Twice the Hands to Hold

'Bad day?' Brian asked.

Matt shuffled into Brian's room and kicked off his slippers. 'Something like that.'

'Need a cuddle?'

Matt rolled his eyes but fell down next to Brian on his bed. The close proximity of his brother had the usual effect on Brian. He pressed his nose in Matt's hair by instinct and sniffed deeply. The simple act was intimate and comfortable at the same time. Matt pulled closer to Brian.

'Wanna talk about it?'

'Not really,' Matt said. 'Can we just lie here?'

'Sure.' Brian killed the bed lamp. The moon cast a slow and weak light into the room. He could still make out Matt's silhouette, and he pulled his brother closer still. Holding Matt close was what he needed, and he was sure it was what Matt wanted. But he couldn't stand seeing his brother down. He pulled his free hand across his Matt's chest and pinched a nipple, hard.

The reaction was instant and Matt lifted off the bed. His brother's face transformed in his signature pissed off frown. The scowl always cracked Brain up and that only incensed Matt more.

Instead of countering with his own attack, Matt did the one thing he knew would take the wind out of Brian's sails. Matt leaned over and planted a wet kiss on him. It wasn't a slow or sensual kiss. It was a hot, pissed off get back at you kiss, and the moment Brian got into it, Matt pulled away.

'That's your comeback?'

Matt grinned. 'Works every time.'

Brian's brows pyramided together. He had to get the power back somehow, but he bided his time. After Matt settled back into his lopsided embrace, Brian did to his brother what Matt did for him to help him relax. He ran his hands slowly through Matt's silky dark hair. It only lasted a minute, before he pounced on Matt and crushed him under his weight.

Matt struggled, but as always relented in the end. Brian cupped Matt's package and squeezed hard. Upon Matt's gasp, he delved his tongue past the wet lips and claimed his brother's mouth.

After a hardly long enough make out session, they broke apart. Their breathless pants subsided and their heartbeats slowly returned to normal.

They lay in each other's arms, but Matt fidgeted. The moon cast fine shadows over the room and the light played across Matt's perplexed features. 'Out with it,' Brian said.

Matt licked his bottom lip. 'Are we sick, Bri? Are we evil?'

Brian loved Matt. It was a love like no other. The intensity of it burned his belly leaving a gaping hole there that only his brother could fill. How could a love so intense and so honest be wrong? 'There's nothing wrong with us. Don't you see?' Brian said. 'It's not us, it's the world outside these walls that is sick.'

'We are family,' a familiar voice came from the door. Brian and Matt turned in the voice's direction. Matt pulled himself into Brian more and made himself smaller. Jake smiled reassuringly at them from the door, but Brian was still not sure how much their uncle had heard or seen.

Jake walked into the room. He had no shoes on, only black socks, and his tie was pulled loosely around his neck. His dress shirt was only half tucked. The slouch in his shoulders made him look tired, but content. Instead of joining them on the bed, Jake pulled Brian's computer chair between his legs and rested his arms on its back. He eyed them a second longer then smiled. That small gesture changed the energy in the room and the tension flowed out of Matt's body. Brian's shoulders sagged along with Matt's but the relief was short lived. Jake's silence still unnerved him. He must have heard at least some of what they had been talking about.

He returned Jake's, who was still contemplating them quietly. His sweet Matt also had all his attention on Jake, who rode the chair between his legs, still saying nothing. The silence wasn't stifling, and it wasn't uncomfortable, but Brian was unsure how to break it. Eventually Jake did, and just the sound of the reassuring voice so close to him washed over Brian like a welcomed summer breeze on a hot California mountain.

'I've known for a while,' Jake said slowly.

Matt's unfocused stare turned questioning and for a second a whisper of the tension that had just escaped him crept back. Yet there was nothing confrontational or threatening in Jake's stance.

Brian squeezed Matt and forced himself to look at their uncle. 'Why didn't you say anything?' he asked.

'To be honest,' Jake said, 'I thought it was a phase.' After a short pause, he continued, 'And I wasn't about to take away the love you two had. Or try to. Lord knows you'd both lost enough.'

'You don't think it's twisted?' Matt asked. Brian pulled him in even closer, but Matt didn't take his eyes off Jake. 'That we're twisted?'

'Hell, no.'

'Do you think,' Brian whispered, 'do you reckon dad and mom would be disappointed?'

For the first time a frown cloud Jake's features. It wasn't that he was contemplating his question, or even entertaining it. The frown was an honest reflection of Jake's bafflement. 'Your parents could never be disappointed in the people you've become. They would've been so proud. I know they are.'

Matt pressed his face into Brian's side and breathed deeply. He then pushed up and crossed his knees. Brian moved up and allowed him more space, moving closer to the bed's edge and closer to Jake.

Matt wrung his wrist, which rolled freely in his sweaty. Brian leaned over and placed a gentle hand over his brother's chokehold on his wrist. He looked Matt in the eye and pulled his arms apart. The touch between them relaxed Matt and he didn't resist Brian.

'Can I ask you something, Jakey?' Brian said. He still kept his eyes on Matt, who now couldn't meet his stare. Jake rode the chair side to side, but remained silent. The only sound in the room was the squeak of the chair's springs and their breathing. Jake was concentrated on their connected hands, picking up on the intimate but revealing gesture. He nodded and Brian continued. 'All those years we were growing up, when you didn't date. You didn't have anyone. It couldn't have been easy for you being alone.' Brian kept his grip on Matt's arm but met Jake's eyes. 'Why didn't you try anything with us? With me?'

Jake stopped mid spin. He tipped his head away from Brian as if contemplating making a run for it, but remained seated. Instead of answering, Jake pushed off the chair and pushed it forward. He straightened his posture and Brian was afraid he'd gone too far, or pushed their uncle away. The tension crept back into his spine. Rather than moving to the door, Jake walked over to the bed. He settled on its edge and touched Brian's thigh with his knee.

Jake twisted his neck and stared at the duvet. 'It wasn't always easy,' he said. 'There were many nights I'd look at you sleep.' Jake looked at Matt for a long moment and then turned to Brian. The nostalgia in Jake's eyes as he'd looked at Matt evolved into something else entirely when he stared at Brian. 'You both looked so much like your father. Even more so once you started getting older. It wasn't always easy,' Jake said.

Brian encouraged Jake to continue with a slight nod. Finally, it was all coming out. 'It was easier with Matt in a way,' Jake said.

Matt looked surprised at that, but Brian understood where their uncle was heading with it. Jake placed a palm over Matt's hand. 'You are so much like your mom, even though you also look so much like your dad.' Jake turned to Brian. 'It was more difficult with you,' he said. 'You are a your carbon cutout of your father. Your mannerisms, the way you walk, even the inflections in your voice. It really is like living your with Brian Sr.,' Jake said. 'There were so many nights where I had to force myself to close your bedroom door. To just walk away. I wanted to have you, finally have a piece of your father. But instead I'd go to my room and leave my door open. I'd listen to you and your brother breathing while you're sleeping...'

'And farting,' Matt said.

Jake chuckled. Brian appreciated Matt's attempts at lightening the heaviness of the moment and pinched his thigh. Instead of jerking away or reacting, Matt simply placed a sweaty palm over Brian's hand and kept it there, warming his leg.

'That too,' Jake said. 'It had to be enough though. But I'd listen and wait for the sounds, either coming from your room,' Jake turned to Matt, 'or from yours. And while you two were together, I'd imagine I was there with you, in your bedroom, loving both of you, being with you.'

Brian closed his mouth. For some reason he'd always accepted Jakey had no idea what they got up to in the early hours of the morning.

Jake chuckled. 'Don't look so surprised. I always knew. I saw how you were around each other from a young age. You were both heartbreakingly adorable. You really stepped up and became the father figure for your brother, Bri, and I'm more proud of you than you will ever know.'

Hot tears threatened to choke Brian, but he kept it at bay. He wasn't about to let this moment turn into a sob fest, or ruin it with snot running down his face.

'And hey,' Jake said, 'at least I had your come soaked shorts to keep me company at night.'

Matt stared from behind his hair, but quickly dropped his head again. Brian could see the hot pink blush on his brother's face in his mind, even in the semi darkness of their room.

Jake laughed again. 'What? Did you think I took care of the laundry out of the goodness of my heart? There's a reason why neither of you have ever seen the inside of a washing machine.'

'That's how you got through all those lonely years,' Matt said, the adorable and sexy smile in his voice. 'You were sniffing our tighty-whities all those years.'

'You bet,' Jake said. He pulled Matt into a half embrace. 'And the sheets. It was hot.'

Brian chuckled. 'Damn.'

'Can I be honest Jakey?' Matt said after a moment.

Jake let go of him and Matt straightened up. He tucked some hair behind his ears so that he could see them both clearly. Matt gestured to Brian. 'I think I'm speaking for both of us. We wouldn't have minded if you'd joined in.'

'Definitely wouldn't have,' Brian echoed.

The amity in the room dissolved almost instantly. Jake tilted his head and eyed Matt, then looked at Brian and then back at Matt again. 'I'm...what...'

Brian smiled at their uncle. 'Speechless, Jakey?' The battle in Jake was evident for the world to see. He struggled with allowing hidden desires to finally come to the surface, or to just suppress it again and convince him that what he had with the boys was enough. Brian finally had the guts to let his uncle know that all those years of lingering glances, of cuddles on the couch that felt so right, of the hugs that never lasted as long as it should have... now they had to make up for that lost time.

'What are you saying?' Jake said. 'What is it you want?'

For all his bravado Brian was at a loss to bluntly show his uncle what it was they were trying to tell him, but he didn't have to think about it too hard. Matt boldly pushed up from his locked-knee position and leaned over him to bring his face closer to Jake's. Stopping a few inches away from their uncle, Matt looked him in the eyes before closing his eyes and leaned forward.

Brian had been the recipient of that kiss more times than he could ever remember. To see someone someone else be the recipient of that honor for the first time was at once one of the most erotic things Brian had ever seen as well as the privilege of his life. It was right up there with the first time he'd crawled into Matt's bed, a skinny short kid that was his mirror reflection yet unique and entirely one of a kind. It was the same beautiful moment as when Matt had embraced him, every part of him, when they got to know each other completely. The two most important men in his life were seeing each other like that at that very moment, discovering the same thing in each other that he and Matt had all those many years ago. Seeing the shock of Matt's brazenness register on Jake's face, then the shock evolve into reluctant acceptance and then turn into hot desire was truly the most beautiful thing in the world.

Matt opened his mouth and teased Jake with his tongue, just enough until the last of Jake's resolve crumbled and his hesitance faded, then he pulled back.

Goddamn. What a tease.

Who knew Matt had been such a good student over the years? Brian's pajama shorts had become uncomfortably tight from his cross-legged position on the bed, preventing it from stretching and accommodating his growing need. Knowing what he did now, Jakey could have gone to town on his come stained shorts after this night, but something told him his uncle would never have to settle for his second hand come after tonight.

Jake opened his eyes. The look in them was dazed, but he soon focused on Matt's relaxed frame and took in the warmth coming from both of them.

'I've always loved the both of you,' Jake said. His voice was scratchy, whether from emotion or need it was difficult to say. Perhaps both. 'You're both so alike, yet totally different. I've wanted to be with both of you for such a long time, but I've always held back. Being with you in that way, it would be like coming full circle in a way,' Jake said softly. 'It would be like being with your dad in part.' Jake looked down, hiding his eyes in the semi dark of the room. Seeing his usually confident uncle so vulnerable, this raw and exposed hurt Brian. But he knew whatever it was Jake had to say, he had to get it off his chest. 'But that's not the only reason. I want to be with you. It would be the most amazing thing to me, but if you don't want to, or are unsure,' he said, 'we can go back to the way things were, no questions asked. It'll be okay, we won't have to talk to it ever again. It'll just be like it...'

Brian followed his brother's lead and closed the gap between him and his uncle. He kissed Jake, hard. He left the soft gentility to his brother, with him it had always been passion. The kiss was messy, wet and heavy. Or perhaps it was just his need weighing him down. He pulled away reluctantly, but placed his hand over a scorching bulge in Jake's center. 'Don't finish that thought,' Brian said.

'Truth is,' Matt said, 'you've been the subject of many of our mutual fantasies over the years.'

Jake tore lust-filled eyes from Brian and stared at Matt. He placed a hand behind his neck and massaged himself. 'What?'

The regret in that one word was like a twisting knife in Brian's liver. Jake blinked rapidly and increased the massage motions. 'You mean, you guys, all these years, you wanted me to join in?'

'We did, we do,' Brian said.

'We just had no idea how to approach you,' Matt said.

The realization hit all three. All the wasted years, all the solitary nights their uncle lay alone in bed while they at least had each other. Such a waste.

'We can make up for those years,' Brian said. By the look in Jake's eyes, he knew his uncle had been on the exact same train of thought as him. 'Starting tonight. We can finally break down the last barrier between us and become the family we always wanted.'

Jake licked his lips then looked down at his hands. He wiped his hand over his face and sighed. Then he got up, tension seeping into his frame. Not the way Brian was edging this to go.

'What's wrong?' Brian asked.

Jake started pacing. 'You guys, once we go there,' he said, 'there's no going back. We'll have gone there and we can't turn back the clock. Is this really what you want? Brian?'

Jake looked at Brian for confirmation. It didn't bother him that the magnitude of this decision came down to him. Jake knew that Brian was the deciding factor. He and Matt were so in tune, and if there was one person in this world, aside from their uncle, who had Matt's back, it was Brian. He'd never force anything on his brother, and would not allow anyone else to either. If it wasn't what Matt wanted, Brian wouldn't allow it. The silence stretched in the room and Brian let it. He didn't want his response to seem flippant or inconsequential, so he formulated it carefully.

Matt placed a hand softly on his leg. He saw in that gesture what he already knew, that Matt wanted this more than anything too. Jake was getting antsy, and he didn't want to leave their uncle burning in the wind. So he got up and walked over to Jake with what he hoped was confidence, even though his legs felt like jelly.

'I love Matt,' Brian said, 'and you're a part of Matt. You're a part of my mother, and you're a part of me. I know our father loved you too, so in a way you are part of him. I want you to be a part of me uncle Jake. Take a part of me. Matty feels the same.' The words were emotionally charged, more so than Brian had anticipated, and it moved him to tears. He wiped the moisture at his eyes quickly, but Jake stopped his hand midway. Brian lowered his arm and Jake took his face in his strong hands. With his thumbs he wiped at the few stray tears that escaped against Brian's will and smiled at him.

'It's like I'm looking at Brian Sr. right now.'

'He's here with us,' Matt said next to Brian. Some time during this intimate exchange with Jake, Matt had joined them at the foot of the bed. 'I feel him.'

'I do too,' Jake said. Holding Brian's face in his palms, Jake leaned over and kissed Matt sensually. Matt accepted the kiss and leaned forward, increasing the intensity of the kiss but keeping it softly sensual. It was still incredibly erotic and Brian was floating from the lack of oxygen and blood in his head. But Jake's steadying hands weighed him down.

Jake was the first to break the kiss sloppily, and seeing Matt's tongue retreat from their uncle's mouth was the final push. He could not take it any longer. Luckily, Jake was again on the same wavelength as him and he lowered his hands to Brian's shoulders and pulled him forward. Jake kissed him deeply and roughly. None of the gentleness he's just witnessed with Matt was present, but the same lust and love pulled him forward into an abyss he knew he would never escape, nor would ever want to. He tasted the unique taste of Matt on Jake's tongue and lips, and enjoyed the soft pressure that was unmistakably Matt's touch on his dick through the material.

Where someone else's soft touch might come across as hesitance, Matt's undemanding touch was anything but. Even though he wasn't aggressive or persistent, there was no mistaking the need and love behind every touch from his brother.

Jake deepened the kiss, stealing the breath out of his lungs. At the same time Matt lowered his skimpy pajama shorts and the burst of cold air that hit his erect dick was punishing. Soon the silky warmth of Matt's familiar and sweaty palm engulfed the heat of his dick and with his uncle's arms wrapped around his shoulders, his brother beside him on his knees, the profound sense of peace, of home overwhelmed Brian at that moment.

There was nowhere else, with no one else that he would rather be. It was too heady for him and he had to sit down. He pulled back and Jake's dominant tongue slipped from his lips. He already missed the silky and addictive smoothness of it and was happy to know he wouldn't have to live without it in future.

'Let's take it to the bed,' he said, and Jake nodded. Matt got up and followed them. Jake pulled his tie over his head and fumbled with his shirt's buttons. Matt pulled his pajama top over his head and shimmied out of his pajama shorts.

The buttons proved too big of a challenge for Jake in his agitated state and he ripped them apart, the sound of buttons hitting the wooden floorboards crushing in the quiet of the room. Matt was already nude and pulled Brian's shorts down. Standing naked and erect before their uncle, it was like a homecoming. They were inches away from their uncle's erect dick, the very dick he and his brother had fantasized over for so many years, and all that separated them was a thin layer of boxer shorts.