Losing My Balance Ch. 01

Hello readers! This is the first chapter in a series so I do hope you enjoy it. As always, I love/greatly appreciate any feedback and constructive criticism! (Let me know what you think!) Many thanks to Azure_skies for editing.

*******

We stumbled into the room laughing together. I noticed that Bee's cheeks were rosy. Droplets of water fell onto the cherry floor and I leaned back against the wall and just laughed.

I'm a little bit of an OCD when it comes to messes, but that's just because I like to preemptively strike. But here we were, our backs against the wall, laughing and dripping everywhere. It was a messy laugh too, the kind where you can't catch your breath and besides your drenched appearance, your eyes decide to join in the fun and tears of incredulity and hilarity only add to the overall picture.

This was one of the few times that I felt on a par with Bee, not that she knew. Whatever I've achieved, she has already achieved something greater. It's like that commercial, I can do anything better than you. Instead of making me more competitive, it has just raised her onto a pedestal which I can't quite reach. So, I idolize her, and feel stupid around her. Well, stupid is a little harsh. I feel foolish. I've always wanted to be her equal, or perhaps you could say, I've always felt unworthy of her friendship. Now, you may think that my self-esteem was low, to have such a high opinion of someone, but truly, if you've ever met someone like Bee, you'll know that their heart is pure. And you just want so badly to be pure like them. It's hard and it's wonderful having someone like that in your life. And she is an important part of my life. In that moment, when I looked at her gold shaded sun hair drenched with water, her cheeks were red from laughing, her eyes glinting with amusement, and her body opening and closing with every shaky breath after a long laugh, I just wanted to kiss her.

Wait. Kiss her?

I shook my head inwardly. Too much time spent trying to be close to her. That's Bee's thing, not mine. And that's a damn dangerous road. If there was a way to be intimate with her, I've thought about it, but I had always, always avoided that road. I think we've been seeing too much of each other lately.

"Uhmmm... Irri?" Bee prodded my arm, "Must I always come looking for you when you zone out?"

I grinned sheepishly, "Only if you want me back!"

Bee laughed... "Irri, the love I have for you will always have me calling you back...The love I have for you is like a husband's undying love for his wife... The type of love that is loyal, never-ending, and possibly dependent on some of your wonderful cooking which would be really really..."

I punched her arm before she could finish it the sentence. Asshole.

*******

We ended up cleaning up from the rain and changing into some comfy sweats. While Bee checked some of her emails on the kitchen's island, I started making some of my "wonderful food". It was a routine memorized by us a long time ago. While I prepared homemade pizzas for us, she told me about her love life and work and anything else that she felt like talking about.

Mostly, she talked about her love life. She had been seeing this girl lately, this really needy girl who basically just turned Bee off completely.

Bee sat at my island, wine glass in hand, "And I told her, it's just too damn much. I can't deal with dependent girls like that, I want my woman to be capable of asking me out without any passive-aggressive-waiting-around-for-me-to-do-it-every-single-fucking-time!"

She took a swig of the wine and wiped her lips with the back of her hands. I have to say, she has the looks of a really girly girl, but acts like a tomboy. It's a no brainer as to why girls AND guys are drawn to her.

She continued on with her rant, "I want someone who will know what they want, and then DO something about it, instead of just pushing me around and making me do it for them", Bee shook her head.

I laughed, I think the wine and lack of food for a while was starting to get to her and all the pent up emotions. She doesn't really share with anyone else, but me. She shares everything with me. It's true that with her and everyone else I've always been a listener, and that's what's helped her open up with me.

While I waited for the pizzas to cook, I took a seat right next to her on the counter, absentmindedly swirling my wine again, the sips I took warmed me up on the inside, accompanying the sweats that I had changed into. I was a bit lost in my thoughts...specifically, the one I had about kissing Bee. I had honestly never thought about it before, at least not consciously (maybe when I was drunk). Alright maybe also when I wasn't conscious, I was dreaming. But it happened that night she had told me that she had hooked up with someone, and maybe I am bi-curious, so that's what I chalk it up to.

Prodding me softly, Bee looked at me, I thought she was going to ask about what had me so quiet (so I almost panicked), but her mind was concentrated on the aroma of food!

She reminded me to check the pizzas and I smiled at her, and asked her some more questions about her current ex,which she kindly ranted on about. It worked as an avoidance strategy so she wouldn't notice my quietness and because I genuinely wanted to hear.

The funny thing about her exes is that they never liked me. It wasn't that they were jealous of me in the romantic sense, they knew that Bee and I were plainly platonic. It was more so the fact that Bee would unload on me, she was extremely open with me, and it made her exes uncomfortable. Like I said, I was slightly bi-curious, but as far as everyone knows, I'm as straight as an arrow (which placated her exes). Also, if Bee found out, I wouldn't hear the end of it. I wouldn't be able to tolerate her smugness on that one!

Of course, having a girl like Bee could make you insecure or unsure about yourself. She was America's wet dream - tall, blonde, brown eyes, and a smile that could turn around a bad day. She was also lean and muscular from her days of playing volleyball. In contrast, I was on the shorter side, thicker and curvier. Alright, I've been called down right voluptuous. I never got any complaints for it though, with my light brown skin, and my dark brown eyes. The irony in spite of our differences, is that Bee and I had similar hair. Hers was a golden dirty blonde, thick, and long, halfway down her back. And mine had the same thickness, as well as the length. However, mine ranged from darker to lighter shades of browns, with red highlights.

Anyway, after Bee finished ranting about her ex, she threw me a guilty look, "I've gone on too long babe! Tell me about any changes in your love life? Any studs chasing after you?"

I had to laugh and shake my head. I've been stuck in a rut for a while; I don't know what it is, or rather... I don't really want to admit it to myself. I'm not ready for that, and it's too soon. Besides, I like to keep some feelings deep down where they will never see the light.

"You know me, Miss Bee... Having to swat them away like flies!" I smiled and poked her side.

And with some banter back and forth, more conversion, two tummies full of pizza and wine, I got into my bed.

Bee was a chronic late night owl, and usually came up a bit later if she was staying over. This time she was finishing up a movie that I had been nodding off to since it had first started. I had been extra tired these past few weeks with the stress of holding down a job and studying for my LSATS. Bee was already out in the business world, having gotten a job at a bank. She was a number cruncher, which was very helpful when it came time for me to fill out taxes, so benefit to my side!

I had just closed my eyes after changing sleepily and brushing my teeth, already dozing when Bee climbed into bed with me, she cuddled up close. She nudged me, "I'm not tired yet, there's nothing good on TV, your Wi-Fi is acting up because of the storm, so you have to be my entertainment for now!"

This was also a common occurrence, sleeping in bed together. There was something about being able to cuddle with someone and not have to worry about anything else happening that wrapped me in a blanket and warmed me all the way down to my toes.

I let out a groan, with my face muffled into the pillow, "But I'm tired! Go play a board game or something!"

Bee's hands were suddenly on my side and she started tickling me, I kicked and laughed and squirmed, "Okay, okay, I give, I know that was a silly suggestion!"

That damn smug face of hers just stared at me, "And?"

I rolled my eyes, "I don't even have a board game."

She smirked even more if possible, "And?"

I sighed out exasperatedly, "And I always tell you how boring they are!"

Bee gave another poke to my side and grinned brightly, "Thank you very very much!"

I shook my head. This damn woman. She was going to be the death of me. I put on a hopeful face, "So, maybe we should just sleep then? Right?"

Bee shook her head at me, chiding, "No no no. I refuse to let you become an old lady fart. We're going to stay up late and I'm invoking a literal and figurative rain check, on that scary movie you promised me last time."

I groaned.

Now I would never get to sleep because I would be scared too! Bee just smiled sweetly at me until I spoke again. I swear she's the only one who can make me do all this shit, if it was anybody else minus a significant other, I'd have kicked them out of my room by now.

"Can we at least watch in bed?"

Bee was entirely too happy, "Yes please! I already brought up the DVD from downstairs!"

I narrowed my eyes at her, "This was your plan the whole time, wasn't it?"

She tossed her long blonde hair and shrugged, "Well I didn't plan on it raining to fuck with the Wi-Fi... and I didn't plan on there being shitty television tonight...and I didn't plan on..."

"Okay babes! I get the picture!" I cut her off; sometimes this woman was so damn incorrigible. She jumped up and grabbed my laptop and the DVD, with a wide grin plastered on her face. Bitch. We both got under the covers; I had already changed into a comfy pair of shorts and a too big tank top. I always got hot at night, whereas Bee was the contrary. She was clad in a pair of pajama pants and a light hoodie, another one of the ways we were opposites.

Bee rested the laptop on her stomach with it tilted towards me as we sat up, using the pillows to lean against. This was just like college in the squished dorm rooms and later in our apartment when we were still saving up to buy a TV. That's how we had met actually; she had lived in the room right next to me. They say that proximity actually determines your relationships over any opposites attract business, and with her I could definitely believe that. As a hall we would go to different events with everyone, party together, and the relationship with her just felt so natural. Anyway, when it came time to move out of the dorms, we were each other's first picks for apartments, and the rest was history. She's been my closest friend since college, and we were lucky to have found jobs in the same town so we see each other pretty often.

So, we started the movie, sitting up and lying next to each other. I'm one of the scaredy cats when it comes to these kinds of movies; I grip the person next to me's arm so tight that it hurts them. But, Bee knew the risks and she was a thrill seeker like this, not minding. The movie started out with your typical creepy kid and confused parents. Oh joy, this definitely makes me want to have kids one day so I can analyze every single one of their actions to make sure they aren't possessed. I started complaining about this to Bee but she just laughed and told me she'd perform the exorcism on them as the godmother. Well, at least her scary movie knowledge could come in handy in at least one way.

I cuddled closer to her during the scary parts, but since I had consciously thought about kissing her earlier, I was hyper aware of our bodies touching. It happened in a way that was different than before. I tried to chalk it off from me being horny and not having had sex recently. I had to stop myself from looking at her, so I just pressed into her and tried to concentrate on the movie and not peeing my pants.

It was one of those thriller moments in the movie; they were trying to find the creepy kid, when all of a sudden he pops out.

Suffice to say I screamed, "Fuck!!" I gripped Bee's arm tight and she let out a hiss, "Irri, that fucking hurt that time!"

I glared at her and stuck out my tongue, "Blame yourself! You picked the movie!"

She stroked my hair back and giggled, "You're right, you're right, poor baby. Okay, it's going to be okay, no more scary monsters..." She then pinched my cheek. Asshole! I would get her back.

After that one scare, I was more desensitized throughout. I was glad that Bee would be staying over though, I probably couldn't watch this and then sleep by myself. I'm a bit prone to nightmares, and I didn't need any help with this. I was still waiting to get her back after her babying me, so after she went to the bathroom to brush her teeth I quickly got up from bed and turned off the lights. Then, I hid behind the door. I couldn't help grinning wickedly. This was going to be oh so good.

After about five minutes of her going to the bathroom and brushing her teeth, she opened the door and I jumped out at her and shouted out, "Boo!"

"FUCK!" She screamed and tripped on the part where the bedroom floor turned to carpet.

And as a good friend I immediately felt sorry for her.

Just kidding, I laughed my ass off first and then offered her help to get up. Her face was one of amusement and annoyance, a look I was very used to. I was grinning broadly, but she took my hand and then she tugged me down onto the floor with her!

I fell half on top of her and couldn't help but giggling, "You ass!"

She grinned, "I'm the ass? Who scared who first?"

I tried poking at her but she grabbed my hand and held it down, I mock glared at her, "Well whose idea was it to watch a scary movie?"

She just shrugged and looked at me with an innocent look... "You owed me a rain check for it! So really it's your-"

I interrupted her and narrowed my eyes, "Don't you dare say it, or I'm making you sleep right here on the floor!"

Bee let out a light giggle and tugged me to her, squeezing me, "I'd hold you down and make you sleep down here with me then!"

"Psh! You couldn't even if you tried!" I giggled, "I have moves you wouldn't expect!"

Bee couldn't keep a straight face and was just grinning widely, "I think by now I've seen all your moves Irri, 'fraid to disappoint you, but you can't surprise me anymore like that!"

The nerve of her. She thought she knew every little slip I had up my sleeve! Well then... Here's something that will really surprise her.

I frowned at her and looked intently... and Bee just kept giggling and shaking her head, "Bring it on then, show me what-"

And then I pressed forward and kissed her. Her lips were minty, warm and moist... I lingered for a few seconds and things got quiet... Her arms went slack around me in surprise and her eyes were closed when I opened mine.

I forced out a laugh, poked her side, and jumped up from the ground, totally ignoring what I had felt, "See! I'm still capable of surprising you!" I quickly climbed onto the bed, trying to ignore the awkward silence...

Bee blinked slowly and looked up at me from the ground, "Irri... what was that?"

I just shrugged and grinned too widely, "I wanted to surprise you!"

Bee raised her eyebrow, "You could have tickled me and I'd have been surprised... You didn't have to kiss me."

Dammit, she wasn't going to bullshit around this. I totally would have gone along with the bullshitting, and now I had to dig myself out of the hole I had dug for myself.

"Bee, it wasn't anything really, I swear," I smiled at her, "You know that I would have told you otherwise. I'm just feeling silly with all that red wine, and adrenaline from the movie!"

Bee narrowed her eyes at me, I had a feeling she didn't believe me all the way through, but I think I could persuade her there if I was careful about it. You may be thinking, Irri, you're an idiot, you're lying to your best friend about whatever that was, and you're not even doing a good job about it. Well, you're right. But, things come about when you're ready for them, and I'm not ready for anything else but the sweet sweet taste of this denial. Bee is off limits, if I ever try a girl, and maybe I need to now, then it won't be her. I would not ruin what we have.

After a few moments, Bee just shook her head and laughed, "You had me going there Irri, you really did."

I just forced out a grin, and then stuck out my tongue, "Told you I had moves you wouldn't even begin to suspect!"

Bee just kept shaking her head at me before climbing into bed. Ah, the sweet torture of being so close in proximity to someone that I had just kissed. Well, I could handle it, it didn't bother me one bit. Okay, maybe a little, but like I said, denial tastes way too sweet right now for me to just let it go.

*******

Usually I sleep deeply and so does Bee. But that night I tossed and I turned and I tossed and I turned until I woke Bee up. Okay, well it was accidentally but it just happened. I couldn't stop thinking about that kiss and how it would have been if it was longer, if she had had a chance to respond back.

And then Bee spoke out softly, "Irri?"

I bit my lip and then had to admit I was awake, I mean I probably had woken her up anyway, "Yes?"

"Tell me why you kissed me", she rolled towards me, the moonlight catching the shine of her eyes.

I sighed out, "It's really not important Bee, it was all in good fun."

Bee slipped closer to me, draping her leg over my hip and then reaching her arm around me. My breathing grew shallow, instead of the normally relaxed feeling that would seep into me. What the hell, my best friend was making me nervous. And then she leaned in whispering into my lips, "Let's have some fun again, then..."

And she kissed me.

It was a light, warm, slightly sleepy kiss that shook me deep to my core, because then it turned into something with fire. With an intensity that I couldn't shake, and she was tasting me and I was tasting her. We were feasting on each other, and the moans that passed between us, the breath that escaped one's lips into another was like nothing I've ever had with anyone else before. I needed more.

I rolled on top of her, and she let out a whimper at the position, me across her long lithe body, as she pulled my hands and squeezed them, urging my body and my lips to hers again. Our breasts were pressed together, I had never thought about this before, what it would be like to have my body pressed up against a woman like this: to have an embrace that felt so right and made me so wet with her.

The feeling of her hot mouth on mine, my body pressing down onto hers, and her trying to feel every inch of mine was almost too much to handle. I could feel the heat flowing from the center of my legs and radiating outward.

We were caught in a torrid kiss that seeped throughout my body: breasts mashed together, hard nipples rubbing, fingers entwined, and breathing ragged. And just as her hand slipped out of mine, about to touch me in a place I never imagined her going, she yelled out.

"Irri! Get your butt out of bed please- we're going to be late!"

I blinked and opened my eyes.

It was a dream. Bee was in my bathroom, getting ready for the day, and I was curled up, squeezing a pillow. We hadn't been having a crazy hot midnight romp, I was still straight, and we were going to be late to go meet our friends for brunch.