And When I Return Ch. 14

Author's Note: Sorry for the delay in the publication of this chapter. I initially thought this would be the last, but there are so many places to go with this, so now I'm not so sure. There is a certain "Mr. Anonymous" out there who persistently hates my stuff and posts his dislike, not so much my writing, but the content. To him/her I say, please do not read this; it's clearly not your kink.

*****

Anna awoke with a start. A quick look at the clock told him that he was late and that Diane and Fiona would be upset with him, his submission to them being so imbedded and intense.

His corset was tight, and the anal plug was straining with pressure from natural causes. As he sat on the side of the bed, his breasts weighed heavily in his night bra. Confused as to the lack of urgency from Fiona regarding his preparations for the day, he stumbled to the washroom and performed his morning enema, but as he was doing so, he realized within the fog of awakening that this was his last day. There was no need, no compulsion to do this, but since he had been given no other instructions, he continued his automatic routine that had been established and enforced over the last two weeks. But his heart was not in it.

This was the end of his dream, the end of his fantasy. It was over.

But he wanted to hang on to the last vestiges of it. The adhesive for the breasts was firm and undiluted and the corset held him firmly within its grip. After finishing the enema, he re-inserted the anal plug, removed the corset and showered and shaved his body as always. He waited for Fiona to bring in his corset for the remainder of his stay, but she did not show. With no way to contact her, he dressed in a girdle and bra and chose a simple A-line skirt and white blouse with stockings and high heels for breakfast. He had told Jenna that his flight arrived at 5:00 PM, so he had time to kill, and he might as well spend it as the woman he had fantasized and become.

The make-up was easy for him now and he applied it with ease and confidence, the last touch being the burgundy colored lipstick which matched the patent leather of the high heels and his finger and toe nail polish. With a last look in the mirror and adjustments to his wig, he silently lamented the absence of the corset and the straightness of his figure, but nonetheless was satisfied with his appearance as he walked to the kitchen where Fiona and Diane were already eating breakfast.

"Anna!" Diane said, "I didn't think you'd be her today. Glad you did though. You look sweet."

"Thanks," Anna said sullenly.

"We thought you had to leave for Toronto right away, so we figured we'd remove your boobies, nails and polish after breakfast, in time for you to leave before noon. What is your timing anyway?"

Anna said, "I told Jenna my plane arrived from LA at 5:05 PM, so I have time to kill."

"So," Diane said, "You decided to live that "killed time" as a woman. Interesting, don't you think?"

Anna sat down at the table with them and said, "Diane, Fiona, I suppose it's interesting, but I have to tell you, both of you, that this has been the best time of my life, bar none. I've learned so much about myself, so much about, well...about life. My eyes have been opened in so many ways. I don't know how to thank you."

Diane laughed and said, "Well thank-you, but you've paid a high price in your psychological makeup, and I won't forget the dollars. Not only that, but I had a lot of fun with you. I just love fucking men in the ass; it just makes my day. And as I said before, you and uh...you can come back any time you like."

"What?"

"You can come back any time you wish, no charge."

"But you were going to say...something else?"

"No, not really. Coffee's hot, and my tongue hurts."

"Oh, okay, well thanks Diane. Can I call you Diane now by the way?" He grinned.

She laughed. "Oh yeah, you can. But in the future, whenever I have you tied up or in your maid's dress, you have to go back to "ma'am", just to be clear."

Anna laughed now as well. "Of course ma'am."

As Anna made some toast and poured some coffee for himself, Diane asked casually, "So, Anna, what do you take from this past two weeks?"

"Tough question," he pondered, "I understand myself now. Never did before...not really. I guess it's opened up a whole new world for me, a dream world that can become real if I choose it to be so. I can't fucking believe it actually. I didn't know that I could be Anna, really BE Anna. But I feel her; she's inside me, and I can't keep her cooped up in there. She's too real, too tenacious. I need her, and she needs me to understand that. And I do. Sounds like I'm talking about two people doesn't it? And I suppose I am."

He paused and stared out the window at the mist in the back yard, mist like the confusion in his head. "But damn it, I love Jenna, and she refused "Anna" long ago... very firmly, so we're toast. That's going to leave a big hole in my life, wasted years, for both me and her. That's sad, but I have to tell her and move on. She has to move on. I mean, I can't ask her to take me as I am, you know, as Anna; I tried that once, and I have the mental scars to prove it. To this day, that attempt makes me shudder. I can't go there again, and I know Jenna can't either." He directed his gaze back to Diane and said firmly, "So, I've decided to tell her I want a divorce."

Diane responded with shock, "What? Don't do that Jason. You can't throw away a love relationship because of a fetish like this. You just can't! She loves you and she'd love you any way you were. I mean, she'd... she should be given another chance, don't you think? You should be given another chance."

"No. I can't put myself out there again like that. When I showed her the first time, years ago, she made it clear that I was a freak, that I am a freak. I can't do that again. That was nasty."

Diane shook her head in dismay. "You're making a mistake. So, what's your plan?"

"Good question. I don't have one actually. As soon as I arrive home from "the airport" she's going to see my face with these eyebrows, and she's going to start asking questions. And then, later, when I get undressed for bed, she'll see I have no body hair, and that bikini tan. You've really forced my hand with these changes, you know. So, anyway, I think I'll have to tell her right away. It's going to be awful and I feel so freaking guilty and ashamed."

"Well," Diane said, "You should! You lied to and deceived your wife, the woman you say you love. That's hard to forgive. The ball will be in her court."

"I suppose, but I know where this is going. I'll tell her. She'll be hurt and then anger will follow, and she'll cry and tell me to get the fuck out. It won't take long. The pain will linger, but the incident will be a flash in the pan."

Silence enveloped them for a few minutes while he buttered his toast and added some jam. Then Diane said, "Well, you may think your world is smaller now, but just remember; it's actually bigger. You have us and you have support from the scene in Toronto. You've come out of the closet, at least with us. Now you can choose to do it with the world at large or not."

Jason bit his lip as he contemplated this. Maybe. Maybe not. Now that this fantasy was near its end, he was beginning to shrink back into his hidden and hardened self once again.

It was the end of relaxed and genuine conversation between them for the day. An awkwardness of impending separation of their worlds descended upon all of them.

At 2:00 Fiona called Jason from the garden and said, "It's time, sweetie."

He undressed in his bedroom and Fiona removed his breasts with much coaxing by prying and pulling. When it was done, he flexed his shoulders with the relief of the removed weight, but he felt naked. Then she removed his gel fingernails and the polish from his toes while he washed off his makeup.

"Here are your clothes," Fiona said solemnly. "Sex reassignment complete," she added with an attempt at humor.

"Thanks." He saw no humor right now.

He pulled on the rough cotton briefs, the pants, socks and shirt, all of it feeling boring and comfortable. He looked at his male self in the mirror and his heart sank.

"You brought two suitcases. You'll go back with five. It's up to you how you explain that to Jenna. We squeezed it all in except the two fetish suits, the one made of latex, and the other one made of leather. We'll keep those here for your next visit. The leather one is strong enough for suspension bondage, so you can come back and hang around any time you like."

Fiona smiled, but he didn't respond even to her second attempt at humor.

"The anal plugs are packed as well," she added.

"Okay," he said, "Thanks."

He looked at his eyebrows and shook his head. It wasn't just Jenna, he realized; it was his patients and his friends too. He had some explaining to do.

Later, as he packed the bags in the trunk of the rental car parked in the yard, he felt awkward and strange in his male persona, like he should be spitting on the ground or something to make it more real. Nothing seemed genuine to him any longer; it was all surreal.

Diane and Fiona hugged and kissed him and he drove away, stopping briefly at the mailbox at the end of the driveway, hoping Bertie would magically drive by at this instant. She didn't.

At 6:35, he packed his bags into the taxi and headed home from the Budget Rent-a-Car depot. He called Jenna while on his way and she said she would be waiting with open arms.

He was such a fucking cheat and liar, he thought.

At 7:00 Jenna ran to him and threw her arms around him when he got out of the taxi in their front driveway. Then she pulled away and stared into his face, searching out every detail of him while each of them remained speechless.

"You look great," she said, "Thin, but great. Oh, Jason, I've missed you so much!" And she hugged him again.

Jason was overcome with nervousness of the unexpected. She hadn't noticed? She noticed everything! What the hell...?

"I... I missed you too."

She glanced away and said, "I see you've done some shopping. Lots of suitcases." She smiled.

"Yeah, uh, yeah, some shopping..." He didn't know where to go with this. Was she just being naïve and stupid?

"Jenna..." he started.

She put her right hand over his mouth and said, "Shh. Come on in and unwind with a glass of Chardonnay. I know what you get like when you travel. Jetlag and all that. You can unpack, maybe change your clothes later."

He lugged the bags in with her help and settled into one of the chairs at the bar in the kitchen while she pulled a bottle of wine out of the fridge. She poured two glasses and handed one to Jason while she lifted her glass to his. "I love you Jason," she said throatily while touching his glass softly.

Didn't she see him for what he was, he asked himself? Did she not see his face, his eyebrows?

"Uh, I love you too Jenna." And he did.

They both took sips while staring into each other's eyes. "Jenna, we...uh," he started, but again she stifled his words.

"Relax," she said, "Drink your wine. And then have another one."

"What?" he asked, puzzled and suspicious, "What's going...oh, wait, I know; you said you went to Victoria's Secret. You want to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me?" The wine was already working after a couple of gulps and he winked at her.

"Maybe," she said, rather mysteriously.

Then she said abruptly, "No sense in delaying and mincing words. I want to meet her."

Jason choked on a mouthful, recovered and then drank another gulp. "What?" he said, "What are you talking about?"

"I want to meet her."

"You want to meet who?"

"Jason, do you think I'm stupid?"

"No, of course not. Why do you say that?" He was starting to sweat.

She shook her head and frowned. "Jason, you didn't go to take a course," she said softly, "Any idiot could figure that out. Frankly, I feel disappointed that you thought I was that gullible. There was no flight to LA or San Francisco. You went to Orangeville. And your stash of clothes? I can't believe you thought you could hide everything from me. For that I feel betrayed. You must think I just fell off the back of the turnip truck. Now, I say again, I want to meet her." Her soft edge was gone and she was staring at him sternly.

"Jenna, oh my God, I, uh, it's not what you think. It's not like that with Diane. Not at all. She's...uh, she's... Oh Jenna, we have to talk...about a lot of things."

Jenna looked at him incredulously and said, "Diane? I don't need to meet her, not yet anyway."

Jason shook his head, confused, and said, "I don't understand then."

Jenna said tenderly, "I want to meet her. I want to meet Anna."

Jason turned white. His tone was icy. "You met her once, remember? You didn't like her. Don't mock me Jenna. You don't want to meet Anna."

Jenna showed an edge of impatience and said, "Grow up Jason. Who do you think helped to arrange all this with Diane and Fiona after I read all your emails and went to those websites? And would you like to see the video of your stay there?"

"What?"

"Anna is pretty. I want to meet her," she persisted.

The video. Oh yes, the video. Diane had given him a memory stick before he left but of course he hadn't looked at it.

"Oh fuck Jenna! Oh Jesus! You didn't see all of that. Please say you didn't, please!"

"All of it. Every night. Sometimes before you phoned, sometimes after. You're quite a little pervert aren't you?" She smiled and raised her eyebrows.

"Why?" he asked, "Why would you want to see me...you know, like that?"

"Jason, for God's sake, don't look a gift horse in the mouth! This has been a journey for me already. Don't make it worse. I know you like to be dominated and forced to do things. Do I have to order you to introduce me to Anna?"

"But, seven years ago you said...you told me... Never mind; I just buried that. Or I should say I tried to bury it. I couldn't. I'm sorry but I couldn't."

"I know that now. I had no idea then how strong your fetish was. I'm so sorry I didn't see it, but I understand now, at least some of it. I really do, but we need to go slow. There are still some qualms here, believe me, but speaking with Diane has helped me a lot. Now for God's sake, go to the bedroom, unpack, get undressed and become her. Bring her to me. We need to talk."

He stared at her for a few moments, searching her face for telltale signs of betrayal or mockery but seeing none, he asked apprehensively, "Oh Jesus Jenna; Are you really, really sure? Because I don't know if I could go through that scene with you again."

"It's okay Jason. Go on. Get dressed. I'll order a pizza and we can drink some wine together. We have the whole evening. I can get to know Anna, and she can get to know me, the new emerging me."

Jason finished his glass of wine, poured another one and downed it, never taking his eyes off hers. Waiting a few moments more, he stood up and walked unsteadily to the bedroom. Before he was out of sight, Jenna said, "Oh, don't bother with the anal plug. It seems you're big enough for that, and you like it and all that, but I'm not really into it, not yet anyway. Seems to me that should be an exit, not an entrance. I need time on that issue."

He responded reflexively as if Diane was talking, "Yes ma'am," but then turned around as he realized how much she knew. "You know about the anal plugs, the enemas, all that? Did you watch her umm, you know...do it to me too?"

She smiled serenely and said, "All of it Jason; all of it. I even saw you suck on Fiona's fake penis. Just to show you how much I know, Diane tells me you swallowed your own cum in that restaurant too. Now THAT I find interesting."

He turned away shaking his head with embarrassment. It took him a long time to unpack and he had to make choices as to what he should wear to make a good first impression. Not having the time to attach the breast forms to his chest he simply put them inside a black support bra. This felt strange because they didn't feel like they were a part of him and the bounce was not the same as if they had been put on with the self-adhesive. Next he wrapped the hip pads around his hips and pulled a pair of panties and a black, open-bottom panty girdle up to hold the padding in place, followed by a garter belt and flesh-tone stockings. He decided simple was better initially, so he donned a short tight black skirt and a short sleeved rose colored satin blouse which buttoned up the back.

Now he sat on the edge of the bed and worried. He was ready, but he wasn't. Memories flooded over him of his last attempt at this with Jenna. Her rebukes echoed in his brain. "You can dress in private if you want, but not with me. Ever. I just can't. I, I'm just not built for this..." she had said.

What if she was setting him up to put him on video, mock him and tell him he was a pervert and to get the hell out, and that she would use the video for evidence with her lawyer? But she hadn't acted like that, he reasoned. Besides, she had video already. Could this be real? Could this be true? Could she really love him like this? And he looked down over his breasts to his skirt and stockings.

His intent had been to come home and ask for a divorce, and now he was totally off balance, excited, frightened, nervous, and thankfully half intoxicated. He shrugged and decided there was only one way to go, and that was forward.

Slowly and methodically he applied his makeup, being extra careful this time, as he was trying to impress his wife, not a dominatrix, and somehow this seemed much more important, and even fear-inducing. The mass of the mascara gradually began to affect the weight of his lashes, and the last coat of lipstick smacked and tasted on his lips. When he placed the wig over his head, his heart started racing uncontrollably. He stood up and put his feet into four inch pumps and stared at himself in the mirror. Anna stared back. His hands and knees shook with apprehension and excitement, and his penis throbbed with hopefulness pressed into his abdomen inside the girdle. It was difficult to place the ear rings on his lobes due to his unsteadiness, but he did it, and then he placed some bangles on his right wrist to finish the sculpture.

Anna poked his head around the door frame leading into the great room like a child spying on an adult party after bedtime. Jenna was staring out the window, not facing him as he left the bedroom. He stood staring at her from across the great room, knees together, as he had been taught, a purse over his shoulder, and his hands together in front at his waist. He paused for a few moments while he took in her simple beauty, the short cropped brown hair framing her delicate tanned and oval face, the voluptuous curves of her body that could be seen even as she sat. He didn't deserve her, he thought.

He cleared his throat.

Jenna turned and stared. Her face went from a blanket look of incomprehension all the way to shock and astonishment, then gradually to a smiling recognition. "So," she said softly, "This is Anna."

Anna's breath was coming in short puffs even without a corset tightened at his waist. He had been in public before dressed like this, but this was different; he was with his wife, and this was an intimate moment not to be shared with anyone else but his wife.

When he reached her, the moment became slightly awkward, but she said, "Nice outfit. Tasteful. You're good at the makeup now too I see. Your eyebrows are perfect. This is way better than that hideous stash of clothes you had before. Hope you threw those out."

He smiled sheepishly and was unable to say anything because he thought he might wake up and find that this was not real, that he had finally gone irrevocably insane. He couldn't look at her, and he closed his eyes while keeping his chin low. Tears tried to escape his eyelids but he forcibly inhibited any more from forming.