking well like and I don't need to listen or talk to you. You had your chance, now just fuck off.'

I hoped that once she had blown up she would calm down, but the odds on that didn't look good right now.

Areeya said, 'Alex. I think you should give him one last chance. If he isn't worth it I will personally throw him down the stairs.'

Alex looked furiously at Areeya, then at me and back to Areeya. She seemed to be making a decision on which one of us to go for first.

'You have five minutes and then you can piss off back to where you came from.' At least she had stopped saying Fuck, which might be a good thing.

Alex sat in one of the chairs around the dining table. Her body turned away from me with her arms folded across her chest. Areeya was beside her and looked anxiously from me to Alex, desperately hoping she had done the right thing. I sat down opposite them and began to speak.