For the Love of My Brother

A/N: This story is equal parts gay incest and non-con/reluctance/abuse. If either of these make you uncomfortable, don't read on.

Also, this is pretty long. If you stick it out all the way to the end, I really appreciate it. If long stories aren't your thing, that's okay too.

If people want a follow up story, I'll consider writing one. Anyway, enjoy!

*****

The minivan smelled like sweat. The AC was broken, it had been dead for two years now, and my parents weren't the type to complain about such a small thing, so it stayed broken. The hot July sun was unforgiving, and even with the windows rolled down, there were still trails of sweat rolling down my forehead.

I felt cramped. I was dying to stretch out my legs. With the just the four of us in the van, it wasn't so bad, but we had all our gear too. Our food, our bags, Dad's fishing equipment. It was a lot. And my brother and I were forced to sit next to each other, our sweaty legs bumping together all throughout the drive.

I didn't mind it so much, but my brother did. He stared moodily out the car window, feeling the breeze on his face. He didn't say anything the entire drive. I felt so awkward, sitting next to him, my small body constantly bumping against his muscular one.

Everyone else was happy to be going camping. I was looking forward to it. Getting away from work for a week, spending time out in the wilderness with my family. (I use the term "wilderness" loosely; we'd be staying in a cabin). It was exciting. It would be the final chapter of my old life.

I'm an adult now. I just graduated from high school, and I would be starting university in the fall. My brother graduated university this last year, with an engineering degree. That was the entire reason for this whole trip. It was our last family vacation. My brother would be moving away next month; I'd be starting my life in school. We'd hardly see each other anymore.

And I hate to admit it, but I was kind of glad for it. Glad that I wouldn't have to see my brother every day. I love him, more than I can say. But he doesn't care about me. I know that. I'm not too blind to see it. It's been this way for a long time.

When I was a kid, up until I was about five or six, my brother and I were as close as could be. He's five years older than me, but it didn't matter to him. He'd sit and watch those terrible children's shows with me, and he'd put me to bed if my parents were out late - sometimes even if they were home. He'd tuck me in; sometimes he'd lay with me if I was too afraid to sleep on my own. We were inseparable.

But then when I got to elementary school with him, everything changed. He became mean, harsh and unloving. It felt like the switch happened overnight. I didn't understand it.

In high school, he was even worse. He'd torment me worse than anyone else at the school, and I got bullied by a lot of people. He'd spray paint words onto my locker, call me a fag. There were worse things. He was in Grade 12 when I was in Grade 8, so the bullying at school only lasted a year. But it was a painful time, and I remember it vividly.

One day, after school, he waited outside with a bunch of his friends. There were I think three or four of them. I left the school around 4:30, after my theatre class was finished. No one else was around. Except them. My brother and his friends. I pretended that I didn't see them, kept my head down and didn't make eye contact.

They waited until I had walked down a backstreet, a shortcut to get to my house. I didn't realize that they were following me. But all of a sudden, they had pulled me back, into their group, and they just started beating on me. I don't know why, but they did. And my brother led them on. He hit the hardest.

When they were done with me, they left me there on the ground, bleeding. My brother looked down at me, kicked me in the ribs once more and told me to "toughen up". I stayed there for a while, on the ground, crying and bleeding. I called my dad's cell phone and he came and picked me up. I didn't tell him who it was. My father didn't ask.

That was how my brother and I worked. I never told on him. I didn't want him getting in trouble, and besides, he knew something about me that I didn't want our parents to know.

He had caught me. I was always so careful, but he had caught me. I was in my room, I thought I had locked the door, but I guess I forgot.

I was flipping through the magazine, my cock growing steadily harder as I surfed through the pages. Finally, I settled on one. A gorgeous, muscular man was on his knees, looking adoringly up at his partner. The other man grinned down at him, his hand resting on the back of his lover's head, pushing him further down on his cock.

I pulled my dick out of my pants quickly, eagerly. I spat on my hand before moving it to my prick, and I slowly began stroking myself. I was anxious, our parents raised us catholic. I knew they wouldn't really care about my masturbating, they weren't that strict, but if they found out I was gay...

My breathing hitched. I imagined that I was the one on my knees, sucking the man's cock. I wondered what it tasted like, what it felt like. I imagined that he was being gentle with me, coaxing my head down his length with appreciation, moaning my name as I blew him.

I was moments away from my peak when my door flew open. And there he was. Chad was staring at me, his eyes widened in shock.

"No fucking way." He murmured, walking into my room and shutting the door behind him. My cock was still in my hand, and for a split second I had to think about what was more important to hide. My dick or the magazine.

As my brother walked towards me, I quickly slid the magazine under my pillow. I know he'd already seen it, but maybe if he knew I was embarrassed, he'd let it go, and wouldn't look.

"You might want to lock the door next time, idiot." Chad said, walking towards the bed. He looked so big, so imposing. I tucked my dick into my pants; my face was painted bright red. He cocked his eyebrow at me and then lunged for the pillow, trying to get the magazine.

"What's little brother into, huh?" He growled, pushing me away. I tried to stop him, I tried to grab his arm and pull him away, but he was so much stronger than me, so much bigger than me. He was like a wall of meat, pure muscle from head to toe. I was more like a stick.

He finally got hold of the magazine and looked at it. He flipped it open, looking at the pages of my gay porn magazine with disgust.

"My brother's a fucking fag..." He chuckled, "Could've called it."

"Please don't tell anyone!" I urged, looking up at his muscular frame. He rolled the magazine up into a tight bundle and smacked me on the side of the head with it. My head flew sideways, hitting the wall, and I groaned with pain.

"You better watch yourself." He said, throwing the porn at me and leaving the room.

The bullying got worse after that. But I still didn't know why it started in the first place. Maybe there wasn't a reason at all.

"Alright kiddos, here we are!" My father said, as the minivan slowed and finally stopped. I looked out the front window at the log cabin. I was filled with nostalgia. I'd spent so many summers here; our family had made so many good memories at this cabin. I remember when I was younger, around five, Chad and I would go play in the river behind the cabin, and we'd look for bugs and fish. We never found anything, but it was still fun.

Chad climbed out of the van first, anxious, I think, to be away from me. He popped open the trunk and grabbed his bag, and one of the coolers before heading into the house. I grabbed my bag and followed him anxiously.

It smelled like summer. The light, feminine scent of flowers mingled with the familiar smell of pine. The air was clean here, woodsy. I breathed it in greedily. It made me feel warm, safe. The woods are like a second home to me, I've spent so many summer days exploring them. The cabin is a refuge, a place where all the harsh, homophobic bullies can't get to me. Well, almost all of them.

The cabin has two bedrooms. So Chad and I would have to share. There was something about that idea that sort of excited me; there was another part of me that was petrified.

I climbed up the wooden stairs with a tingling feeling in my stomach. Was it excitement? Anxiety? I didn't know.

I was surprised when I walked into the bedroom, to find Chad undressing. He had thrown his shirt onto the floor, and he was slowly unzipping his shorts, pulling them down his toned body. My breath caught. I stood in the doorway, watching him. God, he's beautiful.

When most people think of bullies they picture them as big walls of muscle, with an ugly, broad face. Chad isn't like that. Sure he's muscular, but he's tall and evenly proportioned. His face is gorgeous; he has defined features, and deep chocolate brown eyes. His hair is dirty blonde, and it's not long, but it isn't short either. I hadn't seen him without a shirt on in a long time, and it surprised me a little to see that his chest was hairless. Mine was too, so maybe it ran in the family.

The sunlight shone through the cabin window and glinted off his gold cross, shining into my eyes. But I didn't look away, couldn't look away. Chad kicked off his shorts and was left in only his boxers. I wanted to keep looking. I wanted to see every part of him. I licked my lips in anticipation.

"Dude, what the fuck? How long have you been standing there?" I looked, shocked, up into Chad's angry eyes.

"Sorry, I-not long." I said hurriedly.

"Fuck, Dylan, you're such a fag." He groaned, pushing past me to head towards the shower.

With a guilty and disgusted conscious, I realized that I was upset that I hadn't got to finish watching him undress.

***

The rest of the day was pretty relaxed. Mom and Dad left to go to the lake. Dad was anxious to go fishing and promised that we'd have fish for dinner. I hoped he wouldn't catch anything. Fish is disgusting. It's the only bad thing about going camping, really.

Chad spent most of the day in our room, reading. I tried my best not to be in his space. I knew he didn't like it, so I stayed in the living room for most of the day, sketching.

I liked to draw. It made me feel at peace. Chad got the brains and the brawns, I got the creativity. Too bad there's fuck all to do with that.

I flipped open my sketchbook and ran my thumb over the dead white flower that was pressed between the first few pages. Then I shook my head and flipped to a blank page.

I tried not to think too much when I was drawing. I just let my hand do the thinking. If I forced it, it wouldn't turn out well at all. But even though I tried not to think about what I was drawing, who I was drawing, I'd known at soon as I set the pencil to the paper, that it would be my brother staring back at me when I was finished.

I drew him shirtless, turned away from me, like how I'd seen him earlier. It was a profile drawing. His hands were hooked underneath his shorts and he was pushing them down, but I could only see about an inch of his boxers. The sunlight was shining in through the window behind him. I drew on his cross, the one thing about him that never, ever changed. In the 18 years I'd been his brother, I'd never seen him without a cross around his neck. I always forgot to put mine on. I guess I just didn't feel connected to it.

As I finished the drawing, adding the dark streaks to his dirty blonde hair, I could feel myself getting aroused. The more I thought about my brother, his naked chest, his legs, his lips, the harder I got. I needed to take care of myself.

I debated for a few minutes. Tried to think it through. I'd known since I was young that I was attracted to Chad. It was hard not to be, even if he was a dick. There was something about him...something so... appealing? Sexy? Whatever it was, it was hard to resist. But he's my brother. And he's the biggest tool I've ever met.

I wonder how big he is.

God, I shouldn't be thinking about things like that. But I have before. I've thought about him before, when I jacked off. Was there really any harm in doing it again now? It's not like I would ever act on it- not like I could act on it, not with someone like Chad. Not with my brother.

I tried to think about something else but every time I closed my eyes, he popped into my head. Fuck it. Our parents wouldn't be back for a while. Chad was upstairs. I could probably get away with it.

I rubbed myself cautiously over my pants, massaging my hardening member as I stared at my brother's body. I exhaled shakily, unzipping my shorts slowly. I was half expecting someone to pop out of nowhere and catch me in the act.

Just as I was about to pull my cock out from my pants, I heard a creaking on the stairs behind me. I zipped up quickly. I grabbed my sketch book and flipped it to a random page, grabbing my pencil. I pretended to be working.

Chad walked up to the couch. He was eyeing me suspiciously.

"Hey Chad." I said coolly, trying to seem nonchalant. My heart fluttered pathetically in my chest.

"Hey." He still stared down at me. He looked like he was trying to decide something. He reached down quickly and grabbed the book from my hands.

"Hey, give it back!" I said, reaching for it. He pushed me back against the couch with his free hand.

"Stay." He commanded. I don't know why, but I listened to him and remained immobile against the couch. His brown eyes met mine and we stared at each other for a few seconds. His hand slowly slid down my chest, and onto my shorts. I swallowed thickly, not daring to look away from his eyes. His hand gripped my dick through my pants, and he fondled me. And it felt...so, so good.

I shuddered, sucking in a deep breath. My eyes fluttered closed briefly. Chad chuckled.

"You're hard." He laughed, pulling his hand way, "God, you're such a freak."

He threw the book onto my stomach before walking away. I looked quickly down at the page it was opened to. It was a coloured portrait of my old science teacher, Mr. Hetherington. He was about sixty. I groaned and buried my head into my hands. Of course that's the page I would flip it to, of course.

***

It was around ten when Chad went upstairs to go to sleep. I waited for an hour or so. I wanted him to be asleep when I got up there.

I couldn't get him out of my mind. The way he'd touched me, so brief an interaction, but God, it sent fire shooting through my veins. My brother touched my cock. Sure there were two layers of clothing separating his hand and my dick, but still, he knew what he was doing, he did it deliberately.

The door creaked open softly and I walked on the tips of my toes to my bed. I was nearly silent as I undressed, slipping off my shorts and t-shirt. I dropped them onto the floor in a pile on my side of the room. I climbed noiselessly into bed.

The room was dark, except for the moonlight streaming in through the window. Chad's body rose and fell rhythmically; he gave no indication that he'd heard me come in.

"Chad?" I whispered. No response.

"Chad?" I said it at a normal volume. Still no response. He was asleep.

I slowly pulled my briefs off; cautiously letting them fall to the side of my bed. Everything but my face was hidden under the covers. I looked over again at my brother's sleeping form.

He's not awake, he's not awake. Calm down.

I was anxious. I knew jacking off in the same room as my brother was risky. If he woke up and saw what I was doing, he'd murder me. But still, I hadn't had the opportunity all day, and I saw him naked, and he fondled my dick. How was I supposed to resist?

I pushed the blankets off of me a little. My left side was exposed, so was my dick. I wanted to make sure that I wouldn't get anything on the blankets, because explaining that would be embarrassing.

The blankets rustled on Chad's bed. I looked quickly over at him. He had rolled over, so he was facing me, but his eyes were still shut. His breathing was still regular.

"Chad? You awake?" I asked. No response.

Calm down. Calm down.

I spit on my hand and finally gripped my cock. I was already semi-hard and it didn't take much encouragement for me to get all the way there. I relaxed into the pillow. My free hand fisted the blankets. I tried to let my mind take me where it wanted to go. After all, there's no harm in fantasizing, right?

Chad slips quietly from his bed. He walks to my side of the room and stands by my head, watching me jerk myself. A small smile spreads across his lips and his deep brown eyes meet mine. Slowly, tantalizingly, he pulls off his shirt.

"We have to be quiet." Chad breathes, hooking his thumbs underneath his pajama bottoms. I nod eagerly, watching intently as he reveals his large, fully hard cock.

"Will you suck me off, little brother?" He asks earnestly, moving closer. I nod again. He smiles warmly down at me moving closer still, resting his knee on the bed. I prop myself up, onto my elbow and take him into my mouth. He groans softly as I take the head of his cock between my lips.

"Good boy." He sighs appreciatively.

His cock is large and warm. It feels amazing in my mouth. My tongue flicks over his length eagerly, tasting his smooth, salty skin. His hips rock gently back and forth, as he gently coaxes more of his length down my throat.

We go faster, deeper. I can feel his balls slap against my chin as I blow him. Chad's moans are louder now, his hands curl in my hair, but he isn't rough. Everything feels good, everything is comfortable.

He reluctantly pulls his dick from my mouth and he pants softly.

"Can I suck your cock?" He asks. I grin, kicking the blankets off my body, revealing myself to him. He chuckles softly, moving between my legs.

"Thought you'd be eager for it."

He pulls my legs up, so they're resting on his shoulders and back. He lays outstretched on the bed, his feet dangling off the end.

"I've wanted to do this for so long." Chad breathes, taking my dick in his hand. He strokes me a few times, before taking my dick between his full, pink lips. My fingers tousle his hair, and I whimper, as he deep throats my cock eagerly.

He moans appreciatively around my length, grateful to have me inside his mouth. His fingertips dance across my hips, holding me steady as I try desperately to pump into his mouth.

My hand matches the speed of Chad's mouth in my fantasy. My chest is glistening with sweat. I grip the blankets forcefully, knowing that my orgasm is just minutes away.

"I want you to cum in my mouth, Dylan." Chad begs, before pushing his head down on me once more.

"Oh, Chad." I breathe softly, my feet flexing. It was seconds now.

"Please cum for me." Chad sucks my cock, his hands massage my balls.

"Chad!" I moaned quietly as I came. I groaned and twitched as my cum shot up onto my flat stomach, some ropes traveling as far up as my chest. And then finally, my toes uncurl, my breathing normalizes, my heart steadies.

I grabbed my discarded boxers and wiped away my load, before dropping them back onto the floor.

I glanced over at my brother's form. He still seemed to be fast asleep.

***

The next day, the four of us decided to go swimming. Our parents were really into making this a family vacation, which basically meant that we had to spend nearly every moment together.

I didn't hate it. I like my parents, for the most part. They're religious, but not crazy religious. Religious enough to not love me as much if they found out I was gay, but not religious enough to kick me out or anything. At least... I don't think they would kick me out.

It was probably better to just not tell them.

"Hurry up!" Chad groaned, sinking onto his bed. He was wearing just a pair of swimming trunks. God, he's attractive.