My Confession

I'm a happily married man and I don't consider myself gay. I guess I am bisexual, but I don't find men attractive physically. I do crave sex with men though.

When I was younger and sexually frustrated I was seeing a girl who would get me worked up then not follow through.

One night I was walking home from her place and, needing to relieve myself, went into a public toilet. The lights were out but I could see there was a man in there, quite old, at the urinals, and as I took a piss I could see he was masturbating. I finished pissing but stood there playing with my cock watching him.

When he saw I was looking at him he stood back from the urinal and showed me his hard cock and waved it at me. Stupidly I asked "Are you gay?" He laughed quietly and walked up to me and took hold of my cock which was now quite hard, and took my hand and put it on his cock. It was hot and hard, gnarly, with all the veins swollen, and felt very different to my smooth cock.

Then he put his hand on the back of my head and pushed me down. I knew what he wanted and was excited at the thought of having his cock in my mouth. I knelt in front of him and he held my head and thrust gently in and out of my mouth until he came, which I swallowed.

I was jerking off as I did it and came right after he did.

He left and I tidied myself up and went outside. He was waiting, sat on a bench nearby. As I approached he stood up and told me he lived around the corner and I should go with him, which I did. We walked in silence, we didn't even exchange names.

He took me into a squalid looking bedsit and once we were inside he pressed me against the wall and kissed me, forcing his tongue in my mouth. I was kind of grossed out by this, he smelled of sweat and tobacco and beer and he needed a shave, but it excited me too. He undressed me completely and made me lie on the bed while he undressed. he was in his mid 50s, a bit flabby and very hairy all over. Again I was grossed out but excited too.

He got me to suck him again until he was hard. I was hoping he would suck me too, but it didn't happen. I had no real idea what was going to happen and then he made me lay face down on the bed. I was trembling all over with excitement. He parted my legs and knelt between them, then pulled the cheeks of my arse apart. The next thing I knew his tongue was there, pushing into my bum hole and licking all around. That was intense.

Then he got a jar from the bedside table and pushed a slippery finger up my anus which I loved. After a couple of minutes of this he stopped, lowered himself onto me and started kissing my neck. His cock was throbbing between my buttocks, sliding up and down the crack. I still didn't know what was to come, I assumed this was how gay guys got off.

Then he adjusted his position and put a hand down there to guide himself. I felt the head of his cock press against my bum hole and thought "No way!" He increased the pressure and it started to really hurt and I told him to stop but he said relax, you'll love it.

Then I felt the helmet almost pop inside me and the pain reduced. it still hurt but now it was less, a stinging sensation where I was stretching to accommodate him. He started working it in and out of me, going a little deeper every time until I could feel his pubic hair pressed against my buttocks and the whole of his cock probing my rectum. He rested the whole of his weight on my back and grabbed my slim hips so he could pull himself even deeper inside me. He rested there for a minute then started to thrust in and out, gently at first but getting harder and faster as he got more excited. I was still feeling pain but was also loving the feeling of his cock right inside me and the thought of him fucking me like I was a girl.

He came deep inside me. After he wiped my rear with a paper towel and cleaned himself down. Once it was over I felt bizarre emotions. I felt dirty and degraded, humiliated and used. Now that passion was over I saw him as a pretty gross old guy and to be honest I couldn't get dressed and leave fast enough. I enjoyed those feelings, perversely, and masturbated thinking about him using me when I got home. And from then on I visited that toilet and many others regularly. A few months later I met an older dominant man who liked watching others fuck me and took me to a whole new level.